Chapter 2: Chaos, yet Harmony
Obi-Wan had spent the last week reviewing every curriculum taught in the creche, every basic class, every elective, every suggested career track... and there just weren't that many. No more than fifty. And based on his placement test results, Anakin would need remedial lessons in all of the subjects that he hadn't tested out of completely.
As a slave, Anakin had likely never been granted any of the benefits of childhood, but on the flipside, he been treated as a self-sufficient adult for most of his young life. Obi-Wan pictured putting him in a classroom of protected babies, and telling him that he knew less than them.
Anakin was a sweet child, but that was just asking for trouble.
Okay. This would take some creativity. But that's what being a negotiator was all about, finding creative solutions to problems that others had deemed irrevocable.
So, he would break out the subjects. And the electives. Balance the lessons. For every remedial class, Obi-Wan would arrange for him to be in an advanced class as well. While there were universal requirements for all Jedi Knights, there was also some flexibility to allow for specialization.
Anakin had different skills than the children in the creche, but was no less intelligent than them. So figure out what his skills were, where he was advanced, and let him demonstrate that. By the time he was an adult ready for his knighthood trials Anakin would likely be the temple expert in all things droid, engineering, and possibly piloting as well, although there was at least some competition there.
Obi-Wan considered that he was likely going to have to get a crash course himself in droid creation, piloting, and Huttese, as well as education methods and fundamental theology, and groaned. But Anakin would need the opportunity to show his strengths if Obi-Wan wanted a chance to shore up his weaknesses. Obi-Wan would continue to tutor him one-on-one for philosophy, because there hadn't been anyone else in his situation for at least a millenium.
This wasn't saving worlds and stopping civil wars like he'd thought he'd be doing as a newly knighted Jedi, but it was still important.
Saving one boy could be as valuable as saving a galaxy. Obi-Wan just needed to remind himself of that periodically.
There was no better reminder of the basics of Jedi theology and the Force than by teaching it to his new Padawan. The Force provides, Obi-Wan thought with rather wry amusement, as he prepared to introduce his belief system to a young boy who insisted that he believed it too, or at least, he would as soon as he knew it.
He'd reserved an actual classroom for the philosophy and theology lessons, even though it would just be the two of them. Qui-Gon had often taught such lessons to Obi-Wan in their own quarters, both of them hunched over the small shared workspace there. Those were fond memories for Obi-Wan but he wasn't sure he wanted to turn his and Anakin's living quarters into a full-time classroom. So they went to a small classroom for an hour each day to discuss philosophy. As a side benefit, he found the large presentation boards not only extremely useful but also fun to use.
For the first formal lesson on theology, he pulled up both common translations of the Jedi code so they could be compared easily.
"The Jedi code is often considered itself a set of contradictions. There are two common translations into Basic. One of them is:
There is no Emotion, there is Peace
There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge
There is no Passion, there is Serenity
There is no Chaos, there is Harmony
There is no Death, there is the Force
"Another translation is:
Emotion, yet Peace
Ignorance, yet Knowledge
Passion, yet Serenity
Chaos, yet Harmony
Death, yet the Force
"These are both accepted translations of the Jedi Code into Basic. Why do you think the two different translations exist?" Obi-Wan asked.
"The, the first one says a bunch of things don't exist, even when it's obvious they do. But the second one says that even though they exist, the opposite of them also exists. So maybe the first things, like Emotion and Ignorance just aren't as important as the other things like Peace and Knowledge?"
"That is certainly a valid interpretation. But go deeper. How are these two ways of saying the same thing?"
"They're not? I mean, they're not saying the same thing. So the second one is correcting the first one. They got the translation wrong and so they fixed it with a new translation, right?"
Obi-Wan was not impressed with that answer. "Many very smart people over millenia have considered these, consider them both to be accurate translations. So what do you think they understood that made them think they were the same?"
"They made a mistake?"
"One of the most serious mistakes a Jedi can make is to look at someone acting in a way the Jedi doesn't understand, and assume that other person doesn't understand what they're doing either. You must always look for the reason. To assume that because you don't understand something means it's intrinsically incomprehensible is hubris of the highest level. Never assume that someone is acting irrationally just because you don't understand the rationale. You must always ask: what do they know that I don't? What do they see that I don't? What do they believe that I don't?"
Anakin looked somewhat chastised. "Okay. So what did the ancient Jedi people see that I don't?"
"Consider focusing on just one line at a time. Pick one of the lines and tell me what you think of it."
"Um… Chaos, yet Harmony. There is no Chaos, there is Harmony. One of them says there is both Chaos and Harmony and the other says there's only Harmony. Which is crazy because of course there's Chaos. So the first translation is right and the second translation is wrong."
"Hmm. Why do you think there's Chaos? Tell me about something chaotic."
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan like he was insane. "Breakfast this morning. That cafeteria is crazy. I thought I was going to get trampled!"
Obi-Wan had to grin. He'd intentionally been keeping Anakin's schedule for the last week off the crowd schedule so they didn't have to deal with all the younglings, padawans, and instructors rushing from lesson to lesson. The vast majority of the students followed a regular schedule for that very purpose, so they could experience the rush of crowds that were so common on many planets, and so knights in temple could avoid such crowds for a respite. So the temple had a schedule that allowed for cycles of crowds and quiet. This was Anakin's first week following the crowd schedule. There was no running in the hallways during quiet times, and no blocking the way during crowd times. It was a local custom, and gave insight into visitors, or their hosts, if their schedules put them in times of serenity or rush. Once a Jedi understood the schedule it was easy to track, but it was generally something that younglings were expected to figure out for themselves.
