A/N: Guess what? I've done a lot of thinking. Read through your reviews great many times. AND decided to continue with this story. (grins) Yay…?

THANK YOU, so much, for your reviews, listings, love and support! They SERIOUSLY mean the world to me. (HUGS)

Okay… Are you ready to continue? Are you sure (because I'm not)? Let's go, anyway! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.


X


Alec's ever-overthinking mind whirred while he did whatever little he could to save Magnus. To keep his boyfriend alive long enough for there to be actual help. Or to at least ensure that the man he loved felt as comfortable as possible.

Alec couldn't bring himself to let go of Magnus' hand, no matter how much it hurt to feel the responding grip weaken with each passing second. So he instructed Jace to try and staunch the bleeding. Unfortunately he'd received enough medical training, which he'd actually listened to unlike Izzy, to know that most of the bleeding was inside the warlock. There, buried inside, was also an unknown amount of damage. Along with the arrow Alec couldn't tear his eyes away from. His arrow. That was the most bitter insult.

Magnus' soft moan of pain when Jace pressed against the wound drew Alec harshly to the present. His paratabai's eyes, which had aged decades since their owner came back to life, filled with a fresh assault of guilt. "I'm sorry…!"

Magnus shook his head. Some of the pain disappeared, and for a while relief over seeing Jace there as his own self was easy to see. "… not your fault …" It was obvious that those words were meant to cover far more than the recent discomfort.

The warlock's head moved and Alec thought that it was an involuntary motion. Until he saw a pair of hazy, barely open eyes locking on his broken arm. Distress appeared to Magnus' face immediately and with a great deal of willpower a feeble hand rose. It ghosted above the injured limb, the occasional touches so light that they didn't even really hurt. Belatedly Alec realized what his boyfriend was trying to do. (While horribly injured, possibly dying, the alleged abomination was still trying to heal someone else.) The shadowhunter's heart was somehow able to break once again when Magnus' brief moment of determination changed to sorrow, defeat and frustration. The warlock gulped laboriously and refused to even try to meet his gaze. "… forgot …" It was said so quietly that he had to strain to hear. "…sorry …"

Alec shook his head and hated the way his eyes stung yet again. "No. Don't…" He swallowed thickly. "Don't apologize. You've got nothing to be sorry about." He tightened his grip on the other's hand when the fingers desperately trying to cling to his threatened to let go entirely. "We'll get you all fixed up. Then we'll…" He had to clear his throat when his voice broke. "Then we'll sort out the whole… magic thing. Together." After everything Magnus had done for him, for everyone… He needed this chance to fight for his boyfriend in return. He needed Magnus. (Why was it so hard to say that out loud, even now?) "Just… Just hold on."

It was an unfair thing to ask, because it looked like Magnus had done all the holding on he physically could. And inevitably the strain became too much. The incredibly beautiful gold of cat eyes became visible when their gazes met for a few seconds. Magnus' hand twitched in a mostly futile attempt to squeeze his. "… love you …" The warlock made the whisper sound like the most important thing he'd ever uttered in his centuries long life. Then, before Alec ever got the chance to respond, those eyes slipped closed.

Alec was almost sure that someone stabbing him repeatedly would've hurt less. "Magnus?" There was no reaction. To his pleading tone, or to his hand's probably painfully hard squeeze. Tears welled up to the shadowhunter's eyes and it was a miracle none spilled. "Magnus…!" He wanted to keep crying out – beg, pray – with so many words that his tongue got tied.

Alec didn't really register the approaching running steps. Or Simon's gasp. Or Izzy's voice, sharpened by stress, worry and fatigue. "What happened?"

"He's… He's still breathing." Jace's quiet words snapped Alec at least partially back to focus.

Alec looked at Magnus' unconscious face and decided that he wasn't going to give up. Not when there was still a breath of life. Not when there was still hope, even if it was fool's hope. "We've gotta get him to the Institute." It was the only place close enough with the kind of people and equipment that might be able to help.

Three sets of eyes were instantly on him. Izzy was the brave one to try addressing him when he… was like this. "Are you sure that it's a good idea?"

"Think about everything Magnus has done for that place." Alec sounded more bitter than he'd meant to or would've wanted to. "They owe him one."

Fortunately the other three chose not to argue. Simon fidgeted from discomfort. He was clearly worried about the man who'd promised to be his Downworld sponsor and the smell of blood definitely made things a million times worse. "Is it okay to move him?"

Izzy sighed heavily. "No idea", she admitted, and obviously hated not knowing. "But we have no other choice."

Alec moved instinctively to pick up Magnus, until he remembered his injured arm. "I can do that", Jace offered with a heartbreaking amount of hesitation. His eyes met Alec's. "I know how important he is to you. I'll do everything I can to not hurt him worse, I promise."

Alec tensed up. It was ridiculously hard to trust Magnus to someone else's hands when the warlock was in no condition to defend himself. Even when that someone was his parabatai. But in the end he nodded edgily. Unwilling to let the Owl win. ('You will never, ever forget his body doing this. You will see it every time you look at him.') And they definitely didn't have any time to waste.

