Chapter 1
By Crystal Snowflakes
Author's Notes: It has yet to be corrected. Will be reposted within the next week.
Disclaimers: All things that are remotely familiar do not belong to me, but to Nobuhiro Watsuki.
During the next few days of my journey, everything was calm. Throughout the mornings and afternoons of my trip, I planned my revenge, thinking everything over. The nights were different though... I would stare at the stars, always wondering when these hard times would pass, always wondering when the war would be over, and always trying to deny my mistake in all of this...
Maybe it was my fault that he was killed... He never knew I loved him... I was always so shy, never telling that I had always loved him... I never told him I was glad he chose me... If I had told him, would he not have gone to Kyoto? Then would Battousai not have killed him? Was it my fault he risked his life?
Walking all day long wasn't as hard as it was. I had to admit that for the first couple of days, it got tiring really quickly, but towards the end of the third day, I had begun to get used to the long walks in order to get the Kyoto.
I wasn't the only traveler on the road. There were plenty of other travelers took this road due to the fact that it was the safest one out there.
Night fell soon again and once again, I leaned on a tree in a sitting position, wrapping the blanket around myself, hoping to get warmer, always failing. But I did not mind it anymore... My mind drifted away so much I could no longer feel what my body was feeling... My mind had more important matters to attend...
Another week left of this non-stopping walking until I would reach Kyoto.
During these days, I often wondered how my family was doing. My angelic sister, my beloved brother and my cheerful little friend... My father who was almost never home... I wonder how Toshiko-chan and Enishi would be doing without him...
If only Mother hadn't died, then I would not be so worried about everything, then I would have more advice as to what to do. All I have right now is the stars... I was the one they all depended on, and now that I left, what has happened? Both Toshiko-chan and Enishi were young, and if Father didn't stop going out at night, they would be alone all the time. The only thing I really should have done was asked Kamiya-san to take them in his Dojo and taken care of them for me...
If luck was on my way, I'd be in Kyoto in less than an hour. It would not be easy to find the Battousai, although he was probably the only Japanese in Kyoto to have red hair.
As I reached Kyoto, I decided to start looking for an inn that I could stay in for the night. All of a sudden, the crowd in front of my started whispering and dispersed to the side of the streets. Not wanting to stand out too much, I followed them and stood at the side of the street, watching a group of men with uniforms walk arrogantly.
The Shinsengumi.
As I looked away from the group... It was then... It was then I saw you. It was the first time I've ever seen you.
You were looking straight at me and as you saw my eyes reach yours, you quickly turned your head away, averting my eyes. Red hair tied up in a ponytail, cold amber eyes, and a wound on the left cheek. I rapidly walked away and hid from you and I felt your eyes on me again a second later, not seeing me, you looked away again. When I thought you weren't looking, I peeked out to look at you and I watched you walk away.
I had two choices: to follow you or to stay where I was. I chose the latter choice.
Confusion clouded my vision... You were no older than fifteen, a child. Carrying a wakizashi and a katana at the same time, killing... You were the Hitokiri Battousai. A murderer. Assassin. The man who killed Kiyosato-san...
You might be a child, but a glimpse of your eyes was all that I needed to know that you weren't one anymore. Your hands have already been drenched in the blood of the dead, your soul cruelly stolen from you... You are a mere child who lost his childhood at a very young age... You were as abnormal as a child could get.
And I was scared to admit this... But you are so much like me... Ever since I was young, I began taking care of Enishi and Toshiko-chan, barely having enough time to have fun, and in time, I had stopped being 'normal'.
Your eyes tell me that you have more experience than most kids your age. Your eyes tell me that you have more experience than anyone in this war... For a child to lose their childhood was not uncommon, for a child to have experience in killing was not uncommon, but your eyes... They were truly the eyes of a killer. You had eyes that were colder than steel, eyes that seem to pierce right through your soul if anyone met their eyes with yours... And when I did, I felt as if you saw through me... As if you truly understood me.
I frowned in contempt at that thought. Battousai...? Understand someone who had their fiancé killed by him? Never.
What I really needed to do to succeed this revenge, all I had to do was watch him from afar for now... Then I'll plan.
