Thanks to my Beta HQuinn for the encouraging comments and helpful notes. Please feel free to leave a review, it makes me giddy and fuels my writing.
Kallian stirred and stretched, feeling the delightful aches of the lovemaking she had enjoyed several times the night before. She rolled over seeking Zevran's warmth and found only his empty space in the bed. Her heart began pounding in her chest. "Zevran?" she called out anxiously.
"Yes, my Warden?" Zevran's voice traveled from farther down the hall.
He must be in the armoury. Kallian threw the covers off and padded down towards the main hall in her bare feet, taking a left to the small armoury in the compound. Ever the early riser, Zevran was in the process of buckling up the final straps to his familiar leather armour as the faint light of the still rising sun trickled down through the window.
"There you are," Kallian said with relief.
"Did you miss me?" he teased.
Kallian combed her fingers through her hair and answered sheepishly, "I thought you had left already…"
"Without a final searing kiss sure to drive you senseless? Perish the thought!"
"That kind of kiss might just convince me to go with you," Kallian half-joked.
Zevran didn't return her jest. Instead he was silent as his gaze held hers for a long moment, almost as if he was memorizing her features. He brushed the back of his hand across her cheek before sliding his hand into her hair and pulling her face into his chest in a tight hug. The buckles of his armour dug into Kallian's arms and stomach but she didn't care. The way he held her was as if he was...scared?
Finally he spoke, "I would never put you in that kind of danger. Not if I could help it. Antiva City is no place for you, Kallian." The use of her name made her blink in surprise. He always used one form of endearment or another - though she still didn't know what 'mi amor' meant.
"If I can take on an archdemon I don't think assassins are going to give me too much to worry about. Hero of Ferelden and all that, remember?" Kallian tried to tease Zevran but his features remained serious.
"You have been ambushed twice by Crows, and yes, the one by myself was intended to go badly of course, but you have not been at the receiving end of a blade in the dead of night, or a drop of poison slipped into a drink, only to have it act hours later." Zevran's hands turned to fists at his sides as he turned away from Kallian. "You have not needed to fear the shadows and know that a masked killer is out there waiting for you. This is what awaits the mark of a crow and I will not put you through that." .
The way he described the Crows, and the way he was acting this morning, it all made Kallian grow worried. "Zev," she reached out, put a hand on his shoulder and hesitantly asked, her voice shaking, "You will come back, won't you?" She wasn't sure what she hoped to hear. Cocky reassurance that meant nothing? The truth that he might not return?
He turned his head to graze her hand with his lips, barely a touch. "I… intend to return to you, yes. Believe me, I will do everything in my power to stay by your side, mi amor."
Kallian drew closer, brows furrowed. She stepped in front of him again but was dismayed when she saw his clouded gaze and how his expressive eyes wouldn't meet hers. She placed a hand on his chest, hesitant to say what she wanted to, but she forced it out anyway.
"If...Zev, if you're not certain you can do this… if you might…," Kallian couldn't bring herself to say the word 'die'. She huffed, "Why put on this show of bravado? Why go on and on telling me that you will be fine and that it's 'practically a vacation' as you so aptly put it?"
"Why worry you endlessly over the days to come. Better to enjoy each moment we have until we are parted, no?"
"But now I am worried, and I don't even have time to convince you that there's another way, that you don't have to go!"
Zevran smiled sadly. That was the point. The decision had been made and there was no turning back now.
"You would have only agonized longer. This is the only way. I have thought through many plans. Best for me to strike at them first before I, myself, am caught unawares."
Zevran could be quite stubborn when he got it into his head that he was protecting her. An admirable trait, if not frustrating for Kallian. It wasn't as if she was some damsel in distress.
"Just be careful, Zev. As careful as you can be. I need you."
Zev tilted her head up by her chin and placed a kiss firmly on her forehead, then twice on her lips, the second lasting much longer as if he hadn't gotten enough from the first one. "Just know that I," he paused, looking conflicted, "know that I am yours," he sighed into her hair, pressing her once more to his chest.