Lifting up Magnus was an intense process that seemed to take ages. Not needing a word of instruction Izzy took Jace's place trying to keep the bleeding they could see under control while the blond did his part. Simon hovered close and would've likely held his breath with each new motion if he was still among the breathing folk. All that was background buzz for Alec, who'd moved his good hand so that he could monitor Magnus' pulse. It was still there, barely.

While they prepared to leave they realized that Jace had been waiting. His eyes scanned through the space behind Simon and Izzy. The hope and longing in that gaze were quick to make way to sheer horror. "Where's Clary?"

Simon seemed to feel sick. The crushing amount of guilt and grief radiating from the vampire were painful to witness. "She's… I caused an explosion, it destroyed Lilith, and then Clary was just… gone." The words seemed to be some of the hardest he'd ever uttered. "I think… I think it killed her. I killed her."

Jace looked like he'd been struck by something vicious. Again. Alec felt his parabatai's agony. Along with his own sadness. This was far too much for one day. They won, but how much did it cost?

Izzy shook her head. "I don't believe she's dead until we know for sure. You've seen what she's managed to pull off. I'm sure she made it through this one, too. And we'll find her."

"Another good reason to head to the Institute." Alec worked his very hardest to keep himself together. Even when the pulse under his fingertips that kept him grounded seemed to grow weaker and weaker. "So let's go."


Persuading people into helping Magnus was such a war that for a few bitter moments Alec wondered why, exactly, he held the Institute in such high regard. Then they were separating him from his boyfriend and letting go, no matter how briefly, was a battle he nearly lost. Alec paid very little attention to what was done to his arm.

When he entered the same hallway where he once waited for news on Max, he was surprised to find Jace there. He could tell how badly his parabatai wanted to join Simon and Izzy in their efforts to try and locate Clary. But apparently this was something he needed first. And truthfully… After spending so long trying save Jace, Alec needed this, too. They needed to know that something good aside the defeat of Lilith came out of that horrible day.

For a while Jace stared at his arm. Then, hesitantly, lifted his gaze just enough for their eyes to meet. Despite the best of attempts no words came. From either of them.

Jace would most likely carry the weight of that day's events for the rest of his life. Time would tell how much damage the whole ordeal did to his psyche. As much as he hated it Alec might spend the rest of his life trying to forget the sight of a monster in his best friend's body delivering a potentially lethal attack on the man he loved. (He didn't want to think about what it'd do to them both if Magnus didn't make it, because he didn't want to think about the possibility of his boyfriend not making it.) There was no certainty of the fates of Magnus and Clary. But at least Jace was back. They had each other to lean on. Which was precisely what they did.

They hugged each other like the world was ending, and if either noticed the tears they both shed when they broke apart neither mentioned it.


Everything possible had been done for Magnus with the resources available, or so they claimed. Whether that was enough… No one could say. Because the damage done was very, very bad.

At least the arrow was gone. And Magnus looked almost like he was sleeping, a frown on his face. But that was little comfort with how pale and visibly in pain the warlock was. The lips Alec kissed and the hand he grabbed were terrifyingly cold. (It was like the other had lost all his warmth with his magic and blood.) The warlock was also entirely too still, when Magnus was the kind of a person who never, ever remained still.

Alec's chest constricted painfully and he tightened his hold. "I… I love you, too", he whispered because anything louder would've made his voice break. "You need to come back, so… so I can tell you that. So I can show you." Without a hint of mercy his mind struck him with all those times when he'd failed to do that.

Alec massaged the hand he was holding with his thumb. Hoping that wherever Magnus' mind drifted, his touch was able to carry all the way there and show how sorry he was for all those times he let the man he loved down. "I should've never let you go to your father. I… I should've never let you go, imagining that you were an acceptable price to pay. For Jace's sake, or mine, for anyone. And you… You should've waited, like I suggested. You shouldn't have given up your…" Alec trailed off, there, the sacrifice too painful to process when he was already scared out of his mind. He looked at Magnus' face and longed to find those eyes open, so they'd see how sincere he was. "This… This one's on me, though. If I was a better leader and boyfriend, if I didn't let my worry over Jace mess with my head… Then we wouldn't be here", he admitted sadly. "There's… a lot of stuff I shouldn't have done. But… I'll try to learn and do better, I promise. Just… Just give me a little more time. Just come back."

His plea failed to do the trick. Magnus didn't wake up. The pulse that was Alec's lifeline as well continued to grow weaker.

Alec breathed sharply, each inhale wheezing. "You promised to come back, remember?" He wasn't aware of the single tear rolling down his cheek. "So come back."


TBC


A/N: Alec's made his share of mistakes. But still, the poor thing! Magnus and Jace, too. (whimpers) Let's hope that Magnus survives, because losing him like this would destroy the paratabai-brothers, too, especially Alec.

SOOOO… Was that ANY good, at all? Back to the drawing board? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Typing 'SH' stories is still pretty new to me, so I'd REALLY like to hear from you.

Until next time! Hopefully I'll see you all there.

Take care – of yourselves and all the Magnuses out there (because while Magnuses are excellent at taking care of others, they continue to fail when it comes to looking after themselves)!


Guest: Aaaw, I'm REALLY happy that you enjoyed the first chapter so much! (BEAMS) I REALLY hope that what's to come won't disappoint, either.

Colossal thank yous for the review!