THE FUNERAL

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Heihachi was a good man, he was a great man, and he was a gentleman." Jun started. "Oh what the hell... Heihachi was an evil bastard that was involved in many scandals. He was perverted and insane. For God's sakes, he threw his son off a damn cliff! He even shot his grandson! Heihachi was a cruel and heartless man and he will NOT be missed. Thank god he is dead." Jun finished her eulogy and sat down.

"Oook then. Jin stand up and say your shit." Kazuya said.

"I would like to express my feelings towards my grandfather with this poem: I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Jin finished his "poem" and sat down. Everyone looked at him strangely.

"Great song, Kazama!" Hwoarang yelled out sarcastically. Julia hit Hwoarang over the head with her purse.

"Alrighty then... your turn Lee." Kazuya said. Lee stood up solemnly.

"When Heihachi adopted me, I thought he was the greatest person that ever lived. But then I learned how much of a jerk he really was. It was him that made the rumor that I was gay. That rumor ruined my life and continues to ruin it to this day." Lee turned to look at Kazuya who was yelling "FAG!" Lee continued. "I hate him and I wish that I never met him." Lee angrily sat down.

"Ha, ha. Anyway, it's my turn. You all better shut up and if you speak I'll kill you." Kazuya said getting cue cards ready.

"I hate Heihachi. I tried to kill him many times before but sadly the damn bastard kept on living. He made my life a living hell. And that's where he is going now. STRAIGHT TO HELL! The only thing that was good about that old man was that he had a lot of money." Kazuya suddenly stopped. "Wait a second... who is getting all his money?"

"I should get it! He liked me more!" Lee said.

"No he didn't! He obviously left me the money!" Jin said.

"Both of you shut up! I'm the next in line to get the money." Kazuya said angrily. As, everyone was arguing about who would get Heihachi's money, a strange woman with yellow eyes walked in the room.

"Actually, Heihachi promised me the money." The woman said. Everyone turned around to look at her.

"And who the hell are you?" Julia asked.

"My name is Unknown."

"Oh, I remember you. You were in Tekken Tag right?" Xiaoyu asked.

"Yes."

"Why would Heihachi give you all the money?" Kazuya asked. Unknown pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Kazuya. Kazuya read it and turned pale.

"What is it?" Lee asked. Kazuya handed the paper to Lee and he went pale too.

"Oh." Lee said. Unknown took her paper back and sat down.

"Continue your eulogy." Unknown said to Kazuya.

"Eh... may he burn in hell forever. The end." Kazuya said sitting down. There was an uneasy silence. Finally Nina spoke up.

"So... what do we do now?"

"I don't care, really. I only came here for the dead body punching!" Steve exclaimed, pulling on his boxing gloves. Everyone cheered and got ready for some serious punching and in Hwoarang's case, kicking.

"Settle down. We are going to do this alphabetically. Anna, you're up first. And remember! One hit only, those are the rules." Anna straightened out her revealing black dress and slapped Heihachi so hard that his cheekbones could have crumbled.

"Wow..." Kazuya said rubbing his cheek. "Next is Bryan." Bryan laughed manically and pummeled Heihachi's face in. Kazuya had to pull Bryan off Heihachi.

"I said only ONE hit! Anyway, Christie is next." Kazuya sighed. Christie did her satellite moon roundhouse on Heihachi.

"That gotta hurt." Kazuya exclaimed. "Craig." Craig stumbled drunk-like to Heihachi and poked him.

"Okay, that sucked. Get out of here!" Kazuya said, pointing to the door. A couple hours passed and almost everyone had their turn in hitting Heihachi.

"Hey, I still didn't have my turn yet!" Kazuya smiled evilly. His arm started to glow and lightening sparks flew from it. With all the hate Kazuya had in his body, he punched Heihachi right in the chest. Heihachi's body flew in the air before landing again in the casket.

"Holy shit." Hwoarang whispered. Everyone else was completely silent.

"What is going on here? Why am I in this box? What's happening?" Heihachi exclaimed, climbing out of his casket. Everyone was shocked, some people passed out.

"H-he's alive!" Jun stuttered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kazuya, Jin and Lee yelled, dropping to their knees.

"What? What are you talking about? When did I die? CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?" Heihachi demanded.

"Listen old man while I break it down fo' youse. We was all thinking you was dead-like and we was having dis funeral thang and all. Den Kazuya comes up and punches ya real hard. And I guess dat woke youse up." Yoshimitsu explained. Everyone was shocked once more. That was the most that the space ninja had ever said.

"Why couldn't you just die? DAMN YOU OLD MAN!" Kazuya yelled.

"He's alive, not possible! The dead just don't walk. No, not possible." Xiaoyu started to get hysterical.

"You punched me in my funeral?" Heihachi furiously asked Kazuya.

"Uh... I was trying to jump-start your heart and it worked didn't it?" Kazuya said nervously.

"Good boy, here's five bucks." Heihachi said, patting Kazuya on the head as if he were a dog.

"Cheap old bastard." Kazuya muttered under his breath.

"All I want to know is, where is the free food? I'm starving over here and Julia is starting to look mighty tasty." Ganryu said. Julia shrieked and hid behind Jin.

"One question Heihachi, why did you leave all your money to Unknown?" Jin asked curiously.

"Actually it's a long story..." Heihachi began. He talked for about one hour. "...And that's why I left all my money to Unknown." Everyone was very pale, even the normally pale Hwoarang and he looked very scary.

"So what do we do now?" Bryan asked after everyone's skin color went back to normal.

"Party!" Nina exclaimed. Everyone applauded her idea except for Heihachi.

"No partying! I am strongly against any type of fun for you people. I decided that we all..."

A/N: What did Heihachi decide? Ooh... the suspense. We won't write unless we get reviews.