Be Karkat Vantas

I'd been dating Dave Strider for about two weeks, though we hadn't really been on a proper date. We'd been out plenty of times, yeah, but never to the movies or to dinner like in my rom-coms. I was fucking pissed about this. Everything Dave fucking Strider did still made me want to introduce his face to a sledgehammer, and yet, there we were, on our fifth "outing."

"Target, Strider?" I growled as he turned off the engine, crossing my arms.

He chuckled. I'd gotten used to that sound. After all, Dave seemed to find me hilarious, and chuckled at almost everything I did. Especially when I was pissed off, or at a loss for words.

"Problem, Vantas?" he returned, smirk apparent in his voice. I could't see it, though; I refused to look at him, instead settling for looking at the giant red letters on the side of the brick building.

I responded, "Oh no, of course not. I fucking love shopping for mundane items with you like a -"

"Old married couple?" he interrupted.

I whipped my head around to glare at him, but I knew I was blushing. It didn't help that he was smiling, either. Strider had attractive, kissable lips, which was aggravating because I hadn't kissed him yet. I refused to have my first kiss in school, or in the super market, or in his dumb truck. I wouldn't do it.

I'd actually never kissed anyone, and I knew he had and that he was probably awesome at it and what if I was a bad kisser and what if he broke up with me because of it and Jesus Christ my chest hurt.

"No," I finally snapped back. "Shut up."

He was still smirking when he got out of the car. I got out, too, wondering why I was putting myself through this torture when Dave suddenly wrapped his calloused hand around my small one.

"You have girl hands," he noted, incredibly pleased. "Really soft."

I tried to pull away, frustrated, but he wouldn't let me.

"Why the hell is that a good thing?" I growled, insecurity on the tip of my tongue. "You're gay aren't you? Don't you like men?"

He started laughing like a retarded hyena.

Strider responded, "Liking dick doesn't mean I can't like feminine features, Karkitty."

I punched him in the arm with my free hand as we reach the automatic doors. If I ever stopped blushing from before, my cheeks were red again from his bluntness.

The smell of the over-buttered popcorn that they for some reason sell at Target hit my nose as Dave grabbed a cart.

We never used a cart. As unemployed high school students, we never had enough money to actually fill a cart. I narrowed my eyes at my boyfriend, incredibly suspicious.

He just smirked.

Grabbing my hand again, he started rolling the annoyingly red cart past the dumb $1 section and deeper into the store. He didsn't say a word until we got to the food section, but he laughed at my grimace when we passed both the women's and men's underwear.

"Get in the cart," he demanded in the middle of the dairy aisle, completely serious and unsmiling.

I considered throwing a fit. I thought about screaming and whining and slamming my fists on the floor, but I decided not to. I knew that that would just give my sadistic boyfriend some weird pleasure, and I was pretty sure he was bluffing, anyway.

Karkat: Call his bluff

I did. Returning his completely serious, unsmiling expression, I climbed into the obnoxiously colored cart, not caring about the people around us. I'm sure his eyes widened in surprise, but his shitty "ironic" glasses blocked them from view.

After a few long seconds of staring at each other, I demanded from my cross-legged position in the cart, "Push me."

He grinned an un-aggravating grin. I liked that grin. That grin didn't make me want to punch all his teeth out.

Be Dave Strider

The only thing that could've made that better was some AJ. My terribly, adorably whiny boyfriend had complied with one of my dumbass requests, and even added his own, without a temper tantrum. I hadn't been expecting this, but I was immensely pleased.

My boyfriend was the best.

I grabbed the handle of the cart and set off, slowly at first, like a normal shopper. Then, once we were free of all the other customers and the occasional worker, I started running.

I laughed as Karkat grabbed the sides of the cart, screaming.

Be Karkat

"DAVE, STOP THE CART, YOU GODDAMN FUCK-WITTED, CAMEL-TOED, SHIT-BREATHING, DISFIGURED DICKNOSE!"

Unfortunately, my boyfriend just laughed in return as the cart skidded to a stop, a foot away from a cliche pyramid of soup cans. I was about to take a deep breath when he turned the cart and sent us flying down the next isle.

"YOU MOLDY PILLOW HUMPER, STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING CART!"

Be Dave

I really liked my boyfriend when he was angry. The other inhabitants of Target? They didn't feel the same.

"Sir!" a heavy, middle-aged woman called after us.

Huffing in frustration, I slowly slowed us to a stop. I turned around and rhetorically asked, annoyed, "Can't two gay men frolic around in a nasty ass Target without being judged by the help?"

"Sir," she growled back, pointing at the mess behind her. "You've knocked over just about everything you've passed, and your friend's screaming is making the children cry."

"Boyfriend," I corrected.

She rolled her eyes, telling me, "Well, it's time for you and your boyfriend to leave the store."

As I helped my frozen Karkitty out of the cart, I heard her mutter, "Gays will be the downfall of good society, I'm sure of it."

Due to my height, Karkat was about a foot off the ground when he heard that, and he went batshit. Squirming around in my arms like an unhappy cat, he started screaming, "You mentally deficient, homophobic dickface!"

I quickly set him down, and he marched right up to the taller employee. "Listen, Kathy," he hissed, reading her name-tag, "I don't care that we fucked your place up, you have absolutely no right to say that, you abominable bottom feeder! May your cancer be terminal!"

I grabbed my boyfriend and started to drag him away, trying to push through the crowd that'd formed. Karkat gave one last glare at the woman, pointing, as he growled, "Get donkey punched."

Be Karkat

Karkat: Skip to the part where you're back in the car

But I knocked over the cabbage stand like a badass on the way out!

Karkat: Do it

Fine.

After closing the door behind him, Dave huffed, "Wow."

I was sure I'd made a fool of myself. I squirmed around in my boyfriend of two weeks arms like a fucking toddler, and then yelled at a lady in what could only be classified as an over reaction.

"That was awesome," Dave said instead of telling me off for being a retard.

I blushed, surprised, and looked down to my fumbling hands.

He smirked. "Not a fan of cart rides, though, huh?"

I blushed harder. "Well, I mean, you just surprised-"

He interrupted me by placing his hand lightly on the back of my neck, making me jump and look up at him and Holy Mother of Proximity was he close.

His surprisingly soft lips met my chapped ones, and at first, I was too stunned to react. He backed off, probably due to my lack of response, and I quickly recaptured his lips with mine.

I was Karkat Vantas, and getting kicked out of Target totally counted as a real date.


AN: Once again, sorry for any errors. Thank you for reading : ) Reviews appreciated!