Author: Holly Dane

Rating: T

Summary: After the prom, Meredith left Seattle, planning to never look back. When she is forced to return after her mother's death, she finds the world she used to know turned upside down by marriages, babies, and divorces. MerDer, Lexie, Bang, O'Callie, Maddison.

Authors Note: In case you haven't noticed, this story's title, "World Spins Madly On," is named after the song of the same title by the band The Weepies. It was featured on an Episode of Grey's and it's one of my absolute favorite songs. If you want some insight into the story, you should listen to the song - you may find it insightful and enjoyable. Moving on, I kept my promise and delivered. So thanks to all my reviewers, I was really motivated by your reviews, so thank you!


Chapter One: Miss Halfway

Meredith Grey sat in the Los Angeles Airport, nervously twiddling her thumbs back and forth as she hummed silently. At least she thought she was humming silently.

"Meredith?" A stern yet calming voice broke her from her uneasy trance.

Meredith snapped her head back in the direction of the man that she had been waking up next to and going to bed with every day for the past two years, "yeah?"

"You really need to relax." He smiled sweetly, his thin lips curling into an encouraging smile. He grabbed a hold of her small hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

Meredith just sighed, "I'm trying, Ryan. I'm really trying."

Ryan laughed, "I know you are sweetie," He was trying so hard to be supportive of the woman that he loved, but he didn't know if there was really anything that he could do to ease her nerves. Meredith was a very closed off person; she liked to keep her emotions inside of her. As long as he had known Meredith, she had tried to disguise the way that she truly felt. Maybe it had something to do with her past, but then again, Ryan didn't really know that much about her past. All she had told him was that she used to be a medical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital, and that her mother was suffering from advanced Alzheimer's. Other than that, Ryan didn't really know much about the woman who he had been spending the better part of the past two years living with. It wasn't that he didn't want to know about her past. In fact, he wished to know everything about Meredith that there was to know, but he had no such luck in divulging these secrets from her.

After a moment of awkward silence, Meredith spoke again, "I don't think that I can see her this way." She shook her head, dirty-blond tresses flinging across her face, "I don't want to see her...dead."

Ryan laced his fingers with Meredith's, before bringing her hand up and lightly kissing it with his soft lips, "Meredith, it's going to be OK."

He could hear her breath hitch in her throat, "I can always come with you. You know that, right?"

Meredith suddenly felt her heart leap in her chest, "No, I don't need you to come!" There was no way that the new man in her life was going to come with her to the place where her true love probably still resided. Meredith didn't want Ryan to ever know about her past with Derek.

"Gee," Ryan laughed jokingly, "If you don't want me to come then..."

Meredith cut him off, "It's not that I don't want you to come...It's that you have that big conference this weekend." She smiled, her puffy eyes fixed on his. "You can't miss it."

Ryan smiled, running a hand through his shaggy blond hair, "You're always looking out for me." After a moment he adopted a more serious look, "But seriously, Meredith, you do know that I would do anything for you...don't you?"

Meredith smiled, her face lighting up slightly, "I know." I felt good to have him say that to her; to tell her that he would do anything for her.

"Now let's get you to that gate." He gave her a cheerful glance before standing up and offering her his hand.

"OK."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Over at the checking desk, Meredith set her suitcase onto the scale and waited patiently for the old woman working behind the counter to hand her the boarding pass she needed for her flight.

"So," The wrinkled, gray-haired woman said as she turned around, "You visiting family in…." She glanced at Meredith's ticket, "Seattle?"

Meredith smiled, "family." She did have family in Seattle; George, Izzie, Christina, Alex…Derek.

"Yes," She finally replied, "I'm going out to collect my mother's belongings. She just passed away." Meredith felt Ryan squeeze her hand once again.

The old woman sighed, "I am so sorry, honey."

"It's O.K." Meredith smiled gloomily. It wasn't as if she and her mother had the best relationship anyway. Somehow, that was supposed to make it easier, at least that's what Meredith had thought initially. But then again, she didn't know exactly how she would be feeling while she stood in front of her mother's casket, gazing down at the world famous surgeon, Ellis Grey. She would find out soon enough...maybe too soon.

"Well," The elderly woman finally said, "you're all set to go. Have a nice trip."

"Thanks." Meredith smiled

"Thanks." Ryan repeated Meredith's words, kissing her cheek. She wasn't paying much attention to him though, for she was much too busy reading her boarding pass to notice the small peck that she had just received.

Flight 256

Destination: Seattle, Washington

Airline: Midwest

Meredith's hands began to tremble as she read the word, "Seattle." I'm really going to Seattle, she thought. I swore that I would never go back, and yet here I am...I'm in the airport, only thirty minutes away from flying back to Seattle.