February 23rd, 1864
I have finally met Battousai face to face this day... What pains me is that he is merely a child wielding a sword... I wonder who his parents are, knowing that their son is committing such a sin, but not doing anything to stop him... Or perhaps, he has no parents. Whatever it is, it is so saddening to see such a young one being the feared Battousai. His eyes were cold and emotionless, such were the eyes of a killer.
Once I've seen him, I cannot wipe his face away from my thoughts. His image keeps appearing in all my thoughts, never leaving, never wavering, always there. Perhaps it is to make myself remember that I have an important mission here in Kyoto. To avenge Kiyosato-san... To kill Battousai. To kill a child who has killed countless. To kill a child who has lost his childhood. To kill a child.
I feel ill thinking that. I feel ill thinking that I must kill Battousai, only for the reason that he is only a child.
-Tomoe
As I slid the shoji leading outside open, I looked at the mocking stars, mocking me while they were twinkling in amusement. Mocking how I thought, mocking of who I was thinking of, and mocking my hesitance in killing a mere child. Or more like my thoughts of killing this child. Battousai...
No matter how cynical they seemed, the stars did look better than last nights'. Was Mother's advice right about the stars?
For a long time, I sat there, gazing up unblinkingly, thoughts of Kiyosato-san and Battousai whirling through my head non-stop. No matter how tired I was, I didn't have the heart to tear my eyes away from the stars... I wanted to be exactly where I was, I wanted to stay there...
But I knew that if I didn't go to bed, my plan would never accomplish and that would ruin everything I have done since I've left Edo. After another few moments of looking up at the stars, I slipped into my futon and fell asleep.
Okaasan... sometimes I wonder how life would be if you hadn't passed away. We would be having a great family... Father, Mother, Enishi, Toshiko-chan and I... Kiyosato-san, maybe... A smile tugged at my lips and I felt something tug my heart when I thought of Kiyosato-san's adorable grin when he was young. It was rarer these days, but whenever he did something foolish, he'd had a goofy grin on his face...
If only Battousai never existed... If only... If only his parents didn't let him learn Kenjutsu... We'd all be happy. I would still be in Edo, waiting for Kiyosato-san to return from Kyoto. I wouldn't worry about this revenge at all... And last of all, I would not be here in Kyoto...
I shouldn't even think about this, considering it only makes me miserable...
If only... If only he didn't kill Kiyosato-san...
March 1st, 1864
Following Battousai is no easy task... It's been a whole week. How long is this going to last? This endless chasing, this endless chase that is useless. I really need some time off. I'm going to get some sake...
The confusion is clouding my thoughts. Every time I seehim, I cannot, for the life of me, imagine him as a killer. I cannot imagine him killing in cold blood. I cannot image him killing Kiyosato-san... I have never seen him kill, and I hope I never will...
-Tomoe
Tucking my journal in my sleeve, I stood up and took my shawl and umbrella. It feels like it will be raining tonight. A sense of foreboding...
When I stepped out of the inn, I was extremely glad I brought my umbrella along. The rain seemed like it was never going to stop, pouring the way it was... Slowly, I walked to my destination. It was a restaurant that was a couple minutes of walking from the inn. When I stepped in, the sight shocked me.
The Hitokiri Battousai was sitting there, sipping sake and he didn't seem like he was enjoying it at all. His brows were knitted together in disgust and I couldn't understand why he was still drinking it even if he disliked it. Perhaps trying to become more of an adult. It was common for children to start drinking because they wanted to be more mature... I watched in amusement for a few moments until I got tired of it and sat down next to him with my back faced to him.
When the lady passed, I ordered a bottle of sake and as I was drinking, two drunks walked up to me and started talking to me.
"Hey there, baby!"
I did not glance at them, knowing they were ignorant and drunk.
"We're in charge of the Aizu Ishin Shishi!" The fat one said with pride. I felt disgust at the fat slob. "We kill for lowlifes like you day and night!"
Finally, I looked up from my drink and I felt my control slipping from me. Stupid ignorant idiots. The Aizu supported the current government while the Ishin Shishi were the revolutionists. How stupid could you be?