He finished gathering everything for his pack - Kallian imagined it to be filled with a variety of poisons, as was his trademark - and she walked him out to the front door of the Grey Warden Compound. Every step down the now much too short hall made her more aware that the future with Zevran was turning into an unknown. She stood there, still in her nightgown, taking in the sight of her Antivan elf one last time for what would likely be months.
"Ah don't look at me like that, my warden. It will not be so long. You will be so busy killing darkspawn you will hardly miss me." His trademark easy going attitude had returned.
Kallian smiled and shook her head, appreciating his good humour to help ease her fears. "Well you had better miss me! No prostitutes. Understood, Zevran?"
Zevran bowed and sighed heavily as if she had ruined his plans, "As you wish."
Kallian scoffed, knowing of course that he had not even considered the idea of prostitutes.
"It really is time for me to be heading off. The early Crow catches the other Crow as the saying goes," said Zevran.
"You know, I really don't think that's how it goes."
"No? Well it is certainly applicable in this situation. I believe I am correct in this one, my dear."
Kallian just rolled her eyes but pulled him into a final goodbye hug. His firm arms encircled her waist tightly and she was back in her favourite place; surrounded by warmth and the smells of leather and spices.
"I will return, mi amor," Zevran whispered to her. He gave her a parting kiss to her cheek and then he was out the door while Kallian was left standing in the doorway watching him until he ducked around a far corner to the main streets of Denerim where the bustle of the market was only just starting up.
With a sigh, Kallian closed the door, resting her back against it. She hadn't planned to leave until later in the day herself, never being much of a fan of early mornings. Part of her was tempted to go back to bed for another couple of hours but the idea of the cold, empty bed waiting for her without the warmth of Zevran greatly diminished the appeal.
Instead, Kallian ambled through the compound to the kitchen so she could raid the cupboards. When in doubt, eat. That had been her and Alistair's motto for most of the blight. Particularly when it came to cheese. She happened to have some leftover Orlesian cheese that, had Alistair also been living in the Warden compound along with them, would have already been finished days ago. She nibbled on bread and cheese, trying to keep her mind off of Zevran and focusing on her own upcoming rather daunting task. Sure facing an archdemon had been a horror on its own, but nobles? Did anybody remember she didn't exactly have a great record when it came to dealing with nobles? She certainly had her experience in killing them, but that probably wouldn't endear her to any of the nobles at Amaranthine.
Great, so now she wasn't worrying over Zevran but agonizing over her upcoming duties as Arlessa. It appeared that whatever peace of mind she had in the last several months had also left the building with Zev.
The chair scraped along the floorboards when Kallian pushed away from the table. If she was up, then she may as well get ready to leave. She traipsed back down the corridor, stopping in the armoury to grab her own set of armour and then down to the wing containing her room. Kallian got her familiar old rucksack from the chest containing her travelling gear and set it on the bed. She turned to the old oak wardrobe to get her simple linen shirts and pants that she preferred to carry with her for travelling. Kallian then pulled the nightgown over her head, and gave it a sniff, deciding it was still clean enough to toss in her pack with her other things. She didn't feel like wasting time doing laundry and it was summer, so she didn't want to bring any heavier sleep clothes.
She then proceeded to dress in her Grey Warden armour with practiced efficiency. Being one of the only, although she supposed she was technically the only official Grey Warden now, in Denerim meant she had the pick of the various arms and armour left at the warden compound. She looked in the mirror, admiring yet again the blue of the quilted gambeson and the official Grey Warden heraldry across the chest plate.
Despite being a small elf, she certainly cut the intimidating figure with her armour strapped on, long daggers at her hips, and the jagged scar that ran through her right eyebrow gave her the look of a seasoned warrior. She smiled as she tucked a knife down either boot, and two more into the hidden straps along her forearms. If anything, being in a relationship with an assassin certainly taught her a few things about carrying concealed weapons.
As she was still looking in the mirror she noticed a reddish purple mark at the junction where her neck met her shoulder. Kallian actually laughed out loud. Zevran had done that on purpose! She carefully pulled her collar up, trying to cover the love bite but he had positioned it just so, and no amount of adjusting would hide it. So be it. She would just have to let everyone know she proudly belonged to an Antivan assassin. Why not? It wasn't as if she had given the nobles of Amaranthine any other reason to take her seriously. And, if she was being honest with herself, she kind of liked having the evidence of her last night of pleasure with Zevran. A farewell token of sorts.
