Chapter 2
"I'm going to ask Olivia to help me prepare for the campaign."
I didn't have a response to that statement and I didn't think she was really requesting my input so I remained silent.
Mellie used the silence to her advantage. "I figure I will need a year to get prepared to run...I want to make myself visible...slowly, I think...you know there's a pace to these things. But still I need to stay relevant and people need to see me apart from you...apart from being First Lady; taking a stand on particular issues that are important to me. It's the first step for me, being on the forefront...gaining my own political capital."
To be honest I only heard every third word of what she said. Overtime, I had learned to wait until the end; allow her to ramble on uninterrupted and wait until a question was asked of me. Then I would respond. It was the easiest way to get through a conversation. So I waited for the question, but it never came.
"Fitz?" She called out into the receiver as if I had suddenly become hard of hearing.
"I'm here and I heard you."
My lack of response was irritating her. I could practically see her rolling her eyes through the phone.
"And?"
"And what?"
She sighed sharply. "And what do you think? What do you have to say about it?... I swear sometimes dealing with you is like pulling teeth."
I closed my eyes, attempting to conjure up patience and reminding myself that this woman is the mother of my children and not just some shrew harping on my phone.
"I...I thought you wanted to go with Leo."
"That was before Olivia returned. Leo lost the campaign for Sally. I don't want a loser handling me." She said it so matter-of-factly as if all the other horrible deeds that came with the campaign didn't even occur. Mellie had a tendency to create her own reality that didn't always line up with truth.
"Well...you need to be prepared for disappointment. Olivia may not be staying. She may be here only because of her father. She has a lot on her plate and I don't think handling your PR and political campaign can be a priority for her."
"Fitz, Olivia doesn't need you to fight her battles. She's a big girl. If she wants to say no to my offer than she can do it on her own. She doesn't need you coddling her. She has moved on and so should you." Her exasperated tone was coupled with the condescension that I absolutely hated. I could feel my temper rising. Only she had the ability to send me from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds.
"Then why are you asking me about it? Why are we having this discussion?" I didn't bother hiding the annoyance I felt. More times than not, if felt like Mellie got pleasure in deliberately goading me into an argument.
"We are having this discussion because she will need your cooperation. You promised to support my campaign and it will take this entire year for me to get ready to run. We may have to even do a sit down interview at some point to discuss our marriage and the divorce; maybe even bring the kids in..."
"NO!" I had to interrupt her when she mentioned Karen and Teddy.
"What?" She chuckled as if saying 'no' to her was unimaginable.
"I said no! The kids are not involved and they will not be involved in your campaign. They will not be doing interviews, televised or not. I don't want it touching them at all...Are we clear?" She wasn't going to use the kids as pawns to evoke maternal empathy and support. There were already whispers questioning her decision to give me full custody of the children and likely she wanted to ensure her saintly image remained intact.
"Fine." She responded gruffly but all too quickly as if she was humoring me, wagering that eventually I would change my mind.
I quickly hung up the phone. It was rude but I didn't care.
XXXXXX
Today was not the day for back-to-back-to-back meetings. I had already popped about 6 Tylenol pills trying to relieve my throbbing headache but when that subsided, the lethargy set in. I was tired and I needed to sleep for hours and hours. Last night was horrible, Karen had another nightmare. I swear each time I hear her scream in the middle of the night it takes years off of my life. I nearly broke my neck trying to get to her and I stayed with her until she could fall back to sleep, unfortunately last night she never did. Early this morning, I had the nurse give her mild sedative just so she could calm her mind and rest.
My ultimate fear is that Gerry's death will continue to haunt us all for the rest of our lives. Teddy was so young that he would hopefully remain unscathed by the incident but Karen was different. It was clear that she couldn't handle it and needed help. She had seen a therapist months ago and after a few appointments, she claimed she was fine and no longer needed to go. I encouraged her to continue but both she and Mellie no longer saw the need for it. Now, though, I was going to insist she go back. She couldn't go on this way.
I was operating on 2 hours of sleep which was definitely not sufficient considering how long-winded Cyrus could be. It took all of my concentration to focus on their words and then I heard a familiar chord; words, phrases, ideas and strategies synonymous with one person and one person only.
