notes:
+ takes place in the time skipped during episode 3
+ let me know if you spot any errors
+ & enjoy :)
Obstacle Course
For the next phase of 3D gear training they had to put on their full harnesses by themselves, a feat only half the trainees could manage without tangling themselves up beyond escape. Shadis was further unamused by the inability of the trainees to fire their gear hooks at the targets set before them, much less hit the targets at all. By the end of the day, the only trainee who could both wear her harness and hit a target was Mikasa, who was rewarded with a warm potato that she ate while watching the rest of the squad run muddy laps in the rain.
"You went partying after all last night?" Mikasa asked later in the cafeteria, having observed Eren and Armin stumbling over the grounds, and both of them raised their heads from the table just enough to shake them.
"No," Armin explained wearily, "but we ended up sleeping in the forest."
"The...forest? Why did you do that?"
"No reason!" Eren snapped, glaring at the air in front of him, and didn't see Armin look at Mikasa helplessly. He was furious with himself, and frustrated. His brain had been corrupted — his focus on titans cracked. Whenever he bumped someone (felt the pressure of them on him), or caught sight of them out of the corner of his eye (the ambiguous shape, like he had seen in the window last night), his blood raced, tried to escape and drag his mind along with it. He rested his head in his hands. How was he going to stop this? How —
"Aaaahh!" Eren yelled and leaped back from the table, chair clattering. Mikasa's hand remained, hovering over where his brow had been, fingers outstretched, graceful.
"What are you doing?" he demanded, and in response Mikasa reached toward him again, faster this time. When she withdrew, a leaf was pinched in her thumb and forefinger. She twisted it in front of his nose.
"Ah..."
"Calm down, Eren," Mikasa said. "You're not going to make it into the scouting legion if you panic when I'm just trying to take something out of your hair."
She was right. "Yeah...okay, okay," he muttered.
"Besides," Mikasa added, "I can help you to tonight, if you want."
"Wh — what?!"
"With the hooks," she clarified, tapping her 3D gear. The flesh of her thigh shook. Eren swallowed and finally managed, "No, I'm okay. I think all I need is some rest."
But no amount of sleep ever felt like enough in the morning. Their hours changed by the day, preparing them for the unexpected, until the barest hint of the waking bell at any hour could have them out of bed and into their uniforms before it had even stopped ringing. Once the majority of trainees were able to hit the targets with their gear, they started training in teams that rotated between various activities: hand-to-hand combat, running, wilderness survival, and so on. The activity that Eren hated the most was the obstacle course, which was the name of a section of the forest canopy laden with large wooden rings they had to swing through in order. His 3D gear's hooks hit the trees as often as Eren himself did, and each night he retreated to the barracks, his body and ego covered in bruises.
"What do you think, Jean? Bruises finally faded enough so that they won't scare anyone when I'm showing off?" Marco was examining himself in the long mirror in the barracks bathroom, which was cracked and foggy but did the job with a little smudging and squinting.
"It doesn't matter how many muscles you have if you're going to be leering at people like that," Jean replied dryly.
"Doesn't matter how many muscles you have if the person you're after only cares about one man," Marco shot back with a laugh, and Jean's face turned dark in the mirror as Eren entered, face slack with exhaustion.
"Come on, there's a lot of other people to choose from," Connie piped up, and then rubbed his nose surreptitiously. "If anything, the training is making some of them way more attractive than it is any of us..."
Eren paled and fled. But they were right, and that was part of the reason that, after two weeks, he still hadn't finished the obstacle course. The team assigned to the obstacle course practiced it all at once, as practice for remaining cognizant if each others' presence in the air, and no sooner would he be on his way for getting through a ring than one of the female trainees would suddenly swoop past — too close — body strained, wiggling against her harnesses — and then Eren would miss the next branch — or shoot too early, and tangle his wires — or shoot too late, and allow his momentum to carry him into the nearest tree.
As the days progressed he got worse, not better. He knew enough about his body to know what it wanted — his father had explained everything to Mikasa and him, way back when — but he never actually imagined that he would start feeling this way, so — inconveniently — so — against his will. He searched desperately for ways to be alone, but it was impossible: because they were in teams, there was always someone somewhere, resting or practicing or eating, and it was impossible to find a place to remedy himself that was as private as he wanted. And every time he thought he had a chance to be alone, Mikasa would suddenly intercept him.
"Eren," she called as he was heading to the barracks. "Don't forget to oil your harness."
"Eren," she called as he was heading discreetly into an empty part of the forest, "did you eat dinner?"
"Eren," she called, just as he was about to enter the bathhouse, "how was the obstacle course today?"
"Fine! It was fine! Sorry, Mikasa, I'm in a rush —"
But it was too late. Reiner and Connie had beat him into the empty bathroom. He wanted to scream and instead he just rested his forehead against the bathhouse wall with a groan.
Mikasa approached, confused. "Do you need help with anything?"
