Widowmaker Vs Mary Sues
One day, at Overwatch HQ, Widowmaker was browsing the archives of Overwatch fanfiction. A lot of the random things that were in the descriptions of said fanfiction were all cryptic nonsense. However, she could still understand it a small amount. For that, she would have to thank Sombra, who had recently showed her how a few things work on and other sites. As the assassin went through the archives, not even clicking on those that had the word "WidowTracer" in the description, she noticed one story about herself and this… Tim Jones character… whoever that was. Thus, she went to ask someone a question about Overwatch's history.
… five minutes later …
"No, Amélie, there hasn't been anyone named Tim Jones in our ranks." Answered Winston, making a peanut butter and banana sandwich of all things. "Also, from what I gathered, this is about a story of some sort, yes?"
"Yes, it is." Answered Widowmaker.
"Then it's probably someone inserting their Original Character into the story." The scientist replied. "People like to do that sometimes, inserting characters they create into our universe when they write a story. Sometimes it's good, but most of the time it's irredeemably terrible, want proof? Look at what Christian Weston Chandler did."
"Didn't he die in 2018?"
"Yes, he did. And his mother went a few days later."
"Well, how can you tell if this one in this story is good or not?" Asked the assassin.
"Well, there's only one way to find out." Answered Winston, taking a bite of his newly made peanut butter and banana sandwich. And thus, they began reading the story. This was their mistake, as they read something no human, animal or omnic would never want to read again.
The story consisted of an extremely scrawny man named Tim Jones joining Overwatch by simply asking. He didn't have anything special about him at that point, yet he just asked and was permitted into Overwatch's ranks. That was usually a privilege only for loved ones of certain people coming to stay or that one guy who planned on making a theme park attraction about Overwatch interviewing the people here. This "original character" also killed Bastion because he was evil or something. He also managed to gain Widowmaker as a girlfriend within the timespan of two seconds… despite not really looking that great or being that confident. He was also incredibly overpowered, not only being able to dual-wield weapons twice the size of Soldier 76's gun, but also having god powers, Tracer's blink ability, a mind faster than a supercomputer, a healing factor that worked faster than this "Deadpool" person, the strength of Soldier 76, Winston and Reinhardt combined and the power of the Silver eyes… whatever that meant. After seeing what such power was, Widowmaker became appalled. Such power should be reserved for an ultimate, not something they just used willy-nilly like it was nothing.
"Who would wield such power anyway?" Widowmaker mused to herself.
Somewhere at Beacon Academy, while Weiss Schnee was raging about some fanfic or game or some other, Ruby Rose sneezed.
"Did someone mention me?" She asked.
"Probably." Answered Blake, reading the 55,345th Ninjas of love novel, specifically the one where the main protagonist, a descendant of a war veteran from the land of Eesdesesesrdtia, tried to woo a young Japanese schoolgirl into dating him while also being a ninja at the same time. It was most definitely smut, despite Blake yelling over and over that it was "art".
Continuing with the story, it really was horrendous. The story also made references to this "Johnny from school" and how he was supposedly a bully to the author. Furthermore, the story became less of a story and more like a young 13-year-old's escapism fantasy. Widowmaker, in the story, was also particularly submissive, bubbly, lively and, most importantly, someone who wasn't Widowmaker. It was more of an accurate description of Tracer if anything.
At one point, Widowmaker had decided enough was enough… so she shot the phone using her Sniper Rifle-Machine Gun. Pieces of phone went everywhere. Winston just stared… dumbfounded by the ordeal that just transpired before him.
"You know, if you wanted to stop reading the story you could've just turned off the phone." Winston stated. "Last I checked, shooting your phone because there's something on there you don't wish to see is a bit overkill."
Widowmaker just walked off, not wishing to even touch the internet for the rest of the day. After a while sitting in the TV room watching some random French shows, she then contemplated the very idea of the story. It was so unbelievably stupid that she had to laugh at it. Of course, since her brainwashing when Talon was a thing, she had lost most of her ability to laugh and could only manage small chuckles.
Soon enough however, she heard someone screaming as they fell from… what appeared to be the sky. She thought nothing of it, as people were always falling from Overwatch HQ at least once a month. If someone died from the impact of the ground, Mercy could just revive them like usual once they got to the infirmary. Safety was necessary, yes, but if something truly bad happened, then Mercy could fix it. So, taking that into account, the assassin decided not to care about the unfortunate soul that had fallen from, presumably, the roof and continue watching Titeuf as there was nothing else on.
Doing so was wise of her.
Tim Jones landed on the ground with an audible crack. Several bones of his broke instantaneously. 20 seconds later, everything had healed and he stood up like it was nothing. He was then shot with several hundred sleeping darts by Ana, who was guarding the roof up top. She had read the fanfic and, as it had updated a few minutes after 1:00, specifically five minutes after Widowmaker had shot her own phone. It turned out that the legendary (the term being used loosely here) Tim Jones was basically invulnerable to everything… except sleep darts and Lava. She then climbed down from the roof… somehow and took his body to the Lava tanker that Torbjörn kept in his room whenever he needed ammo or a nice hot bath. It was also a nice dumping ground for whenever a Mary Sue showed up.
If Widowmaker had known about what Ana did, the assassin would thank the sniper to the holy heavens and back.
A/N: Next chapter: Widowmaker Vs Mario Party 2. Don't be surprised if it's terrible.
