Wow, I was so not expecting the response I'm getting for this story. The reviews are already just fantastic, and all of you are amazing. Thank you guys soooooo much!
Important: Jasper has built resistance, so Bella's blood is not really awful for him. Don't hate me, it had to happen.
OOC and slight alternate universe here, so warning for that.
No fluff just yet, but we'll get there. Don't own. :)
I winced and gasped slightly as the gauzy material brushed the scrapes on my knuckles. Geez, I was gonna have bruises from this. Honestly, I felt a little lucky to still be standing here. Upon remembering my bloody hand, I had still been sitting in Jasper's lap. How we missed it, I have no earthly idea, but I felt bad for not noticing sooner while being so close to him. Of course, all he did was get up, murmur the word 'truck' and walk out. If he had been uncomfortable, he sure did not show it.
I shook my head. Jasper would never intentionally hurt me, of course, but how had I made him feel? I continued to wrap my hand as the guilt rose. Here I was, making promises to help him, and I was essentially making things worse. I finished wrapping my hand and just stood looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Brown hair, brown eyes, pale, dark circles beneath my eyes. Well, wasn't I just a pretty sight.
The floor creaked.
I looked at the doorway. There he stood. He was still sad, that was easy to see, but I think that being away from his house and them was having an effect.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes tracing my hand.
I glanced at it. "Yes, I'm fine." I sighed. "Listen, Jasper, I'm sorry I didn't remember it earlier. I'm sure you were uncomfortable and I was just being selfish-"
"No, Bella," he walked closer to me in the small area, "it's okay. You'd be surprised what spending so much with one human can do to a person. I'm really not that bothered, to be honest."
My eyes shot to his, shock overflowing.
"Yeah, I had the same reaction."
I just shook my head.
"Trucks outside. The chief won't suspect a thing. Well, I don't think so, anyway. His daughter had to get her observant nature from somewhere." He winked.
I pushed past him, walking downstairs into the kitchen. "He'll notice, Jasper, he always notices."
"Do you not want him to notice?" Jasper questioned.
I began looking through the fridge and cabinets, pulling out the necessities for tonight's dinner. I kept my back to him, a slight scowl on my face as I worked.
"Well, it's not that I don't want him to notice. It's just, as soon as he finds out, he's going to give me these looks…"
Jasper's confusion leaked out into the room. I pushed it away, ignored it. "What kind of looks?" he asked as he walked over to the counter, leaning against it.
My hair fell forward, creating a curtain between us. "The looks I would get last time. Looks that questioned my sanity, questioned if I was going to fall apart."
I gasped. Pain filled the room.
I gripped Jasper's arm. "No, Jasper, no. It's not your fault. It was never your fault. Understand?"
His hand rested on mine. "I believe you."
"Thank you."
I dropped my hand and started chopping the vegetables. Silence filled the room. A calming air covered us. It was peaceful. At that moment, I began thinking.
"Jasper?"
"Yes?"
"Why didn't you feel my emotions earlier? Well, or did you? It didn't seem like you did," I said.
I looked to him to see his face tightened in confusion. "Not that you mention it…I don't know. Maybe I was just so…smothered in my own misery…" his voice trailed away.
I could see, and feel, his pain seeping back and instantly regretted asking. I focused on what I was doing, not saying another word. Just as the feelings arrived, they were gone. Jasper gripped the counter slightly, his eyes closed in concentration so his feelings did not leak again.
"Let it out, Jasper," I whispered as I worked.
He needed to get it out. All of it. Otherwise, he would be hurting longer. Hell, it may hurt a long time anyway, but I knew it would make him feel better. From the corner of my eye, I watched as his head fell down slightly, his chin to his chest, eyes still closed. Ever so slowly, his feelings covered the room, the house, Lord knows how much. I gripped the counter. Good God. My knees shook slightly.
He needs this, I chanted in my head. I sagged against the counter. I turned my head to watch him. Slowly, ever so slowly, he too sagged against the counter. Losing himself in his sadness, he fell down the counter, land with his back against it, his legs outstretched. His eyes still closed. This went on for a few more minutes. As I began to get used to it, I continued to work, letting him work his feelings out.
"Thank you, Bella," he whispered. The feelings disappeared, left with a calming essence.
I looked down to find him staring at me. Moving the pots on the stove to the other eyes to cool, I turned and settled on the floor next to him. I stared at the opposite wall. I could feel his stare, but I continued to stare straight ahead.
"Can I ask you something?" he asked quietly.