"No! I'm fine! Really," he told her sharply, "just — I'm tired right now. I'm going to rest," he announced, and Mikasa watched, crestfallen, as he stormed off to the men's barracks. Why was he avoiding her? They had constantly been on separate teams for the past couple weeks and she hadn't had the chance to see him — much less discuss the little aches she was having, deeper than her sore muscles and calloused skin, a below-belly hunger that she couldn't fill with bread or Shadis's steam of potato rewards. It only swelled whenever she saw him, whenever she saw Christa discreetly pulling her collar over kiss marks on her neck, whenever she practiced with her gear deeper in the forest and spotted Hannah and Franz there, hidden not-too-discreetly in the foliage.
Luckily they were set to be on the same team the next day. She took an early shower and went to the obstacle course just as the sun was rising, and was surprised to see Eren already there, fussing with his harness.
"Eren," she called, and Eren yelped and jumped.
"M — Mikasa, what are you — isn't it – really early —?"
"I thought I'd get warmed up," she explained, and watched as Eren fumbled, quickly buckling his belt, tucking his shirt in. She caught a glimpse of his stomach, lined already with muscle, and was surprised to see it. So Eren was working hard. Not that she had doubted it — but something twitched in her to actually see it — evidence of his diligence. And when he pulled his jacket on over the harness she saw that he was struggling to get his arms into the sleeves.
"It's getting too small," she observed.
"Huh?"
"Your jacket — it's getting too small. Because you're gaining muscle mass." She considered. "My jacket is still too big. Do you want to trade?"
"No," he told her, but she was already taking it off, and holding it out to him, and when he didn't take it she shook it against his chest encouragingly. It smelled different than his musty, dirt-scraped jacket — it smelled soapy — and it was dotted with drops that had fallen from her wet hair — the same drops that had beaded on the collar of her uniform, her chest — which was rising and falling — and rising — Eren flushed. Since when did Mikasa get such big…?
"Come on, Eren, just take it."
"No," he told her, and then said it again, snapping, "No," no way he was going to drag Mikasa into his stupid concentration problems, what was he thinking, Mikasa and her body suddenly tall and full and obvious without her jacket on, he turned his back on her and yelled at himself, Stop it, concentrate on titans, think about titans, and behind him Mikasa blinked. She held the jacket up another moment, in shock, and then put it back on again, wordless, her eyes on the ground.
She retreated to a stump and they waited in silence until the rest of their team, and Shadis, finally arrived. Armin was teamed with them this time and his waving hand paused when Eren and Mikasa both returned his greeting sullenly.
"Um…what happened?"
"Nothing," Eren told him, and when Armin looked at Mikasa in bewilderment she only shrugged.
"Well," Armin laughed nervously, "let's do our best today, okay? I know today's the day you'll make it through the course, Eren!"
"Yeah. Definitely."
The trainees began putting on their harnesses as Shadis spoke, and Eren shifted his eyes away firmly as Annie adjusted the harness across her legs, and straightened the belt across her bottom.
"Jaeger! Did you hear me?"
"Ah — sir! No, sir!"
"I said that I want to see all of you get through this course today," Shadis told him coldly. "Including you, Jaeger. Or we'll have to reconsider whether you're fit to serve humanity after all."
Eren paled. "I — I am!"
"Don't jabber to me about it! Just prove it!"
Eren swallowed. I can do it, he thought determinedly. I made it with the rusted 3D gear — I can do it now — I can do it I can do it I can do it.
But it was taking an awfully long time. By noon Eren had still just managed the first two rings, and could only just clip the third with his ankle, which was enough to send him into a dead spin in the air. He avoided looking at Shadis by staring down at his trembling hands, the right one bleeding at the fingernail where he had scrabbled at a trunk to keep from plummeting to the ground.
Focus, he begged himself. Focus.
"Last run of the day," Shadis announced as the afternoon crawled into evening. "If all of you make it through in three minutes, you can go to dinner. If not, laps."
Everyone's cries of delight were quickly smothered by glares in Eren's direction. He swallowed and took his position on the starting area.
"On my mark," Shadis announced, and Eren took a deep breath. Focus. Focus.
"Go!"
He shot up into the air after the others, without flourish, shooting through the first and second rings successfully. The chilling evening air was filled with the hiss and clouds of gas from the maneuver gear, which flickered with the shadows of people passing to and fro overhead. Focus. Focus. His eyes searched the shadows and crooks in the trees where the hooks would lodge best.
There! A hook shot out and buried in the bark — but not his, which landed an instant later, and to the right. He yelled as the reels in the gear propelled him forward, straight into a blonde figure who just finished landing on a bough.
