Acceptance
It was the night of Luke's big game, and I was scrambling to finish dinner at Mom's café.
"Karen, you ready to go?" Keith called to my mom as I finished up. I hopped up from my seat and accepted my jacket from Haley with a smile.
"Oh, I'm not going," Mom smiled. "I've decided to stay open, I could use the business."
"Mom," I said, slightly disappointed in her. Didn't she understand what a big deal this game was?
"You talked to Luke about this?" Keith asked.
"No, but he'll understand," Mom said, and then looked at me. "Right?"
It was only then I could really see how stressed she was about it. However hard it was for me to look at Dan, it must have just as hard if not worse for her. She had loved him once and he had abandoned her. I had never loved him, so it really did have to be worst on her. "Right," I said softly.
"Karen…" Keith began.
"She doesn't want to go," Haley interrupted. "She doesn't want to see her high school sweetheart slash your brother Dan slash the jerk who abandoned Lucas and Beth slash the father of Nathan the star player slash my wrist if I hear this story again, let's go."
"Oh my God, Haley," I whispered, totally scandalised. I loved the girl, but God she really had some boundary issues. I followed her outside and she shrugged.
"It's why you said 'right'," she said. "You get she doesn't want to see Dan."
"Nobody wants to see Dan," I said, but added, "She should probably still go to support Luke."
Keith came outside. I took one last look at my mother through the window, and she had an anxious look on her face. Maybe she already regretted not coming.
I took a seat with my uncle and Haley in the gym, which was already getting crowded. Basketball might as well have been religion in this town. I waved at Skills, Junk and Fergie, wondering if Mouth and Jimmy were prepping for their big debut.
"Keith," Dan Scott had some nerve. He looked at me for a moment, just long enough so I knew that he saw I was there, before turning back to his brother. "Finally came to see your nephew play, huh big brother?"
"Yeah, I guess you can say that," Keith said, putting his hand on my arm to try and calm me down. Dan continued on his way while I seethed. "Don't let him bother you, Beth."
I tore open a packet of M&Ms with my teeth. "He doesn't bother me."
I ignored the knowing looks Haley and Keith gave each other, looking out onto the basketball court where the teams were warming up. He called Keith 'big brother'. It's what I called Lucas at my most affectionate. I didn't want to have anything in common with Dan Scott.
I spotted Clay Evans saying something to Nathan, who laughed. I wondered if it was at Luke's expense. With a frown, I shoved a bunch of M&Ms in my mouth, which was of course the moment that Clay looked over at me. He gave me another one of those amused grins and he returned his attention to his team.
"Do my eyes deceive me, or did Clay Evans just smile at you?" Haley said softly, thankfully so my uncle didn't hear.
I turned to her and showed her my overly chocolaty grin, cracking her up. "I turn the guys on, Hales, what can I say?"
"Oh that's charming," Keith laughed, seeing my mouth bulging with chocolate. I smirked as best I could before managing to swallow it all.
The game began as I shouted out to Luke, "Go Luke! You can do this!"
Well, in that game he certainly couldn't. It was like he had completely lost any basketball abilities, and my stomach sunk for him as Whitey was forced to bench him.
"Well, this could have gone better," Keith muttered sympathetically.
Luke disappeared after the game, and the three of us rode in silence on the way home. I knew Luke was most likely on the River Court, but knew better than anyone that he needed some time alone.
As I got into bed that night, I put on a movie that had nothing to do with basketball, and suddenly wondered why I had wanted change. Luke was where he deserved to be and he was choking.
I tried to talk to Luke but he just blew me off. So instead I threw myself into what I always did. I was either found in rehearsals for the latest school play, actually paying attention in class for a change, and generally avoiding the people who were sniggering over "Lucas Scott's choking".
In the middle of the week, Skills had some interesting news for us at lunch.
"So Kelly's English class," he said. "Luke punched Nathan."
"What?" Haley gasped.
"No way!" Mouth said, mouth gaping.
"Why?" I asked shrewdly. Luke wouldn't hit Nathan without provocation, of that I was sure.
Skills looked uncomfortable. "Nathan started him, I guess."
It wasn't hard to find out through the drama club gossip chain that Nathan had called Luke a bastard. My blood boiled, but I remained silent, wondering how it became Lucas and my shame instead of Dan's.
I didn't have any classes with Luke that day, and I had to rehearse some scenes after school so I didn't see him until dinner at the café.
I had been running late, so I grabbed a seat where Mom was seated and waved at Luke and Haley who were in the kitchen.
"How were rehearsals?" Mom greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.
"Going well," I said with a smile. "Working out all the kinks and everything."
"When's opening night?" she asked as Luke came over.
"In a few weeks," I said. "I was gonna grab tickets for you guys and Keith. Skills wants to come but he fell asleep half way through the last one." I couldn't help but smile at the thought of my idiotic best friend, even if he was totally embarrassing.
