Edward
Alice had been right on one thing; Charlie had considered shooting me when I showed up at the door with a sleepy Bella in my arms. The only thing that had stopped him was Bella's pleading for him to be mad at her, not me. He'd barely allowed me to deposit his daughter onto her bed, with a quick whisper in her ear that I'd be back when she'd panicked, gripping my shirt fiercely. I was back through her window after a quick hunt, staying silent due to Charlie still being awake.
He'd stomped around the house, muttering to himself, though his thoughts were muddy. He honestly wasn't sure what he felt about Bella running off for three days. However, he had calmed down minutely after Carlisle had called him, explaining that Bella's actions were heroic and selfless. Now his snores were heavy and thick from his bedroom down the hall.
She was grounded for the rest of her life, however.
My eyes drifted around Bella's bedroom, noting slight changes in scent. Her half-full laundry basket was emanating the stench of dog. My heart cracked at the thought of the boy from the reservation. Despite the many times I'd told Bella I loved her on the long flights home, she had not said it back. And her temper had remained quick and sharp when she hadn't been asleep on my shoulder.
Bella's heartbeat changed as she rolled over, her beautiful, smooth leg kicking out from beneath the covers. My eyes absorbed every inch of skin, and the urge to touch was almost overwhelming. She no idea just how beautiful she was, and not just beautiful but alluring and unbelievably sexy. She didn't know I saw her that way, because I'd never told her – something I ached to rectify.
"Edward," she breathed, and I got up from the rocking chair in the corner of her room to kneel beside her bed.
"I'm here, love," I whispered back, not knowing if she heard me or not, but my light touch to push away her hair from her face caused her heart to slow, settle down just slightly. "I'm never, ever leaving you again. Not until you ask it of me, and even then, I can't promise I won't watch over you from a distance, my Bella. I can't stop that." I vowed these same things on the plane from Italy back to the States and then from Atlanta to Sea-Tac. I'd tell her every day if she needed to hear them, and even if she didn't.
She shifted again, exposing more leg, a bit of shoulder, and a few inches of her torso as her shirt had ridden up.
"You're so beautiful, love," I told her in awe, shaking my head slowly to stop the thoughts of touching, the thoughts of what my skin on hers would truly feel like when or if she ever allowed me the honor. "God, I'm a damned idiot," I muttered to myself. "I should've come to you with my fears, not shouldered it all. I should've given you space after your birthday, not panicked. To think that I left you literally to the wolves, I just… I'll never apologize enough. If it takes the rest of my existence, I'll do my best to make it up to you."
I didn't stop talking, even when I knew the sound of Bella's breathing had changed, when her heart sped up, letting me know she was every bit awake.
"I was so blind, Bella," I said, starting to reach for her leg, but thought better of it. "Blind…and a fool. I thought my long life gave me the advantage, but it doesn't. I thought my many times in high school hearing just how quickly a girl falls in and out of love made me an expert. I'm not. I…" I kept my gaze on her fingers, but flinched when they reached for my face. When I met dark and still slightly sleepy eyes, I shook my head. "I…saw things in Italy, love; things that made me feel so foolish. I was arrogant for assuming anything when it came to you. I'm so sorry, Bella. And I know that I'm technically breaking Charlie's rules right now, but I just…I don't know how to be away from you after these realizations. Actually, he said not to come through the door, and I came through the window, but the threat was still the same."
I turned my head to kiss the center of her palm. "I thought you'd died, then I thought I'd died and somehow ended up in heaven when I saw you, and now nothing can stop the knowledge that I was wrong, that everything I'd felt from the second I first saw you was real, was true, and it'll never stop. It'll only get stronger.
"I know I hurt you, deeply, and I know you may need time to figure out what you want, but I'll never be far away from you. I also know that things may have changed while I was gone, that your heart may belong to another, which was my intent, and if that's the case, please know that I…I will…respect whatever choice you make." I stood up, bringing her fingers to my lips as the thought of leaving that room cracked my chest right down the middle. "Get some more sleep, Bella—"
When I started to pull away, she held my hand firmly, sitting up. Every inch of her from her tank top to her sleep-shorts was calling me, but I forced my gaze away and then to only her face.
"Edward, did you mean what you said?" she asked, and when I started to ask her which part, she clarified. "When you said I could ask you anything."
"Yes. Anything."