"Ann —"
She looked up, but too late; Eren's body collided into hers, and she yelled as she was shoved off the branch. For a moment they were falling together, his flailing arms wrapped around her — but then she shot off another hook and recovered, dangling for only a moment before zipping to continue the course. Eren shot off his other hook in panic as well, and watched as it sailed, expended its length into the empty air. He thrashed, yelled, arms rowing —
— and then yelled again as something slammed into him — he gasped for breath — Mikasa hissed as Eren's weight pitched her balance more than she expected — they spun in the air but her unwinding wires softened their speed, and they met the ground running, stumbling, falling. Eren wheezed and coughed as he tumbled onto his back, sucking breath back into his crushed lungs.
"Eren! Mikasa! Are you alright?" Armin cried from a branch overhead. Mikasa stood, rubbing her head, and Eren groaned.
"Yeah..."
"Yeah," Mikasa replied, reeling the hook back into her gear and starting to pull Eren up by the shoulder.
"Hurry up, Eren! You can still make it!"
"Don't touch me," Eren groaned, pulling his shoulder away from Mikasa.
"Eren?" she said in confusion.
"Eren!" Armin yelled. "Stand up! Come on!"
He couldn't. He rolled into a ball. The leg he had fallen on hurt, but more than that...for just a moment, Annie had been in his arms, and it had felt...even in that fleeting moment, really warm —
What was the matter with him? He covered his face with his arms. Groans rang out from the canopy around him. The next voice was Shadis's.
"Alright, time's up! Everyone head back to the grounds and run ten laps!"
:::
Eren refused to be consoled or carried from the forest and only waved furiously at Mikasa and Armin when they offered to at least help him remove his gear and harness.
"I'm fine!" he snapped. "Just go away!"
"We'll wait for you at least," Armin offered, and Eren turned red.
"No! I'm fine, just — just let me rest a little! Go do your laps!"
There was no reasoning with him. Mikasa couldn't even think of a titan-related encouragement. At the very least Eren seemed too energetic to be seriously hurt, and after a while he did make it out to run his laps, just in time for the trainees that finished running to scowl at him as they made their way off the field. Mikasa watched as he avoided all their gazes, glancing up only briefly to glance at Annie, who said only, "Watch it next time," to which he nodded and looked away, cheeks red.
Mikasa gasped. Armin glanced over at her in shock.
"What? What is it, Mikasa?"
"Nothing," she answered, nothing, except that it felt like she had crashed into a tree and been gutted by the branches. She put her hand against her brow.
"We were all so sure that Eren was interested in you…"
Though she would have never said it, she believed the same. Or, at least, she believed that even if Eren continued chasing titans, she and Armin would always be the humans at his side. She never thought — that other people would ever —
Was this why he had been avoiding her? Is this why he hadn't even looked at her recently?
"Five more, Eren!" Armin called out, and Eren waved him off and panted on. Mikasa watched him circle around the grounds.
"On the bright side," Armin said, "I think that's record timing," and Mikasa made herself nod. Eren's obstacle teams had always suffered extra laps, and it was showing; this time the full ten took him only seven minutes, instead of the fifteen that it used to take, and once he was finished he didn't collapse immediately but but remained standing, supporting himself on his knees. Armin and Mikasa ran out to meet him, Armin handing him a bottle of water.
"Thanks," Eren muttered, not sounding particularly grateful, and sat up, panting, his face dark. Armin studied him for a moment.
"Don't get discouraged about the obstacle course," he said, patting Eren's shoulder. "You'll get it eventually."
"I'm not upset about the course," Eren muttered.
"You should be," Shadis said, and the three of them looked up. Shadis had approached so quietly none of them had noticed, and now, standing above them with his face shadowed by sunset, he was particularly intimidating.
"You better get through that course tomorrow, Jaeger," he said, voice cold. "Or you're off. I'm not so cruel that I'd send out an incompetent child out just to fly into the mouth of the first titan he sees."
"I'll do it," Eren said fiercely, but Shadis was already walking away.
Mikasa's mouth was dry. She turned to Armin. "There's no way Shadis would actually drop Eren. Right?"
"Shadis drop Eren? Of..." Armin saw Mikasa's face and reconsidered. "Uh, I mean, I don't know."
"No! You do know!"
"No! I mean — I don't think that he wouldn't…not…drop him..."
Her face darkened and she grabbed Eren's shoulder. "Come on. We are practicing. Right now."
She had been afraid this whole time that Eren would propel himself ahead of her — but she never imagined that he might drop out away completely.
"Right now?" they said in shock.
"Yes." Like hell would she allow Eren to get dropped from training and get sent back to the cities or who-knows-where without her.
"Mikasa, we've been working all day — and there's a whole new day tomorrow — and the team I'm on tomorrow is going to do the running course," Armin stammered, and Mikasa waved her hand. "That's fine, go back then, go to bed. Come on, Eren."
And when Eren hesitated she raised her voice. "Are you giving up the fight? If Shadis drops you, Eren, how are you supposed to kill all the titans on earth?!"
He reddened. "Alright! Fine! Let's practice!"
"Good luck, you guys," Armin called as Mikasa dragged Eren back to the obstacle course. "Be — be careful, Eren! Don't break a leg!"