"That is the perfect example. Yes, it can seem pretty chaotic. Everyone rushing around to get from one place to another and pick up some food along the way. But that's pretty much just like the evening market at Tatooine, where people go to get food."
"No way, the market was nothing like that, with everyone running. Or only like that if the guards are coming and it all becomes chaos. Well," Anakin paused and Obi-Wan gave him the time to think through his caveat, "well, it's supposed to look like chaos. To the guards. Even then, it's not really chaos. Cause everyone has their escape routes planned in advance."
Obi-Wan smiled in appreciate of just how brave that caveat was, to explain to a foreigner about the evening market. He didn't focus on it, though, which seemed to relieve Anakin. Instead, he nodded his understanding.
"Exactly. To the guards, it's chaos, but to the people, it's harmony."
"So there really is harmony and chaos at the same time. And at the same time as that, there isn't chaos, there's just harmony!" Anakin spoke with some wonder. It was really interesting, Obi-Wan reflected, to introduce these concepts to a child old enough to be amazed by them.
"It's the same for the cafeteria. Chaos and Harmony, Harmony and no Chaos."
"It was madness!" Anakin exclaimed, intentionally dramatizing his reaction.
Obi-Wan suppressed a laugh and merely said, "I guarantee it will make sense to you in less than half a year. In a year, it will feel as natural to you as breathing. Chaos, yet harmony. There is no Chaos, there is harmony. Harmony is understanding the structure of something. Without understanding, everything is chaotic; once you have understanding, you see patterns and understand the whys and the hows. Once you have that understanding, what once appeared to be chaotic is actually harmonious. The subject itself hasn't changed, just your understanding of it. You can change yourself, your ability to see and understand, and that will change the galaxy around you."
"That's why all the padawans are learning about governments, isn't it? So that we understand who's in power even if it looks like chaos?" Anakin made another one of his intuitive leaps of understanding that always kind of stunned Obi-Wan.
"Exactly. Whenever something looks like complete chaos, whether it's a market or a battlefield or a Jedi temple cafeteria, it means you have to look for the patterns that make harmony."
"That makes sense. I can do that." Anakin said with practicality that made Obi-Wan wonder if he even understood the difference between a philosophy of life and a training session in engineering. "But what about the next line. There is no death, there is the Force."
"You tell me."
"But I don't know. I'm just a youngling."
"You're a youngling, certainly, but not 'just' a youngling. This is a useful assignment. Write me five essays. One on each line of the code. Comparing the two versions. Tell me your thoughts on each one."
"But…"
"I'm just looking for your thoughts right now; it's also an opportunity to practice your writing," Obi-Wa interrupted. "It's not a research assignment... yet."
Anakin gulped. He was probably nervous about his writing ability. Obi-Wan was just grateful he was literate.
"This time, just write five essays of at least 300 words each telling me what you think each line means. After you've done that, you'll write more essays about how different Jedi Masters of the past have viewed each tenant of the Jedi Code. For those, I'll show you how to access the library and archives and run searches."
Anakin groaned again at the mention of more essays but perked up at the thought of accessing the library and archives. Obi-Wan had planned to set up his padawan with this login and access training earlier, but then time had gotten away from him. Now it could be a reward for Anakin's work and give Obi-Wan a solid deadline to do his part.
A deadline was necessary because Obi-Wan had never been so busy in his life, and that was saying something. He was training Anakin in meditation, languages, and theology, brushing up on those exact subjects himself, and studying educational techniques, all in addition to the research and consultation work into various troubles across the galaxy required of a newly knighted Jedi, and the weekly youngling class required of all Knights and Masters in residence. He made sure Anakin had enough sleep and was grateful that he was advanced enough in Force manipulation to supplement his own short nights. He just had to watch out for the headaches that came from overuse of the Force.
It was a mixed blessing that he was currently assigned to the temple itself where he could rely on some of his friends to help out. It also provided the opportunity to add some levity to his life.
Anakin's studies of Aurabesh had quickly extended to interest in other languages, and Obi-Wan's translation issues inspired some excellent pranks on his friends.
"You!" Senior Padawan Bant stalked down the hallway pointing an accusing finger at Obi-Wan.
"Yes?" Obi-Wan said in his most mild manner.
"You! I cannot believe you did that to me!" Bant looked ready to attack and Anakin looked disturbed. She'd helped Anakin just yesterday with understanding a Jedi koan from Trilia. She'd been very nice at the time.
"What do you mean?" Obi-Wan asked, overly innocently. Half the fun in pranking people was their realization and subsequent revenge.
"I was in the middle of translating for the Rigula delegation when their leader mentioned going fishing. I almost choked on my tongue and may never be able to look any of them in the eye again!"
Obi-Wan didn't bother to fight the grin anymore and actually laughed.
"It's not funny!" Bant said, despite now laughing herself. "You are in for a reckoning! I will get you back if it's the last thing I do! How did you even come up with that?"
Obi-Wan was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. "It wasn't me. Pre-Republic Jedi Master Kortar has a whole book of them. All languages. They are all unbelievably filthy."
"You are loaning me that book! And that is not getting you out of my revenge!"
"Of course not. But can I assume you'll be up for helping me introduce a few more of them to some unsuspecting targets?"
"Absolutely! Dinner tomorrow night to go over the possibilities?"
"I look forward to it. Enjoy the rest of your day."
"The rest of my day trying not to think about the 'intimate presence of fish', sure."
Obi-Wan was still grinning as she stomped back off again.
He really was looking forward to seeing what she'd come up with in return. It would undoubtedly be spectacular and waiting for it would keep him on his toes. Plus, there were more targets to be had. Who would they get next?