"Aizu's with the Shogunate, you idiots." Turning around, I faced the Hitokiri Battousai. His voice was devoid of all emotions and I felt a shiver run down my spine at the sight of those steel cold eyes despite myself. I felt saddened again... Every time I see him, I feel as if the future holds nothing good for us all... A mere child... The Hitokiri Battousai. A child as young as he is doing all the dirty work for the Ishin Shishi.
The two drunks muttered something under their breath and the next second, Battousai stood up. "You two are lucky to be getting away with your lives. If you had drawn your swords, I would have killed you."
Without another word uttered from their mouths, the two of them ran away from the restaurant like scared rabbits. I watched them as they left and I was shocked when Battousai bowed respectfully at me and apologized. For what, I don't know, but the next second, he grabbed his daisho and left.
I dropped a few coins down on my table for the bottle of sake and hurried through the streets to where I thought Battousai was going to be. I opened my umbrella and I walked as fast as I could, while seeming like I was just walking without a destination. As I stepped around the corner, I felt a gasp come to my throat. The Battousai... Just at that moment... Had sliced someone in half. Clean...
You then spun around fiercely and caught sight of me.
So what are you going to do now, Battousai? Kill me like you killed my fiancé? Kill me like you killed that man right there? Kill me like the countless people you have killed already? What are you going to do?
Pushing my nauseous feeling away, I spoke, "I came to thank you for what happened back there," I started, feeling a bit dizzy. It must've been the sake. Everything seemed to be darkening and I can only see your amber eyes glowing fiercely in the dark, "You... You remarkably made it rain... Rain of blood." You dropped the chained sword and I saw your eyes widened for a second, then I felt darkness descend upon me.
Footsteps...
I felt a pair of arms around me and then, I felt nothing.
I woke up in a futon, an unfamiliar ceiling staring right back down at me. I sat up slowly, my head pounding as I looked down. The white kimono I had on last night was still on me, only that it was now stained with blood. I caught sight of Battousai sitting in the corner, his katana on his shoulder. Standing up, I began a walk down the stairs and I saw women dressed in purple kimonos carrying trays from room to room... It must be an inn of some sort.
A slightly older woman stopped in front of me all of a sudden and introduced herself to me. "So you're the one Himura brought to us last night."
I nodded, "Hai." As I saw her high-stacked trays, she asked me my name. "Yukishiro. Yukishiro Tomoe. Okami-san, would you like some help with the trays?" I asked politely, hoping she would accept it, considering the trays seemed like they would fall at any moment.
"If you want to help, I can get you a job here. It's been quite busy and we'll need someone anyways." Okami-san told me.
The morning passed like this and I agreed with Okami-san. Serving wasn't difficult at all. As I was passing the room I had slept in last night, the shoji slid open quickly with Okami-san trailing behind me, handing me another stack of trays.
"Oh, good morning Himura." Okami-san greeted him. "Despite appearances, your girlfriend is a very good worker."
I almost blushed, but I decided to ignore him and started walking farther away from him.
"Hey." He said. Once again, it strikes me how much he doesn't sound like a child at all. "What are you doing?"
I turned around and I found my eyes clashing with his, I balanced the trays easily, "Can you not tell by looking?"
"You're helping around the kitchen."
I nodded, "Hai, I apologize. I must have caused you some trouble last night while I was drunk." When he didn't reply, I assumed it was the end of the conversation, so I nodded my head in farewell and turned away.
"Wait." I stopped in my tracks, "What's your name?"
I turned around for a second, "My name is Tomoe. Yukishiro Tomoe." He tailed along as I continued walking to my destination. Then I opened the shoji to the soldiers' eating quarters. "Excuse me, I've brought breakfast."
"So this is Himura's girl!" "She's cute!" "An older woman!"
I felt Battousai's agitated glare and aura, "Hey, knock that off—"
"Oh, embarrassed lover boy?" A man teased him, "How was she?"
...So blunt.
I don't know what Battousai did, but whatever he did silenced everyone in the room.
"That was close. For a minute I forgot he was Battousai. Just teasing him is taking your life in your hands."
I bowed as I finished distributing lunch to everyone, then I walked out the room.
When Battousai had finished his lunch and whatever they were discussing, he dragged me into his room. "Just forget everything that happened last night and leave."
I felt rejected for a moment, "Is it a trouble for me to stay?" I asked.
"Your family will worry. And whatever your situation is, we are in no state to look after you."
