When I reached her room, I knocked softly on the door. I was more nervous about her reaction to me than I was willing to admit. Regardless of everything we'd been through, I wasn't sure how forgiving she'd be for my disappearance this time. When the door opened, I was staring into a pair of jewel blue eyes, and not the green ones I'd been expecting. Regardless, I smiled slightly.

"Rose?"

"Hey there, Sparky." I said, trying to keep the mood light, and pretend I wasn't in pain.

"What… what are you doing here?" I avoiding the question, because to be honest… I'm still not quite sure why I came back.

"Is Lissa here?" He noticed my evasion of the question.

"She's out with some of the other Royal's for lunch. You can come in and wait for her. She should be home soon." He said. I nodded and walked inside. The room looked like it did before I left, just a little less girly now that Christian had apparently moved into it.

"Where have you been?"

"Across the world?" I tried. He smirked.

"I've missed you Rose." He said, finally hugging me. I hugged him back, before I walked over and sat down on the couch.

"Do the others know you're here?"
"Yeah, they do. Lissa's the last to know, only because I knew I owed Adrian an explanation and an apology."

"And Dimitri?"

"I ran into him on the way here." I said. He nodded. "Unfortunately." I muttered. He caught it and shook his head at me.

"We were all worried when you just up and disappeared like you did."

"I'm sorry. I had to get out of here. I know you all must have been beside yourselves with me gone."

"I was, you have no idea. I cried myself to sleep every night knowing I wouldn't see your face the next day." He teased. I rolled my eyes.

"It's good to see you haven't changed, Christian."

"Same for you. You look like you've been doing good for yourself though." He said, smirking at me.

"Watch it fireboy." I teased.

"As much as I hated that, I've actually missed hearing it."

"Well, get used to hearing it again." I said. I automatically regretted my words. I had no idea whether or not I was staying yet. Telling him to get used to something was a bad move on my part. I heard the door open, and looked up to see my charge walk through the door. Lissa. God, I'd missed her so much. She looked at Christian, then to me, and did a double-take. I stood up, and took a few steps forward.

"Rose?"

"Hey Liss." I said, smiling. Next thing I knew, she was barreling towards me, tackling me into a hug.

"God, where have you been? I've missed you so much." She said.

"I've missed you too. You have no idea."

"Where the hell have you been?" She snapped after she released me, but with a smile still plastered to her face.

"I've been a little bit of everywhere to be honest." I told her. She hugged me again.

"You're not leaving again, are you?" She asked. I looked to Christian, and then at her. I had no idea how to answer, so I did the best I could.

"Not anytime soon, at least." I said. It was the most I could promise her right now. She didn't look like my answer was good enough, but she didn't comment on it. She just pulled me into another hug.

"God, I've missed you so much. Jesus Christ, you've got to stop leaving me."

"I owe you an apology." I finally said.

"You don't owe me anything, Rose. I know why you left. I understand why you left. I just need a bit of a heads up next time, ya know?"

"No, don't try to make me feel better. Lissa, I was your guardian. I was sworn to you, and I left, and for that I am truly sorry." I said. I wasn't used to apologizing to people, but I seriously felt in the wrong about my disappearance when so many people depended on me.

"I don't think I've ever heard you apologize for something before. You have changed." Christian said. I picked up a pillow and threw it at him.

"Shut it Fire crotch."

"That nickname I didn't miss at all." He said. I laughed.

"Good, that's going to be the one I use from now on." I told him. He groaned. I smirked at him, my mood lightening slightly.

"Rose, I understood why you left. You needed your time, and I understood that."

"Is that why you told Dimitri to stop looking for me?" I asked her. She nodded.

"I knew you were alive, and that was all I needed to know."

"He never would have found me." I murmured.

"Are you sure? He was a strigoi. I think he could have tracked you fairly easily." Christian said. I shook my head at him.

"He wouldn't have found me." I repeated. They just nodded in agreement.

"I'm glad your back." Lissa said.

"Me too." I murmured, hoping she didn't hear the hesitance in my voice.

"Does he know-." I cut her off with a nod.

"I ran into him on the way here… literally."

"How did that-." I cut her off again.

"I don't want to talk about it. Look, I'm going to go get my things, and get settled. Wanna get dinner around… say fiveish?" I asked. She nodded.

"That sounds great."

"Alright. I'll see you guys then." I said, walking out the door. I went back downstairs and to the front to grab my bags, and take up residency in my old room. It looked the exact same way it did when I left it. It was obvious no one had been in here. I dropped my suitcases at the door and sat down on the bed. I took a look around, and sighed. I wasn't sure if coming back was such a great idea, but I knew it was what was right. Regardless of my disappearance, I owed them an explanation, an apology for just running out on them the way I had. Like I said, I'd never been one to run from anything, but there was only so much even the strongest of people could take. I found that out the hard way. 'Love fades, mine has.' I heard as I lay back on my bed. 'I've given up on you.' The realization of what I'd walked back into finally hit me. I felt tears well to my eyes, but I blinked them back. I hadn't cried in almost a year. I wasn't about to start doing it now. I was Rose Hathaway, and I was stronger than that. I got up, realizing that I really needed some fresh air. I walked out of my room, not bothering to lock up. I headed out the back door, and sat down on the bench that someone had been back here since what seemed like the beginning of time. I sat down, taking a deep breath of the cool night air. It felt good on my skin, which helped me considerably. As I sat there in the dark, alone… I heard something behind me. My acute hearing picked it up while it was still a pretty good distance away. I stood up, trying to let my eyes adjust. I pulled my stake, ready for anything, but when the person came into full focus, I sighed.

