Gabby didn't expect to fall in love while stuck in witness protection, but she did.
I knew that I shouldn't have let myself get attached to Matt, but I'd been so lonely. In fact it was something I told myself repeatedly with anyone I started talking to, 'do not get attached Gabby'. Somehow I'd managed with everyone other than him. I remained friendly with the people I worked with, but to say we were friends would be lying. At first I was mad, furious actually, that I'd had to leave my life behind me. I missed my job, and I missed my family, and I missed having friends. Soon enough though, that had worn off and I'd just been sad. Even still, as happy as I was my reasonable side was saying 'damn it Gabby, you shouldn't have done that.' Of course I knew that still referring to myself as Gabby was only making it harder, but I didn't want to let go of who I was completely despite my happiness.
I'd run into Matt on my 5th day in Chicago. Literally, run into him, spilling my coffee down the front of his shirt. It was some stupid cliche movie moment, but it definitely didn't feel like that. The coffee burned as it went down my arm and I cursed in shock, soliciting some looks from the people around me. I looked up, realizing that I'd also burned the person I'd crashed into, and started profusely apologizing, running to grab some napkins. I handed some to him while wiping the coffee off of my own clothes.
"I'm so sorry, this place is a weird set up compared to my old coffee shop, and I thought I knew where I was going." He shook his head while looking down at his shirt. I cringed, he looked annoyed.
He looked up at me, and his expression softened, hopefully because he could tell I was genuinely sorry. "It's fine" he waved it off and went to throw out the napkins, me following him.
"Do you want me to buy you a drink or something?" I offered. He shook his head.
"No, I'm good. Thank you though." I nodded, and he walked away. When I got back to the table where the U.S. Marshall Karen who was watching after me was sitting, she laughed. She was a huge smart ass and checked up on me a lot. During the beginning of my time in Chicago, I'd been incredibly angry at her, but she'd been persistent in helping me settle. Despite that incident, I somehow got a job at the coffee shop, which was likely Karen's doing, and started to see Matt more often. He came in before work every day. After teasing me about the fact that I was working at a coffee shop after spilling coffee all over him, we somehow became friends. That lead to us sleeping together, which led to us starting to date.
I'd really never really expected to start seeing anyone. My hopes were that somehow the gang that I'd snitched on would somehow cease to exist, letting me go back to my old life. But that didn't happen, and I was stuck being Alexandria Smith. Every once in a while I'd look in the mirror at my now much shorter light brown bordering blonde hair, and miss the old me. I'd lost a lot of weight, and the bags under my eyes were even more noticeable from lack of sleep. Since I'd moved I started to suffer from anxiety and occasionally had panic attacks. Karen told me it was from the abrupt change and everything that had happened in New York. But things had gotten better, and I wasn't sure if I'd be dealing with everything if it weren't for Matt. The longer I was with him though, the more he told me about himself, the guiltier I felt because I couldn't tell him anything.
The first time I really started feeling bad was when I met his best friend. He'd texted me telling me to meet him at a cafe during my break. I'd obliged, and when I walked up to the outdoor seating and spotted him, I saw another man sitting with him. My nerves set in, and I began to run through my head all of the vague lies I'd made up about 'my life'. I was about to just ditch and tell him it was too busy at the coffee shop for me to leave, but he'd spotted me and waved me over. I made my way through the tables to where he and his friend were sitting. When I got there Matt stood up to greet me, I leaned over giving him a kiss, before sitting down next to him.
"Alex, this is Kelly Severide."
"Hi." I nodded at Kelly politely, before turning to smile at Matt and slipping my hand in his. All in all it went well, but I could tell Kelly had been asking Matt questions about me that I hadn't given Matt answers to. But Matt and I hadn't been together for too long, so he hadn't pushed me to answer started asking more questions towards the fall, when we'd been together for over a year. At this point we spent most of our time off work together, and I rarely went to my apartment. Occasionally he'd ask me about my family, and I'd give vague answers. I could tell he was frustrated.
I was at his house, scrambling some eggs when I felt arms creep around my waist. After jumping slightly I realized it was Matt and let out a quiet huff before smiling.
"Hey." I felt his cool lips press against my neck, and smiled, leaning back into his touch. Letting myself relax into his arms I asked "how was your shift?"
"Good." He pressed an open mouth kiss to my neck and I sighed in content, before turning around.