He already felt lighter.
He was still smiling when he looked down at Anakin who was staring at him like his eyes might pop out of his head. "You laughed," he whispered with some amazement. Obi-Wan considered that and realized that yeah, he couldn't think of a single other time he'd laughed in Anakin's presence. And wasn't that a disturbing thought.
"Yes, I do that sometimes. There hasn't been much to laugh about recently, so sometimes I have to make something to laugh at."
"What did you do?"
Obi-Wan considered trying to explain it to a child and just no. Then he considered who this child was and what his background was. He might be young and sweet, but Anakin knew about some of the seedier aspects of life from his years as a slave, no matter how much his mother had shielded him. And he was in training to be a Jedi.
"That koan I asked Bant to explain to you yesterday was Trillian in origin, although you studied it via a translation into Basic. It made a good example of cross-cultural enlightenment, since the koan works in both languages, although with different answers. However, Trillian are a non-sexual amphibious people who reproduce via external eggs. if you translated the koan into Rigulan, who are an aquatic race who reproduce via triad relationships, the riddle becomes a sexual reference. I knew Bant was would be serving as a Rigulan translator today, so I asked her to focus on that particular koan yesterday. I was pretty sure she'd remember it today and translate it in her own head at some point." He grinned again.
"Huh. What does it mean in Rigulan?"
"You'll need to learn Rigulan yourself to know that." Obi-Wan was absolutely not going to explain the biological shenanigans of the Rigulans to a ten-year-old child. Having found the book in the archives, he expects it will make the rounds among the padawans and hopefully by the time it reached Anakin, he'd be of a more appropriate age.
"Hmph," said Anakin.
But while languages and philosophy were coming along reasonably well, Obi-Wan was taken aback at how poorly the physical training was going. He had known that Anakin would struggle with training with the other padawans and younglings; he just hadn't expected it to include the physical training.
Anakin was in good health, perfectly fit, and had an excellent connection to the Force.
It was just not sufficient to match the well-fed and cared-for younglings raised in the Jedi Temple, who had been trained in fighting as soon as they could grasp a practice saber. Obi-Wan could not completely prevent bullying, but he could absolutely refrain from putting Anakin into situations where it was guaranteed.
Obi-Wan was not impressed with the training masters who'd failed to control their classes sufficiently to give Anakin a useful learning experience. He'd been sure to point out that lack to them, too. He'd also pointed out that it was of some concern that while Anakin was completely outclassed in terms of saber forms, he was a significantly better brawler than any of the other younglings of equal mass. It was a definite weakness that they'd need to find a way to address.
That conversation had possibly been more personally satisfying than it had been actually useful.
In the meantime, he pulled Anakin from that training while he'd searched for a viable alternative that did not involve Obi-Wan doing all of the teaching himself.
The benefits of being trained in negotiation most definitely included the practice of thinking outside the box, because what he found was the world of civilian centers of training in the Jedi arts. There were many of them on Coruscant of various skill level and repute, and it turned out a particularly well respected one was just a few minutes flight away.
Apparently a significant number of civilians enjoyed training in one or more of the Jedi arts, from meditation to saber fighting, and took classes for fun or exercise. Most of the Jedi just ignored them. Obi-Wan went to a visitors event with the plan to register Anakin as a student.
It was interesting to just walk in and see the community center. The first thing that struck Obi-Wan was the clothing. Pretty much everyone was wearing the full set of indigent robes, just like the Jedi did. Clothing for warmth and privacy was a right of any being in the Republic and made freely available. But even refugees fresh from rescue missions tended to personalize and modify the robes they were given. It was only Jedi who wore the full unadorned robes as their a quasi-uniform. Apparently civilians training in the Jedi arts also wore the same robes.
Although, after another glance around, it looked like the robes were only worn during training, and then put away, replaced with more personalized outfits for returning to their normal lives. Obi-Wan wasn't sure he approved. In his opinion, the robes generally got in the way of training, and were only useful if you might need to race off at a moment's notice. In addition to basic attire, the robes also served as a survival kit with tent and bedroll included.
But if a civilian wanted to learn saber fighting, then perhaps they might also want to be prepared for wilderness trekking and refugee rescues as well. It wasn't precisely a bad idea to be prepared for any circumstance, it was just unlikely to be useful in their regular lives.
Obi-Wan himself was constantly shedding his outer robes when out on a mission to gain a bit more ease of movement in immediate clashes. But here on Coruscant he followed tradition and wore the full robes, ironically causing him to fit in better with all the civilians.
"We don't accept students that young. You can join, but your son?…brother?…needs to be at least 12 to join."
"Ah," Obi-Wan said. Jedi were generally exempted from age requirements in civilian societies. The trainer would not expect to see an actual Jedi here, and their robes wouldn't identify them as Jedi, given the number of people here wearing the same robes.
Obi-Wan wanted to laugh, but kept his face placid as he considered various ways to introduce himself. It was tempting to go for a big reveal, but he didn't want to offend or embarrass the man.
Anakin hadn't noticed anything and was simply grumpy. "I'm too old for the Jedi but too young for here?"
"That does appear to be the case." Obi Wan said blandly.
"Were you hoping to join the Jedi, kid? It's okay. Mostly by the time you can ask for it, they don't accept anymore."
"Um..." said Anakin, looking uncertainly at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan shrugged and went with a straight explanation, for both Anakin and the trainer. "That's why the Council was so difficult with you. Most of the foundational work is done pre-verbal. I'm not sure how Master Qui-Gon was planning on teaching you, but the lessons in the creche haven't really worked out since you learn things in a very different manner. Of course, you'll learn things in a different manner than those older than you as well, which could be a problem here."
