Here's part 2- dedicated to Spanish Sahara- thank you so much for the review :-) Anyways here's part two I hope you enjoy it. Reviews are always appreciated as I'm still very rusty! Thanks for reading Gx
Part 2
It's the fifth time she's been to the range this week. She's starting to get that dreaded nod that signifies a sense of familiarity from the acne drenched teen that works at the kiosk. He'd tried to make conversation with her on the third day- but she'd just smiled. It wasn't that she disliked 'Keith' or his 'here to help' attitude it was just she wasn't here to talk- she was here to shoot.
So she did, again, again and again. For those seconds nothing else mattered- there was no room in her mind for anything except the target and her reflex prepare, shoot, reload mechanism. She needed the pseudo clarity that those seconds brought her as with each shot her other pointless emotions got progressively disjointed until she was so tired and her thoughts so muddled that she could just go home and sleep. But tonight it wasn't working, her thoughts weren't shattering. She tried reloading faster and faster but it was no use and she knew why-because today had been tough; he'd come to the office.
He'd come to see Nora; apparently she'd forgotten her lunch so he'd brought it over to her. If it had been Ted who'd done that she wouldn't have given it even a glimmer of a second thought- but Barney, her Barney- no, no, not her Barney- her FRIEND Barney had just run an unnecessary errand for a girl he was seeing.
He'd never come to visit her at work, never bought her lunch to her and just to make matters worse she couldn't even leave desk because Nora's cubicle was right by the door so she was forced to sit and watch as he presented Nora with the brown paper bag. It was sickeningly perfect; just the way she smiled at him so innocently- she made feeling look so effortless. And he laughed at something she said before she playfully punched him on the arm before they both starting laughing again. But it was different to the way he used to laugh with her and it frustrated it her that she couldn't work out why. As she was trying to work it out he'd looked over to her desk. At first she'd been confused as to why he was grinning quite so much- then she realised- she was wearing her glasses. He came skipping over to her desk, with dozens of four eyes and geek taunts escaping his lips as quickly as they possibly could. She didn't have any comebacks so just sat there like a lemon looking slightly flushed. God she must have looked like such an idiot.
With this she picks up the gun again, god why did she let herself pause and think stuff? So she shoots. Her emotions deafened, her adrenaline pumping, but it's not enough. The thought might have been temporarily shut down but she can still feel him in her head. His jubilant face as he skipped over to her desk, the smell of his aftershave, his eyes locking with hers. So she tries to shoot to silence it once, and again and again, desperately trying to disjoint this perfect image. She reloads and tries once more-but it's no use- he's there. God why can't she just move on? This isn't her. She isn't this emotional wreck. She's the cool chick who likes guns and drinks scotch, she isn't the woman who analyses smiles or throwaway comments. But with him it's different. It's like she can't help herself trying to work out a way that this is all one big gimmick he's doing because the truth is she always thought in the end he'd be there for her- that somehow they'd always come back together and actually give it a fair go- because it hadn't been real.
And that's when it hit her; right there in the shooting range with an empty gun in her hand- she'd treated it as a test run. Frantically picking up the gun again she goes to reload-but she's out of ammo. She looks round desperately for Keith – she can't stop now. She can't deal with the possibility that she'd treated the only relationship in her life that could have meant something real -maybe not in a way that Ted or Lily or Marshal understood but in the way she did-like a disposable camera. And now she'd just finally got round to looking at the pictures and- god they were perfect. So she needed more ammo, she needed to shoot them down- put bullet holes in their perfect smiles and through their hands that fitted so perfectly together.
But Keith was gone, his kiosk locked down, dark and vacant. She felt her breathing quicken- she had nothing left. She couldn't shoot it down anymore. And with the silence she couldn't stop herself and so she let herself sink to the floor- pulling her shaking legs close to her body as for the first time in a long time she allowed herself to cry. She dropped her empty weapon and tucked her head into her knees and for the first time since Nora's bombshell allowed herself to try and come to terms with the fact that a her 'test run' hadn't been good enough. Because now someone else-someone she had introduced him to- had offered him more and had even reciprocated those feelings he had once shown her. She had always felt those feelings- but didn't want to show her cards at once. But obviously she would have done the next time round.
But then would she? She never had before. Emotion=weakness. Her father's mantra was engrained in her DNA, but only now was she realising that it might not always be the best option. But then how the hell did you go about showing someone how you felt? Did you write them a letter? Did you pull them into a warm embrace and mutter it tenderly into their ear (even the thought made her cringe). People just seemed to do it- just effortlessly- and she couldn't.