"Don't start, I have to leave for work soon." He pressed his lips against mine and I kissed him back, pulling away after he deepened the kiss. He groaned. "Seriously, Matt."
"Alright, alright." I wrapped my arms around his waist. "What time are you working until?"
"Six I think. Do you want some eggs? I was just about to make some before I was so rudely interrupted." He rolled his eyes at me but nodded. I went back to whisking the eggs before putting them on the heated pan. "Hey, make some toast, will you?" He started busying himself around the kitchen.
"You know it's incredibly inconvenient that you have to leave for work right when I get home."
"Oh what, because there's not enough time for us to have sex?" I joked, turning around to see him glaring at me playfully. "I'll be home soon enough, besides I have tomorrow off. We can lie around and be lazy all day."
"I can't wait. You know we had 3 fires on shift that started because of electric systems malfunctioning?"
"Damn. Other than that was everything good?" I grabbed two plates and served the eggs on to them, passing one to Matt.
"Yeah, one car accident but everyone was alright." We went and sat down at the bar, starting to eat. He finished before me, and when he was done just looked at me for a moment. "Alex, I know this is one of the last things a guy should say to his girlfriend, but you look exhausted."
I raised my eyebrows at him. "Aw, thanks Matt."
"Seriously, babe. Have you been sleeping alright?" I let out a sigh and put my fork down, turning to face him. I was trying to make myself be more honest with Matt, at least with the things that I could be honest about.
"Honestly, I've been having a lot of nightmares lately." I licked my lips and he looked at me worriedly. "It's fine though, it's just harder when you're not around." He put his hand on my thigh, rubbing his thumb against the inside of my leg. I leaned forward and kissed him quickly before getting up to put on my shoes. "You shouldn't worry so much, you know?"
"Of course I'm going to worry about you, Alex." I glanced up at him and smiled before looking back down to tie up my boots. As much as I loved being with him, it made me sad that he couldn't call me Gabby. What he said next only made me sadder. "You know, we're going to have Thanksgiving dinner at the house. You should come and meet everyone." I bit my lip and took a deep breath before responding, moving on to lace up my other shoe.
"Yeah, maybe. Hopefully I won't be working." I finished and stood up, walking over to the living room to grab my apron and backpack.
"My sister also wants to meet you. She invited us to dinner at her house. She uh-" I walked back into the room "she invited your family too, if they'd like to come. I don't know if maybe they had plans to come visit or something." The mention of my family made my chest ache.
I couldn't bring myself to look up at Matt when I responded. "Yeah, that's nice. But, I don't think they'll be able to make it." Matt let out an annoyed huff and I looked up at him, knowing he was frustrated with my response.
"Am I ever going to learn anything about you? About where you're from or your family?" I sighed and shoved my hands into my pockets. "How are we going to do this? If you won't even talk to me."
My mouth opened in shock, and I had a moment of panic where I was worried that I'd lose the one person that was keeping me sane through all of this. "Matt, I've told you-"
"Yeah, yeah. That you're from Colorado, and your family's not interesting. Alex, I don't care okay? I want you to talk to me. I told you about my parents, about all of my friends. You're so distant sometimes, and I don't know if I can do this if it stays this way."
I stood there open mouthed for a moment, and finally he shook his head and turned around to leave the room. Worried, I made a decision at that moment that probably wasn't the smartest. "Look, I promise I'll tell you everything, okay?" He turned around slowly, arms crossed over his chest. I must've sounded desperate based on the look on his face. "I just," I brought my hands up to my face and took in a deep breath .I could feel him walking towards me and when I felt his arm on my shoulder I lowered my hands and looked him in the eye. "I haven't been completely open, and there are reasons, okay? But I'll explain, I promise. When I get home from work, I'll explain." He stared at me momentarily before nodding, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. Maybe I was being an idiot by telling him the truth but I didn't want him to worry about me not being honest. "I love you." I said, waiting for a response.
"I love you too." I smiled at him before kissing him quickly, and heading out the door.
Once I'd gotten outside was when the panic really started to set in. This was so stupid of me. If Karen found out that I told Matt, it was likely she'd move me. I was lucky that they'd allowed me to come to a city in the first place instead of sticking me in the middle of nowhere. Or Matt wouldn't be able to keep a secret, and I'd end up in even more trouble. Or Matt couldn't forgive me for lying to him, and ended things. The thought of that made me nauseous.I spent the rest of the day at work thinking through these three scenarios, and stressing myself out. I just wanted to leave, and get it over with. Telling Matt the truth seemed to be the only thing that would help this anxiety. But when my shift was over, I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to go jeopardize everything.
