(THE EXPEDITION)
Meanwhile the travelers to Shang-hi are getting off to a good start on their journey. After their departure from the Institute at around three o'clock that afternoon, they rode for several hours and then stopped to take a break. The occupants of the carriage find themselves in an awkward silence. Cyril was out tending to the horses and Henry, Jessamine, and Jem were trying to find a safe topic to discuss, so far today they had ridden in pretty much dead silence. At first Jem had tried to start conversation by asking Henry about his inventions, but he had already retreated to his own little world he had inside his head thinking of who knows what, which left Jessamine. Things had been pretty rough with Jessamine ever since she got back. She had kept to herself even more than usual. She kept mostly to her room. If anybody tired to ask her about her stay in the Silent City she would shut down and quickly escape to her room, and if anybody passed by they could her sobbing. Now more than ever all Jessamine wants is to marry a mundane man and live normal mundane life.
Later on that night after all the tents were set up and they had eaten a dinner of bread and cheese from the Institute's kitchen, and a nice sized antelope that Cyril had caught earlier that afternoon, Jem and Jessamine once again found themselves alone, and surprisingly Jessamine broke the silence first, "Jem, I know we haven't been on the best of terms lately, but I just feel like I need to talk to somebody or I might explode. I have been keeping it all in, and it has just become too much to carry on my own. I wouldn't be asking if it weren't important. I just feel like you are the most willing to listen. I mean Will is still the most arrogant person I have ever met. He just gets on my nerves, and Tessa just reminds me of Nate, I know they weren't biologically related but still every time I look at her she reminds me of that cheap, deceiving backstabber. I still don't really feel comfortable around Charlotte or Henry. Jem, please I have no one else I feel I can talk to at all. Can I talk to you?"
"Yes, Jessamine, you can talk to me, but I am warning you that I have not completely forgiven you for betraying the clave, and putting my family in danger."
Jessamine now on the verge of tears, "I know, Jem, I am truly sorry for what I did. I know you have every right to hate me right now. Please just let me explain myself. "
"Ok."
Jessamine waits a few minutes and calms down, and then starts into her story. "Well, you know how my parents rejected the Shadowhunter world and how they never wanted me to be a part of it, and when they died well I just wanted to follow what they wanted for me. So when Charlotte and Henry took me in I was grateful, but I was also determined to find a way to be independent, and live the life my parents wanted for me. I tried my best to separate myself from everyone else in the Institute, but y'all would not leave me alone, and y'all kept wanting me to participate in all of these Shadowhunter activities. A couple of years ago I started to get desperate, and I was constantly searching for a way out my first thought was act normal and pretend that I was a normal human. I would go out and take rides in the carriage an walk around the park, and try to catch a young lad's eye. We could court and eventually marry, once we marry we could go and make a life together away form the Shadowhunter world altogether. Then Tessa came along and I saw her as a new chance to escape. Soon after Tessa moved into the Institute, I asked her if she wanted to buy a house with my parents' money and move in together as sisters, move into society, and live normal lives, but that plan fell through
when it became clear that Tessa had no intent of leaving the Shadowhunter community.
"Then when Tessa brought her brother Nate to the Institute, all I saw was opportunity, as you probably know I took upon myself the task of becoming his personal maid, and helping him, hoping he would be grateful of my services. At first I was excited because I thought he was into me, but then I was shocked and became furious at him when I found out he had gone behind my back to send the message to Mortmain, which in hindsight is kind of ironic, but afterwards he came to me and he told me he cared for me. You have to understand this is what I have wanted for a very long time, and I was so relieved that the feelings were shared. I was also desperate for an escape and now someone loved me, and according to the Silent Brothers he was completely human. I was so excited, so I continued to meet him and soon we were married. I was excited to get what I finally thought I wanted. He told me though that it had to stay secret and that I had to stay at the Institute a little while longer before we could start our life together. I did everything he said because all I could think about was what would come after, and then when that little snitch Sophie caught me going to the ball to meet Nate, I was terrified. I did not know what they would do to me. I have always been frightened of the Silent Brothers and their city. It was awful down there. It was dark, and at night I could hear noises. At the time I was also grieving the death of my husband but that grief turned into a wave of despair and hatred when what y'all said about the marriage being false kind of sunk in when the diamond in my ring turned out to be a fake.
Now I am confused, and I don't know what to do. For so long I have strived for one thing, and it has led me into such a big mess. I just don't know what to do anymore."
The two sat in silence for a while. Finally it was Jessamine who broke the silence as she broke down and started crying. Jem felt a sort of pity toward the the poor girl sitting across from him and he starts to comfort her. After a while she calms down and they go off to their separate tents.