Kallian took the time to braid her long hair in an Orlesian style that Leliana had taught her. She found it perfect for keeping all the stray hairs tucked back along her head and therefore perfect for a girl who tends to get caught in fights and battles. Kallian noticed one of Zevran's loose shirts still hanging in the wardrobe and on an impulse decided to stuff it into her pack along with her own clothing and supplies.
Kallian made her second stop at the kitchen that morning to stock up with dried meat, bread and cheese. It wasn't a long trip to Amaranthine, but her Grey Warden appetite refused to be ignored. Even at that moment as she finished off the Orlesian cheese she had snacked on at breakfast.
She had shouldered her pack and was heading to the door when she heard it creak open. Immediately Kallian crouched down to recede into the shadows around the corner. If someone was intruding, she wasn't going to let them get the jump on her. The footsteps thudded down the hall. That alone gave her pause as she started to stand up. Who makes that much noise if they're trying to ambush someone?
The shadow of the large person came into her view and she took the chance to strike with her dagger already in her fist at the same time a familiar voice called out, "Kallian?"
She jerked her wrist to a stop in front of Alistair's startled face.
"Um… are you going to keep me at dagger point or can I hug my best friend goodbye?" Alistair said.
Kallian sheathed the dagger and blushed sheepishly. "Whoops. I guess… well, Zev always taught me you can never be too careful." Kallian slapped the side of his arm playfully, "Besides didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on a rogue?"
Alistair raised an eyebrow. "Yes. That's why I wasn't sneaking."
"I'm sorry?" she batted her eyelashes, playfully asking for forgiveness.
Alistair waved his hand, unconcerned. "I think we've learned in our circle of friends that trying to kill one another just means we care," Alistair said with humour colouring his words. "Anyway, you're obviously read to go. Off to do some serious Grey Wardening and whatnot."
"I was just about to head out, yeah."
"Then I'm glad I caught you! I have a gift, from the King himself or so I've heard." Alistair winked conspiratorially then his eyes seemed to zero in on her neck. "Really, Kal?"
She blushed and clapped a hand to the spot she knew Alistair was focusing on. "Yes, yes. I'm sure somewhere out on the road Zevran is laughing at me right now."
"He did that on purpose, didn't he?" Alistair asked, already knowing the answer.
"Definitely."
"The nobles at Amaranthine are so going to love you," he deadpanned.
Kallian quickly changed the topic, "Oh I do so wish to see what His Majesty himself has present as a gift for one such lowly Grey Warden."
Alistair rolled his eyes at her use of his title which she so often used to annoy him. They walked companionably back out to the front door with Alistair still chuckling to himself about her obvious love bite.
"Look, there's your gift." Alistair pointed out the door to two large horses; one a dappled grey, and the other chestnut.
Kallian's eyes widened in surprise then narrowed as she turned back to Alistair, her hands on her hips. "Alistair, you know I can barely ride," she hissed.
He put a hand to the back of his head awkwardly, "Yes well, I suppose that's the second part of your gift?"
Kallian just looked at him uncertainly. A horse? Actually, two horses? What would she need two for? He knew Zevran wasn't coming with her.
Alistair just guided her by the elbow to the horses and that was when she noticed there was another woman standing there in full plate armour.
"Kallian this is Mhairi, and Mhairi, this is now I suppose, the Warden-Commander, Kallian. Mhairi is a new recruit and has arrived to escort you back to Vigil's Keep so I figured I could provide you with horses to make the journey quicker. And she can give you a few pointers," Alistair drew out the 'and' before admitting that he was getting a recruit to teach Kallian to ride better.
The dark haired warrior crossed her arms over her chest giving a slight bow to Alistair, "Thank you, your Majesty." She then saluted Kallian, "Commander, I'm ready to ride to Vigil's Keep, at your orders."
