Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, but I do own this storyline.
-
In The Process Of Breaking
My Loveless Melody
-
Chapter Two: Traces of You
-
Have you forgotten me yet, Ikuto?
Am I really that insignificant to you?
Do you feel nothing towards me anymore?
Did you receive the aching screams from heart?
Ikuto, have you heard?
I love you.
You know, you promised you'd be back nearly a year ago. Just because I'm in here all the time doesn't mean I'm oblivious to how long you've been gone.
You're a liar, you know that? But…I forgive you. Even if you don't return for another 10 years, I forgive you…Do you want to know why, Ikuto?
Because I love you.
I'll be here. You can't hear me right now, but when you do come back, I'll be sure to hold on to you tighter. So that you won't abandon me again…
It's lonely here. I want a companion. I want you. Come see me. Please?
I sat in that lonely room that I call mine. Waiting. Patiently. For what? For him. Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. Why I chose this. To be honest, I don't have a reason. I stayed only because I needed him. I really needed him. To live. Otherwise, life would be a nightmare for me. I wouldn't have a heart.
I went downstairs into the living room. It was the first room you would see from the front door. I sat there waiting. Hoping for some miracle where he would suddenly walk through that door. If I can wait for him for the rest of my life, then I know that I really do love him.
The rest of the day was another boring, lonely day. I did everything I normally did. Really, there wasn't much to do but think. Think of him, of myself, and us. I hate being so weak and helpless, but the heart wants what it does, and even I can't change that.
-
One of my eyes cracked open slightly and I found myself in my bed. Alone, as always. A thick blanket still draped over me.
Its cold here, Ikuto. Won't you keep me warm?
His sharp, uncaring eyes flashed in my mind. They were always staring at me emotionlessly despite how passionately he embraced me. I didn't care how cold his eyes were, the warmth his body gave me was enough. But now I don't have his striking eyes or his amorous warmth. Simply put, I had nothing.
I held the blanket closer to my face. Catching a familiar but distant scent, I inhaled deeply. My eyes fully snapped open.
Ikuto, have you remembered your promise?
Have you come to see me?
Have you realized I've been waiting?
Waiting all this time…for you…
I threw the blanket aside and immediately jumped out of bed. Ignoring my nude body, I ran towards his room. Knocking anxiously on his door, I waiting for it to open. But it didn't. I grabbed onto the handle and twisted it. It was…unlocked…?
I ran in without permission to do so, but my excitement got the better of me. My rapid beating heart pounded against my chest. Scanning the room for any hints of him recently being there, my heartbeat only quickened. I felt as if he would jump out at me any moment now, and hold me as if he had never been gone.
But I was wrong. So wrong. The room was untouched. Neat, organized, and nearly empty except for a few pieces of furniture that has always been there.
I bit my lip till it was the colour of a ripe strawberry. I blinked, and then collapsed to my knees. I ran my hands over my exposed arms, shivering. Holding myself together, I got up and quietly went back to my room for my daily routine. I tried my best to ignore the pain resonating in my chest.
After I came back out from my shower, I found that there weren't any clothes laid out for me. So I went to my closet and tested the handle. Unexpectedly, it was open.
Someone had came in here, opened my closet and didn't lock it. I didn't even know why it was always locked, but is wasn't like I had someone to ask so I just wore what I was given.
As I pulled open the doors, I recognized most of the clothing inside. I pulled out a simple white sundress, threw it on, and reclosed my wardrobe.
Truthfully, I hope it was Ikuto who came in here, placed the blanket around me, and opened my closet.
But what are the chances of that? Not likely.
I made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Abruptly stopping in the doorway, tears began to fall incessantly.
Ne, Ikuto, do you love me?
Would you have visited me if you didn't?
Is it safe to assume that you're back for me?
Or should I give up on you entirely?
Ikuto, please don't leave me here without an answer. Just tell me the truth. I won't hold anything against you and I won't hold you responsible for what happens to me, so please...just tell me.
I couldn't stop a small pathetic smile from crossing my face. No matter how much I wanted to stop, to walk away as if it didn't matter to me, I really just couldn't. What flowed out of my heart wasn't decided by me, but by my heart and what it desires. Though I couldn't help but want to have part of that control too. Maybe then I wouldn't be here.
