Apologies for the somewhat sudden beginning and ending. As I said, this was initially written as a one shot and therefore there are barely any natural chapter breaks. Also, thank-you for the reviews! This is actually one of the only pieces in which I enjoy the writing and am confident in its competence: so again, thank-you!
Enjoy.
Last Chapter: Remus and Sirius are stood on the battlements following a somewhat shocking confession from Remus.
James hesitated for a second and then he strode resolutely through. Sirius spun round at the sound of the slamming door. "There you are, mate! The party's growing stale without you!" James shouted cheerfully, "And you'll end up catching a cold out here – Don't blame me when the Slytherins manage to hex your knackers off."
Sirius blinked, once, twice three times... He glanced back at Remus and frowned ever so slightly. Then he was grinning at James and walking over to him, leaving Remus propped up against a good-for nothing battlement that had seen better centuries. The minute the two boys left, Remus found himself gasping for breath.
Stumbling towards the door – half-blinded by his tears – he somehow managed to get back to the relative safety of his bed without breaking anything. He curled up, once he was there, face screwed up against his pillow as he tried desperately to not think about the clumsy words and the even clumsier timing of them.
He fell asleep at some point, falling into dreams of Sirius and James sitting on thrones, all kingly and God-like as they whispered behind cruel hands and their eyes harsh as he pleaded with them to stop. Peter was a dog curled up at their feet, their whipping boy, their toy. Their very existence was staining and tainting James and Sirius' noble perfection and he was on his hands and knees begging them...
"I know I'm absolutely incredible and all that, but I maybe wouldn't go that far."
Remus jerked awake, eyes snapping open. "Wha-?" he mumbled, thinking the currently disembodied voice sounded like Sirius but it couldn't possibly be Sirius because Sirius was going to hate him, right?
"You were saying something about a king? I assumed you were talking about me." The voice was coming from the direction of the door, Remus managed to discern, and the lack of breathing or taunting meant that James and Peter were still downstairs. Ah, yes. There was the music still pounding through the floor, making the walls vibrate slightly.
Remus shrugged at Sirius' remark, thrown by how close to the truth it was. "What're you doing back up here?" he grunted, sitting up with some effort and then yawning behind his hand. Sirius was leant against the door, casually blocking both unexpected entrances and Remus' escape. His shirt was completely undone by now, the tie missing altogether. A dark shadow which looked faintly like lip-stick was smudged to one side of Sirius' lips and his eyes were a great deal more unfocussed. Remus wondered how long he'd slept for.
"I thought we should probably talk," Sirius said nonchalantly, "about what you said earlier." His tone was somewhat at odds with his tense shoulders, and crossed arms. "I don't think the dorm's such a great idea though. I think – Perhaps we should go somewhere a little less social?"
Remus nodded dumbly, a sinking feeling of irreparable and inconceivable doom settling down in the pit of his stomach and manifesting itself as a sick, over-stuffed feeling. He jerked to his feet, half-way across the room before he remembered that there was people downstairs.
"Do you trust me, Remus?"
Remus looked up at him, surprised by the question. Sirius was looking at him sincerely, grey eyes boring into his and willing him to just let go and follow Sirius unquestioningly, to let somebody close and give somebody else control for a while. Remus nodded, not trusting his throat to work properly.
"Then come on. I'll make sure nobody says anything to you – though to be honest, I think more than enough alcohol has been consumed to make them blind anyway." He gave Remus a half-grin before opening the door, "Just stay close to me, okay?"
Remus nodded and followed him down the stairs; dread and fear making each step last longer than the last. His heart was pounding away in his chest and it was all he could do to stop himself from practically climbing on top of Sirius in his need for protection.
They hurried across the Common Room; Remus with his head bent and Sirius all but snarling at anybody who so much as looked their way.
Remus did follow him unquestioningly, and it would only be later that he'd wonder why he wasn't curious as to where Sirius was actually taking him as they walked through the silent hall-ways. It wasn't until they stopped outside of a familiar looking painting and Sirius turned expectantly towards Remus, that Remus realized he'd been so zoned out on panicking that his feet had simply being moving.
He opened it without comment. The two of them slipped through and their shoulders brushed. Remus wondered if it was possible for the blush on his face to get any get any more pronounced. Sirius locked the door behind them and Remus walked towards the middle of the room hugging his arms tightly – both to hold his crumbling mind together and to ward off the damp chill that permeated the air – and then he turned around to speak. But Sirius had walked towards him by now, and they were stood closer than Remus had expected.
The words died on his tongue as the two of them stared at each other, both attempting to weigh up the atmosphere of the room and the mood of the other. Sirius' eyes were wide as though confused, his fingers twitching at his side and his chest heaving underneath his shirt. Remus couldn't help but notice the way Sirius' shoulders strained the material, and how the gaping front revealed more of the taut skin than usual.
He swallowed, tongue flicking out over his lips and suddenly Sirius was there. There was no hesitation, there was no momentary pause – Sirius had committed to this and fully taken the plunge. His lips pressed against Remus' and his tongue followed immediately. Remus found his hand rising to touch Sirius' cheek and then the spell broke.
