A/N – Hey everybody! Blackbird here, just wanna let you know that you should listen to this epic piano piece on repeat when reading this; it gave me so many chills when writing this chapter, it fit so perfectly that it scared me a little bit!
It's called "Some" by Nils Frahm. Look it up!
Anyways, MugenDemon and I hope you enjoy this next chapter of Once Upon a Rose of Ice :)
To Sasuke
Over the sloped landscape upon which night had finally fallen, snow continued to drift down from dark skies. Slowly, softly, and peacefully it fell, accumulating further the snowbanks which time had created. Past the slate of dull white which colored the darkened snow on the ground, the snow which now fell was visible only under the harsh illumination of a few surrounding street lamps, their light projecting downward onto the few parking spaces which sat in front of the cozy, humble bar. The little wooden building's warm lights pulsed lightly like candlelight, shining through its worn windows and onto the snow adorning the ground outside. All was quiet, and soft winds breezed through the icy night air when they felt like it, making everything they graced just a little bit colder.
Save for a few cars that sat quietly in the scarce space that was provided for parking, the bar was all but deserted at this hour, just past twilight. Shikamaru pulled his Audi off of the icy road, inserting himself into one of the narrow parking spaces in front of the little tavern. The soft, delicate glow emanating from the establishment's front windows appeared warm and inviting as the two boys unbuckled themselves from the leather seats of the sedan. Shutting the car door behind him, Shikamaru looked over to observe Naruto emerging from the vehicle as well, pulling the collar of his fitted pea coat up to shield him from the winds which lightly danced through his hair. The shirker wondered to himself why his blonde friend would even bother with his coat; they would momentarily be inside, so why get comfortable?
He must just be that cold, I guess. Shikamaru shrugged as he made his way to the front door of the bar, Naruto in toe. Pulling it out toward himself, Shikamaru made sure to leave room for Naruto to go through first.
Walking inside, Naruto glanced at the three or four individuals sitting amongst the tables as Shikamaru closed the rickety door behind him. The blonde recognized a few of the faces around them from his frequent visits to the very same bar. They, on the other hand, barely seemed to register that another presence entered the room. Preoccupied with their own drinking, they sat solemnly among the tables on the floor in front of the bar counter.
Shikamaru turned from the door, taking a look around the place. He began absorbing the warm atmosphere of the bar itself for the first time: the dim, lowered lights over the tables, the comfort of the fireplace which sat to the east wall of the building in a cozy den area with worn leather chairs, and the music which played softly from the radio behind the bar counter. In contrast, however, the empty and soulless expressions of the patrons inhabiting the space around them didn't go unnoticed by the boy for too long.
How ironic… he thought to himself as he pulled off his gloves, following Naruto to the bar counter. Placing his gloves onto the weathered wood which stood in front of him, Shikamaru paused for a moment.
This place feels just like home, and yet…everyone here looks like they've been at rock bottom for years.
Taking off his coat, he looked toward Naruto, sensing a frighteningly similar aura emanating from him as well. He sat down next to his friend, looking over to the bartender. Getting the man's attention, Shikamaru ordered a vodka tonic. Plain, but what he wanted; what he was used to. A moment later, the drink was placed before him on the bar. He waited patiently, expecting to hear Naruto speak his order as well. Instead, two whiskey shots were suddenly set down in front of the blonde without him having to utter a single word. It came as a surprise to Shikamaru, but he didn't pay his faint curiosity much mind.
Naruto, as if programmed to do so, immediately lifted the first shot up and was about to toss it to the back of his throat when suddenly, his arm was brought back down by Shikamaru's gentle hand. He rested it on his friend's forearm, causing the blonde to look over at him from the corner of his eye.
"Wait," he said, watching Naruto, who was waiting to see why it was that he had been stopped from taking the shot.
"To Sasuke," Shikamaru said solemnly as he raised his own glass toward Naruto, expecting the blonde to take part in the toast.
Naruto turned his head slightly to look at his friend's risen glass for a moment before giving him a hollow nod. Looking back at the shot in his own hand, Naruto absently raised the glass half-assedly into the air before throwing it back and swallowing.