My look must have drastically changed because Cyrus stopped speaking abruptly. Abby, being new to the White House as Press Secretary, had no idea what was happening so she dutifully picked up where Cyrus left off and continued defending their argument.
"Abby….Abby…Abby…stop!" Cyrus demanded.
Abby stopped talking and glared at Cyrus.
I took a deep breath and pinched the ridge of my nose. It had been a month since the WHCD and still I was never going to escape this or her. "I didn't know Olivia Pope was now weighing in on matters of State."
Abby shifted nervously in her seat; her eyes frantically darting between me and Cyrus. "Sir?"
I sighed. "Abby you may not know this but I can tell when Olivia Pope is in a room, even when she is not in a room. I know her words; I know how she speaks; I know when she advises my staff and when they in turn regurgitate her words."
Abby was silenced as she sunk further into the couch. She didn't know what to say so she looked to Cyrus for a lifeline.
"Sir, despite the source, the information is sound and it should be given the proper consideration…Will you consider it?"
I could feel myself becoming irritated. Maybe it was my lack of sleep; the reminder of my deceased son or the fact that the one woman I wanted but could never have was constantly being thrown in my face. "That'll be all…I need to get ready for my next meeting." I stood up and walked to my desk. I needed to occupy my mind with something else.
"Sir?" Cyrus pressed.
"I heard you Cyrus and I said that would be all." My voice was louder and harsher than I intended but I just wanted a moment alone. As alone as I could be in this house with eyes and ears everywhere trained to constantly zero in on me.
"Of course," Cyrus conceded and I didn't look up at him again. When I heard the door closed, I assumed I was alone, but I was wrong.
"She's not doing well, by the way," Abby broached through the silence.
I just stared at her. I didn't want to know; I didn't want to care but I did. I would always care about her. Abby took my silence as permission to continue. She got up from the couch and sat in the chair in front of my desk. A soft expression appeared on her face that I had never seen; uncharacteristic of the woman I had come to know.
"I was angry when she left….I was even angrier when she came back. I wouldn't see her for a month. Finally, I broke down. I had dinner with her last night. And I can tell you for a certainty that she is not doing good. She's not the same woman that left here months ago. She's….she's a shadow of who she was. And she misses you…she misses you a lot…Look I'm not saying that she wasn't wrong for leaving the way she did and I'm not saying that you should forgive her….I'm just saying your should hear her out. That's it…that's all."
Abby stood and before leaving said, "Her father's funeral is in a couple of days. I know he doesn't deserve your consideration but maybe she does. She might need your support. I know she would appreciate it."
XXXXX
"Dad?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Thanks for bringing me…I just want to give my sympathies to Olivia. We don't have to stay long." Karen was perceptive beyond her years. She knew there was something between me and Olivia. She knew this would be uncomfortable for me and as she often did lately, tried to relieve my suffering in some way. This was not how she should be spending her childhood. Regrettably, life and circumstances and sub-standard parents were forcing her to grow up too quickly.
"It's okay Karen. It's the right thing to do," was all I could say. I wanted to say 'where was Olivia when my son was murdered?'or 'how am I supposed to stand before the grave of the monster who murdered my son?' but none of that was for Karen's ears.
The car pulled to a stop and through the tinted windows I could already see the crowd of people at the grave site – family, friends, co-workers – all expressing remorse over the death of a 'great man'. I almost snorted in disbelief. This man ruined my entire life before and after I met Olivia and all I could feel was inner peace and joy at the fact that his toxic existence had left this earth.
As routine, we had to wait for the Secret Service to give us the all clear to exit the vehicle. When we finally exited, I held Karen's hand as we crossed the manicured lawn to join the other grievers.
I could feel the moment Olivia and Jake acknowledged my presence. Jake's arm drew possessively tighter around Olivia and even behind her dark glasses I could see her eyes widening in surprise.
Karen and I joined the line of people waiting to express their condolences to Olivia. When we reached them, I kept my gaze focused on Karen. I watched as she hugged Olivia and expressed her remorse over the death of her father. Karen gave Olivia a card and hugged her again.
"Mr. President," Jake said in greeting.
My face was expressionless as I nodded my head in return. "Captain Ballard." I overlooked the slight of him not saluting me as his Commander-in-Chief. Jake no longer matter to me; nothing about him entered my thoughts anymore.