The plates sat piled on the table with little traces of food left but still enough to identify what was previously in it.
Sitting next to it though, was a small piece of cartridge paper. Written on it in lovely cursive was just one word. Ikuto. One word, yet it pulled on my heartstrings.
A single white Calla Lily sat on top of the card. I giggled slightly at the sight.
My favourite flowers were Casablanca Lilies, but he probably forgot and thought they were Calla Lilies. But I couldn't care less right now. All that mattered to me was that he was here. So please tell me where he is.
I held onto the small piece of paper, studying the letters on it incapable of believing he was actually here.
Suddenly, I heard the front door open.
Ikuto! I moved towards the direction of the front door slowly, but soon precipitated into a dash.
My breath hitched and my lungs stopped working. I felt excessively fervent even though it was somewhat suffocating.
A flash of blue was seen as the door was closing, but it soon disappeared behind it.
No! Don't go! Ikuto...!
Daringly but swiftly, I grabbed hold of the door handle and held it in place with all my strength. I held onto as tight as I wished I had held on to Ikuto a year ago when I actually had the chance to hold onto him.
Another Calla Lily slipped through the gap between the door and the doorframe. It landed gracefully on the floor, lonely, but still beautiful. White and pure. I, however, have been soiled a long time ago.
"Please, don't leave..." My voice was a stranger to me. I haven't spoken in such a long time. To be honest, I just didn't have anyone to speak to.
But now I do have a reason to use it again. A purpose. A purpose to live. That is, if I can hold onto him...
I heard a small sigh from the other side. A part of me lit up with hope, while another part frowned from hearing such a depressing sound after getting caught by me.
"See ya." Then the door was pulled closed despite my efforts to keep it open. I wasn't able to hold on before, and I'm still not able to hold on now.
Something in my chest hurt, though I was pretty sure it was my heart. My weak, lovesick heart.
I suddenly lost all the strength I had before. My knees weakened and I lost the power to stand. I slid soundlessly to the cold floor and I sat there with my hands gripped tightly on my dress creating wrinkles that refuses to fade. With tears flowing from my eyes, I was alone and abandoned by my beloved.
Why do I cry so much?
Why can't I be strong?
You're cruel, Ikuto...To leave me all these things to keep you alive in my heart when I can't do anything to keep me in your heart. You're unfair. You're unfair, but you're lucky. You don't have anything holding you back from living. I don't even have anything to live for. But if you came back to me, I would be more than happy to live for you.
Right now though...Don't you realize that you're hurting me? Breaking me?
Does my pain amuse you?
Do you prefer torturing me than loving me?
Am I only an object to help pass time?
Am I so easily expendable that's it's nothing to lose me?
I want to be important to you. So don't leave me here again. With only two words to hold on to. Speak to me. I want to hear your voice. I want to hear you tell me you love me.
Tell me what I can do to make you love me again, Ikuto. Because I can't stop loving you.
You're hurting me so much with all these traces of you.
Tomoyo: So, Ikuto made a very small appearance! He's gonna come in more and more with every chapter. There's alot of angst right now, but this story doesn't have a sad ending. It's happy! Or so I think. xD I'm trying my best not to rush through this story, so if things seem to be moving a little fast, please tell me and I'll slow it down. ^O^ I didn't proofread this chapter as much as chapter one, so if you find any mistakes, please tell me. T^T Cause honestly, grammar/spelling mistakes bug me alot. I think that if you're gonna write a story, write it well. I don't wanna give you all a story that looks like I don't care about it. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please review me because your support means alot to me! :3
OH! And go on my profile for a picture I drew of the scene when Amu found the card and Calla Lily! Amu's skin is a bit pale, but she hasn't been outside for a while so I didn't think it would make sense for her to have a warmer skin colour. D: I know it's not very good, but I tried my best so please don't be mean! T^T If you have any constructive criticism, put it in a review or PM me! ^O^
Recommendation
Song: Namae no Nai Uta
It's a VOCALOID song by Len Kagamine. It's such a pretty song and I heard it a while ago, but now I'm addicted to it all over again! Go listen to it if you have the time. It's really not that long but the tune is so sweet. ^o^