"Then, what did you see? In Italy." She patted the side of the bed, curling her legs beneath her so I could sit next to her. "You said it changed you. I thought… You said you don't change."
"We can, though it's usually rather difficult. My kind can experience a…life-altering change. It happens usually when something major happens. It happened when I first met you, when I told you I couldn't stay away from you any longer. What I didn't realize is that I never…allowed certain parts of myself to believe it." I huffed a humorless laugh. "Well, believe some of it, anyway."
I opened my mouth to tell her, only to snap it closed again. The word mate could be taken so wrong, but I swore to her I would only ever be honest from this moment on, so I tried to explain it in a way where she'd figure it out.
"This change happened to every member of my family, love." I smiled her way, cupping her face, but taking another deep breath. "Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, even Alice and Jasper. They've all experienced it, but instead of accepting the truth, I buried it deep down." I gazed down at my jeans, picking at lint that didn't exist. "My mind-reading gives me advantages, and being in Italy, I was privy to the thoughts of the Volturi brothers. Marcus, he sees the connections between people – loyalties, if you will – and his vision of me…of you, my Bella…" I shook my head slowly.
I groaned, rubbing my face. "I knew it all along, sweetheart. It just felt so wrong. It felt like I was robbing you of a life – a human life – but really, you were meant for me. All along, you were mine. And in Italy, despite how I'd ruined your trust in me, his vision of the two of us... Love, it's so damned strong!"
"Alice and Jasper," she whispered to herself, her brow furrowing. "Carlisle…" She snapped her gaze to mine. "Mate."
"Yes," I whispered back to her, afraid that the word alone would scare her, turn her away, but those expressive dark eyes I'd missed so much lit up.
"I'm not crazy," she breathed, her mouth hanging open. "When it felt like my world had fallen apart, I wasn't losing my mind. I…I… Edward, I couldn't breathe without you, but I thought… It made so much sense that you'd lose interest, that you'd eventually leave. But I couldn't think! I thought I was insane. Nothing I did made any of it better. So…I'm not crazy?" She tapped her chest. "For feeling this way?"
"God no, my love! Never," I said urgently, cupping her face. "I'm so sorry I made you feel like that. That's all on me. I told you I'm not perfect. I've made so many mistakes, and I'm sure I'll make more, but—"
"My heart is yours, Edward," she interrupted me, still frowning. "That hasn't changed."
If she actually said the words, I wasn't sure I could control my reaction, but her brow furrowed, and her mouth opened like she needed to say more, so I went perfectly still, holding my breath until she continued. Suddenly, she came at me with one question right after the other.
"You won't leave again?"
"No."
"No matter what happens – my dad's rules, bumps, bruises, paper cuts, meteors, Victoria, Jasper, aliens – all of it at once…"
I cracked a smile at the tornado of destruction she'd painted. "No, Bella."
"And you won't lie to me again?"
"Never, love."
"Because I've been lied to enough. Everyone has all these secrets and rules, and they all think they know what's best for me, but no one wants to know my choices, my wants. You took away everything when you left, saying it would be like you didn't exist, but you…you were everywhere – this room and school and my truck. You took away my best friend and Esme! You took away a family I'd grown to love. My dad, he called Renee to come get me when he couldn't help me anymore. Jacob, he took away our friendship because he started to change… I…I don't care about any of that. I never cared about what you were. I knew. I understood it, and when I didn't, I trusted you to explain it. But…everyone assumed I was some…" She huffed a deep sigh in frustration. Her hands balling up into fists on her lap as she glared down at them. "I've changed, too," she whispered, flinching when she thought it was wrong for her to say it aloud. "I'm tired of being pushed away when things get hard."
"I have so much to make up for, Bella. I'm aware of that." I cupped her face, tilting it up so I could see those eyes that helped me read her so well and weighing each word she'd just thrown at me. My temper sparked anew when I realized that she'd been treated the way she had, and it wasn't only me. I leaned in to drop a long, slow kiss to her forehead. I reined in guilt over my own actions and the instinct to defend her against the other two men she'd mentioned.
When I pulled back, I said, "Tell me what you want, and I'll stop the world to give it to you."
For a split second, I was terrified that it wouldn't be me that she'd want, which would only be fair considering my deceptions. I smelled the salt of her tears before they spilled over onto her cheeks. Gently, I swiped at them with my thumbs, but they didn't stop.
