The next morning her sister woke her up and drove her to her therapy session. It was no surprise that as these episodes occurred more often, her depression increased. Her sister had been the one to insist on therapy for self satisfying reasons. A three hour session meant that was three hours that she didn't have to deal with her younger, troubled sister.
"She resents me."
"Why do you say that, Seriph?"
"Because she was named after a Lord of the Rings character and I was named after someone from The Matrix."
The therapist rubbed his brow and jotted down a few things on his notepad.
"I like them both, but Arwen hates Liv Tyler. I tell her that Liv Tyler wasn't always Arwen."
"Let's talk about what happened last night."
She sighed and rubbed her face and then ran her hands back through her hair.
"It's always the same. I heard that noise and felt as if something was pulling me. . ."
"Do you ever hear any voices?"
"No. I hear crying sometimes."
"Someone is crying when you get there?"
"It's usually the dead person. I don't always hear crying, only if they were doing it before. . .they died."
"I see."
"I don't care that Seriph was a guy."
"What?"
"I don't care that I was named after a guy. It's not that big of a deal. There are a lot of asexual names out there."
"You like that, don't you?"
"I'm asexual."
"So you've said. How often do these episodes occur?"
"Every time someone is killed."
"Do you think that it's the same person killing all these people?"
"I don't know. Sometimes they are so horribly brutalized that their face isn't recognizable and other times there is no sign of what killed them. I always know their names. . ."
She put her face in her hands and took a few deep breaths. She hated talking about it, but her sister would crucify her if nothing was said.
"I think Arwen wants you to recommend that I get put away."
"Put away, where?"
"The farthest institution from her. Maybe somewhere in Sweden, or Bogotá."
"I don't think they have institutions in Bogotá."
"It wouldn't matter to her. She blames me for our mom being gone."
She regretted saying that because the therapist straightened up slightly as if he was interested now. He had been trying to get her to talk about her mother for months now. She supposed it wouldn't be that bad as long as he didn't make her talk about the corpses.
"How does she indicate this?"
"She doesn't really. . .it's more her attitude and just the way she acts sometimes. She's not all together, you know."
"I have noticed that."
"She's the one that should be in here."
"No disrespect, but she isn't the one that tried to kill herself last month."
Seriph sighed and leaned back into the couch willing it to swallow her up. She looked up at the camera on the ceiling. So much for privacy. Seriph had asked him about the cameras the first day she had stepped into this office. Therapists weren't taking chances anymore with being accused of sexual abuse or misconduct. The cameras were there to prove they didn't get within 3 feet of their patients, which was a new rule.
"Do the cameras make you nervous?"
"No. Why?"
"You're looking at it. . .you haven't done that in a few months. The people watching the cameras can't hear what you or I are saying. Only I have access to what I record."
"I know. I think the cameras are a good idea. I wish I could have a camera follow me around to prove to people that I don't kill anyone."
"The police know you haven't killed anyone. There is evidence that it was a man, or men. You're in the clear."
"People still look at me like I'm a killer."
She shifted again on the couch to indicate to the therapist she was uncomfortable with this subject. He cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair.
"Have you spoken to your mother since she left?"
"No, but she sent me a birthday card last month with some money."
"How much money?"
"Three thousand dollars."
"I bet it was helpful."
"She thought it was my 14th birthday."
"It wasn't?"
"I'm 16 now."
"It was just a mistake, I'm sure."
"No. She's forgetting all about us. Her stupid new husband is helping by shoveling cocaine up her nose."
"You know she's using drugs?"
"I'm pretty sure of it. Drugs ruin your memory, with enough use can turn you into a blank slate, and that's exactly what that man would want."
"You never liked your step father."
She shook her head and closed her eyes. It was because of him their mother had taken off. He had given an ultimatum. Her mother being narcissistic and stupid enough had chosen him.
"I don't believe she knows what love is."
"Why is that, Seriph?"
She thought back to how her grandmother had been. She was 5 years old the last time her grandparents had been over to visit together. That was when her father was still alive and what they had still slightly resembled a family. Her mother was yelling at everyone for no particular reason.
Her grandparents had arrived just in time to save Seriph from her mother. Her grandmother was always mean to her father and bitter towards her mother. She hated her granddaughters and didn't even bother looking at them. Seriph hadn't crossed paths with anyone so cold at that time in her life. Her grandmother was monstrous. She always knew when it was a good idea to hide behind her father.
"Her mom was a complete ice queen, she handed down her legacy and her genetics to my mom. It was like she gave my mom a handbook on how to neglect children emotionally. She didn't love my mother, my mother didn't love her and she definitely didn't love us."
There was a knock on the door and a moment later her sister came in.
"Time to go."
Seriph stood up mechanically and went to the door. She knew her sister was going to try and pry some information out of the therapist, maybe even encourage him to up the dosage of her medication. She waited within earshot.
"Is she doing better?"
"She's opening up a little bit more."
"What is she saying?"
"I can't and I will not tell you."
"Why isn't her medication working?"
"Her body is metabolizing it faster than it should."
"A higher dosage would work, wouldn't it?"
"I'm hesitant to give her a higher dosage, I don't know what it would do to her."
"I really don't care, I just want her to stop this."
The doctor was silent and Seriph could almost feel his contempt for Arwen. He never took sides during sessions, but in person he was almost combative towards her.
"This situation isn't easy for me, you know. Taking care of someone with her problems is hard."
"I'll increase the dosage, but only by 5 milligrams. Stop by the front desk on your way out and they'll give you what you need."
Arwen stepped out the door, but Seriph heard the doctor say one last thing to her.
"This isn't easy for your sister either."
