Sarah Reese had had a bad day. After a grueling hearing in front of the hospital Board, being cross questioned, her entire work history laid bare and all the various psychiatric tests she had taken since the incident reported aloud, all she wanted to do was curl up in bed.

The last thing she expected was for Dr Charles to casually mention that Connor Rhodes had rang him, asking for Sarah's address.

As if there was anything casual about that. She was struck with fear. What if he wanted to give out to her again? What if he blamed her for Robyn leaving? And worst of all, what if he completely ripped her to shreds over the pepper spray incident?

Dr Charles had obviously gotten better at reading her because he took in the look of utter fear in her eyes, "He sounded like he was just checking up on you, seeing if you're okay." He explained.

"Oh." She commented, settling down on her sofa after changing her clothes from the hearing.

She was doubtful. She had dealt with a lot of scorn, ridicule through the gossip mill at work and doubtful glances from the colleagues who had bothered to turn up to her hearing. The last thing she wanted was for Connor to look at her like that.

She had enough self-hate over the entire ordeal without his disapproval too.

She had been just another medical student, struggling like a fish out of water until Connor turned up. He saw her. In some ways he had been one of her biggest supporters, helping her out with cases, giving her advice and even asking her opinion. He had even noticed how upset she was after Dr Wheeler's death. Connor saw her when nobody else did.

It had been nice, knowing she had someone she could turn to. Even if he was a hotshot surgeon that had the staff swooning with his presence, she hadn't been intimidated. She liked to consider them friends.

That was why she had taken his criticism of her performance at work in regard to Robyn straight to heart.

She had once also liked to consider herself part of the ED family. She blamed herself for pulling away, for taking research projects and avoiding the ED like the plague, but nobody had even raised their eyebrows. Nobody had noticed. The psychiatry staff didn't like her much, she had been hand-picked by the head of the department and it didn't make for an easy integration. In fact, it had rubbed a lot of people in the department up the wrong way. And because she was in psychiatry, she had spent less time in the ED. And her presence wasn't missed much. She got less invites to Molly's, less people to sit with at lunch and she felt ignored after the shooting.

But it was her own fault, she realised now, for not speaking up, for not asking for help, for pretending to be fine. She had pulled away from everyone in work.

But Connor wanting to call over?

She rubbed her tired eyes, "Yeah, you can tell him. I don't think this day can get any worse anyway." She sighed.

"Hey, don't say that." Noah said, handing her a mug of hot chocolate. Noah. Unreliable, irresponsible, outgoing Noah Sexton had somehow transformed before her eyes. He had become one of the only people she could count on. He stuck by her through it all. And she appreciated it more than he would ever know.

But she was afraid he did it for the wrong reasons. He had made his intentions clear; he liked her. But she had been as equally clear; nothing was going to happen. She liked him, but only as a friend. They were so very opposite, but she had grown to love his company, but there was still no spark. And it annoyed her, that she couldn't just feel something else for him. But it just wasn't happening.

Twenty minutes later, a knock came to her apartment door. Both Dr Charles and Noah looked warily over at it. The two men that had stuck by her side had become her unofficial bodyguards, and she loved them for it.

She unfolded herself, stood up and tried to steel herself for the encounter.

She walked to the door, opening it gingerly to find Connor on the other side.

He looked as bad as she felt. His beard was nearly untidy and the bags under his eyes displayed just how worn out he was too.

"Reese. I, eh, I came to apologise." He nearly stuck her to her spot with the intense look he gave her.

That threw her.

Her reputation was in tatters, her career hanging by a thread and she didn't know if she had any colleagues left in Med that would want to talk to her. She attacked a patient. She had practically ruined her life. And he was apologising?

The confusion obviously played out on her face because he immediately followed up on his declaration.

"Last week, I was unfair to you, I attacked your medical opinion with Robyn, I'm sorry."

She stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

"My medical opinion is hardly trustworthy Connor, don't worry about it." She couldn't even meet his eyes. "But I appreciate the apology, really."

