Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, and I would be too terrified to own Kenpachi Zaraki anyways.
~o~
The next Saturday, the courtyard in front of Squad Eleven's barracks was filled with people. Men chattered animatedly with each other, some there to compete for Yachiru's heart, and many others to observe the drama. Captain Unohana's rumors had spread like wildfire, guaranteeing a crowd.
"I heard Yachiru set this up as a test, to see who would be brave enough to show up!" Rikichi announced, clenching his fist with anticipation, his dark eyes shining under his mess of spiked ashen hair. "She doesn't need some coward as her boyfriend after all, but we don't actually need to fight Kenpachi! Ah, I'm so excited! What a great opportunity!"
"Please," another man scoffed, a researcher known by the name Rin Tsubokura. His shoulder length chestnut hair was tied at the top with a small ponytail. "As if it would be that easy! I heard we are going to have to fight Kenpachi, but Yachiru doesn't expect us to win. We just need to put on the best show out of all the men here to earn a date with her! And Captain Unohana volunteered to treat all injuries for free! Look, she's right over there, so that proves it!"
"We're going to have to fight each other, not Kenpachi. As a seated officer of Squad Four, I believe I have the advantage," the skilled and extremely handsome medic, Harunobu Ogidō, said with a satisfied smirk. He was extremely popular with the ladies, thanks to his effortless attractiveness, tousled brown hair, and warm chocolate eyes.
Yachiru skipped happily through the crowd, oblivious to the rumors and whispers, taking her place by Kenpachi Zaraki's side. The captain's deep set eyes shone with bloodthirsty anticipation, a savage grin on his features. "With this many challengers, at least one is sure to be a decent fight. Yachiru! We should have done this ages ago!"
"Uh-huh!" Yachiru agreed, her voice sugary sweet. "I'm really glad my posters finally worked! Let's get things started, okay?" She skipped up to the front of the crowd, leaping up to stand perched on Ikkaku Madarame's shoulders. Ignoring his protests and wiggling, the pink haired girl addressed the crowd. "Welcome to Squad Eleven's one and only 'Battle for Love' event! The winner will get to be my date to the Millennium Ball, and the losers…will probably end up in the hospital, haha! I want to see some great battles today, so let's get started!"
"But first, one thing," Captain Retsu Unohana cut in smoothly, walking fluidly to the front of the crowd. "As the skill difference is so great between Captain Zaraki and the average Soul Reaper, Head Captain Yamamoto has directed that certain restrictions must be in place to minimize casualties. As such, Captain Zaraki will be handicapped according to the skill level of each challenger. Seated officers will have minimal handicaps based on their number, while unseated officers will have the greatest advantage. The members of Squad Four will be standing by to treat any injuries or severe mental trauma caused by terror. That is all." She bowed slightly as her speech concluded, and murmurs broke out among the crowd.
"So we will have to face Kenpachi? Just how severe are these restrictions?"
"No thanks, I'm out!" a panicked Soul Reaper declared, making his way for the exit. Several others joined him, mumbling, but most stayed.
"Now hold on just a minute," Kenpachi complained, resting his zanpakutō over his shoulder. "Restrictions? I never heard anything like that!"
Yachiru blinked, cocking her head to the side adorably. "Well of course, Kenny!" she scolded him, sounding surprised. She'd never even considered the alternative, thinking it was a given. "I would never expect anyone to beat you in a straight fight! But you're so great you could probably beat most of these guys with both hands tied behind your back and blindfolded! Just think of it as a new challenge!"
Kenpachi thought about it with a deep scowl, and finally nodded his acceptance. "Fine. But whatever additional restrictions you've thought up for me, double them! I want a real challenge, even if I have to fight using a butter knife held in my teeth! Let's see if any of you weaklings can inflict even a single wound on my body!" He laughed, the sound so uninhibited and bloodthirsty that several other men turned around and walked away, to rethink their careers as Soul Reapers and consider starting a nice bakery instead.
