Following Brooke's funeral Lucas returned home to his room, unable to face the wake Haley was holding for her at the apartment. Karen and Keith had decided to make an appearance to pay their last respects to Brooke. Since Karen had lived with Brooke last year, the pair of them had become close and Brooke had even begun to consider Karen to be a surrogate mother to her whilst her parents were living in California.
Once they'd gone, Lucas was left alone in his room. As he lay on his bed staring aimlessly at the ceiling, memories of him and Brooke together began to flood back. After a while Lucas glanced around his room and was reminded of the times they'd spent together. Reminded of how he had lost his way last year when they'd been together, only for them to find each other once again when she returned following a summer apart.
When Brooke had left for California in the summer after he'd confessed his true feelings for her, Lucas had been devastated. He feared that he'd lost Brooke for good and that he'd never get another chance to prove himself or his feelings towards her again. However, on her return for senior year, Lucas and Brooke had rekindled their romance and although they'd had their fare share of ups and downs, Lucas was never happier than when they were together.
As he glanced around the room, Lucas noticed a small box sitting on top of his dresser and stood up slowly to retrieve it from it's place. After collecting the box, Lucas returned to sit on his bed and opened it tentatively. Inside were the letters that Brooke had written for him last summer, one letter for every day they'd spent apart.
Initially Lucas had not known about the letters. Brooke had been hesitant to send them to him at first. Worried that if she did she would risk suffering the same heartache he'd caused her last year when she'd discovered that he had been seeing Peyton behind her back. Eventually though, Brooke had given them to him. Brooke had been afraid that she was about to lose Lucas for good and so she had finally opened her heart up to him. It was during that moment that Lucas had remembered all the reasons that he loved her.
Brooke wasn't someone who was comfortable to appear vulnerable or sensitive. She didn't like opening her heart to people for the fear that they'd break it. However, in those letters Brooke had been so open and honest about her feelings that Lucas had fallen for her all over again, seeing the real person that she was hiding behind her defensive façade.
Lucas removed one of the letters from the box and began reading it slowly, picturing the girl that had written it in his mind. As he read the words that Brooke had written, Lucas began to cry, the realisation hitting him that never again will he be able to hold the girl who had composed them in his arms, or smell the sweet scent of her hair as he embraced her lovingly.
Lucas felt an emptiness inside as he wondered what the future would have held for the two of them had she lived. He wondered whether their love would have survived the test of time? If they would have remained together forever? Lucas couldn't answer that. He didn't know if their relationship would have lasted the distance. All he knew was that he'd wanted it to. That he'd wanted to have the chance to find out if they would have worked. Now all that was left was the endless questions and the constant doubts. The knowledge that now he'd never have the chance to find out if they were truly meant to be, as he believed that they were.
Brooke had once told him that people who are meant to be always find their way in the end. The truth was that Lucas hadn't really believed that until they'd reunited this year, but now Brooke was gone and he was left alone once more. Lucas wondered if that meant that they weren't meant to be?
Lucas shook his head slowly, as he questioned that, not accepting that it did. Everything with Brooke had felt so right to him, and whilst he was with her he couldn't imagine ever being anywhere else.
Suddenly Lucas heard a low knock on his bedroom door before it slowly began to open.
Lucas wiped at his eyes as he turned to see Peyton standing in the doorway, her eyes red and swollen from her obvious grief.
On seeing her, Lucas stood from his bed and pulled her into a warm embrace. It had only been a couple of weeks since Peyton had lost her birth mom Ellie to breast cancer. After the death of her adoptive mother Anna, Brooke had been the only person that could get through to Peyton, the only person that she'd let in and now she was gone too. Brooke was one of the only people that knew how to comfort her through the pain, that could pull Peyton through her grief and make her see that life was still there waiting for her when she was ready.
However, now she too had left her and Lucas couldn't help but think that people always leave.
Brooke was Peyton's rock through some of the most difficult moments of her life. When times got hard Brooke was the one constant thing that she could depend on. Peyton had once likened Brooke to a skipping stone, not because she was an unreliable friend but because it better described her enthusiasm for life, her energetic personality.