Kallian was thrown by someone addressing her by her new title, and with such obvious respect already, but she tried not to show it. If she was going to be the Warden-Commander, she better make a good job of pretending she knew what she was doing. "Thank you, Mhairi. I have only a few things to attend to and then we can be off. Can we meet at the gates in half an hour?"
"Yes, Commander." Mhairi effortlessly mounted her horse and clicked with her mouth to signal the grey one to follow her.
When the warrior left Kallian faced Alistair again. "Fantastic, now I've got some new recruit I'm supposed to take care of and I have to pretend I'm not a complete idiot about horses so she doesn't find out her new commander is a total moron!"
"I…um… you're not happy, are you?"
"What gave you that impression, Alistair?"
"If it helps, she's not some green recruit. She's been a soldier since she was sixteen. She's a capable warrior and a good person. She's not going to think less of you because of your riding experience. There certainly aren't many horses to be found in Ferelden to begin with. She's exactly the type of person you want volunteering to join the Grey Wardens."
Kallian groaned suddenly and put her head in her hands.
"What?"
"Joining the Grey Wardens. The Joining. I have to recruit people knowing half of them probably won't make it."
Alistair looked down at her in sudden understanding and sympathy. He had been there at her Joining and already knew how hard it was to watch when you weren't sure who would make it out the other side.
"It is a sacrifice we must make," he said solemnly and put a heavy hand on her shoulder.
They stood in silence for a moment, lost in memories of the Joining before Kallian sighed.
"I really should be off. I need to go to the Alienage to say goodbye to my family still."
"Yes, yes, just don't forget about me okay?" Alistair scooped the small elf into a crushing bear hug.
"Gah! I can't breathe you big oaf!"
Alistair laughed and put her down before speaking more seriously, "Just be careful. You nearly lost an eye once." He traced the scar over her eyebrow. "Don't go rushing into battle, and don't befriend any more assassins!" He said the last part as a joke.
"And you don't let anyone tell you what to do. You're the king. If you believe something is the right choice. Make that call. You really are making out to be a wonderful king, brother."
Alistair blushed at her praise then coughed, "Anyway, off you go. I expect we'll be seeing each other sooner than you think."
Kallian looked at him in confusion but he just swept her back into a slightly less crushing hug before they parted ways, both veering off in different directions. Alistair headed back to the center of the city to the palace while Kallian wove through familiar alleys to get to her former home, the Alienage.
She immediately spotted Shianni's bright red hair and was amused to see her, not surprisingly, telling off a couple of young boys for teasing a girl. Her loud mouth often got her in trouble, but it warmed Kallian's heart to see that what happened to her had not changed Shianni. She was still sticking up for the little people, just as caring as ever, if only more wary of humans than she already was.
"Shianni!" Kallian called to her and waved.
Shianni shooed the boys away and yelled back boisterously, "Cousin! Almost didn't recognize you under all that fancy Grey Warden nonsense."
Kallian laughed and hugged her favourite cousin as they drew closer. "I'm about to head off to Amaranthine. Is Soris around?" Kallian looked about to see if her other cousin was nearby.
"No, you just missed him. He's already left to the Blacksmith's. But I'll pass on your goodbyes."
"Thanks!"
Shianni peered over Kallian's shoulder with exaggerated efforts. "So, no assassin following you around today?"
Kallian shook her head, "No, for right now...he had something personal come up. He's… away for a while." She didn't want to say more than that. Zevran being a former Crow was already a tense subject in the Tabris household. She wasn't about to explain his mission to kill a bunch of Crows to her cousin.
Shianni took her silence as a hint to move on from the subject, instead chattering away about her duties as Bann. The two elves walked with their arms looped together through the alienage to Kallian's old home, where her father still resided.
"Uncle Cyrion! Look who's here! The great and mighty, saviour of all peoples, Hero of Ferelden!" Shianni started shouting as they got near the house.
Many elves looked up, staring as her shouts drew attention from around the street. Kallian suddenly wished she wasn't wearing her obvious Grey Warden armour which only drew further attention. It was still strange to be revered by people in her own alienage, the people that she grew up with, scrubbed pots and played tag with.