Shikamaru observed the blonde drinking for a moment before he went ahead with the full intention of taking a hard, long draught of his own drink. Instead, he found himself unable to move as he paused for a moment, all at once absorbing the somber emotions that came with the day. In remembrance, Shikamaru instead began to merely sip at the drink in his hand, finding himself falling deep into thought. Naruto slammed back the second shot immediately after the first as Shikamaru looked over wearily.
"I'm so proud of you, Naruto," Shikamaru said a few minutes later, abstaining from the eye contact that was attempted by his blond friend in response to his words.
"You were strong today. I will never forget that." Shikamaru finished, taking another sip of his tonic. Naruto kept his gaze on his friend, a shade of doubt and guilt slowly starting to surface on his face before answering.
"Thanks, Shikamaru." The blonde replied with his unfaltering, empty tone of voice as he shifted his gaze back to the empty shots in front of him.
"Don't mention it," the shirker replied, finally looking over to his blonde friend to find him absently playing around with the empty shot glass on the counter.
"I know it's hard right now…and you'll never know how much I wish that I could just…make it all go away for you. But you know that I can't do that." Shikamaru said, acquiring Naruto's half-lidded, weary gaze as the blonde looked back to him.
"Naruto, I'm here. Anytime you need me." He finished sincerely, feeling a tiny speck of hope come from Naruto in response. It wasn't much by any means, but it was still there…and that's all that Shikamaru needed to see.
After a moment, Naruto broke their eye contact to signal the bartender, who proceeded to place two more shots before him. The blonde then consumed them in rapid succession. Putting the second empty shot glass onto the scratched counter in front of him, Naruto began moving it around on the surface of the wood, in small circles.
"I appreciate that, Shikamaru" he replied quietly, eyes disinterestedly focused on the glass moving beneath his fingertips. He meant it sincerely, he really did. Naruto was just so drained of all emotion and so deprived of energy that communicating his gratitude seemed like a nearly impossible task at that moment. Instead, he simply signaled the bartender for two more shots, to Shikamaru's disbelief. After receiving them, he quickly picked one up and threw it back.
"Don't you think you've had enough, Naruto," Shikamaru said, looking to the unresponsive blonde, sensing the alcoholic warpath that he had apparently embarked upon.
In reply, Naruto simply glared back at him in false consideration of the question for a moment before slowly and deliberately taking his sixth shot of the night, keeping his eyes leveled with Shikamaru's the entire time. Shikamaru, unfazed by the obvious provoking he was receiving, maintained the intense eye contact with his friend as he felt the ghost of a scorn slowly creep across his own immobile face. At that, Naruto began to raise his arm again to the bartender, but Shikamaru was too quick for him. The shirker grabbed Naruto's arm, snapping it back down to the wooden surface of the counter without hesitation. Angered, but equally caught off guard by his friend's quick reflexes, Naruto could only glare at him contemptuously, his spiked breathing slowly returning to normal.
"You're done," Shikamaru lowly commanded, looking away from the blonde to scan the rest of the room to ensure that they hadn't caused too big of a scene, which they appeared to have not.
Naruto yanked his arm out from the other's unsuspecting grip, dropping his angered gaze as he suddenly lost all interest in drinking. For a moment, everything around him became dark with the shadow of regret. He only wanted to be still…still and unmoving, aimlessly floating away into the infinite beyond to find the answers to all of the questions which plagued him relentlessly; answers that would never be found.
Shikamaru warily softened his demeanor, sensing his friend's submissive change in aura. Stretching his arm around his friend, he gently lowered his head to Naruto's level, nearly touching the bar in the process.
"Naruto…I loved him too." Shikamaru spoke in a whisper, feeling the other's body flinch ever so slightly at his words. "Naruto, it's ok to feel…"
"Ok?" the blonde interrupted quietly, his once blue eyes now ridden with gray opening as he looked to meet his friend's concerned gaze. "How am I ever supposed to feel ok again…I'm the one that killed my best friend."