The civilian instructor looked between them with a face as blank as any career politician. "Master Qui-Gon Jinn, the late Jedi master?"
Of course a fan of the Jedi would be aware of a recent death of a highly respected Jedi Master. "Yes, he was my former master. I am Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and this is my padawan Anakin Skywalker."
The trainer looked dumbfounded. According to his biography, Trainer Yalawari had been teaching Jedi skills for nearly three decades. He had likely never had a Jedi from the temple come in as a potential student before.
"Why would you want to register him for classes here rather than at the Temple?" He sounded unsure whether to be suspicious or just bewildered.
"As you've already noticed, Anakin is quite a bit older than the regular initiates. And most of the lessons are given in a holistic fashion, building upon one another, all of them based on fundamental Force abilities and mindfulness methods. I will be teaching him those abilities and methods, but to hold him back to only learning things that don't require them would be a waste of his time, while pushing him to learn with his age mates the skills without the foundation would be to set him up for failure. I'm currently trying to break the curriculum up into parts that can be learned independently." Now Master Yalawari looked like he wasn't sure if he should be offended or not, given that his own marketing material emphasized teaching skills in a holistic fashion. "You have the reputation of doing an amazing job of teaching these skills independent of active Force sensitivity."
That was a true compliment. Yalawari appeared to teach the philosophy along with the skills, but none of the students Obi-Wan had seen so far had Force sensitivity.
Yalawari took a moment to glance around, checking on his students. His students may not be Force sensitive but they definitely knew what was going on; they were studiously stretching away, silently, clearly straining their ears to catch every word.
"Hmm. How about this? I'll make an exception for Anakin and accept him into any class he can keep up with, in exchange for you teaching a master class here for me and my most advanced students."
The eavesdropping students looked like they were about to have collective heart-attacks. Obi-Wan considered it. It was a good deal and a traditional one for many training centers, to allow for traveling teachers. It was actually how the original Jedi Temples had been established, as meeting points for traveling masters and their padawans to rest and train with whoever else was there. Like every Jedi who had reached the rank of Senior Padawan, Obi-Wan taught classes when in the Temple. He wasn't sure what the Council would think of him teaching classes outside of the temple although he should probably assume they'd disapprove. But it was certainly within his abilities and his rights. "I'm only recently knighted and will likely have an uncertain schedule. Rather than a regular class, could I offer a series of workshops or short courses, scheduled for when I'm on Coruscant?"
"Hmm." Yalawari hummed thoughtfully, clearly struggling a bit to maintain a proper bargaining persona rather than leap on the offer, as his students practically vibrated on the mats. Obi-Wan kept his own face serene while Anakin looked up hopefully at Yalawari, apparently unaware that he was already guaranteed a place.
"Maybe we can go into your office so we can consult a calendar and a curriculum while allowing your students to continue their training undisturbed?" Obi-Wan offered, giving the man some breathing space to get his emotions under control. Also, there was a universal pleasure to all teachers in the disappointed groans of eavesdropping students.
Yalawari and Obi-Wan shared a smile. "My office is this way. I can have one of my students entertain your padawan, if you'd like?"
Obi-Wan sighed. "I appreciate the offer but he'd better stay with me. I'm keeping him under close supervision for now, until I'm sure his common sense is advancing at the same rate as his Force abilities. For the time being, where I go, he goes, and vice versa."
"I'm not going to do anything!" Anakin objected, sounding very young and sure of himself, and not even a little credible.
Obi-Wan and Yalawari came to a quite satisfactory agreement, and Anakin began to train in a classroom setting with other students at his level who were inclined to be kind. At the cost of a few extra hours of instruction, Obi-Wan himself got a new training space. It was not a hardship at all. He loved being a Jedi, it completed him, but sometimes Obi-Wan needed a break from other Jedi.
Especially when being around other Jedi meant figuring out how to deal with bullying in the creche. It didn't seem to have improved much from his own days. Any youngling approaching their thirteenth birthday without being selected as a padawan got increasingly anxious and stressed, and any padawans who shared classes with them were the focus of jealousy and envy.
Anakin never named anyone in any specific incidences and Obi-Wan didn't push it. Getting one bully in trouble via tattling would not fix the situation for Anakin or any other victims, current or future.
Fortunately, he had a different option.
The first step was waylaying Jedi Council Member Mace Windu in a relatively secluded space for a quick chat about something entirely different.
"Do you know why I registered Anakin for engineering classes at Coruscant University?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Do I want to know why you're using your favorite teaching method on me?" Master Windu asked in return, sounding grumpy.
Obi-Wan liked asking his students questions and then guiding their answers, it was a valid technique and he wasn't going to let Master Windu distract him. "Because the Jedi Temple, despite having access to all the resources of the Jedi Educational Corps, doesn't teach anything beyond basic mechanics."
"And your point is?"
"We are fostering contempt in our own ranks. Younglings shy away from anything that is related to any of the Service Corps, for fear that they'll be sent to them. Any interest in perceived service subjects is mocked and discouraged by peers."
"The members of the service corps are just as happy with their positions as the knights in the temple are." Master Windu stated, although so blandly that Obi-Wan wasn't even sure how much he actually believed it.
"I'm sure many of them find happiness there. But how many younglings can you think of who were happy to be sent there?"
"What exactly are you asking of me?"
"We need to start integrating the Service Corps lessons into the basic youngling lessons offered in the creche. Both to allow future Jedi Knights to have a wider education and to allow future Service Corps members a better understanding of what they're going to."
