Mr. Stark
The second time that Tony caught his Spiderling attempting to bake a catastrophe, it was on a quiet Friday evening. He had managed to con the kid's aunt into letting him stay the weekend at the compound; which, he found out, she was actually rather happy to do. Turns out, May's friend had gotten them both appointments at a really nice spa (with absolutely no help from one Tony Stark. Nope. Not him.)
"Alright kid!" Tony hummed as they exited the lab. The kid had buzzed and buzzed, tinkered with small files that needed coding, and was barely keeping his eyes open. "I think it's time for you to get to bed." Tony chuckled draping his arm around the exhausted teenager. "We can reconvene in the morning."
Peter simply nodded, dragging a grease covered hand across his face. The streak left behind caused a fond smile to form on Tony's lips. He'd hold off on the black mail for now.
"Off to bed, kiddo." Tony patted his back and steered him towards the bathroom. Better him wash off now, than to sleep on some very expensive Egyptian cotton sheets and cover them in grease stains. Not that he couldn't afford a new pair, or thousands of new pairs. He'd like to replace them as few time as possible.
"Mhm," Peter forced through a yawn as he stumbled down the hall, clumsily putting one foot in front of the other. He disappeared into the bathroom seconds later.
Turning on the ball of his foot, Tony stepped into the kitchen, a sigh escaping his lips. The kid was turning him into a paternal mess, and it was showing. "Friday...vanilla coffee...stat please." The older man sighed settling himself at the counter. A hand brushed through messy locks as he leaned forward tugging a tablet towards himself. A small ping alerted him of an e-mail sent from his truly; Captain America, Steve Rogers. Aka: Captain Traitor.
"Great," He mumbled opening it with caution. The last time Steve had e-mailed him, there was a virus attached to an image link of a dancing elf that the super soldier had found copious amounts of joy in. Tony hadn't cursed and screamed at a program that much since his years at MIT. It was nostalgic to say the least.
And, after a several hour long phone call, Tony had managed to explain to Steve that it was really important to encrypt the messages he was sending so that if his computers ever got confiscated they couldn't link the messages.
But he never told the kid.
Peter didn't need to know; the kid had enough on his plate without the added bonus of Tony's drama with Steve.
"Mr. Stark?" A tired voice called from across the living room. Glancing up, a fond smile worked its way to the man's lips when he saw the bleary eyed teenager. His fist rubbed against his eyes as if he were trying to wipe away the sleep. Tony knew that if he gave Peter a reason to stay up, the kid would never get any rest. With that, would be a whiny and exhausted teenager, and a very unhappy May.
Tony was not about to risk dealing with an unhappy May Parker.
Woman was a force to be reckoned with.
Especially paired up with Pepper. And both women would absolutely agree that it would have been Tony's fault while they babied the mess out of Peter. And the kid would absorb it with apologetic eyes, and nervous glances.
And throughout it all, Tony wouldn't be unhappy. Exasperated? Definitely. Slightly more deaf for the matter? Most Certainly. But he would find a way to live and deal with it. If it meant keeping the kid around and in his life, he was more than okay.
"What's up, Underoos?" Tony hummed as he stood from the island. "You need to get some sleep kiddo. "
"Thanks," Peter mumbled groggily, a sincere smile graced his lips before he turned on his heel and started down the hall. Tony sighed heavily, a slight grin working its way to his face.
Yea, that was his fucking kid.
The following morning, Tony has Happy drive Peter home. The trip is silent, just as the older man likes it; the radio turned down (mostly for the kid's sake), and the window between the two cracked, but still with an air of privacy. The body guard glanced into his rear view mirror to check on his ward. Mostly, to make sure the kid wasn't planning some stupid movement, and then to see why on earth his mouth wasn't moving a million miles a minute. After all, when Peter Parker was quiet, trouble was on the horizon.
"What's going on kid?" Happy pursed his lips as he braked at a stop sign. New York city was chocked full of them—and red lights; the nemesis of the driver. Some days, he found himself wishing that Tony would just invent flying cars, similar to the Jetson's, and be done with it. Traffic would go down, and knowing the inventor, Tony could find a way to make them run cleaner than any vehicle on the road now. It would be a popular invention, and it would make his life that much easier.
"Nothing," Peter sighed heavily scrolling through his phone furiously. His lips were pursed in concentration as he memorized whatever was on the screen in front of him.
"If Tony was here, he would call you a liar." Happy barked as his eyes lazily wandered back up to the red light. "So, let's try that again. What's going on, kid?"