"Olivia, I'm sorry for your loss," I said briefly and moved on before she could say anything in reply, although I doubt she would. I couldn't shake her hand. We could never touch again. I was afraid to feel her skin against mine. There was always a spark, an electric current that traveled between us when we touched and I didn't want to experience it. Whatever was there, now had to be extinguished permanently.
I ushered Karen to the back row of white chairs. I invited her to take a seat, while I stood flanked by Secret Servicemen. I could see cameramen keeping a safe distance but no doubt using their high-powered lenses to focus in on me. I was always a spectacle, whether publicly or in private.
I could see Cyrus, Abby and other WH workers coming to attend the services. And then Mellie with Andrew at a safe distance walking toward them as well. They were doing quite well keeping their affair a secret; it was commendable. I could only admire their discretion and candor.
From my vantage point, I saw everyone coming to speak to Olivia, who barely said a word in return. She gave weak smiles and 'thank-yous'. As beautiful as she was, she looked frail and weak. I could tell she wasn't eating properly, as if she ever did. She never had good eating habits, but this was different. The strength and power she radiated had been dimmed; darkening even more so since the WHCD. Maybe Abby was right; she wasn't the same woman after all but then again, none of us were.
The minister began to speak by the gravesite and several times Olivia turned her head in my direction. It seemed as if she was trying to confirm that I was still there. Each time she did, Jake stroked her arm. It was a typical guy move, meant to remind her that he was the one there by her side. His insecurity was telling and it gave me solace that maybe I wasn't that easily replaceable.
The minister spoke of salvation and redemption and forgiveness of sins. He recounted the brilliance of the man that lay before us. I heard his assurance that Rowan/Eli/Command or whatever the hell he called himself was now in heaven looking down on us. I wanted to laugh at the mockery. Faith and religion were always the fallback for the absolution of wicked men. If men like Rowan were in heaven then who was hell reserved for?
Much like everything else in this town, it was a farce, an act put on for the benefit of the masses. I wondered if, after my term was over and I left DC would I regain my ability to see the good in mankind without any trace of cynicism. I highly doubted it; I had been tainted beyond repair.
I was caught up in my thoughts and barely noticed that the services were ending. I remained where I stood, allowing Karen to say her good-byes to everyone.
"You're a good guy. You know that don't you?" Abby said as she walked upon me with a gleam in her eye, like she knew a secret about me that I hadn't yet discovered.
"Actually, I'm really not," I easily countered.
"Learn to take a compliment Mr. President; you won't hear many coming from me."
I found my first smile of the day. One of the things I appreciated about Abby was her sassy, no-nonsense way of censuring me. When she first came aboard, she was a little reserved, trying to find her way and fighting to build her reputation. But when the walls came down and she became comfortable with me and Cyrus, the real Abby, the ballsy one with no filter, emerged. And I liked this version much better.
"By the way, it's that dreaded time for the Hunting Party again. Care to go shooting with me this week? I need to practice in front of someone I'm not afraid to embarrass myself with."
She laughed. "Not a problem Mr. President. And I promise not to tweet about it this time." She was joking or at least I hoped she was.
Before I could say anything further, she walked away and rejoined her husband David in speaking with Olivia and Jake. Karen was busy talking with her mother and Andrew. I could feel Olivia's eyes watching me but willed myself not to look in her direction.
With a fake smile and kind demeanor, I entertained the conversations of several other people before I joined up with Cyrus and walked back to toward the cars.
"Dad!" I heard Karen call out to me from behind. I turned and waited for her to catch up.
She grabbed my hand and said, "Olivia said to tell you "Thank You"."
XXXXXX
It was already past 10PM. Andrew and I were finishing up for the evening. It was one of the three days a week where I allowed myself to work late in the Oval. Mellie and I had an arrangement for her to have dinner with Karen and Teddy in the residence on those nights. It wasn't by coincidence that Andrew chose to stay late on the same nights; it allowed him to leave with Mellie without any suspicion.
"When I first came here...I resented you...real bad. I think..I practically hated you," Andrew began. The sudden shift in conversation threw me. It was as if Andrew was giving confessional. "When you had Olivia come to me about Mellie, that was low...For her of all people to judge my relationship with Mellie?...I thought you and her were the biggest hypocrites I could ever know."
