Sorry guys. Its a bit short cause I have limited time on my laptop, thanks mum :(
Disclaimer: I don't own DGM
Enjoy~
Life had never been kind to Kanda Yuu.
His existence was only for the purpose of destroying akuma, so was every exorcist's existence. But, the difference was that he didn't have a choice.
He didn't decide to join this cause, he was made for it.
He didn't get to decide if this was what he wanted to spend his life doing. He didn't get to decide what he made of his life. He was made for this sole purpose.
But, despite everything he had been through...he couldn't find it within himself to hate them.
Them meaning his comrades. Not them meaning the bunch of bastards that controlled their lives.
He could hate them just fine.
Not just because of what they did to him, but because of what they had done to everyone. They were so focused on this war that they lost every atom of humanity within themselves.
Now, Kanda was no Mother Teresa. But he had a heart. And that was all he needed. All anyone needed.
But they didn't have any. They were all dried up. Dried and shrivelled, no more room for anything else but this stupid war.
You could ask anyone. No one would tell you to your face...but they all knew it. While the Earl and his cronies' were a devastating threat...the ones they fought and died for weren't much better.
You would see it in their actions. In everything they did, people suffered. And sometimes, all that suffering and pain was for naught.
Like when Allen stabbed himself to save the order, causing himself unimaginable pain. Or when Lenalee was moulded and broken so she would fit the damn boots.
Some good came out of the things they did, but not enough for them to have any humanity left.
Allen had his massive scar, and Lenalee had her psychological trauma.
Kanda hadn't come out clean either.
Almost every exorcist suffered some type of metal or physical scaring because of what they were forced to do. Every time they fight, they always loose something.
And, like Kanda, Allen was on an express train to hell. Or heaven. Kanda couldn't care less what he had in store. He couldn't think about that. He had enough problems living than contemplating what he might face when he died.
Allen had been used up. Forced to fight when he had nothing left. Sucked dry of everything he had. His innocence had nothing left to draw power from...so it used his life force.
And he frick'n let it.
He was always such a good little boy. Listen to everything they said and obeyed every order. Except for Alma. His heart had seen the true ways of his superiors, like a light that had found its way through the dark.
Before it faded away again.
Allen was strong. But he thought his superiors had the best intentions. As though that by listening to their beck and call, he could somehow save every soul.
Kanda had to give him that.
But, he was young. Naive in Kanda's opinion. And he let his heart decide his life. It would be a good way to live, as a normal human, that is.
But not in the Black Order.
The black order would crush him. And they had almost done it. He was like fly struggling in a spider's web, wanting to fight but only minutes from certain death.
And now he was struggling to survive in their web of lies.
But, he was true to himself. He understood what he had in store. And even then, he tried to fight it with every ounce of his soul.
He had some real guts, and that what why Kanda tolerated him.
Today was just another bad day for Allen Walker.
Good days seemed so far out of reach at this point. He couldn't pin point the last time he felt reasonably okay.
...except maybe when Kanda came to his room.
But no. He couldn't rely on Kanda to make his pain go away. Kanda was not his mother. He had no responsibility for him.
But he couldn't deny that he enjoyed his company.
Sometimes.
Since then Kanda hadn't talked to him, but then again they hadn't been in private.
So maybe he didn't want people to know about their semi dysfunctional friendship?
If it could be called that.
But, he didn't have time to think about that. He had to focus all his energy into living.
Each day that feeling seemed to grow. From an airy but powerful virus to a heavy weight sitting inside him.
He didn't feel much physical pain that this stage. Not really.
But he felt that could change without any notice.
And so, today was just another bad day.
He sighed, slowly making his way to the bathrooms. He needed a shower. Badly.
He had always loved showers. Loved feeling everything he had experienced in that day slowly run down the drain and leaving him fresh.
It was like a boost that kept him moving. He hoped it could do its magic, even with his body and mind like this.
Allen pushed open the door, walking inside with his change of clothes and toiletries in his arms. The room was like any other bathroom in the order. Row of toilets and shower cubical, facing a mirror that expanded across the whole wall.