"Of course," I said, not looking away from the white wall.
"Why have you not told me to leave?"
My face scrunched up. I let my head sag to the side so I could look at him. "Why would I tell you to leave?" I countered.
He shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I practically put you on your knees from my pain. Why stay around for my pain when you have your own?"
I breathed in and let it out in a rush. "Jasper, I do have my own pain, but you know something…"
He shook his head.
"I'm more pissed than anything."
His laugh was short-lived, but his amusement was still there. It was a good thing to see. I looked back to the wall.
"You're content," Jasper murmured.
I gave a slight smile. I was, oddly enough. I felt calm, peaceful.
That's when it hit me. Maybe…maybe I was meant to let Edward go. My eyes widened a fraction at the possibility. Without feeling my own pain, well a lot of pain anyway, it was still there, I was not that heartless, but this way I could help Jasper more. I turned my head to look at him. His head was resting against the cabinet door, his eyes closed. He looked…calm. He was…beautiful.
At that moment, his eyes opened and he turned to face me. "Do you think I will be okay?"
I thought it over. I looked at the floor. I was, but did that mean he could be? With time, I'm sure everyone can be, but what about a vampire? If I had understood correctly, they had irreversible changes that occurred. Well, almost irreversible. Edward and Alice were perfect examples. But a man so completely devoted to the woman he loves?
I lifted my eyes to meet his. "You will be, Jasper. I'm sure of it."
"But…" he hedged.
"It will take time. I'd like to help you, if you'll allow me to. Otherwise, I'll just step to the side and be support."
"I'd like your help. I don't want…"
"What?" I asked softly.
He closed his eyes tightly a second. When they opened, I could have sworn that he would be crying if he were human. His eyes were like glass, shining with unshed tears. The dam broke. His body convulsed and he scooted closer to me. We held one another as we did when we were in his room earlier.
"I'm so weak, Bella." His body shook. "I don't…don't want…want to feel alone."
Seeing Jasper so…fragile, so broken. It was worse than losing Edward. With Edward, the relationship was…not forced, but extremely trying, I suppose. All those times with Edward I felt worthless, lesser than him. That's not how a relationship was meant to be. And whether I wanted to admit or not, Edward just never seemed to fit with me.
My eyes widened as my arms tightened around Jasper's shaking body.
My God, I was… There was… Nothing.
Edward, Edward, Edward I chanted.
Still, nothing.
I don't want to feel alone… I'm so weak…. Jasper's words circled my brain. Bouncing from one side of my skull to another, the words ran around on replay.
I pulled Jasper closer, hoping to show that I was not going anywhere, that he was not alone. He never would be.
"You are not weak."
"Yes, I am."
I rolled my eyes. I'm sure he could feel my very, very small dose of irritation.
"No, you're not. No one's weak."
He pulled away slightly, lifting his head so he could look into my eyes. I looked down at him. "How can you say that?"
"The things that are happening are slowing you down, not making you weak. And you're still awake right now. Still feeling your emotions. Jasper, I was weak. When…you guys went away, I just fell apart. I did not feel anything. You are letting it out instead of letting it control you." I tightened my arms for a short second. "I envy you, Jasper," I murmured.
He shook his head. "No, you shouldn't. I'm a monster, Bella. I-"
"Jasper," I growled.
He looked to me, shocked. "Don't you ever call yourself that." I continued to growl. Pathetically but still.
"Why do you fight what's right in front of you?" he asked me.
"What's in front of me is a man I care about. A man I want to help. Not a monster."
"You're too nice for your own good, Bella," he said.
I simply shook my head.
"Thank you," he mumbled.
I smiled at him. He gave a slight smile back. The smallest thing was progress, but I knew that it would take time. And I would be there every single step of the way.
"Don't leave…Stay."
I pulled him to me this time.
Then, I made a promise that I probably couldn't keep.
"Forever."
I pulled him close as the rain began to fall outside. A gentle rhythm surrounded us.
A broken man's lullaby.
There we go, chapter 2. I'm sorry for the OOC stuff in this chapter, but I kinda feel that if Jasper basically lost...his whole world, he would give a very deep, emotional reaction such as the one depicted above. The story should begin to pick up pretty soon, promise. I won't drag out the sad, upsetting things, but it will have to be for them to develop properly. Apologies for this.
I hope you enjoyed it and I'd be glad to hear your opinions.
Please read and review and set for alerts and such.
~Much Love
VSA~XOXOX