"I'll be there," Mom promised, and I saw Luke clench his jaw. I felt bad. I knew he had felt let down when Mom hadn't come to the game. "So," she said to Luke as he sipped his water. "Are you going to tell me about the fight or just assume I know about it while I yell at you?"
Haley had literally just sat down, quickly said, "Is that the phone? I'll get it."
I couldn't blame her as she fled. However, she had probably already talked about it with Luke. I wanted to hear what had happened.
"Still here," Mom said, not looking impressed in the slightest.
"Mom, he had it coming," Luke said defensively.
"Did he call you a bastard?" I asked, my voice trembling with anger.
Luke sent me a sympathetic look, but Mom forged ahead with her lecture, "No, it doesn't matter what Nathan said. You know, they called me today. I was certain they had the wrong Scott. And then they told me they had two Scotts and I could take my pick. Honestly, Lucas, fighting in class. Fighting at all!"
"But the guy was being a jerk!" Luke yelled.
"And this is suddenly a surprise to you? He hasn't been a jerk before?" she responded.
"No, he's always a jerk!" he said.
"How long are we supposed to sit back and take this, Mom?" I said quietly, my anger simmering just under the surface. "They walk around like Luke and I are the embarrassments, not Dan for what he did. Not Nathan for anything he does."
"Beth," Mom began, sounding annoyed. "Neither of you need to stoop down to his level. You got drunk, Lucas is getting into fights."
"Oh, good," I snapped, getting up. "So you agree with the rest of the town that Luke and I are the embarrassments. Thanks, Mom."
I headed out of the café, ignoring Mom's call of, "Elizabeth Moira, that is not what I said – " as I slammed the door behind me. I started to walk, wrapping my arms around me.
I found myself on the River Court, where Skills, Fergie and Junk were playing a game while Jimmy and Mouth commentated.
"Beth Scott, ladies and gentlemen," Mouth announced as I arrived on the court. "Making a triumphant return to the River Court?"
"Yeah, you been missing a lot lately," Skills said.
"I saw you all at school today," I reminded them with a laugh. "However, if you need to be schooled on the court…"
"You can be on my team!" Junk quickly said.
"Hell no," Skills said. "Best friend right here!"
"Sorry Junk," I said with a grin, stealing the ball off Fergie and shooting an easy basket. "Skills made me pinky swear him years ago I'd always be on his team."
The guys started mocking Skills for his pinky swear, and he sent me a death glare. "Really?"
I couldn't help but laugh. This was why I always ended up at the River Court. We started to play and I was finally able to block out all this bad stuff about Nathan and Dan and just enjoy myself.
I arrived home later that night, with a triumphant grin on my face. Skills and I had broken out into a rap and a dance on the court when we wiped the floor with Junk and Fergie. I even got Jimmy to join in, getting him to rap as I attempted and failed hilariously at doing the worm.
Mom was waiting on the front step for me. I felt guilty for my blow up at her earlier. It wasn't even her I was mad at.
"Where have you been?" she asked quietly, as I took a seat beside her.
"River Court," I answered.
She nodded. "Look, we have to talk about this," she said. "No yelling, no anger. Do you think we can do that?" I nodded. "Good. I don't like what this is doing to you, Beth. I see the way you throw yourself into your rehearsals and your school work instead of dealing with all this."
"I wanted Luke to play," I said honestly. "But he choked, and I feel so bad for him. It made things worse instead of better. He gets it worse than I do at school, because Nathan thinks he's trying to take his place. I thought if I stayed away from it all I'd be less angry."
"Angry at Nathan?"
"A bit Nathan," I said honestly. "But mostly Dan. Because half the time Nathan talks it sounds like it came out of Dan's mouth and he's just the puppet. I don't want to be this angry, Mom. I don't want them to know that they bother me so much. How do you do it?"
She gave a little bitter laugh. "I have my moments, believe me," her voice turned gentle. "I don't regret one second of one day with you and Lucas. And that's what gets me through. Even though he chose basketball over me, over us, he still gave me the two of you."
I hugged Mom tightly. "I'm sorry I went off at you."
"It's okay," she said. "And it will be okay, Beth."
I nodded, hoping she was right. I was hoping that Lucas could prove, to himself above all, that he deserved to be on that court.
In English the next day, my teacher seemed to know that using one word to describe people wasn't going to work, so we were asked to write one word of what we wanted out of our lives.
I wrote 'acceptance'. I would accept that I couldn't change who my father or half-brother were. I would remind myself that my family with Mom, Luke and Keith were all I needed.
Mom joined Keith and I at the basketball game. And I saw Luke had blacked out the name 'Scott' on his jersey. I couldn't help but smile as I realised maybe we could all accept how things were from now on.
But that all changed in the moment that Luke made the game winning shot. Acceptance of your world was one thing until your whole world changed once again.