And then she realised it didn't matter anyway- even if she did (heaven forbid) throw herself at his feet and admit between sobs that she loved him (God, even the thought made her feel nauseous) it wouldn't matter now- he was engaged to a woman he must love. Who didn't tell him she loved him by calling him and idiot or tell him she felt insecure by throwing plates at his fridge. And with that it all came back- all of it in its stilted perfection. And she sat, back pressed hard against the shooting range wall for what felt like hours letting her mind dwell over the millions of mistakes she was only now realising she'd made.
By the time she got home she'd dried her eyes and applied a fresh layer of makeup. She wasn't really OK but she didn't want to Ted to look at her and want to talk about it. There was nothing to say, or at least nothing he could help her with-she'd already established on her own that she was (probably) in a love with a guy she could never have. What would Ted making her analyse her feelings and talk about it do to the help the situation? But as she walked into her apartment she froze- the four of them were sat around the coffee table. It looked like something out of a 70's family sitcom, with her being the goofy lonely viewer.
They were all laughing, Ted's fingers intertwined in Zoey's hair and Nora sat perched on the arm of her favourite chair- but that wasn't the reason her stomach was doing somersaults- because in her favourite chair was her favourite man. He looked different somehow and unbelievably it took her a few moments to realise why- where was his suit? Barney was sat there laughing but he was wearing chinos and baby blue shirt- no tie- the epitome of a white picket fence owner and it unsettled her. But his smile- it wasn't the same either. He might be convincing the rest of the room that he was happy but not her, it looked too contrived, too square.
But then maybe it was just her wanting to see a cover up; wanting to see him unhappy because it allowed hope that he'd come to his senses. But then she saw the ruby glistening on Nora's left hand, it hadn't been there today earlier at work. And with that any thought of any get out clause was shut down- she needed the gun again.
She'd obviously been stood in silence staring at them for too long because they had all turned to look at her. She smiled, greeted them all before going into the kitchen and reaching for the scotch bottle on the top of the fridge. She didn't have time for a glass so just grabbed the bottle and swigged, and again, oh and one more for luck- and as she turned- great. The ruby and its new owner were stood in the kitchen doorway just staring at her. Great, so now, not only would Nora go home with Barney but her and her annoyingly long British vowels would tell him how 'Robin's been drinking, and she's been doing badly at work and oh darling I'm so worried' . Eurgh. God she was annoying. But she put the scotch bottle down, screwed the cap back on and made some witty remark about her long day. Nora seemed to accept it and smiled sweetly back. Bitch.
They both walked back into the room together. His eyes first fell on his fiancé, it still seemed weird- Barney Stinson, bro supreme (self titling is cool), has a fiancé. He'd bought a ring today- or at least Ted had chosen it- but he'd paid for it so it was fine. He didn't have time to go to a ring shop! He was too busy- besides he had a tailor's appointment to keep to. Tailor, he felt his mood drop about 10 rungs on his happiness ladder as he looked down at the monstrosity he was dressed in. Chinos? And blazer? Well in fairness the blazer wasn't in awesomeness effecting range at the moment but when then left for Lily and Marshal's it would have to be...on him. Gross.
He'd seen the shock in her eyes as she walked through the door and who wouldn't be shocked at viewing the Barnacle looking so hideous? He'd only done it for Nora- she'd bought him the outfit and told him looked 'dashing'. Did dashing mean awesome in British? God knows, but he was regretting it now. Just look at Scherbatsky's face! She looks almost disgusted- no, not disgusted. Unsettled. And the fact that she was unsettled made him uneasy, especially as he was the cause of it. Stupid Nora, did she not get that his wardrobe malfunction was borderline upsetting to the people he cared most about?
His gaze flicked back to Robin. Despite being visibly alarmed (ok, maybe a bit exaggerated, but desperate times call for desperate hyperbole!) she was still beautiful-that was a given and would always be a given. But she looked different too. She wasn't smiling as much as she used to and it upset him. He loved to see her happy- not in a gooey romantic way- it's not like he loved her or anything. No he didn't love her, no, no, no. He'd been there, done that (whaddup, high five- bank it for later Stinson) and got the t-shirt. But then how come when she was sad, he was sad? And how come he felt that there was nothing more important that to do something about it?
He had barely seen Scherbatsky all week- she said she'd been working late but Nora said she hadn't seen her stay past six- it was nice having a spy! She must have a new boyfriend...great, probably yet another unsuitable tool that would either break her heart or make her feel cheap and she was too good for that- she deserved perfection. Yeah, this new tool must be making her feel cheap- that's why she looks upset. So, if she gets to feel like a million dollars again then she'll be happy. Stinson you're a genius. But hang on, how do you go about making her feel a million dollars?