"You want to completely redesign the educational system of the creche to solve a problem that you already solved by registering Skywalker at the university?"
"It's not a problem for Anakin. I think you need to completely redesign the educational system of the creche to solve a problem for all the younglings who outnumber Jedi Masters two to one." Obi-Wan made sure to stress the 'you' in that statement because he did not want the end result of this to get assigned the restructuring to do himself.
Mace sighed. "I see your point. But honestly, I'm just too busy to deal with it."
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to reply, but Mace continued, "And by too busy, I mean reviewing and arranging missions that will save people and planets."
"Will there ever be a better time than now to consider the welfare of our younglings?"
"No."
They stared at each other.
Obi-Wan broke the silent impasse. "Then I will trade you: ever since Master Belon went on retreat, you teach the older younglings once a week for an hour. I will take your place in that class, if you will spend that time meditating on the division between the Jedi Temple and the Jedi Service Corps with a focus on the impact of integration versus continued separation."
"Why should I switch out one task for another?"
"I would never be so impolite as to speculate," Obi-Wan answered, meaning that everyone and their pet fish knew that Mace Windu disliked teaching younglings in group sessions.
"I'm a Jedi Councilor, I could just assign the class to you since you appear to have the time available."
"That is, of course, within your abilities." It would just be amazingly bad politics, since again, everyone knew that the councilor disliked teaching that class and everyone also knew that as a newly knighted Jedi, Obi-Wan was in a vulnerable position, subject to the more boring assignments by the Jedi Council.
"Very well. I will reserve the meditation room next door to the classroom. We will enter and depart together."
"I appreciate your willingness to assist me, Councilor."
"I'm sure you do," Master Windu agreed rather dryly. But his eyes were watchful and Obi-Wan wondered how this conversation would affect his future mission assignments. Getting more social engineering missions would be fine, although hopefully not more teaching. More negotiations would be a pleasure. He enjoyed finding ways in which people could best help one another.
And now he would be teaching a weekly class on comportment for Anakin and his classmates. It was an excellent opportunity to discuss with some of the older younglings the dangers of being, or allowing others to be, bullies in the crèche. If nothing else, it was a danger they would need to look out for on missions to other planets and cultures.
Anakin clearly hated the classes he had to take with the other younglings in the temple. He seemed unsure if a class taught by Obi-Wan would be better or worse. If Obi-Wan's own experience with harassment was at all applicable, Anakin probably expected Obi-Wan to either ignore him entirely or focus on him, making the bullying even worse after the class was over.
Obi-Wan couldn't even reassure him. He would just try his best to make it better.
He started the lesson in meditation.
Obi-Wan knelt at the front of the class and settled into meditation. The students quickly followed suit, although a few of them took the opportunity offered by Obi-Wan's closed eyes to sneer at Anakin, as if Obi-Wan couldn't feel their intent through the Force.
After a few minutes, though, Obi-Wan spoke:
"When I was a youngling, there was another youngling in my same age group: Bruck Chun. We were the last of our age mates to be chosen as padawans. We were both scared of what would happen if we were not chosen. It felt like we were in competition for every master who wandered the halls of the temple without a padawan by their side."
And that certainly caught their attention, both the ones genuinely meditating and those whose minds had begun to wander.
"We worked so hard to learn the saber skills and the languages and the negotiating techniques, but somehow we had lost track of the more important lessons of empathy and self-control. It was not surprising that the masters were not selecting us." Obi-Wan said, with sympathy for those past masters who had chosen other, easier students.
"As you train in all the skills of being a Jedi Knight, remember to train also in the character of being a Jedi Knight. This class focuses on the comportment of Jedi in different situations. It is important for a Jedi to be able to fit in with any culture they visit, and to show the appropriate respect and knowledge. But even more important, is to show the appropriate intent. You will be visiting other planets and cultures for the purpose of helping them, for the purpose of teaching them and learning from them. It is important to bow at the correct angle to the Ruler of Besero, but it is better to get it wrong with respect and good intent than to bow correctly with insolence and arrogance."
The students were still and focused. The few spikes of guilt that he felt through the Force were encouraging, but not the intent of this lesson.
"As you learn to bow, remember to also focus on the reason for bowing. You are practicing respect: be respectful. You are practicing empathy: be kind. You are practicing greeting new people: learn from and about the people around you. Each and every one of you has something to teach and something to learn."
Obi-Wan, eyes shut, stretched out his Force presence to fill the room, connecting them all. It was a skill used in both mediation and in team battle scenarios, when everyone must work together towards a common goal. It didn't demand agreement, but it established awareness.
It was also really difficult to accomplish. He was going to be exhausted by maintaining the careful balance of drawing everyone into Force awareness of each other without anyone of them, himself included, overwhelming the others. But for all the effort it took, it was extremely useful.
He could feel the younglings reacting to their expanded senses of each other. Their amazement and uncertainty. And most importantly, their growing desire to have this connection, this connection to the Force and to the other beings in the Force.
He remembered the first time he had experienced it, when Master Jinn had included him in one of his negotiations. It had been amazing. He had practiced the skill all the way home from that mission much to the amused confusion of the crew of the freighter they'd been on. The captain had offered him a full-time position on the crew at the end of the trip. Obi-Wan politely but rather giddily declined before Qui-Gon carried him exhausted back to the temple to rest.
"You are all younglings still in the process of becoming the people you will grow to be. And even grown, you will always continue to become your future selves. So practice being the people you want to be. And be very cautious of accidentally practicing becoming people you do not want to be."