When I got to Matt's house I found him sitting on the couch, beer in hand. I dropped my bag on the floor and walked over and sat next to him, resting one hand on his leg and putting my chin on his shoulder. I could tell he was upset and trying to ignore me, so I nuzzled my face into his neck, giving him a kiss before mumbling a quiet 'hey'.
"Hey." After another minute of his sitting in silence, I kissed his neck again and wrapped my arm around his waist, hoping to solicit some sort of reaction. When I got none I sighed, and lifted myself up and straddled his lap. He sighed and turned off the tv, leaning around me to put his beer down. He put his hands on my waist and I smiled.
"Are you going to talk to me?"
"Are you going to tell me the truth?" I sighed.
"Yeah." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and nodded, trying to convince myself this was the right thing to do. "Yeah. But, you need to promise me two things. No matter how this turns out, everything that I'm about to tell you can not be told to anyone, ever." He looked amused but his face became serious again when he realized I wasn't joking. "I know this sounds dumb now, but I'm being so serious Matt."
"Alright. What's the second thing?"
"Please just let me explain everything first. You might get upset with me, and want to interrupt, but just let me finish explaining." He nodded, and I took a deep breath. "Alright, well to sum it up my name isn't Alex. My name is Gabriela Dawson, my friends and family call me Gabby, and I was born in New York. I'm here because I'm in witness protection, because while living in New York, I had gang affiliations due to my boyfriend. He was uh- he was abusive, and deeply involved in one of the biggest gangs on the east coast." I let out a quiet laugh. "God, you probably think I'm lying, or I'm crazy or something. But I uh, I eventually ended up talking to the cops. I told them a lot of information about this gang, and I couldn't stay. So, a little over a year and a half ago I was put in witness protection. I didn't want to go, but after being almost beaten to death by a member, I had to. I had to leave my family and friends behind, since they weren't in any real danger, and come out here." I took in a shaky breath. I couldn't read any reaction from him, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "Look, Matt, I need you to know that none of this was fake, okay. You're the only thing here keeping me sane, keeping me happy. And I hated lying to you, but I couldn't tell you the truth. Even now, if they knew I told you the truth they might move me somewhere else. But I couldn't keep lying to you. I uh, I love you so much. I understand if you don't want to be with me, but please try to understand." The tears had been flowing out of my eyes for a while now, and I sat there waiting for a reaction of any kind from him.
I wasn't sure how long we sat there, but I could tell he was thinking through everything I'd just told him so I gave him time. When he finally opened his mouth, I was prepared for the worst. "So should I call you Alex, or Gabby?" I sighed in relief and laughed slightly, wiping the tears off of my face.
"Gabby, but only when we're alone. If that's okay with you." He nodded, and I brought both of my hands up to his face and kissed him deeply. "We have to be really careful. This is really serious, if Karen finds out..." I shook my head.
"Yeah, no one but us." I nodded and smiled down at him. "I love you so much."
"I love you too."
He stood up, bringing me with him. I wrapped myself tighter around him. "You're going to tell me all about your family and friends over dinner."
"Okay, that I can deal with."
I woke up feeling groggy, bothered by the lack of heat next to me where Matt usually was. I heard the fan running in the bathroom and turned over, lying on my back. It registered in my mind that it was Thanksgiving, and my mood got slightly worse. I didn't like the holidays all that much anymore. Last Christmas had been miserable for me. Matt and I weren't very serious yet and he spent the holiday with his sister. I mostly just layed around my apartment missing my family. Even now all I could think about was my brother Antonio, and how his kids would probably be playing with some presents my parents had gotten them. I thought about helping my mom in the kitchen, and how she and my father would both tear up when they talked about everything they were thankful for. I missed my family so much, and on the holidays the heartache seemed to be even worse. Sighing, I got up, grabbing one of Matt's t shirts from his dresser and pulling it over my head. I walked into the bathroom, and found him standing with a towel wrapped around his waist, shaving. I hopped up onto the side of the sink that was clear, and watched him. He gave me a slight smile before he went back to shaving, and we sat in comfortable silence. When he finished shaving, he came over and stood between my legs, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me closer.
"Good morning."