But as he thinks he finds himself just looking at her. She's laughing at one of Zoey's stories and he can't get over, even if her eyes looks sad, how beautiful she is. Even now, she's in an old sweat shirt and jeans, but she's still, just, well yeah everything you could ever want and as much as he won't let his mind dwell on it, wipes the floor with his fiancé every time. It's just the way her hair falls ac- but no Stinson! For God's sake don't open that can of worms again she's made it clear she's not interested- option closed. But oh look how she smiles, even if it broken. He wants to tell her all about his day again. And he wants to tell her how seeing her at lunch looking as sexy as hell in her new glasses was the best part of it. And the worst thing of all that he wants to tell her is that as he walked into the office clutching his pathetic brown paper bag his eyes fell on her desk before he even registered Nora's presence in the room.
But this thing with Nora had to work, Robin had told him he could do it- he had to prove to her he was up to her challenge. But that was the thing, as if he stopped his stupid jumpy mind for two seconds, he knew that this wasn't just something he could' challenge unaccepted' in a couple of years time and walk away with everything just being fine. But he didn't know how to get out of it- it would mean conflict which would hurt someone.
That's where everyone was wrong about him, no-one got it. He hated nothing more that hurting people. Why did he sleep with girls and never call them back? Because in the end he'd just end up hurting them, so better never to call them back after one night and deal with the bitterness rather than breaking their heart after an emotional connection a few months down the line. And the one person he'd broken his rules for, the one person he had selfishly risked hurting because after a year of considerable thought, he knew how awesome they could have been for each other, was the one person he'd hurt the most. She was the only girl who'd ever cried truly pain-filled tears for him and memories of that day at the shooting range when he'd seen her crumble still made him hate himself more than all the one night stands he'd ever had. But Barney Stinson didn't think like this- he didn't let himself dwell on the depressing truth that he'd hurt the only girl he'd ever loved. So he let everyone think he had no heart- it was easier that way. He let his mind spring back, ignoring the lump in his throat, onto the next subject- Ted's hair- what the hell was up with it tonight?
It was time to go. He watched her go into her room as she said goodnight to the four of them. He would speak to her later. No, he should speak to her now. Check she's Ok.
'You guys go, I just wanna ask Scherbatsky to clarify a quick laser tag rule, some twelve year old today cha-'
'Yeah- no problem Barney, we'll see you there' Bloody Ted. He just didn't understand the awesomeness of laser tag! Nice cover too Stinson- you are truly the master of the bro's... no bro supreme was cooler. Nora lingers in the doorway smiling.
'Do you want me to wait? I know baby doesn't like to be lonely' Baby? Ok that's new- not awesome either. Mental note to discuss later.
'No you go, I'll catch up,'
'Ok, see you later babe,' Yeah that wasn't any better...
So as Barney stepped up to Robin's bedroom door Nora caught up with Ted and Zoey. She couldn't put her finger on why but Barney had been quiet over the last few days and it worried her. She was committing to becoming a full time New Yorker by marrying him and it wasn't that she didn't love him- she did- who wouldn't? He was the perfect committed boyfriend. She found it funny when she heard his 'stories' – he was a terrible liar. As if he had written that 'playbook' thing! She knew her Barney and he would never write anything so crude or demeaning to women. He respected her, and all her friends. He really was perfect, and although she hadn't met them yet- she was so excited to meet his parents next week- she wondered where they lived? She bet it was a big house in the suburbs. She made a mental note to ask him about it later. But bloody hell she was nervous- these were the grandparents her children would be spending all their Christmases with.
She must have looked nervous as she got into the taxi because Ted looked down at her beaming and said 'It'll be OK you know?'
'You really think so?'
'Yeah- you got nothing to worry about,'
'Good- I didn't think so but you know it's a big deal!'
'Well yeah, it would be. But I mean they've not gone out almost two years now and he clearly loves you and'
'Ted, what are you talking about?'
'Barney and Robin,' he paused and looked awkwardly at Zoey who now all of sudden seemed fascinated by something on the street outside. As she wasn't helping him he looked back over to Nora who was still staring at him incredulously. 'Why, wasn't that what you were talking about?'
'No!'
'Oh- '
'Barney and Robin used to date?' Ted just looked at her like a guilty child who had just told the teacher on the school bully in the playground. Barney had dated Robin? How had he not told her this? It seemed so unfathomable that her Barney, her sweet and open Barney, could ever be in a relationship with such a cold woman. It just doesn't seem right-which is probably why it ended. It's not like its anything to be jealous over- the idea of them is actually almost funny! But why wouldn't he tell her? Embarrassment? He probably just wanted to save her the awkwardness- he was so sweet like that. She stared down once again at her engagement ring. He really did know her so well- his choice had been perfect.
And so she let herself dream once more of their big day, five children and the white picket fences because she knew that was their dream, their fantasy and nothing on this planet could make them happier; just her and her baby together in wedded bliss.
Ok so this was kinda more of a connecting chapter the next part with be more action filled- hope you enjoyed it- please review either way Gx