He felt flickers of shame in some of the younglings and he wrapped them in reassurance. Shame was a corrosive and hurtful emotion. He tried to soothe it away and nudge them towards determination instead. They needed the determination to do better.
"At the very last moment, I was selected as a padawan, to save me from myself more than for any other reason. I had a lot to unlearn about who I would be. Bruck Chun was not saved from himself. He died soon after, angry and unhappy, unable to reach out to others to either give or receive help."
Obi-Wan let them all feel the grief that rose from him before being released into the Force.
"I will always regret not having the perspective to realize that we could have saved each other. Rather than fighting with one another, we could have built each other up. The role of the Jedi is to acknowledge the Force that binds us all together and assist those who are not Force sensitive to feel that connection as well. To feel it and rejoice in it. We are all better for each of us being better. If you see someone else struggling, reach out to them to help. You are still younglings, but there is never an age at which you cannot practice to be masters. If you feel yourself struggling, ask for help from someone else. It is no little thing to offer others the opportunity to practice being a master."
He could sense the slow revelation ripple out among the younglings before him. The realization of what they could all be. All of them. Together.
Anakin was not the only youngling who had some unique talent or interest or ability and he was not the only one to have some individual weakness either. If they just traded off lessons and were willing to ask for and offer assistance, they would get a level of training no Master had the time or resources to teach them. He felt some of tentatively reach out with their own Force presence to each other, just the faintest of intents. And some of them were reaching out to Anakin, curious and finally with permission, to ask about life outside of the Temple creche, a world in which few of the others had any personal experience.
"Last week, Master Windu taught you the social rules of Besero. Get up now and demonstrate them to me, as a class. I am an observer at the Besero court. Show me that you are kind and intelligent ambassadors who understand that culture."
Obi-Wan quietly watched and moderated the connections, but let them sort themselves out. He kept his own meditative stance, if only to conserve energy while maintaining such an expansive and active Force presence in the room, but let them walk around and talk to each other, with exquisite if somewhat stilted courtesy.
It was, if he did think so himself, a rousing success. It also felt like he'd just spent a week running search and rescue drills with his Force sense by the end of the hour.
Master Windu looked moderately impressed, though he insisted on walking Obi-Wan back to his rooms before he collapsed.
After that, though, Obi-Wan mostly stuck to guided discussions and regular practice scenarios.
The bullying seemed to go away, or at least diminish, and Anakin began enjoying more of his temple classes. Even Obi-Wan's schedule was settling into a manageable, if still extremely full, routine.
Most of the time he thought he was doing relatively well for a first-time master.
They had a celebration on the day that Anakin successfully flushed the last of the explosive out of his system. Anakin had dismantled the ignitor relatively quickly; the explosive material itself took him longer than Obi-Wan had expected, but Anakin had finally managed it. He was certifiably explosive-free. Anakin had been grinning so hard when he told Obi-Wan.
"I'm not sure what a proper celebration for this would be, young padawan," Obi-Wan had said. "We could always set off some fireworks?"
Anakin had looked appalled. Obi-Wan's own sense of humor tended towards the perverse, so it was tricky to determine which jokes Anakin would appreciate and which he would not.
"Or we could go swimming, and you could celebrate your freedom in more water than you could possibly drink."
"That! Yes, we haven't gone swimming in ages!"
And they had celebrated freedom and joy and everything going well.
Other times, Obi-Wan wondered if he was ruining everything.
They'd been master and padawan for a couple of years, going on regular missions, although only those that were safe for a thirteen-year-old padawan, when Anakin burst out with, "You don't think I can be a Jedi!"
Since they'd been quietly reading together in their room and Obi-Wan had been feeling particularly content with life, his first response had been a confused, "What?", as he dredged his thoughts back to the here and now.
"You think I'll just walk away from this all! That I'm going to leave!"
Obi-Wan frowned. "Why do you think that?"
"Because you do!"
"Tell me, Anakin, what have I done or said, or failed to do or say, that makes you think I don't believe in you?"
"You don't believe in me!"
Obi-Wan continued to frown in some confusion. They'd been sitting in quiet companionship in their room for an hour, each focused on his own work. Anakin was working on an engineering assignment from one of his university classes and grumbling quietly to himself, while Obi-Wan read about historical Jedi educational techniques from some of the Jedi masters prior to the Temples founding. There had been a lot of discussion about what the rules of the temple schools should be, since each master had their own thoughts on which students were appropriate and what teaching methods were successful.
It was interesting and he'd been able to recognize how their thoughts and experiences reflected in the ways the temple was run now. There is no Death, there is the Force. They lived on in the Force of every Jedi here. Although perhaps not so much with Anakin, since they would not have allowed him in. It had been a passing thought.
"Are you monitoring my thoughts?" Obi-Wan was concerned but not particularly disturbed. He generally kept his thoughts well regulated and it wasn't like he wasn't friends with Quinlan Vos, who's psychometry ability occasionally led to awkward truths being revealed.
Anakin's sudden fear was significantly more of a concern. Obi-Wan let the silence stretch, hoping that Anakin would say something. He didn't. Just got paler and paler.
Finally Obi-Wan broke the silence, since the implied answer was most definitely a yes. He kept his reply calm and slightly disinterested, hoping the projected lack of concern would help reassure Anakin that he wasn't in trouble, even though his behavior was inappropriate. "I realize that using the Force to monitor the thoughts and feelings of a slave master is a survival instinct, but it's not a polite thing to do. Or a kind one either. People should be judged by their actions and, to a lesser extent, by their intents, rather than by their thoughts.
He was reassured that Anakin relaxed enough to respond with a muttered, "Mom always told me it was the thought that counted."
