That night, Padme lay in bed, thinking of what she planned to do with the few days that the council had unknowingly allowed her to spend with her husband, Anakin Skywalker. Although they were married, and of course, there was no other possible Anakin for her to refer to, she still loved using his full name rather than just his first name. It was certainly not for formalities- they had passed that point a long time ago- it was because she loved the sound of it. Padme Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker. The Skywalkers. Mr. and Mrs. Skywalker. It just had a ring to it. The name said that yes, she was married, and yes, she was in love. But more importantly, no, she did not care what the council or society said, or what they believed to be acceptable in society. She loved Anakin. She needed him, just as much as he needed her.
She should have been sleeping, as it was 03:00, but she just couldn't. She couldn't stop thinking about what in the galaxy she was going to do with the rest of her week off, well, Anakin's week off. She really couldn't decide whether she was going to take the week off or not. Typically she would, but she had taken so much time off of work lately. Between visiting the local healer and generally being unmotivated, she had missed almost two standard weeks in full. If she were to miss any more, she risked her position and reputation in the senate. She really did love her husband. She loved him more than anything in the galaxy. She loved her work, though, too. She loved what the senate stood for. She loved Democracy.
She also was wondering exactly what she was going to do about her constant worries. Should she tell Anakin, or leave it be? They needed to be much more careful with what they were doing, that was for sure. A baby would be a blessing, but catastrophic nonetheless. A son would end her career. A daughter would get Anakin thrown out of the order. A family would end their secret. Anakin could hide who he came home to after the end of the day, but he couldn't hide a force-sensitive child, and a parent's love for a child…that overshadows everything. It would only be a matter of time before something happened and he would have to leave work for "unexplained reasons". Someday, maybe, if it was the right time… But until then, it wasn't something she was planning on, well, planning on.
She was an independent, strong, and powerful senator! She really shouldn't be having internal debates over whether to tell her husband little things such as false alarms that she had experienced in the past year or so, but whenever she was around him, she lost her composure. It was as if everything she had ever learned suddenly slipped out of her, and she was left with nothing but her silly, girlish emotions. She absolutely detested that- she would always become practically weak at the knees whenever Anakin was around. She couldn't form a coherent thought, much less a sentence.
He obeyed her every command, and she practically held him in the palm of her hand, but somehow she was always left feeling as if she had lost all control. Her visits to the senate did her good, for they brought up what little sanity she had left.
She was suddenly pulled from her thoughts by a slight vibration from the bed below her. Then another, and another. She looked over to Anakin, only to see his body shaking. He turned back and forth, almost sobbing. His breath came in short bursts, as he was hyperventilating. This was happening more and more lately, and she was beginning to grow worried.
She tapped him on the shoulder, and then shook him, and eventually he eased back into consciousness. When he did, she pulled him to her, wrapping his heaving body around her. She kissed his cheek as he sobbed, tears spilling onto her nightgown.
"Do you-?" She began. She raised her eyebrows and looked at him inquisitively.
"No," Anakin said. "Please. Just hold me."
And hold him she did. She comforted him as he rocked back and forth, and whispered encouragement into his ear. She had seen him like this a few times. Twice, actually in his last visit. It scared her to see him like this, so distraught and unlike his regular self. During these times she almost sensed- no, never mind. She had promised herself that she would not think in that way quite a long time ago. It would only scare her into thinking the impossible, and what good is that?
She kissed him full on the mouth when he had stopped sobbing for the most part, and wiped away the remainder of his tears away.
"Ani, you kn-"
"Know that I can tell you anything. Yes. I am aware. I just… I don't… I can't…," Anakin tried, shaking his head.
There was silence for a few minutes before the conversation picked up again. They stared into each other's eyes with a mutual understanding of the situation.
"Okay," Padme finally said. "Alright. That's fine, if you are fine."
"I am," he answered, avoiding her gaze. "It was just a dream. Not even a realistic one. My mother is already gone. There is no possible way for her to come back, only to die yet again. I'm absolutely fine. No need to worry."
"No need to worry? You are fine? You most certainly did not look fine to me, three minutes ago when you were sobbing into my-"
"I'm fine. Really. I'm just going out to get some fresh air," He finished. He then kissed her on the cheek and started towards the balcony.
Oh, how she wished he would stop pushing her away.
He was done. So very done. Obi-Wan had told him to ignore his dreams. That they were a simple figment of his imagination. What about my dreams about my mother, Obi-Wan, he silently asked. Were those real enough for your liking? Was my mother's actual death enough proof for you?
He had begun to doubt his old master lately. He just didn't seem to understand anymore. He didn't seem to care. It was true, Anakin loved Obi-Wan as the father he never had, but sometimes when he was so fed up, he could hardly stand it anymore, he tended to burst from the inside out. He didn't want to admit it, but he was so angry all the time anymore. He felt hatred towards people. He loathed actual beings, and no one could know about it. Not even his wife.
Married life had changed Anakin. He was softer around the edges on the outside, but more rigid than ever on the inside. He was now constantly afraid that when he went home, that he wouldn't see anyone there. That she was just a beautiful mirage that would disappear eventually. Or even worse, that death would take her in the times that he was away. He had told her that the dream was about his mother. He had lied.
As it turns out, these thoughts, like Anakin's changing behavior lately, were more common than Padme knew. This was the way he was at the temple. Ever secretive, mysterious, and angry. There was so much hate coursing through his veins, his old master could barely tell which parts of him were man, and which parts of him were actually the dragon that he kept hidden in his chest. Not a literal dragon, of course, but an embodiment of rage. Dangerous rage. Rage that would soon work against him.
Almost everyone knew that he was friends with Chancellor Palpatine, even his wife. What they didn't know was that Palpatine wasn't just any friend. He was a sith lord, and one that was influencing Anakin's conflicted mind, filling it with dangerous ideas and doubts. He had gone from a happy, smiling, newlywed to a confused, conflicted, tempered man. Padme thought that the stress and intensity of the Clone Wars had caused this change, but how wrong she was. It was Anakin's old friend, and soon-to-be master.
Obi-Wan was worried about him. He knew that something was up. Anakin hadn't acted like this since- well, he hadn't acted like this. Ever. Period. He wasn't oblivious to the Chancellor's ways. He had sensed more than once that his force presence was…off. Even the fact that he had one was disturbing to say the least. There were also rumors that Anakin hadn't completely committed himself to the Jedi lifestyle. That he had formed…attachments. Obi-Wan tried to ignore such rumors about his partner. After all, he wanted to think the best of Anakin. He was his best friend. No, he was more than that. The truth was, Obi-Wan had also formed an attachment. His partner in crime was more than a business helper, he was practically his son. And he loved Anakin as a son. He was supposed to be able to sacrifice his partner's life if it was the only way that a mission could be completed, but he wasn't sure that he could do that. He knew that he couldn't do that. Besides that, Obi-Wan hadn't even touched on the incidents with Satine and Siri. Those were stories for another time.
It was for these reasons that Obi-Wan had made the choice to pay a visit to Anakin Skywalker. The thing that he hadn't meant to do, however, was pay a visit to a certain senator from Naboo. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and when Anakin wasn't at the temple or in the Jedi living quarters…he chose the next most likely place. The Republica 500 building.