"I thought I saw you come out here." He said.

"Following me now, Belikov."

"I've had a habit to do that. That's how we met, you know?" He said, his expression soft.

"Yeah, don't remind me."

"How'd things go with Lissa?" He asked. This small talk was getting on my last nerve.

"Better than I'd hoped. I was… I was scared she'd be mad at me."

"You should have known better." He told me. I shook my head.

"I'd left her once before. I didn't think she'd be so forgiving this time. I didn't think Adrian would be as forgiving as he was either." I admitted.

"They all knew why you left. I told them what happened when they asked me."

"I know."

"I went looking for you." He said. I nodded.

"I know that too. They all told me. What made you give up?" I asked. His words ran through my mind. 'I've given up on you.' I readied myself for his answer.

"I knew that nothing I could have said would make what happened between us any better. I knew nothing I could have said would have made you come home. I also knew that if you wanted to be found, it wouldn't have been as difficult as it was."

"I was out of the country before you guys ever realized I was gone." I told him, smirking at my ability to leave unnoticed.

"Did you visit my family while you were in Russia?"

"I did." I murmured.

"How are they?" He asked, compassion filling his face.

"They're good. I didn't stay long. They like to talk about you a lot when I'm around, like I'm your widow. I didn't want to hear it, so I only stayed for a while. I eventually took up residency in Novosibirsk for a while." I told him.

"That city is beautiful."

"Especially when you're dying from Strigoi attack." I said. I watched as some type of rage flashed through his eyes for a second. It quickly dwindled and the guardian mask was back.

"I don't want to hear about that time of my life." He stated simply.

"Why not? You had no idea dwelling on that part of your life when I brought you back."

"Lissa brought me back." He said. I exploded then.

"I've told you this once, and I'll tell you again," I screamed. "Lissa didn't bring you back. You have no idea the hell I went through. Who do you think found out there was a way to restore people who'd been turned? Who do you think broke into a jail, freed a guilty man to ask for his help? Who figured out that stakes could be charmed? Don't you dare think for a second that just because she drove the stake through your heart that she was the one that brought you back? Without me, you'd still be a strigoi right now… or you'd be dead at my hand." When I was finished, I took a deep breath.

"You wouldn't have killed me."

"I tried. I thought I did." I said. I met his gaze with a serious intensity then. "There are moments, that I wished I had killed you. My life wouldn't have fallen apart the way it did if I'd done what I'd set out to do."

"You hesitated."

"It wouldn't have happened again." I snapped at him. It was one of my biggest regrets. Hesitating when I met him in Russia. He didn't say anything for a moment. He met my gaze, and sighed.

"Roza, I'm sorry." I growled and shook my head.

"Don't call me that!" I snapped. "You lost all right to call me that a long time ago." He just nodded.

"Regardless, my apology stands."

"What are you apologizing for?" I asked, looking away.

"The things I said to you were uncalled for. I knew how much my words hurt you." He said.

"No… you have no idea what you did to me. Don't pretend to understand."

"Rose, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…" I shook my head.

"Dimitri, don't."

"I said what I did, because I felt that I didn't deserve love, that I wasn't capable of it after all the things I'd done. I couldn't take the thought of not being able to love you like you deserved-." I cut him off.

"Oh stop with the bull shit, Dimitri."

"I'm serious, Rose." He snapped, obviously having a hard time.

"So am I. Love doesn't walk away, Dimitri. People do. You walked away from me, meaning… you never really loved me at all. I get it. I understand."

"Roza, that's not true. I loved you… I… I still love you." He said. I snorted. A very unattractive thing to do, yes… but nonetheless.

"Really?" I demanded, placing my hand on my hip.

"I know you're not going to want to believe me, but I-." I cut him off. I noticed I'd been doing that a lot.

"When you love someone, you don't give up on them. You've given up on me more times than I can count." I told him.

"I've never given up on you." He growled. I laughed.

"You've given up on me numerous times. You gave up on me back at the academy. You gave up on me in Russia. You gave up on me when I turned you back." I told him.

"I never gave up on you at the academy."

"You almost took Tasha's offer, Dimitri. You. Gave. Up."

"I… I-." He stopped, not really knowing what to say.

"I'm leaving."

"I love you, Roza." He said, as I started towards the doors.

"Well, I'm sorry… but I don't love you anymore."

"You're lying." He said, as I took a deep breath.

"I'm not. I gave up on you. That's why I was gone for two years." I told him. He smirked.

"I can see it in your eyes, Roza. You know I've always been able to tell. I'm sorry it took me this long to realize that I am capable of love, just please-." I spun around, connecting a punch with his nose. Blood spurted everywhere, and began pouring down his face. I'd broken it.

"Your love… it means nothing to me now. I'm not the same girl I was two years ago, Belikov. I refuse to let you break me again." I growled. I walked away, going inside and slamming the doors behind me. I stood on the other side of the door, feeling completely horrible for what I'd done. My hand was covered in his blood from where my hand connected with his face. I took a deep breath.

"Be strong Rose, be strong." I whispered, before walking back to my room. Maybe fresh air, wasn't a good idea from now on.