"I expect she meant the intent rather than the thought. Because sometimes people have thoughts that they don't like. Thoughts that they would never act on. Have you ever wanted to hurt someone because you were angry or frustrated rather than because they had done anything that deserved an attack?"
"I…" Anakin looked a bit hunted. Obi-Wan accepted that as a yes and let him off the hook.
"People sometimes get those thoughts, even when they are very good people. What is important is that they not act on those thoughts, through either word or deed."
"I didn't! I wouldn't!"
"Exactly. You wouldn't want people to judge you based on a thought that you would never act on, right? So allow other people that same courtesy."
"I guess…"
"That also brings us to one of the reasons a well-regulated mind, and the meditation that helps us control our thoughts, is necessary for Jedi. When you have the ability to use the Force, it is much too easy to act in response to those intrusive thoughts. Meditation is a way of maintaining control of your thoughts and emotions. Before I can trust you with any of the violent uses of the Force, you must first learn the mental control that makes it safe for you to have those skills. You can feel emotions but must train even your unconscious mind to erase intrusive thoughts, violent and unpleasant, based on those emotions."
"I guess," Anakin said. He was silent after that, and Obi-Wan took a moment to strengthen his mental shields before going back to his reading. The training bond between master and padawan made it too easy for eavesdropping, both intentional and not. He and Qui-Gon had both kept their thoughts to themselves unless specifically trying to communication. He would need to work on keeping his mind quiet and his thoughts focused while in Anakin's presence, until the boy learned a bit more about mental privacy.
He got another half hour of reading done before Anakin burst out with, "But you're a Jedi Knight! You're supposed to be in control of your mind and you still thought it!"
Obi-Wan sighed. He put his book aside and turned to give Anakin his full attention. He doubted he'd get any more reading done tonight.
He kept his mind calm, not blocking Anakin but rather allowing his mind to deepen such that Anakin would have to exert obvious effort to see it. This technique was usually reserved for confronting highly dangerous beings in negotiation, when even seeming to give a thought away could be a weakness. It was likely not the best for addressing a child. But a child who wanted to be a Jedi, who thought he had the right to judge Obi-Wan by his thoughts, was seaking out pain. And the chill of separation was surely better than the heat of anger.
"Yes," Obi-Wan agreed cooly. "I thought that you are not best suited to be a Jedi."
Anakin looked heartbroken. And then angry. "Why? Why do you doubt me all the time?"
He was so young, it was tempting to offer him comfort and reassurance.
"Hardly all the time," Obi-Wan pointed out. "It's the rare time that I question it. Most of the time I think you'll be a magnificent Jedi."
"That's not real if you also think the opposite!"
Fair enough. It was often easier to take criticism to heart than compliments.
"When we left Tatooine, we left your mother behind." Obi-Wan broke the circular argument of what he though and how much he thought it.
"Yeah." Anakin almost hiccuped the response, taken off guard by the seeming nonsequitur.
"Do not think for a moment that it was thoughtlessness on Master Qui-Gon's part. It was both a test and the beginning of your training."
"What?"
"You said goodbye to each other, and then you left and she stayed behind and neither of you are supposed to consider the other further."
"But she's my mom!"
"Jedi do not have attachments. For her to be the mother of a Jedi is to be at risk from any enemy you might acquire, thinking that they can manipulate you through her. She is best protected by the break, as are you. I have parents, and a brother. I am aware of them and occasionally check up on their status. But I know that if ever they are harmed, I must consider who did it and why, and that will just be one more piece of evidence in whatever mission it relates to. The birth family of Jedi get no benefits from that relationship."
"Oh. But, what if I had refused to leave without her?"
"Then you would have refused to be a Jedi."
"But what if I went to get her after I became a Jedi."
"Then you would be refusing to be a Jedi."
"But that's not fair!"
"Being a Jedi is not about fairness. We distribute fairness to others. We do not keep it for ourselves."
"But that's, that's crazy!"
"Maybe. But do you wonder now why I sometimes consider you best suited to a life outside of the Jedi Order?"
Obi-Wan studied Anakin cooly, wondering what made this boy want to be a Jedi when he didn't even understand what a Jedi was. It was conversations like these that made him doubt his padawan, even after so many years. It was not the attachment itself that was troubling; it was that Anakin didn't seem to understand that it was counter to Jedi beliefs. There was no sin in not being a Jedi. Most beings in the galaxy weren't. There was a deep sin in swearing to abide by the Jedi tenets and then breaking that oath. Obi-Wan needed this boy to at least understood what he would be swearing to if he ever passed the tests to be a Jedi Knight.
"On one of my earliest missions I made an attachment. It was the middle of a civil war and when the mission was over, I refused to leave my friends to fight and die without me. I had an attachment and thus I was not a Jedi. My master left me there without looking back because he did not have attachments to me or anyone else." Admittedly that was a bit of a fib. Qui-Gon had plenty of attachments of his own, to Tahl and even to Xanatos, in its own twisted way.
"But you're a Jedi now…"
"Yes, I am one of the extremely rare cases of a Jedi who had left the Order due to an attachment being accepted back by the Jedi Council, on a probationary basis, after losing that attachment."
"What's probationary?"
"Probationary means that they allowed me back but watched me constantly to ensure that if I failed again, they would see and be able to act upon it immediately. Many Jedi have a few minor attachments. A pet perhaps, or a few pieces of art that they own themselves. They are signs of attachment but generally overlooked as too minor to be a threat. Nothing is too minor to be a threat to a probationary Jedi."
"Oh. Slaves have some stuff of their own. I mean, their masters could come and take it away, but they almost never do. I even had a droid of my very own."