This conversation was long in coming. We had dismissed it; glossed over it and pretended everything was great between us. But it wasn't and I knew it was time to put it all on the table. He needed to talk and I respected him enough to know I needed to listen.
Andrew and I always made a great political team. He was smart, daring and yet sensible; I valued his political opinion. However, my personal life was another matter and while I could respect what he had to say, I didn't want to get into a deep philosophical discussion where he examined my psyche, my actions and intentions. I already had a therapist that was performing that tedious task on a weekly basis.
"I just...I never understood you Fitz. I never understood why you couldn't appreciate Mellie; why you kept Olivia hanging on a string; why you couldn't just make a choice and be done with it….I figured you were just a selfish son of a bitch. But I get it now. I get the frustration of hiding who you love and being weighed down by public perceptions and civic responsibilities...Still..."
He shook his head, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, "Olivia said to me once that men like me, like you, always choose power over love. Always….But I just don't know if I would have made the same choices you did."
It probably should have felt strange to be discussing this with a man who was sleeping with my wife and still pursuing a relationship with my ex-wife. Oddly, though, it doesn't bother me. I didn't feel jealous or contentious; I didn't have the urge to fight against it. I'm indifferent to it all.
"You wouldn't have…You're wiser than me Andrew. You would've known the moment you were losing her and you would've fought to keep her. You would've given up everything….everything…to keep her. I didn't and I will pay for it every single day of my life."
I wasn't looking for his pity and thankfully he didn't offer it. In the words of my therapist, I was learning to live in my truth. Andrew nodded his head in understanding, gathered the last of his papers and left the Oval.
XXXXXX
I was on my second round of news cycle. I took another swallow of my beer while I watched CNN criticize my foreign policy and MSNBC host a round-table discussion on the consequences of the Presidential Divorce. Interestingly, the women criticized Mellie while the men criticized me; I wondered if that was by design. Even though I had given a full press conference about the divorce, it was evident that none of them believed the reasons I provided. They were too busy speculating on other possible causes of the fall out. Part of their analysis was all the sex scandals I faced during my terms – Amanda Tanner, Jeanine Locke and of course Olivia Pope. When Olivia's face flashed on the screen, I felt my heart rate beat faster.
There was not a day that went by that I didn't think about her; miss her and remember one aspect of our relationship or another. But then the shroud of the darker periods would weigh in and I would wonder if I had ruined her life. Would she have been happier if she never met me?
Somewhere in the distance I heard a phone ringing. It wasn't the residence phone and it wasn't my cell phone. After several rings it stopped. I checked Karen's room and saw her phone charging on her nightstand.
Maybe I was hearing things. I decided to take a shower and go to bed. I was almost undressed when I heard the ringing again. I searched through the rooms, trying to get closer and closer to the sound.
I finally found the source of the ringing. It was a phone I had never seen before; a burner phone in my coat pocket. I had no idea how it got there or who put it there. The caller ID showed a restricted number. I almost pressed ignore but curiosity got the best of me and I touched the button to answer the line.
I could hear the faint breathing on the other end and I waited to see what the caller would say.
"Hi."
I almost dropped the phone; hearing her voice on the phone was the last thing I ever expected. I was speechless. I didn't realized how starved I was to hear her speak until I found myself clinging to and repeating her "Hi" in my head on a constant loop.
"Fitz?" her voice was barely a whisper. It was tentative, desperate, shy even; like she was afraid I would hang up in her face or refuse to talk to her.
"Fitz please….please don't hang up."
(A/N: I truly hadn't planned on doing this. I was going to leave the one-shot and not come back to this story but the ideas kept coming and as much as I tried to ignore it, it kept coming back. So here it is. The feedback I received for chapter 1 was better than I expected. There were some who really, really hated it. But for the most part many of you were able to tolerate the story. LOL
OLITZ is 100% my endgame but IMO they both need to be stronger in order to truly commit to each other.
My idea for the next chapter will be the OLITZ conversation. I can't promise when it will be posted as I have the other stories to update but it's coming...I promise.
Again, I know some of you may hate this update too and that's okay. I understand. I hate their circumstances too but as they say "it is what it is".
Thanks for suffering through the story.)