"Reese…" He started in that firm tone of his that she knew he was being deadly serious. "Are you okay?"

She could only laugh bitterly at how pathetic she felt. "I attacked a patient." She still was in shock at her own actions herself. "I'm not so good."

He tilted his head slightly, trying to catch her eye, "Reese, the one thing I do know is that you are a good doctor. My outbursts to you about Robyn were completely misplaced. You're a good doctor. And I don't believe you just attacked a patient without a reason."

That was the most reassuring thing anybody had said to her.

She mumbled her explanation at him as quickly as she could.

"Sorry, what?"

She had to clear his throat before looking him in the eye, "PTSD." She told him. "They've told me, and the hearing, that I had PTSD. After the shooting, I didn't…I tried not to let it affect me but…" She sighed, "A lot of things piled up, I'm kind of on my own between the ED and psychiatry, I didn't tell anyone…"

"You told Maggie."

Was he defending her? She couldn't quite believe her ears.

"Yeah…"

"Most of us heard it, I had my thing with Robyn, but did nobody else ever ask you if you were okay, even after Noah was attacked?"

She pushed her hair behind her ear, "It's nobody else's fault, it's mine. I attacked a patient."

"Did he intimidate you?"

She didn't like his straight questions. "He was giving out, getting too close." She shook her head. "But I should have called security, or Ethan, or someone, I just freaked out and pepper sprayed him."

It was getting harder to breathe and she bit the inside of her cheek, the last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Connor Rhodes. She had gone over her the incident so many times in her own head that any reminder of it just made her head hurt.

"Reese, you're eating yourself up in side over this. Don't do that, it's not good for you. Yeah things went wrong, but you were struggling." He folded his arms, "I don't think the hospital can fire you if that's what you're worried about, it sounds like there wasn't much support for you."

He was right, she was terrified about losing her job, her career, her entire education over it all.

"I don't think I can trust myself again with patients." She hadn't admitted her deepest fear to anyone, not even the counsellor she was seeing.

She didn't know why she felt like she could be vulnerable around Connor of all people.

"Remember, after Dr Wheeler's death? It was one of those things you learn to look out for. This is one of those things." He told her, "And once you get help now, sort some things out…you're a good doctor Reese, you could be a great one, and we need more doctors like you. You can't let this beat you."

For some reason she believed him more than she did any of the reassurances she had gotten so far from Dr Charles and Noah. Maybe it was because he was an outsider, not in her immediate circle. But maybe it was because she had always valued his opinion.

It felt like a weight had lifted off her chest but the tears appeared anyway. She rubbed at her eyes, he had just said what her counsellors and mentor had said but it meant a lot because he didn't have to be nice to her. He was just being Connor.

"Thanks Connor."

He nodded, taking his cue to leave. "Alright, well I'll hopefully see you in work." He gave her a small smile which she managed to return.

Maybe she could do it. She knew it was going to be tough, if she had a job to go back to at all, and she didn't expect many people to want to even talk to her after the incident. But she had Dr Charles and Noah. And now apparently Connor was on her side too.

She knew if she was allowed back to work she wasn't going to waste the opportunity. She had to give it everything. Maybe she could take care of patients again, but she needed to take care of herself first.

She made sure her tears were gone before going back inside to her apartment. She was expecting a long few days, purely because it would take that long for the board's decision to be made. But she had therapy sessions planned most days for the next while anyway. She had to get better first, before she could take care of anyone else.

She just hoped that Med would give her the chance to be a doctor again.


A/N: Thanks so much for all the support on the first chapter! I wasn't expecting it. I wrote this in reaction to the episode and the idea wouldn't go away so I'm excited to see where this story goes!

I've gone with Sarah's point of view this chapter and I was thinking of alternating point of views between chapters, just so you know. Also: I don't own the characters and have no medical knowledge.

I just hope I've got the characters somewhat in character. Hope you liked this chapter!