Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and (various witty remark #29.5).
On the last chapter of If I was a Ninja,...
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Brogan: Matt, I'm pregnant,... and Pat is the father!
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Sesshomaru: Come, Inuyasha! Join me and the dark side!
Inuyasha: No, never! You killed my father!
Sesshomaru: No! I am your father!... 's son, making me your brother!
Inuyasha: Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
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Brogan: Matt, I'm pregnant,... and Sesshomaru is the father!
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Matt: Hamtaro! Little hamsters, big adventures! My best friends! We like sunflower seeds! Yum, yum, yum!
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Mario: Matt, I'm-a pregnant,... and your-a the father!
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Pat: Yum! We're eating ramen and waiting for further instruction!
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Seto Kiba: You don't stand a GHOST of a chance!
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Brogan: Matt, I'm pregnant,... and Syrus is the...
Matt: No fucking way!
Brogan: Ok, I made that one up.
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Matt, the Narrator: Now back to this week's chapter of If I was a Ninja, wait, did any of that stuff really happen?
Matt and company had been waiting for a few hours when a turtle flew through then window and exploded, leaving a gaping hole in reality. A package suddenly fell out and the hole fixed itself.
Pat, picking up the note: Okay, are objective is to track down and assassinate a rouge agent, thats it... that's all the info they gave us... this sucks!
Brogan: Calm down, maybe it's in the box.
Brogan opened the box to reveal 3 pistols.
Matt, holding the gun: This is lame? I've got like 6 of these in my trench coat right now.
Pat: 6? Why do you need 6?
Matt: One for every appendage on my body, and my mouth.
Pat: That's only 5?
Matt: Every appendage.
Pat:... ew.
Matt, pocketing the pistol: Whatever, I'm gonna go to one of those mixed baths that Japan so popular for.
Matt then jumped out the window.
Pat: Should we have told him that this isn't Japan?
Brogan: Nah, it's good for him to figure things out for himself.
Pat: Whatever, I gonna go challenge Choji to a pie eating contest.
Pat then jumped out the window, forgetting that they were 5 stories up and landed on top of Matt's unconscious body.
Brogan was about to go outside when she noticed a tiny card on the floor.
Brogan, reading the card: OOC Gun... this'll be fun.
Brogan the jumped out the window, landed on top of Pat, and bounced several yards to the west.
3 hours later,...
Matt, regaining consciousness: Uh, ... can't breath, weight... crushing... ribs...
Pat, regaining consciousness: Okay, jumping out of a 5 story window, not a good idea.
Matt: Get... off... fatass...
Pat, jumping up: Jeez, stop being such a pussy!
Matt: I fell 5 stories into concrete, had a 200 something weight land on top of me, currently have 9 broken ribs, and was deprived of oxygen for the past 3 hours. I think I have the right to be ticked.
Pat: ... pussy.
Matt: Fine! Anything wrong with you?
Pat: Well, sometimes when I go to bed at night I think about my parents having sex and get very angry for some reason.
Matt:... I'm gonna go check in with the Hokage with Brogan, you stay here.
Matt then ran off to go get Brogan from the tree she bounced into.
Pat: How come everyone always runs when I open up to them?
At the Hokage's office,...
Brogan: Now, we're meeting the head of the village, so I want you to be on your best behavior!
Matt: Ok!
The two walked through the door to find Shizune at a desk.
Shizune: How may I help you?
Brogan: We're here to see the Hokage.
Shizune: And why would I let enemy ninja just walk in and see the Hokage?
Brogan: We're not enemy ninja!
Shizune: Then why does your headband have a disco ball on it instead of a swirly leaf?
Brogan then examined her own headband to notice that it, in fact, had a disco ball on it.
Brogan: Matt! What the fuck? I told you to get the headband with the leaf on it!
Matt: They didn't have it! The had these spirals with a triangle, but nothing that looked like a leaf, so I got the next best thing!
Brogan: Great, now what are we supposed to do?
Matt: Let me handle this!
Matt then walked up to Shizune's desk.
Matt: Yeah, we're ninjas from the ...uh... "Village Hidden in the 70's" located in the... uh... "Land of Funk" and we need to see the Hokage to... uh... get permission to ... uh... search the surrounding area for a missing nin... yeah, that's what we're doing.
Shizune: Oh, why didn't you say that in the first place? The door is down the hall, third one to the right.
Brogan, whispering: How the fuck did you pull that shit off?
Matt, whispering: I did what now?
The two opened the door to the Hokage's office.
Tsunade, playing hand-held poker: What do you want?
Matt, jumping into her cleavage: BOOBIES!
Tsunade: Why is your friend in my cleavage?
Brogan: Please excuse him, he's mentally perverted. Matt! She's a 50 year old woman.
Matt whole body stiffened up, except for him penis, that did the opposite, as he fell to the ground.
Tsunade: He gonna be okay?
Brogan: He'll be fine, it's just that the blood suddenly emptied from one head to another.
Tsunade: Why are you here?
Brogan: We need permission to search through the village for a missing nin for a team of 3 ninjas.
Tsunade, getting out a stamp: Ok then, just show me your passports.
Brogan then picked up Matt and was heading out the door when Tsunade stopped her.
Tsunade: Hey! I bet you 500 ryou your friend dies!
Brogan: He's only unconscious, he'll be fine.
Tsunade: 1000 ryou!
Brogan: He's got nothing physically wrong with him!
Tsunade: 2500 ryou!
Brogan: Deal.
And with that Brogan then left the Hokage's Office, about to be 2500 ryou richer when Matt regained consciousness.
Ok, that chapters done, now all YOU have to do is press that button down in the corner, and write a review. DO IT NOW! I like pie! Meeps!