"Now then, if all participants will please form a single file line," Captain Unohana said with a gentle smile, holding her arm out to the side, where men began to line up cautiously…though no one seemed to want to be first. "Hanatarō, would you restrain Captain Zaraki?"
The drab looking young man visibly gulped, sweat beading on his wide forehead. "O-of course. If you w-wouldn't mind, C-c-c-c-"
"Just get on with it, you worthless pile of human garbage," Kenpachi said, his deep voice thick with derision and disgust.
Hanatarō swallowed, looking as though he might faint, but set about binding Kenpachi's arms with thick spiritual pressure consuming chains, his hands shaking.
"Lieutenant Kusajishi, a word?" Captain Unohana said, beckoning the beautiful pink haired girl over. Yachiru bounded to her side, looking up at the slightly taller woman. Captain Unohana beckoned her closer still, so no one could hear their huddled conversation. "I can't help but wonder, is there anyone in particular you're favoring during this contest? If so, I'm sure the two of us can convince Kenpachi to allow your relationship, even without this fight."
"Nope!" Yachiru said cheerfully. "This fight is actually like a first date!"
Unohana blinked, clearly taken aback. "A first date?" she repeated, wondering if she'd heard the younger woman correctly. Just what had Kenpachi raised her to think a 'date' was?
"That's right!" Yachiru confirmed. "Because Kenny always says you don't know who a man truly is until you've seen how he acts in the face of death! First dates are all about getting to know people, so you can see who they really are. So by watching these fights I'll learn a lot about each one of these guys, and I'll find out who I really like! Not to mention I'll find out which ones are complete and utter pansies," she finished, as an afterthought.
"I see," Unohana said, a bit surprised by how much sense her evaluation made. "Well, I'm certainly glad you've thought this through."
Meanwhile, Kenpachi was shouting at poor Hanatarō again. "No, you idiot, make the chains tighter! I can still feel my arms and legs! And add another layer! And put two eyepatches on, one for each eye!"
The sight of Kenpachi being trussed up in so many powerful chains was giving hope to some of the young men there to win Yachiru's heart. After all, if he couldn't even lift a sword, surely they could defeat him in battle? All they had to do was cut him enough that they won! Even they could handle something like that. "Alright," Rikichi said, clenching his fist while wild hope burned in his eyes. "I'm up first!"
The young member of Squad Six closed his eyes as he took his place across the now cleared courtyard, remembering why he'd become a Soul Reaper in the first place. Renji, he thought to himself, a mental image of his red-haired hero flickering through his mind. I swore that one day I would become stronger. Strong enough to stand by your side in battle. "And so," he said out loud, clenching the hilt of his zanpakutō tight with both hands, "I won't lose here!"
Unohana called the start of the match, and Rikichi sprinted forward with a war cry, the tip of his sword striking sparks against the cobblestones. "Slice through the eternal flames," the dark haired young man shouted, his eyes shining with blue power as he focused his spiritual pressure into his sword. His zanpakutō, usually shaped like a black katana with a bowed, rectangular guard, began to glow with power. "Onikuchiku!" The metal screeched as the blade transformed, curving into a large demonic scythe with a molten, fiery blade, which trailed dark shadows in its wake with every swing. Rikichi whirled the scythe above his head, leaping into the air for a powerful, two handed strike against the Captain of Squad Eleven, who despite not being able to see at all, was grinning like a madman.
The tip of Onikuchiku's wicked, molten blade struck Kenpachi directly in the heart, an explosion of spiritual pressure blowing a shock wave across the battlefield. Rikichi's triumphant expression at the clean hit didn't last long. The edges of his captain's haori smoked and smoldered, but as the area burned away, it could clearly be seen that Kenpachi Zaraki's skin hadn't been cut in the slightest.
"Is that all you've got?" Kenpachi demanded, his wild grin never fading. "Come on. Hit me like you mean it! Surely you can do better than that?!" As his voice rose into a demented howl, enough of his spiritual pressure escaped the ridiculous number of chains and inhibitors to blow Rikichi's hair back against his skull.