...My family...? I replied truthfully as I glanced regretfully at the floor, "If I had a family and a home to go back to, I wouldn't get drunk alone at night." I looked up at him and caught sight of the cut on his cheek, "So what are you going to do? Finish me off like you did to that man that night?" I asked.
"You can think whatever you want, but I'm doing this to bring in a new era where everyone can live in peace and without fear. I only kill armed members of the Bakufu who opposes us. Civilians might oppose us, but I would never strike an unarmed man."
I looked at him as I scrutinized him. "So bad people carry swords... And good people don't? If I had been carrying a sword last night, would you have killed me?"
He had no answer. He walked to where his stacks of books were while I sat down on the floor. He then grabbed something and put it down in front of me. My tanto. "This is yours, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"Kyoto's a dangerous city. This tanto won't do you much good. Hurry and go home... You should look for a place where you won't need this, where you'll feel safe enough to let your guard down."
"When you have your answer, tell me if you would have killed me or not." I slid open the shoji and walked out of it.
He stood up, "You're just going to walk out? Wait a minute!" And I slammed the shoji in his face and leaned my back on the shoji for a second.
This boy, Battousai... Himura... Was he actually caring for me? Did he actually not want me hurt? I uttered something unconsciously again, "An assassin..." Standing straight up again, I went back to my chores, my mind always on the conversation Battousai and I had today.
March 2nd, 1864
Spring is almost over... He brought me to the Ishin Shishi hideout... Now I'll be able to kill him... But do I still want to? Do I still want to kill this child?
-Tomoe
I studied his composure as I was talking to him, another one of our conversations we've had all the time from that day onwards. Whenever we talked his eyes softened, still guarded, but less guarded than most times... His figure seems to be relaxed, he himself worry free of all the burdens in this harsh world.
Iizuka-san then appeared and Himura-san was about to greet him politely when he caught sight of the black envelope in his hands. I felt my heart clench at the sight of that... Another death tonight. I felt my heart clench at the job this child has been given... I felt my heart clench at the pain this child is suffering.
As Himura-san left with the black envelope clutched in his hand, I felt Iizuka-san's glance.
He gave me a smirk that looked more like a grimace as he approached me. When he got close enough, he leaned towards my ears and whispered, "I know what you want, Tomoe-san. I know what your goal is."
My glance turned cold within a second, "What do you want, Iizuka-san?"
He gave me another smirk, "Your cooperation on this whole matter. Would you mind taking a walk with me? It's not such a safe place to discuss this here."
"Demo... Okami-san..."
"I'll take care of her by making up some bullshit story. I'll see you in my room in a few minutes." He then disappeared before I could utter another word. I was forced to go to his room to wait for his appearance. What did that idiotic slob want with me anyways? Cooperation? What was he talking about?
When I got to Iizuka-san's room, I slid open the shoji and observed the trees, and despite the hesitance in me, my mind drifted to Himura-san... To his assassination tonight... How would he deal with it again?
Once I heard Iizuka-san enter his room, I slide the shoji closed and turned to look at him. What showed in his eyes frightened me, yet it sickened me more than it frightened me. Lust. He gave me another infuriating smirk. I looked at him with disgust written clear on my face, "What do you want from me Iizuka-san? I have to go back to work." I said, a desperate attempt to leave this room.
"No need to rush, Tomoe-san... We could take this quite slowly." He gave me a suggestive glance. "Like I said, I took care of her by making up some absolute bullshit story. You have the rest of your day off. Now aren't you going to thank me for that with something?" A raise of his eyebrow.
"I think you misunderstand me Iizuka-san. Working is just an excuse to get me out of this room and out of your presence. I do not enjoy being in your company, in spite of what you may be thinking. I do not enjoy being looked at like some sort of possession, nor do I like the lust in your eyes. I do not enjoy your eyes feasting upon me."
He chuckled, "There's no need to be a coldhearted bitch, but I'm amazed at your feistiness. And do not tell me that Himura does not look at you the way I do. You're an attractive woman Tomoe-san. I will not deny that I want you to mine."