Shikamaru eased off of Naruto in response, still lending the support of his hand which rested around his shoulders. He took a moment to create some space between himself and Naruto, giving him the respectable breathing room he felt he needed right now.
"Naruto," he began, "you need to listen to me, and be clear on one thing. You did not kill him...What Sasuke did had nothing to do with you."
"Didn't it?" he replied flatly keeping himself focused on the wood grain of the bar's flat surface. "I left him there, Shikamaru," he said before looking back at his friend. "I abandoned him when he…he needed me...And now he's gone."
"It pains me to no end to say it, but the path Sasuke was on, he could've seen Death coming from less than a mile off," Shikamaru stated. "There was nothing that you could have done."
"Nothing I…could have done?" the blonde stated incredulously, deliberately spacing out the words. As a slight fire rose up in his eyes, he quietly growled, "I could have kept my promise, Shikamaru. I could have stayed by his side no matter what, like I told him I…"
The blonde broke off, not wishing to continue the conversation any further. Shikamaru kept his understanding eyes leveled to Naruto's throughout the entire outburst. If there was one thing he could do for Naruto now, it was to hear what he wanted to say, to give him someone to talk to. To listen. Naruto took a deep breath before speaking again.
"I…I think I'm ready to go now," he said dolefully. "I have class in the morning tomorrow."
"Yeah, I do too," Shikamaru said as they stood up to put their coats back on, leaving money on the bar for payment before they donned the rest of their outdoor attire.
Once more they faced the cold together, walking toward the car which Shikamaru unlocked with its electronic key. The engine rumbled to life a moment later, breaking the stillness of the night as they drove off toward town, and toward the end of that heartbreaking day.
"I'm going to visit Itachi tomorrow," Shikamaru said, looking toward the snow-covered road upon which they traveled. "You're welcome to come with me."
Naruto pretended to mull over the idea, concealing his true desire which was to distance himself from Itachi. The guilt was just too much for him to handle right now. "Not tomorrow, Shikamaru. I can't."
"Ok," Shikamaru replied, "but if you change your mind, feel free to let me know."
The shirker knew that he was unlikely to get any further with Naruto that night. It had been a far too long and far too stressful day. He pulled up to his friend's apartment building, which was dark from the inside out, letting the car idle as they prepared to part ways for the evening.
"Shikamaru," Naruto said suddenly, delivering a soft gaze toward his friend. "I haven't thanked you for today, for being with me."
After a moment, Shikamaru spoke.
"Naruto, I would never let you go through this alone," he replied with a friendly heart, resting his hand on his Naruto's arm. "We're both hurting, I know…but we'll figure it out. We always do, you know that."
Naruto sat absolutely still as he took in Shikamaru's words, feeling them plant themselves deep into his soul.
"Yeah," the blonde said, breathing discontentedly and averting his eyes as he went to click the car door latch toward himself, opening the door and stepping out.
"Naruto," Shikamaru said suddenly, getting out of the car as well and walking around it toward the blonde, observing how the snow was falling to rest on his scarf, coat, and long golden hair. Finding himself suddenly being pulled into the loving embrace of his friend, Naruto felt warmer than he had in a long time. For a moment they stood, quietly existing in the blistering winter cold.
"Remember," Shikamaru said, pulling back to look into Naruto's dull blue eyes and pale face. "Sasuke will always be with you."
Naruto slowly squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before nodding to his friend with hard-pursed lips.
"Thank you, Shikamaru," he said sadly, but Shikamaru could sense the blonde's masked gratitude.
"Sure," he replied, his gloved hand still resting on Naruto's shoulder. "Hey, I'll see you tomorrow…and let me know if you change your mind about visiting Itachi."
"Ok," the blonde replied, recalling that he was already fully aware of his final decision.
"Goodnight, Shikamaru."
"Goodnight, Naruto," the shirker replied before walking back to the driver-side door of the car as Naruto watched from the darkened concrete steps to his apartment. He felt the wind blow through his hair, and his eyes remained unwavering as he watched his friend drive off into the night.