...God he hated those mirrors.
And what they meant to him. He could see everything wrong with himself in their reflections. His scars, his curse, his hair, his arm...his noah.
He walked past the mirror quickly, not turning to see the noah that watched him in the reflection. He quickly went inside the cubical, slamming the door shut and locking the door with shaking hands.
It locked with a firm click, lifting a small part of that weight in Allen's chest.
He sighed, letting out the breath he didn't know he had been holding.
Allen showered quickly, the patter of water on the tiles being the only sound in the empty room. He looked up at the ceiling, watching the steam disappear into the exhaust fan. He smiled a little, feeling the water wash away his bad day.
His eyelids fluttered shut, and he simply embraced the good feeling. They didn't come often these days.
He washed quickly, ignoring the feel of his raised scars under his hands. He looked down at his hands, holding them clasped under the spay.
He couldn't feel the water on his black arm. But, he never felt anything. It wasn't a surprise.
Be moved the fingers, hearing the joints click and scrape as they moved. The material was completely innocence. A hard and unforgiving material.
But, now was not the time to be thinking about that. Other people had to use this hot water too.
Allen went to grab his towel from the top of his door.
Before his disappeared over the edge.
He gasped indignantly, before a voice covered it up.
"You know, if I was mean enough this could be a perfect opportunity to leave you stranded"
Lavi.
Allen huffed, naked and slowly becoming colder. He wrapped his arms around himself before huffing in reply.
"Real original Lavi." He just about hissed.
"Now now Moyashi, no need for a fit. I need to talk to you first."
"Well, can't you talk to me at a more appropriate time!" he asked.
"But I can't catch you alone for long enough, little sprout."
"Urgh" He groaned. "Just hurry up. I am naked and cold so if you don't hurry, I will punch you with my innocence fist. "He finished, put off by the nickname.
"Okay, okay." Lavi began, his voice becoming serious. "I've noticed a little something about you Allen. Something you are keeping from everyone."
Allen closed his eyes tightly, before trying to answer in a steady voice. "I really don't know what you are on about, Lavi."
It was steady, but Lavi had always been too smart for his own good.
"You can't lie to me, Allen. I know something's up." He replied.
Allen sighed again, tightening his arms around himself as water dripped from him.
"Look, do we have to talk about this now? We could talk another time?" he tried.
"No. You will find a way to avoid me. Now." Lavi counted.
Allen groaned, sitting on the floor and leaning back against the wall. He brought hisknees up to his body, wrapping his arms around them.
"...I'm dying."
He ignored the gasp from the other side of the door, continuing on.
"My innocence is killing me. Every time I use it, it takes my life-force. I don't even have to activate it for it to take a nibble. I use it to live, it covers the hole in my heart. It is slowly taking away my life, piece by piece. And it I really activate it, I might just die right were I stand."
He heard Lavi breathe heavily. Under the door his saw the man's knees. He was kneeling against the door. A bit of his light blue towel was visible against the older male's pants, so Allen took his chance.
He went forward, grabbing at the little corner and yanking. Lavi let it go, and Allen quickly stood up and wrapped it around himself.
"Don't bother trying to think of a way to save me. There isn't one. And even if there was one it would require my innocence to be taken from me. And that would make me a Fallen One. Also, even if I don't become one of those beasts, the order will find a way to kill me. Its checkmate, and I will die Lavi."
He quickly dressed himself, but not doing up his shirt in his hurry. He just wanted out.
He opened the door, Lavi kneeling in front of him. His head was bowed, eye unseeing.
"...I'm sorry." Allen said, sadness overcoming him suddenly.
He did have people that loved him, and that would feel pain in his passing.
He had forgotten.
He quickly moved around the man, darting to the door. He walked out quickly, the sound of the door closing covering the words Lavi said next.
"But that's not how the Destroyer of Time is meant to die, Allen. And I won't let it."
So, good? I hope its going okay. I have a plan, and the next chappie will be up when I can write it.
Love you all.
God Bless,
SephrinaRose