"Well, allow me to settle this Iizuka-san. I will never be yours. I have no intension to be yours. And for what matter, I find it wrong for you to discuss this with me. And lastly, whatever it is between Himura-san and I is entirely none of your business but ours. But if you are so curious, I will tell you. He has never looked at me like you have." I replied calmly, inside burning with fierce hatred towards this... this exasperating man.
"He is still a child." Iizuka-san smirked.
"And you are more of a child than he is if you think every man in Japan only looks at attractive women with lust." I shot back, "You are no more of a man than he is."
Iizuka-san glared, "Last I heard, Yukishiro Tomoe was seeking revenge on the Hitokiri Battousai, not defending him."
"And last I heard, the men of Ishin Shishi were not backstabbing morons." He clenched his fist, "What are you going to do Iizuka-san? Hit me? And enrage Battousai? You cannot beat him." I taunted.
"Shut the fuck up Yukishiro." Instead of glaring, he gave me a cynical smirk, "At least now I know who I'm working with."
"I am not working with you Iizuka-san." I replied calmly.
He ignored me, "Follow Battousai. Let him trust you. Then kill him in his sleep. If all goes well, you will have your revenge and I will have taken care of him. If for some reason something goes wrong... We will back you up. That is all. Now get the hell out of my room."
I gave him a cold smile, knowing I had gotten to him, "As you wish Iizuka-san..." I mocked a bow before I walked out the room. "To kill someone in their sleep...And to ask a woman to do it... Cowardice.
"What did you say Yukishiro?"
I turned around, the smile still plastered on my face, "So it's Yukishiro now? I think you should be more polite. Oh well, what should I expect from a mere child anyways?" I turned around once again and began walking out, "You heard what I said perfectly Iizuka-san."
I was playing a dangerous game here... One that could cost me my life and get me killed in the blink of an eye... But I wanted this. I felt such a deep satisfaction from getting underneath his skin. Men like him... They deserved death. I longed to kill him with my very own hands...
Shaking my thoughts away, my mind drifted to Iizuka-san and my conversation just moment ago.
Kill him in his sleep.
Coward. Bloody idiotic coward.
I couldn't sleep that night, so I opened my journal and began writing... Once again, pouring my heart out about everything.
April 18th, 1864
Time has flew by since I was last home... I have just realized that I have written less and less about Kiyosato-san... It worries me, yet at the same time, it relieves me because I know that I've finally come to terms with his death...
I heard the shoji slide open and then the sounds of water being poured out from bucket.
Himura... Himura-san... He isn't a cold-blooded killer at all. He's just back from his mission, and once again, cleaning his hands, washing them... Attempting to clean them free of blood, of death... Of guilt. How many buckets has that been? Four? Seven? Eight?
The scar Kiyosato-san gave him... Every time Himura-san comes back from an assassination, it bleeds non-stop. Why? Why is that?
-Tomoe
I closed the journal and tucked it into my sleeve again. On my way downstairs, I grabbed a towel. As I walked up to him, he was glaring at his hands, scrubbing non-stop at them and when I got even closer to him, he went back to being the cold heartless hitokiri.
"Wash your face before your hands." I said quietly as I handed him the towel, seeing a line of blood roll down his cheek. When he didn't take the towel, I dipped it into the water and wiped his face with it until he shook my hand away and grabbed the towel.
He glared at me, "You're still awake?" I know he meant no harm... I know he gets in a horrible mood every time he goes out for an assassination.
I nodded slightly, "Even in separate rooms, I get worried whenever you leave..." I get worried whenever you get those black envelopes from Iizuka-san... And it shocked me, how the statement I just said really was true. I did mean what I just said. I do worry about him. He despises it, he hates it. But why does he still kill for the revolutionists? Why does he still kill for the Ishin Shishi?
His cold voice cut through the silence, "Don't bother with me."
How could I not bother with you? How can I ignore the pain of someone that has suffered so? I know you don't want to kill Himura-san. I'm not stupid. I can see the hatred on your face every time you are ordered to take a life. How can I not bother with you...?
Softly, I said, "I almost thought I dreamed the night was raining blood." When he didn't reply, I turned away, "Oyasumi nasai Himura-san..." I retreated back to my room, the room that every worker shared.
As I laid in my futon, I couldn't ignore the sounds of water being poured on his hands and face... I couldn't stop thinking about him...