"My strength doesn't end here!" Rikichi retorted, with a quick glance at Yachiru's expectant, and adorable, face. "You haven't seen the true depth of my power! Onikuchiku, let's go!" He whirled the black handle of his scythe, slashing and hacking at the captain's chest, leaving huge smoldering cuts in the fabric of his coat, but never cutting through his skin.
Rikichi concentrated, strengthening each blow with all the power of his resolve, remembering his friends. With a cry, he swung his demonic scythe with all his strength, aiming for Kenpachi's head-
The red-hot blade with molten edges stopped short, caught between Kenpachi Zaraki's teeth. He crunched down, shattering the scythe like it was made of glass, laughing while chunks of the blade clattered to the ground and bits of lava dripped off his chin.
"Onikuchiku!" Rikichi gasped, only to be knocked out by Kenpachi's forehead as the captain took advantage of his moment of distraction. He crumpled to the ground.
The Captain of Squad Eleven stood over the body of his opponent, the slashed edges of his haori burning, thick chains binding his arms behind his back and wrapping his legs, and literal molten lava hissing on the stones as it dripped off his skin. "Who wants to go next?" the captain roared, and his audience flinched as one.
For a long moment, no one moved, staring with horror at the defeated Rikichi. Yachiru's voice broke through the silence. "Way to go, Riki-chan" she cheered, sitting on Ikkaku's shoulders while he sat cross legged with an irritable expression. "That was super cool!"
"I-I'm going next!" Rin the researcher insisted, stepping forward.
"No, me!"
"Yachiru! I dedicate this battle to our love!" a third Soul Reaper declared, clamoring for her attention.
And so the brutal matches continued.
Rin Tsubokura stepped onto the field, daring to hope that maybe the win would be his. After all, he and Yachiru had so much in common! He loved sweets and cakes even more than she did. Yachiru, he promised himself, looking at the beautiful idol of the combat squad, if I win this match, I'll finally confess my love, and give you the cupcake recipe I've been perfecting all these years-
His internal monologue broke off as he looked at Kenpachi Zaraki's manic grin, and felt his spirit being crushed by the captain's immense spiritual pressure, even limited to one thousandth of what it usually was, and passed out immediately, drooling on the pavement.
"Then I guess it's up to me," the handsome Eighth Seat of Squad Four, Harunobu Ogida said, taking a warriors stance as Rin was carried off the field on a stretcher.
"Since you are a seated officer, Kenpachi will be granted the use of one finger," Captain Unohana announced brightly, her countenance serene. "Hanatarō, if you wouldn't mind?"
"Right!" Hanatarō replied determinedly, undoing the thick chain binding Kenpachi's left arm to his back, and from there, releasing his pointer finger from the chain mail mitts. "One finger released, captain!"
Harunobu didn't waste any time. "Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south!" the healer chanted out loud, gripping his wrist with his right palm outstretched towards the bound Kenpachi. "Hadō, number thirty one!" Crimson fire bloomed in a concentrated sphere in front of his palm as he spoke, whirling as condensed spiritual power fed the blaze. Harunobu's shout roared over the crowd. "Shakkahō!"
The malevolent orb of power screamed from Harunobu's outstretched palm like a meteor, trailing crimson sparks. The light threw Kenpachi's shadow into startling relief, casting a monstrous silhouette on the building behind him, as the demonic man himself waiting in anticipation for the blow.
The fiery meteor exploded against Kenpachi's chest, and his feet skidded back three inches. Kenpachi spoke as the smoke cleared, his voice thick with growing annoyance. "Is that all a seated officer can manage?" the muscular giant complained, cracking his neck as he walked out of the cloud of acrid smoke unharmed. "Why'd you bother spending so much time learning Kidō when it's all so WEAK?" He emphasized his last words by breaking into a powerful sprint, shattering the chains on his legs with ease, headed directly for Harunobu.