I smiled and brought my hand up to his face, rubbing his smooth cheek. "Good morning. Happy Thanksgiving."
He leaned in and kissed me before pulling back. "You doing okay?" I nodded and he sighed. "There's no way you could even call them, or send them a card."
"No. No contact whatsoever." I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder. He rubbed his hands along my back and I closed my eyes. "Can you please stay home today?" I said half hopeful and half joking, pressing my lips against his shoulder. He laughed at me and shook his head.
"As much as I want to, I can't. You'll be stopping by the firehouse though for dinner, so." I pulled back.
"Yeah. That'll be, interesting."
"Don't be nervous. They're all excited to meet you Gabby."
"Yes, but to them I'm Alex."
"Of course. I'm being careful." He left the room to go get changed. I'd taken off work for two days, so I went downstairs not bothering to get dressed and made coffee. I handed him the to go cup and he leaned down and kissed me. "I'll let you know when to come around alright." I nodded. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I spent the rest of the day cleaning and watching tv to pass the time, and around 3 I got a text from Matt to come around 5. So I got up and did my hair and makeup, before putting on black pants and a burgundy long sleeved shirt. I spent the rest of the time worrying. In all honesty I hadn't made friends since I'd moved to Chicago. I was friendly with the people I worked with at the coffee shop, but I didn't really venture out enough (partly due to anxiety and partly just because I didn't want to) to make friends. So making my way up the long driveway to firehouse 51 had my stomach in knots. Immediately once I'd made it into the garage Kelly saw me, and jumped out of his seat at a table with four other guys. "Hey, Alex! I'm glad you made it."
"Hey Kelly. Yeah, me too."
"Guys this is Alex, Matt's girlfriend." They all waved at me and I waved back, before Kelly led me into the common room. Matt was sitting on the couch and when he noticed me smiled widely before getting up and walking over.
"Hey, babe." He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same, taking in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I never used to get anxious, but after everything that had happened sometimes new situations freaked me out. When he pulled back he looked at me worriedly. "You okay?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah." I smiled before pulling back, noticing the attention we'd drawn.
"You must be Alex!" A blonde girl who was sitting at the table got up and came over, pulling me into a hug. Though I was taken aback at first I hugged her back, noticing Matt's amused expression. "I'm Shay. Matt's told us a lot about you."
"Yeah, he only talks about you all the time. Sounds like a kid with a crush." A man sitting with his nose in a newspaper called out from the table.
"That's Herrmann, he's grumpy and old, don't worry about him." Amused at everyone I let myself be pulled over by Shay to sit down. She introduced me to everyone else, and the group involved me in their conversations. Every once in a while I'd catch Matt looking at me and grin at him. We all ate, and luckily they didn't get any calls in that time. I was getting ready to leave, grabbing my coat from where it was thrown over the table. Matt walked over to me.
"You took the bus here, right?" I nodded. "I'll go grab my keys, take the truck home alright."
I started shaking my head. "It's fine-"
"No, I'm grabbing my keys for you." I smiled at him and wrapped my hand around his neck, kissing him a few times. He smiled and left for his office. Everyone was preoccupied with their own things, but Shay had seen and came up to me.
"He's been really happy since he met you ya know. Had this girlfriend before, Hallie, I think she broke his heart. You got him out of that."
"Well, he's helped me through a lot too."
Shay nodded. "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you. We should hang out some time or something." My eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Yeah, that sounds great. You can get my number from Matt, just text me."
"Alright." She smiled at me and quickly hugged me. "It was nice meeting you." She walked over to the table and I left with Matt, saying goodbye to everyone before walking out to his car with him.
"Did you have fun?"
"Yeah. Thank you, I'm really glad I came." He brought his hands up to my face, rubbing my cheeks before leaning in to kiss me. I wrapped my hands around his wrists, running my thumbs against the back of his hands.
"I'm glad you came too. Round two is tomorrow though, you'll get to meet my sister."
"Yeah well honestly that almost seems less intimidating." We stood there in silence for a moment before I spoke up again. "Well, I'm going to head over to your house. Want me to pick you up in the morning?"
He shook his head. "Nah I'll catch a ride, you should sleep in. I love you."
"Love you too. See you tomorrow." I drove home and got ready for bed. Lying down I thought about the day. As much as I missed my family, the ache wasn't as bad as before. Because it seemed like I had another possible family who cared about me.