Itachi slowly climbed the seemingly boundless and bare concrete steps to the front door which he had sought so much to avoid laying his eyes upon over the past several days. Agonizingly slowly he approached the doorway as if it were a tomb. Feeling searing apprehension rip through his heart, he stood timidly, wondering if he was really ready to handle what he set out to do.
He took a deep breath to steady himself as he pulled two cold, silver keys from the inner pocket of his overcoat. Inserting the smaller of the two keys into the lock on the steel-barred screen door, he turned it, feeling the latch give way. Pulling it open revealed the second barrier which stood behind it: a heavier, navy blue-colored wooden door that he remembered seeing a few times before. With a sigh, Itachi placed the larger key into this second lock and paused, his fingers gripping the key tightly, not wanting to let go, yet at the same time not wanting to make the necessary motion to activate the mechanism of the lock. Gathering the will to do so, he suddenly and violently jerked the key to the right quickly, hearing the lock disengage. Pushing the door open, he heard the creak of its rusted hinges echo throughout the dark, silent room which lay beyond as he entered.
Itachi pushed the door shut, locking it again, and proceeded to lean back against it, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness within. Next, he heard the wind pick up, rattling the screen door. For a split second, he could swear that he felt someone pulling it open behind him. Realizing it was only the wind, he breathed again, inhaling air which felt stale and heavy. Finding himself unable to move for a moment, he remembered something a friend told him, long ago.
Sometimes the dead come back to where they last were, if they're unresolved.
A shudder passed through him as he stepped forward, expending what courage he had gathered over time to do so. Hearing his heavy footsteps tap against the dark hardwood floor, Itachi reached one of the end tables that sat on either end of the expansive, black leather couch. Switching on the lamp that was placed atop it, the room became suddenly bathed in the hollow light given by the dusty incandescent bulb. Itachi slowly removed his overcoat and laid it on the couch beside him. He looked around the room to get his bearings, trying to remember the last time he had been there.
The room resembled his brother exactly, he thought. The furnishing was modern, made from light wood and metal, with black upholstery. There was a built-in floor-to-ceiling bookcase on one wall that was occupied with books, photographs, and little personal items and trinkets, which Itachi noticed reflected the owner's personality perfectly, holding their own separate memories.
A smile crossed Itachi's face as he noticed a Pokémon figurine on one of the shelves…it was Sasuke's favorite toy when he was a child. He walked over to the bookcase and lifted the figurine from its resting place, examining it for a moment with a light, dry smile before placing it back on the shelf. A photograph lower on the bookcase caught his eye next. It showed himself and Sasuke, captured in film moments after they had received matching Christmas presents: plastic ninja swords. He picked it up for a closer look.
I must have been twelve then he thought to himself, and Sasuke would have been seven.
Hm, he paused, Neither of us had any care in the world back then…we had so much fun re-enacting epic fights together in the yard, endlessly dueling and defeating each other. Sometimes I let him win on purpose…
Staring at it for a moment longer, Itachi put the photograph back from where he had taken it from. He turned to look across the room, and immediately he noticed another photograph, hanging on the wall. It depicted his brother with Naruto. Walking across the room toward it, he stopped to look upon it for a while, bags beginning to grow under his eyes.
Naruto... he continued thinking, you got one of the swords too after we had ours, didn't you? That's right…Then it was two against one, and I actually had to work to win that time.
The photograph showed Sasuke and Naruto at their high school graduation, clad in their graduation gowns. Itachi smiled as he recalled the memory, looking at the picture he took back then. It felt like a lifetime ago since they looked so unbearably happy. Their arms were around each other's shoulders, both wearing huge smiles, their hair messed up and sticking out in all different directions from the caps they had thrown up in the air only minutes before the photograph had been taken. They seemed so ecstatic to be going into the future…and going into it together.
Momentarily overcome, Itachi looked away from the photograph, squeezing his eyes shut for a time before slowly opening them again to look down upon the floor on which he stood.
"I'm glad he knew you, Naruto" he whispered to himself among the empty dwelling, turning back to the photo to observe Naruto's grin again for a moment.