A soft groan escaped Peter's lips as he worried about the response Happy would have. The man wasn't exactly known for handling his antics to well, and Peter wasn't sure if it was worth bringing it up. He was pretty sure the guy would laugh it off, and then Mr. Stark would know, and shit. Peter was an adult, and he could handle his own problem.
As long as it didn't involve baking.
Or cooking of any kind really.
Nope, better to go ahead and ask for help.
"It's...Ned's birthday is tomorrow...and I kinda forgot, and usually I have May help me...bake him...a cake."
"Baking? You're worried about baking?" Happy guffawed, ignoring the honking behind him as the light turned green. If it were up to him, and if Tony Stark's name wasn't all over the expensive car he was currently driving, he would have had a few choice words for the civilians behind him.
"I know..." Peter groaned slipping down into plush leather seat.
It was almost six o'clock, and Tony's phone was absolutely silent—which was rather unnerving. Usually the kid was blowing his cellphone up by now; text messages of random memes that he found, and fun facts on the other avengers that he found amusing. And most of the time, Tony had saved them so he could tease the group with them later.
He was just debating on giving the kid a call when Friday lit up a screen in front of him with feed from the mask.
"I figured you would enjoy this, sir." FRIDAY snarked rather pleased with herself. Tony could almost hear the purr in her voice—too human.
"Hm," He glanced up to see Happy—his once bodyguard- covered in flour and staring at the kid as if he were crazy.
"No! You add the flour slowly, kid! Slowly!" Happy groaned dragging his hand over his face. The white powdery substance sloughed off in a cloud. "Also, there are still egg shells in the liquid mix! You have to—Not with your hands covered in flour! Who taught you how to bake!?"
"Hey!" May called from the background. The scene swirled before him as Pete focused on his aunt. "I resent that! My baking is fantastic!"
"Really?" Happy arched his brow and crossed his arms. "Really? Remember last week? I had food poisoning when I left here."
Last week? Tony's brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to remember sending Happy for the kid last week. But he had been rather silent, and Tony had been the one to make the trip out there with all the boxed goods.
You didn't have to eat three slices," May hummed a soft giggle on her voice. Peter groaned shaking his head.
"Guys...No. Don't remind me please!" Peter whined his shoulders slumping forward in defeat.
"Now now," May giggled stepping closer and glancing down at the mix. Her lips tugged to the side in doubt as she glanced at the concoction in the bowl. "What...uh...what exactly are you trying to make?"
"Red velvet! It's Ned's favorite...but..." Peter held the bowl up to glance down at the already thick mixture in the bowl.
"He hasn't even added the flour..." Happy sighed brushing a hand over his head, effectively covering that in flour as well.
And Tony couldn't help it.
He threw his head back in laughter at the whole scene before having Friday connect him to Peter's suit.
"Kid...Kid you can't," Tony snickered and giggled as the teenager jumped.
"M-Mr. Stark!?" He whined heavily glancing around the kitchen. "How...wha?"
"Spider mask, kiddo." Tony tried to reign in his laughter. "It contacts me every time…Are you trying to kill your friend?"
"No!" Peter's voice reached an octave it hadn't reached since his stint of puberty. "I..."
"Uh-huh….Well since Happy is still there, which by the way, we need to talk about that. What's going on with that, huh? Happy got the hots for Aunt Hottie?"
"Dude, not cool." Peter reached up for the mask as if to take it off.
"You disconnect me, and I will disconnect your suit for the next week!" Tony chirped crossing his arms.
"Tony...Leave the kid alone." Happy chuckled glancing at the kid with his brow raised.
"Tony?" May's head poked around her nephew and pursed her lips. Oh boy, he hadn't even done anything and she was already mad at him.
"FRIDAY, put me on speaker mode." The inventor hummed waiting for the beep to alert him that he could be heard by all of the occupants in the room. "Happy...go buy the kid a red velvet cake. As much as he can annoy me, I don't wish death upon Teddy."
"Can do. I'll hit up a bakery in the morning." Happy nodded crossing his arms over his burly chest.
"Also, call and set up some baking lessons for the kid. If this keeps up, a homeless person might just be hungry enough, and well..." Tony waved his hand flippantly. "Before that though," Tony leaned in a purr in his own voice as he grinned deviously at the screen. "Congratulations on landing a girlfriend."
The blush than arose on everyone's faces were priceless. Tony threw his head back and guffawed violently. His laughter caused his ribs to hurt, and he didn't even notice when the kid ripped his mask off his head effectively disconnecting them.
Because, for once, Tony was incredibly happy.