For a moment, Lucas and Peyton sobbed in each other's arms at their loss. Although Lucas intended the hug to be consoling he knew that it offered little comfort to either of them. The embrace wouldn't bring Brooke back to them, nothing would. Never again would their group of friends be the same.
Brooke was the one that saw a silver lining in everything, the ever optimistic and charismatic cheerleader that could put a smile on anyone's face. Who was going to fill the void that she'd left in their lives? Would the future only hold sadness and melancholy now that she was gone?
Lucas was pulled suddenly from his thoughts as Peyton backed out of their embrace to look at him. She wiped at her eyes, tears still flowing freely from them as she cried. Lucas wiped at his own eyes before taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Peyton slowly sat beside him as he watched her closely.
As much as he was dealing with his own grief at present, Lucas couldn't help but worry about Peyton. Brooke was her family and now that she was gone, Lucas was concerned about how Peyton would cope on her own. Her father was still away working on the rig and now the person that filled the hole he left in Peyton's life had left an even larger one in the wake of her death. Although Lucas had lost Brooke, at least he could take some comfort and support from his mom and Keith.
The pair of them had been sitting in silence on the bed for a while, each lost in their own thoughts and their own memories of Brooke before Lucas finally decided to speak.
"I missed you at the funeral," Lucas said sadly. "Where were you?"
Peyton looked up to meet Lucas' gaze, tears in her eyes. She wiped at them once more, causing them to sting before answering his question.
"I couldn't face going," she said honestly. "I just…I wanted to go somewhere that meant something to me and Brooke…somewhere I could remember her."
Peyton paused a moment to swallow hard before continuing.
"I went to our spot under the bridge," Peyton said her voice hoarse from crying. "I remember she came down and found me there after my mom died…"
Lucas wrapped his arm around Peyton's shoulder and pulled her closer to him.
"You know Ellie once told me that used to watch the two of us playing down there when we were younger…I don't know…I guess I just thought I'd feel closer to her there." Peyton continued. "Does that sound crazy?"
Lucas smiled sadly at Peyton before answering.
"No, I don't think that sounds crazy," he answered her wiping at his eyes.
As she was looking at Lucas, Peyton noticed the box of letters lying on his bed and gestured towards them by nodding her head.
"Are those her letters?" Peyton asked him.
Lucas nodded his head slowly and lifted up the box to rest it on his lap.
"Yeah," he answered, filing through them with his free arm. "I was reading them before…I guess…I guess this is what makes me feel closer to her, kind of like a part of her is still here…"
"This is all my fault," Peyton suddenly said crying again.
"Peyton…" Lucas began, renewed tears now falling from his own eyes.
"No Lucas," Peyton protested. "I should have been there for her more when her parents died, I just…I was still coming to terms with Ellie and… and I couldn't…"
"This isn't your fault Peyton," Lucas said. "She knew what you were going through…If anyone's to blame, it's me…I mean I thought that she could talk to me about anything… I never imagined that she was feeling so depressed…so low that she'd…that she'd… do this…"
"Why didn't she talk to us?" Peyton asked upset. "I would have listened…I would have been there for her…like she was for me…"
Lucas shook his head sadly.
"I don't know Peyton," Lucas said his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. "I guess that's something that we'll never know."
"I miss her so much already," Peyton said as she finally broke down. "Sometimes I wake up and I forget that she's gone, you know? Or I'll be sitting in my room and I'll think that any minute now she'll poke her head around the door and scare the crap out of me. I can't imagine not seeing her again…I can't…"
Peyton closed her eyes for a moment as she wiped at them roughly with the back of her hand and sighed heavily.
"Sometimes I think that I'll never be happy again," Lucas shared desolately. "Like…from now on…all that I'll feel is this ache in here…this sadness when I think about her" Lucas said placing his hand on his chest. "It's like there's this…hole that she used to fill…a light that she used to bring into my life that no one could ever replace…but then I think that Brooke wouldn't want me to think like that…she'd want me to move on and be happy…just like she'd want you to be."
"I know," Peyton, said her voice barely above a whisper. "I just…I don't know what to do anymore Lucas…where do we go from here?"
"I don't know," Lucas said shaking his head sadly as he cried once more. "I honestly don't know Peyton…"