"Bella, please don't cry, just…tell me."
A shuddering deep breath escaped her before one word left her lips.
"You."
Pulling her to me, I wrapped her around me on my lap. Never before had I allowed this kind of contact, this type of position, especially considering what she was wearing and the fact that we were in her bed. Bella buried her face into my neck, and each tear that leaked from her eyes seared my skin before being soaked up by the collar of my shirt. My arms wrapped all the way around her, keeping her body flush to mine.
"You have no idea, my sweet Bella," I sighed, nuzzling her neck with my nose in order to inhale the scent of her. It was a marking of what was mine. It was marking that I was hers. And it was all I could do not to press her down into her bed. "I am yours. I always have been, but I was scared, my love."
"I'm not scared of you, Edward Cullen," she mumbled into my neck, and I chuckled low at the old argument.
"You should be," I countered still laughing lightly.
She pulled back, her teeth biting down onto that plump bottom lip I so badly wanted to taste. I kept her anchored to me with one arm wrapped around her waist, but my other hand reached up to wipe away the tears.
"Why? My blood still sings for you?" she taunted, narrowing her eyes at me.
Picking up her hand, I inhaled the thin, pale skin along the inside of her wrist. The heady, floral scent of her assaulted my senses, but there was no urge to bite, no monster fighting to drain her.
"No, Bella. I spent twenty-four hours thinking you were dead. The scent of you wrecks me, because it's more than blood; it's smell of your life." When she placed her hand on the side of my face, I leaned into it, meeting her gaze and relishing her touch. "Bella, I… I wanted to die with the thought that you were gone from this earth."
Her warm, dark eyes studied my face. "I'm your mate," she whispered, and it came out like a revelation.
"Yes."
"You're mine," she said, practically growling out the last word.
"God, yes," I breathed, willing my body not to react to hearing that from her, but her eyes darkened when she felt it. "I love you. And I realize we have so much more to discuss. Conversations that I used to stop are no longer off limits."
She tilted her head at me. "You're hedging. Say what you're thinking."
"Bella, I…" I swallowed nervously, not a vampire pushing back venom, but a seventeen-year-old boy in love with a beautiful girl, fighting nerves with truths that he'd never admitted before. "The worst lie I told you was that I didn't want you. I do. Can you feel it? Now that… Knowing what you are to me, Bella, I can't stop it. I just can't. I'd fought it so hard before, but now I… Love, I ache to feel your lips on mine, feel your touch, hear you laugh again. It's painful, but not as painful as the desperation to hear you say you love me back."
"I never thought you…" she started but she trailed off, looking down between us to where our hips were flush, where her smooth, bare legs were wrapped around my waist. The heat of her was searing me, even through her shorts and my jeans.
"I told you once I am a man, love. What I failed to explain was just what you did to me, what you're doing to me right now," I told her, waiting until she looked back to my face. "Is that what you're waiting for? To hear just how badly I want you, because Bella, saying those things, saying exactly what I dream of doing to you… Some of it isn't so respectful."
Her grin was evil, just as evil as my sister's had been back at the airport. Something about my Bella changed at that declaration. Her whole body rolled over me, her thighs gripping me, and my mouth dropped open at the feel of her sex grinding over my now aching erection. The heat was astounding and phenomenal and glorious. Even more was the feel of her fingers raking through my hair. God, I'd missed that so damned much. The rumbling purr that built in my chest vibrated the two of us on her bed, causing her to gasp, but she placed her hands flat on either side of my face, her fingers lightly tracing my jaw.
"You have changed," she barely uttered aloud. I nodded, knowing my eyes were black with want, knowing my face was showing everything she was doing to me. "Promise me you'll always be honest. Promise me we'll figure us out together. Promise me that the word mate means more than my short human life, Edward."
"All of it, Bella. I swear on my life. On your life. God, I want it. Is it wrong? I don't know, but I do. Maybe it's selfish."
"Maybe I want you selfish. Maybe being selfless is what caused all the trouble, Edward." Her voice was raspy, sexy, and a whole lot of temptation, especially when I could feel the words as she spoke them against my lips. My eyes drifted closed as my hands tried to hold her hips still. "Edward, look at me," she commanded firmly, and my eyes opened to hers. "I missed you. And I never stopped loving you. I love you, Edward. So much."
~ooo~Heaven~ooo~