"Meredith," Ryan sounded concerned, "are you alright?"

She tried to regain her voice, "Fine, I'm fine."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A minute later, the couple stood before the gate onto flight 256 to Seattle, Washington. They both knew that this was going to be the last time that they would see one another for quite a while, so it was hard for either of them to even speak. Their silence seemed too golden to disturb. After a minute, Meredith broke that silence.

"I guess this is where I say goodbye."

Ryan smirked, that playful smirk that he always gave Meredith when he was trying to make light of a situation, "I guess it is."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," he stated sullenly as he grabbed a hold of both Meredith's shoulders, bringing her in for a hug.

With her head resting on his shoulder, Meredith replied, "I think I have to go now."

"I know." Was all she heard, yet she didn't feel Ryan's grip loosen.

Just as she was about to say something, Ryan pulled away from her and took her delicate face in his hands. The rough skin of his hands felt coarse against her smooth cheeks. "Meredith, I love you...I know you can do this."

Meredith smiled, "I know I can." She didn't really know whether or not that was a true statement, but she didn't want Ryan to worry about her. She had made it this far already without letting him know how truly nervous she was, and she wasn't about to reveal her fears now.

"I love you too." She said after a minute, taking his hands and gently removing them from her face as she stepped away from him. Then, she turned around, knowing that his eyes were still focused on her back, and walked away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was hard...walking away from Ryan, even if it was just a temporary thing. He had continuously stood by Meredith's side through the good times and the bad, and for that, she owed him everything. She knew that her leaving was going to be hard on him, but there was nothing that she could really do about it. After all, this was her mother - she needed to go to Seattle, not for herself, but for Ellis Grey. I have to do this, Meredith though as she sat silently aboard the Seattle bound plane, I need to be there for my mother.

So with that thought in mind, Meredith leaned back and tried to calm her nerves. She needed to relax, for her sake. This was going to be a difficult trip, she had known that from the beginning, but with each passing minute, Meredith began to realize just how difficult it was really going to be. Her mind was restless, the wheels in her head turning on high gear.About a million questions popped into Meredith's head, all of which she tried to block out.

I have got to calm myself down, she though, everything is fine. I'm fine...I'm good. Maybe I should try and get some sleep...that might help me get all this...stuff off my mind.

Accordingly, Meredith asked the stewardess for a pillow. Propping it behind her head, she lied back, and attempted to relax. After a few minutes, she began to doze off, finally escaping the reality of her life, and drifting off into a world of dreams and memories….

(Flashback)

"Meredith." She could feel all the joints in her body freeze the second that Derek uttered her name. The sweat that covered her skins was still cooling off, but she panicked as she sensed additional beads of perspiration forming below her hairline.

"Meredith." Fin's voice rang through her ears like the sound of a freight train, ready to barrel into her soul.

She looked from Fin to Derek, and then, her heart began to skip several beats; it felt as if any second now, it would crash through her ribs and go flying out of her chest.

Both men continued to stare at her, causing her palms to sweat, and her breath to catch in her throat. How could she? How could she have had sex with Derek? He was married to Addison…and she was here with Fin. Fin was a great guy; a great guy who had plans...He had plans.

Meredith looked from Fin to Derek, and then back again. Both of their stares bore into her. She couldn't take it anymore. She looked to Derek, her attention caught in the glare of his piercing-blue eyes.

"I can't."

Fin looked confused, "What?"

Meredith gave him a solemn glace.

"Meredith," He said nervously, "what is it?"

Tears began to form in the corners of Meredith's hazel eyes. "I'm so sorry, Fin."

Fin shot his attention from Meredith to Derek, "What is she talking about?" His voice was broken down, as if he too were about to cry. But he would never cry in front of either Derek or Meredith, so he held it in, his voice cracking under the pressure.

"Derek," Meredith looked into his eyes, "I am so sorry."

It seemed like a suspended moment to her. Everything was moving in slow motion, like a dramatic movie scene. She looked to Derek, watching his smile slowly turn to a frown of confusion, and yet grim understanding. She then looked to Fin, whose features bore the marks of a man denied and unloved.

Finally, after a moment that seemed like an eternity, Meredith turned on her heels and ran...ran like hell.


Well, I hope that you like that chapter. I just needed to let you all become familiar with Meredith's current situation before I throw her back in the mix with the Seattle gang. So now you've met Ryan; he is Meredith's boyfriend of two years….but does she love him more than or as much as Derek??? I guess you'll just have to stay tuned.

When she gets back to Seattle things are really going to be rockin' so hold on – it's going to be fun!

Please leave a review and thanks so much for reading,

Holly Dane