The seated officer screamed like a little girl, raising his palm on reflex. "Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south!" he chanted, so quickly the words were practically one breath, "Shakkahō!" Another sphere of lurid spiritual power struck Kenpachi, barely even slowing him down. "Shakkahō!" Harunobu shouted, his eyes wild with terror. "Shakkahō! Shakkahō!" The meteoric bursts exploded against Kenpachi's chest in quick succession, and he just laughed, the sound so terrible it would have given the devil himself horrible nightmares.
Kenpachi broke through the final cloud of scarlet lightning and smoke just as Harunobu reached for his sword with convulsing hands, and flicked him in the chest with his one free finger. His ribcage cracked, and blood spewed from his open mouth as he skidded across the pavement, weeping with terror.
Medical teams rushed to the fallen soldier's side, lifting him off the battlefield quickly, as more Soul Reapers stepped forward to battle, swallowing their fear, as Kenpachi's legs and finger were bound again.
Unfortunately for these other brave warriors, Yachiru Kusajishi was no longer watching.
"Hey!" the pink haired girl said, leaning down to better see what Hanatarō was doing. "Aren't you gonna fight? If you wait long enough, Kenny might be worn down! You could last maybe one entire minute, then!"
Hanatarō blushed, looking away from the gorgeous lieutenant, working on healing Harunobu's ribcage. Warm green light spilled from his fingertips as he concentrated, and the injured warrior's gasping became less pronounced. "Oh no, not me," he said honestly, cringing at the very thought. "I could never fight Kenpachi. I know my place in the world, and it isn't on the battlefield. I'll leave all the brutal fighting to you Squad Eleven members, and patch up your wounds when all is said and done."
Yachiru pouted at him childishly. "That isn't very brave of you," she scolded him, her interest dying off quickly. "I've never seen you fight once! You must be a total pansy; a real loser!"
Hanatarō flinched at her brutal assessment, thoroughly chastised. "I-is that all you want in a man?" he asked honestly, looking up at her with doleful ocean blue eyes, and blushed harder when he looked at her fairy-like features. "I mean, is battle strength everything?" he added on hurriedly. "Don't you want a guy who will love you for who you are, instead of some eternal sparring partner?"
"Nope!" Yachiru said brightly with no hesitation whatsoever, and Hanatarō winced, muttering 'of course not' under his breath.
She skipped off to watch the rest of the battles, only to stare at the field. Piles of Soul Reapers dotted the courtyard, defeated in such quick succession the medical teams hadn't been able to clear their bodies. "Kenny, you defeated them too quickly!" Yachiru complained, crossing her arms beneath her chest with aggravation. "I didn't even see you beat up the last twenty of them!"
"You weren't missing anything," Kenpachi declared, taking off his second eyepatch as he surveyed the piles of defeated opponents. No one else dared stand against him, and his annoyance was obvious. A thought occurred to him, and Kenpachi laughed out of the blue. "Well, that's that. Don't worry, Yachiru, maybe you can go to the next Millennium Ball. In a thousand years."
"Don't think I'm going to give up so easily!" Yachiru declared, narrowing her magenta eyes. "I'm going to that dance, no matter what, even if I have to ask one of the Arrancar!"
She disappeared with a flash step, leaving her stunned squad mates behind.
"She didn't mean that, right, Ikkaku?" Yumichika checked, his cheek twitching. "Even the lieutenant wouldn't go that far."
"No sane person would go that far," Ikkaku agreed, staring after her. "Which means that we might have a problem on our hands after all!"
~o~
Authors note: While all the character in this fanfiction are canon, some are so minor we never saw their Shikai. I made up a generic zanpakutō for one of these characters.
Rikichi's zanpakutō is named 'Onikuchiku', taken from 'Oni', or demon, and 'kuchiku, taken from the Japanese word 'Kuchiku-kan', meaning destroyer. Roughly translates to 'destroyer of demons', thus the generic scythe motif and the catch phrase 'slice through the eternal flames'. Cheesy, yes, and did I put a lot of effort into it, no. But does anyone really care about Rikichi? C'mon.
As always, I would love feedback and replies. :) Loved it, hated it, just want Yachiru to end up with an Espada after all, let me know!