"Shut up, you," Kallian hissed.
They stepped into the house with Shianni still giggling at Kallian's expense. Her father was at the small wooden table eating a simple breakfast of porridge.
Cyrion smiled softly at his daughter when he saw he come in. "Come to say goodbye to your old Papa?"
"You know I wouldn't leave without seeing you first."
"Well come then, sit and have something to eat before you go," Cyrion nodded towards the pot on the wood stove.
Kallian eagerly scooped up some porridge into a bowl for herself and another for Shianni and they sat and ate quietly. It was still strange to Kallian sometimes, to be seated around the table with her family, as if nothing had changed when so much had.
"I am so reminded of your mother at times like these. Off to fight without even looking back. Just promise you'll take care of yourself," her father spoke wistfully.
"I always do."
"And give those Shem lords something to think about when they see you taking over as Arlessa!" Shianni piped in.
"Between you and me, Shianni, I think people are going to have to get used to elves in positions of power real quick," Kallian smirked.
Shianni crossed her arms looking pleased with herself, as always. "Good," she stated.
"I'll write when I can. I don't know how busy I'll be, but I will try to keep in touch best I can."
"Give 'em hell, cousin," Shianni said as she hugged her.
"Be safe, be strong, and come visit us once in awhile. You always have a home here," Cyrion hugged his daughter and stepped away with a hand on her shoulder, taking in the appearance of his once young daughter, who now seemed to have aged so much in a year.
"I will, Papa, and I love you," she said softly.
Kallian left the two at the house and finally made her way to the gates of Denerim after passing through the crowded market with some difficulty. Mhairi stood at attention when she saw the Commander arrive. The Warden and recruit mounted their horses - Kallian with some difficulty due to not only her short stature but lack of experience. With a final look back at the streaming throng of people pushing their way through the market, Kallian looked ahead as they set off for Amaranthine, or she would have if she could make her horse move.
"Come on!" She swished the reins and dug her heels into the horse's sides but it seemed content to stand there whatever the rider may have wanted of it.
Mhairi clicked her tongue and called, "Arrow!"
Kallian's horse immediately trotted to catch up to Mhairi and her horse.
"First thing you need to know, Commander, this is Arrow and if she can tell you're afraid, she won't listen to you."
"Bloody brilliant," Kallian muttered.
As they journeyed towards Amaranthine, Mhairi continued to teach Kallian the subtleties of horseback riding and Kallian continued to hate it. After the first day, her inner thighs ached and she could barely walk. Barely being able to walk was much more fun when Zevran was the cause of it.
By night they made camp and Kallian got to know her recruit. Mhairi often spoke of honour and duty and how she felt being a Grey Warden was the best way to fulfill that. Kallian's stomach twisted nervously as some of the words Mhairi used brought up images of Ser Jory. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to get to know new recruits. How could she not though? They were travelling together. It would look rather odd if she simply ignored the woman and if she survived the Joining then she probably would go on thinking her Commander hated her for some reason. Truthfully Kallian had no idea how to handle recruits. It was one more thing she would have to learn.
At the dawn of the third day, the walls of Vigil's Keep greeted the two travelers. They both urged their horses on faster. Rather, Mhairi spurred her chestnut horse into a gallop and Arrow ended up following. Kallian was looking forward to both a hearty meal, and the chance to avoid riding a horse for a good long while. Some gift, Alistair.
Upon riding up to the gate Kallian's spine tingled and her head buzzed as she immediately sensed something was wrong. They got closer yet and saw that the gate was closed but there were no guards to man it. Sounds of steel scraping and clattering together and frantic shouts reached Kallian's ears. It dawned on her what the buzzing in her brain was coming from.
"Darkspawn," Kallian gasped.
"What? Here? In the Keep? How?"
Mhairi's panicked questions barely filtered through Kallian's mind. The new Commander of the Grey was already planning battle tactics and figuring out a way to get into the keep. Darkspawn, she was always ready for. Darkspawn, she could handle.
She turned to Mhairi with a grim smirk playing upon her lips, "You ready to be a Grey Warden? It's show time."
