5 weeks earlier
Dean held Sam in his arms, the smell of burning wood and blood coming from his brother and he suspected probably from himself as well. He looked around hopelessly, searching for his own angel. Sam's arms were incomprehensibly hot, and the light inside his veins looked angry, moving around restlessly up and down his arm and just slowly dimming out.
Where was Cas ?
„Dean, I'm sorry," Sam breathed exhausted towards his brother.
„It's okay, Sammy," was all Dean could bring over his lips.
He wished he would be able to promise Sam that everything was going to be alright. But Dean just couldn't. Never was anything ,going to be okay' for the hunters. He knew.
And Dean lost faith, he couldn't go on like this, lying to himself and his brother, talking about a better future. The future would never be better or brighter or even just ,okay'.
Sam lost his consciousness and sledded towards the ground with his back on the impala and further into Dean's arms. Dean's sense were getting intenser, he felt a panic attack crawling up his back.
He heard the sound Sam made as he sledded down on the Impala, the smell of blood was getting stronger. With fear in his veins he looked towards the church - What was he supposed to do with Crowley? , he felt the tears rolling down his cheeks - Where is Cas?
Dean felt rarely so helpless, he alway had a plan. He always knew in which direction he was heading, even when it was the wrong one, he knew where he was going.
But now..
Where should he start ?
Sam was unconscious, desperately needing help.
Crowley was still in the Church, half human, Dean supposed.
And Cas was no where in sight. Was he still in heaven with Metraton? Did he fell like all the other angels? Was he hurt? Did the angels survive their falls?
The hunter tried to pull himself together. He had to act, and he had to act soon. Otherwise there was no hope for Sam. He pulled him up beside himself and opened the door of the Impala to lift Sam on the back seats.
Nearly running he went back into the church. Down to his feet he saw Crowley lying on the cold, blood covered ground. He sat Crowley up, so that it was easier for Dean to lift him from the ground. With his arms under the demons he pulled Crowley backwards out of the chains were still on Crowley's arms and ankles and Dean held it for the best idea to store Crowley still wearing them, in the trunk.
For a second he felt sorry for the demon, but he shook that feeling quickly away.
Creating a check list of what to do next, Dean started driving. He had to bring Sam into a hospital first, and then he had to search Cas, and in case he didn't found him he would return to Sam's bed in the hospital. Crowley could stay in the trunk.
He genuinely hoped for help, but he knew he would never get it.
He was, truly, on his own. Without his little brother on his side. Without his guardian angel watching over him. Ja, even without god or some filthy angels who needed him alive and would watch over him just for their own benefit. He was alone.
In the distance Dean saw the lights of the hospital approaching the car faster with every street light he passed, his hope grew, to bring Sam fast enough to it and allow the doctors to save his brother. With a quick look over his shoulder he made sure that Sammy was still there.
Barely breathing, Sam sat on the back seat, his head leaning towards the left side. His arms were hanging down on each side of his wide shoulders.
He looked like a sleeping child, which had been taken for its first long road trip, and was now exhausted and tired from the excitement of the streets and landlines passing by.
,Like a huge child... my little Sammy', Dean thought as he was already able to smell the typical hospital smell, dentist like, blood, cleaning powder and too dry air, caused by the strong air conditioning.
The perfect picture of his younger brother was only disturbed by the hard lines in his face which he got over the years, their job sure does leave marks and not only on skin and bones. Dirt and blood was all over his face, but Dean couldn't say if it was Sam's or Crowley's blood.
The small handkerchief Dean gave his brother just before the angels fell was still around Sam's hand.
Dean reached towards the necklace around his neck as he drove up the driveway in front of the hospital. He will never forget how his little Sammy gave it to him, years ago and how he bought it actually for his dad. But as usual John was not there, so Sam gave it to Dean.
The older brother still had to swallow hard every time he thought about his father. He felt guilty but disgusted at the same time.
He parked the Impala skillfully and sprinted towards the door to get Sammy. With huge effort he managed to get Sam into the hospital. As soon as he was through the door he screamed for help.
Dean was so in fear about his brother he didn't noticed that the entrance to the hospital was strangely full till Sam was already on a divan bed and on his way to a room. A nurse had to lead Dean to a chair so he could do the paper work for his brothers admission.
He had to gather his thoughts for a second then he quickly grabbed the next fake ID out of his old, brown wallet Bobby once gave to him and filled the paper out as fast as he could.
As he finished writing the last word he allowed himself to look up and observe his surrounding. It was already a habit he had. Always on the watch for further jobs, odd and strange situations.
The other patients looked oddly out of place. All of them seemed to have broken arms or legs. Dean tried to make sense out of it but as soon as he caught himself doing so, he got up and quickly gave the nurse, who lead him to the seat the papers.
She gave him a honest smile and took the papers out of his hands. Her eyes were sending small waves of comforting warmth through his body.
Dean smiled back and without a word the nurse showed him the direction his brother was.
Dean ran down the hallway, looking in every room he was passing.
After a few meters he felt dizzy and accidentally ran into a passing doctor.
A broken „Sorry," was all he could bring over his lips. He stopped and turned to make sure he wasn't seen as someone extremely rude. For once in his life he could use some sympathy from the people around him.
As he glimpsed into the doctor's eyes he felt a warm rush in his cheeks.
Within a second he had to think about one of his favorite Tv shows, ,Doctor Sexy'. He shook his head slightly, if Sam knew..
He took the chance and asked the doctor where he would be able to find his brother.
With a husky, deep voice the brown-haired doctor said casually „Oh Ja, ehm.. in room 2046".
Dean felt a hot rush through his chest. His voice broke as he stuttered, „Th..Thank you." This was not the time to think about good looking doctors.
Out of breath he reached room 2046. Sam was lying in a bed, sleeping. Dean rushed towards the bed. He took Sam's hand and pulled his hair backwards.
In the corner of the room he heard someone clearing his throat. Dean looked up from his brother and stood up. He felt awkwardly touched, that a stranger saw him in his weak moments.
„Will he be alright? Is he going to be okay?"
„He is not in a stable situation, he is doing alright at the moment but .. there is something happening with him, and we can not do anything right now."
Dean nodded, he couldn't possibly tell the doctor that Sam had been offering himself, offering his own life in exchange for a better world. A world with closed hell gates. And that this thing inside him, whatever it was, tried to kill him.
The doctor breathed heavily as he slowly made his way towards the door.
Still standing in the door frame he turned around to look at Dean.
„Your brother is now in gods hands."
As soon as Dean was alone with his brother in the room he made three big steps towards the door and slapped it close. He turned around to check if Sam was still sleeping.
With a silent whine he let himself drop down on his knees. He ran his hands through his hair. Dean felt like he was going to be sick.
His arms were barely holding him up from the ground. The only sound he noticed was his heavy breathing and a sudden deep breath of Sam.
Dean's body was shaking. Suddenly he started laughing.
In god's hands. That son of a bitch.
He really had to find Castiel.
Dean stood up in a hurry, went to Sam's bed and kissed him on his forehead.
„What a chickflick moment," he thought as he went with huge steps out of the room and into the hallway.