Regaining his composure, he ventured deeper into this brother's intimate world, specifically into the bedroom where the large double bed stood against the wall, still unmade, as its owner had last left it. He slowly looked around the room from where he stood just inside the doorway. The light from the lamp in the previous chamber didn't reach in here, and the moonlight was streaming in through the half tilted blinds, making a pattern upon the wood floor that resembled the moving tree branches just outside. This very same moonlight now shone down half-way over Itachi's emotionless face.
As his eyes adjusted again, he could discern more details: his brother's clothes strewn about on the floor, a pair of casual shoes cast aside next to his nightstand, and his desk which was a disaster. A sweater was lying on the floor at his feet and he picked it up, feeling the softness of the fibers; it was well worn. Immediately, the smell of Sasuke's cologne reached his nose and he felt faint, promptly dropping the sweater back to the floor. Then he noticed something half hidden beneath one of the pillows on his brother's bed.
Itachi felt the silence around him like a chasm at that moment, barely breathing himself, even. He felt so lonely…and so cold.
Finally walking slowly across the small room, he took the object into his hand and it felt strangely warm. He sat down on the edge of the bed to examine it. It was a leather bound handbook. He opened it at random, finding it to be Sasuke's journal. Feeling guilty from looking upon the words which he had yet to read, he felt unable to tear his eyes from the simple handwriting he immediately recognized as his brother's. With a heavy, tentative heart which in this moment felt a tinge of fear and sorrow, Itachi began to read.
June 2 - I feel like I'm being left out. I know Itachi is so busy with work, but fuck, I would give anything to just hang out with him for a weekend again, like we used to when he was in high school and I was in middle school, playing video games, watching movies, eating junk….just being together with him. I'm probably a burden to him…I don't blame him, but I just feel lonely. Fuck…my head is hurting so much right now…
Itachi cringed as he suddenly couldn't read anymore and made to close the book. Shortly after, a strange temptation and curiosity compelled him to open it again. The book opened to another random entry.
November 10 – I've never felt so empty. I hurt all the time, even with it, I can still feel the hurt…sometimes it makes me physically sick, but no one understands. No one will stay with me, I'm so scared and so alone. I can't trust anyone I know, and they won't try to understand. I can't do this anymore on my own. I need someone. I'm so tired of hurting all the time. I don't know, something is going to break in me, I can't do it…
Itachi continued to read, each sentence twisting a wretched dagger further and further through his heart as tears freely streamed down his face. Then…he read one more sentence in that entry...the last sentence, which made his trembling eyes widen to a point he never thought they could physically reach.
Sasuke…you…his brother thought, trembling as a million things suddenly raced through his mind.
Overcome and compromised, Itachi slammed the book shut, his will and soul blinded, completely lost to the void. He stood up and went blindly to the desk, wildly swinging his arm to clear the surface of debris as if he were possessed. The sound of it all falling to the floor was like a bomb going off in the silence. He sat down at the desk, pulling a sheet of Sasuke's writing paper from an open box; good, manly, gray paper. The click of a pen was heard as Itachi began frantically, desperately writing, harshly scribbling words down as thick tears spilled over onto the ink of the page. He continued for several minutes, time over which he finally regained his calm. He folded the paper into thirds, and placed it inside a matching envelope. He sealed the envelope and turned it over, writing simply on its front:
To Sasuke.
On the other side of town, Naruto lay awake on his bed, still in the clothes he had worn throughout the day. The moonlight shined gently into his eyes, tinting them a dull white as he lay as still and as quiet as the night, neither thinking nor dreaming as his mind drifted once more toward the darkness which he came to call home.
A/N – To all of you who have read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story so far, MugenDemon and myself would like to thank all of you for your support of the story
We're off to do more writing, so expect new chapters weekly! Well, hopefully anyways ;) We have so much more in store for this story that we can't wait to share, so make sure you follow it, and since we reply to everybody, reach out with a review!
Thanks again everybody!
Seeya next time,
Blackbird