"As Master Qui-Gon's padawan, you would likely have been able to have a droid again. As my padawan you may not." Obi-Wan didn't explain that it was partially because Obi-Wan himself would never quite escape the suspicious supervision of the more conservative Jedi Masters and partially because Qui-Gon had always played a bit fast-and-loose with the rules. He also didn't explain that while Obi-Wan was a rare exception allowed back into the Order, Anakin himself was another exception, not just for his age, but also his attachment to his mother.
Master Qui-Gon had sworn to the Council that he'd overseen the breaking of that attachment himself, at their departure from Tatooine, had explained that for children to outgrow their parents was a natural thing just as it was for parents to let go of their children. Obi-Wan had serious doubts as to all of that, but kept his peace. Master Qui-Gon had been adept at negotiations but had never seemed to feel particularly obligated to truthfulness or concerned by the means with which he accomplished their missions.
"Why do you even want to be a Jedi, then! You make it sound terrible!" Anakin had apparently had a much different thought process than Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan blinked. "Many people want terrible things. I don't think what I want is so terrible as all that."
"But why do you want it?"
"Because the Force whispers in my ear with every breath I take, with every heartbeat, that this is what I am meant to be."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Obi-Wan agreed somewhat wryly. He'd tried a few times, and been coerced a few more times, to go against that innate sense, but it was the pressure in his bones, the heat in his blood: he would be a Jedi or die trying.
Sometimes the "die trying" option seemed almost like a reprieve. But not one he could take voluntarily. A Jedi's self-defense was overwhelming not because of attachment to life but because of commitment to the future. There was too much to do to die now.
There were people to save, worlds to save.
It was why his one remaining attachment was allowable: his love for the Duchess Satine of Mandalore was acceptable because it would never affect his actions. Satine and he were in complete agreement on that. It had been a difficult conversation, but it was possibly the most valuable one he'd ever had as well. They loved each other, desired each other, but knew their duties were all encompassing and too important for each of them. To betray his Jedi beliefs for her would be to betray her. And for her to betray her duties as the Duchess for him would be an equal betrayal of him. Together they could only accomplish half as much and so they would rejoice in each others accomplishments instead.
Their duties were to the galaxy and they would take comfort in the knowledge that the other felt the same way. And it was a comfort, just to be known and accepted.
He hoped that one day he might have a similar attachment with the Jedi Knight that Anakin could become, not the romantic interest obviously, but the shared joy in their individual accomplishments.
In the meantime, it felt sometimes like he was trapped in a push-pull relationship with Anakin, trying to teach self-control and self-reliance at the same time as teaching the skills needed to support that control and make that reliance feasible. It was an awkward relationship made all the more awkward by the power imbalance. Anakin was wildly more powerful in the Force than Obi-Wan, but Anakin was also less than half his age and had perhaps a tenth of his experience. They couldn't be equals, but they also never quite settled as superior and junior.
Obi-Wan still gave Anakin more one-on-one instruction than any other Master gave their padawan, even as he tried to level it out by teaching more of the philosophical issues in the classroom setting.
When Master Belon had returned from her retreat, Master Windu had given her Obi-Wan's youngling class and handed over his own older younglings class to Obi-Wan officially. He'd been teaching them ever since, although he often interspersed the lessons on comportment with discussions on the importance of Jedi principals in all aspects of life.
It was natural to have personal preferences on cultural manners, but a Jedi could no more allow themselves to become attached to certain styles of conduct than they could to certain people. An act of respect on one planet could be a deadly insult on another, and Jedi Knights could not allow themselves to cling to one manner over another.
"The Force is an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together," Obi-Wan started one lesson. "So discuss this: why do we shun attachments while devoting ourselves to a Force that binds all the galaxy together?"
He'd guided the class into the conclusions that to have a single strong attachment could distract from the attachments to everything else. To be attached to everything was to be attached to nothing. And to be attached to nothing made it possible to be attached to everything.
The class had gone well, but Anakin spent the next few days brooding about attachment before confronting Obi-Wan with, "Why do you keep on pushing me away?"
Obi-Wan had struggled to explain again, trying to find different words that might make sense to Anakin when nothing else seemed to. "I'm not trying to push you away. I'm trying to make sure you are never chained to me. That I'm not holding you here."
"What if I want you to hold me here! I want you to keep me here!"
Obi-Wan honestly wasn't sure what to do with that. Because, yes, it was what he had wanted too, wasn't it, when he'd been a padawan under Master Qui-Gon. He'd wanted Master Qui-Gon to want him too.
He slowly reached out and put his hands on Anakin's shoulders, but Anakin was already turning away. He tightened his grip and pulled the boy in. It wouldn't be long before he could no longer overpower Anakin in this way. But for now, he could draw the boy into a hug, wrapping his arms all the way around the boy.
Talking about emotions was hard. Anakin saw emotions as natural and shields as deception, but to Obi-Wan, his shields were him. Lowering them was like peeling back his skin and calling the bloody wound beneath it the real him. It wasn't. But for his suffering student, he'd do it. He was glad that he could hold the boy, murmuring to his ear rather than looking him in the eyes, when he spoke truth that he never wanted to say aloud. "I scare myself sometimes, with how much I want to hold onto you and never let you go. To tie you to me with bonds that will never break. But I am equally scared that I'll clip your wings, keep you forever at my side, and never get to see you soar to greater heights than I can even imagine."
He was just as scared that the Jedi lifestyle itself would clip Anakin's wings, but he didn't say that. Instead, he shored up his shields and tucked that thought away inside so that Anakin would never hear the doubt.