They both took a step back and resumed staring at each other. The sound of their breathing echoed around the cavernous rooms, rolling off the walls and emphasised the way their hearts were racing. Remus could feel a million and one things that he wanted – needed – maybe should say, but there was something desperate in Sirius' eyes that made him keep his silence. It seemed to be an eternity before Sirius glanced down and then back up, and took a step forward. He was so close that Remus could feel the heat radiating off him. He was forced to tip his head back, to keep Sirius' eyes in sight and it was with a shiver on both parts that Sirius slid his hand up Remus' arm to rest against his neck and hold his head in place as Sirius kissed him again.
It was slow this time, a deep exploration of somewhere they'd never been before.
Part of Remus accepted that this was perhaps just experimentation on Sirius' behalf but most of him – mainly the part that had called Clarissa Sirius – was causing his body to flush and his muscles to tremble and kiss back just a little desperately. His hands were still by his side and he jumped when Sirius entwined their fingers together, stroking little tiny circles with the pad of his thumb in a strangely intimate gesture.
He pulled away again but Remus couldn't meet his eyes anymore. He found his gaze focused on Sirius' neck, found his mind imagining – like it had a thousand times before – what it would be like to kiss and taste and bite.
Sirius' hands were suddenly on his stomach, fanning out and coming to rest on his hips. Then they were stood together, so close that Remus was left with no choice but to place his hands on Sirius' chest. Seemingly on their own violation, they ran up towards Sirius' shoulders and pushed the shirt off. Remus watched that with as much fascination as Sirius did.
Sirius kissed him again and this time – his hands having developed a sudden sentience – Remus' fingers wrapped in Sirius' hair to keep him in place. Sirius' own hands had slid from his hips and were working their way up his back, pressing him closer against Sirius' body and chest. Then they were suddenly on his front, under his shirt and Remus gasped at the feel of the cool, rough skin scratching against his smooth belly.
It was oddly intimate the two of them stood there; it was as though they'd been friends one minute and then simply taken one fluid step forward and become something more. Almost as though their entire friendship – from it's shaky beginnings – had always been headed towards this point and they'd simply climbed into the shoes they were always supposed to wear.
Then his shirt had floated to the floor too and Sirius was nipping at his collar-bone, hands working at Remus' belt. Remus was shaking and trembling and pretty certain his legs wouldn't hold him for much longer. He'd waited so long, dreamt about this in so many ways that now it was actually happening, he was terrified. He fumbled with the button on Sirius' trousers, hands shaking so badly it took him a good three tries to so much as grab hold of the button between his finger and thumb. Sirius laughed at him and undid it himself, grabbing Remus' hand and pushing himself against it as though giving Remus permission. He moaned softly at the contact, eyes sliding shut even as Remus' widened at the sound that seemed so very loud in this silent room.
And Remus' hands were off on their own again and Sirius had managed to break through his belt and he was hit with the sudden realisation of what was actually happening.
Sirius' contented noises seemed to vibrate through him, shooting up and down his spine and causing the sudden jerky movement of his hips against Sirius' hand as it slid inside his fly. His breathing was irregular and odd and their noises seemed strange and alien echoed back to them as they were. Remus found his eyes were wide open, staring as he was at Sirius' face. His head was thrown back, black hair brushing the tops of his shoulder and baring the pale, vulnerable skin of his neck. His lips were parted ever so slightly, each panted breath expelled from between them.
It suddenly occurred to him that Sirius was beautiful.
And then he laughed at himself. He'd always drawn the line at stupid sentiments like that. Girls were supposed to be beautiful and soft and angels in their own right. Boys weren't. No, boys were supposed to be all rough angles and rugged and – and handsome. He'd always thought it rather stupid for a boy to be beautiful.
The sound of his laugh seemed strangely absurd and out of context, as though this act- this scene – was the Most Dire and Most Serious and he was ruining it by his casual display.
Sirius' eyes opened, and his head became level again and Remus found himself lost in Sirius' expression. His lips were still parted; bruised and swollen and his eyes... his eyes seemed so confused. If Remus hadn't been so distracted by the feel of Sirius' fingers against his flesh, he might've wondered at what else Sirius was possibly feeling and come to the conclusion that he was oddly defiant about the whole thing, as though he was trying to prove something to himself and Remus and maybe James too.
Sirius leant forward and kissed him again, tongue brushing against his before Sirius dropped his lips to Remus' neck. Panic laced through Remus' body when he felt the teeth nip against his skin. But their hands had found the right rhythm and he was suddenly so sure that if he interrupted Sirius – that if he so much as shifted weight from one foot to the other – then Sirius would snap out of whatever trance he was under and then this... this would have to stop.
And he didn't want it to stop.
He came suddenly, spilling out over Sirius' hand and realising, only a moment later, that Sirius, too, was done. He glanced down at the mess they had made and his cheeks reddened. He cleared his throat, the awkwardness pressing upon him the desire to speak and make it go away. But Sirius shook his head, mouth set in a tight line as he bent down to pick up his shirt. He handed Remus his and they both dressed in silence, cleaning themselves up and trying not to catch each other's eye.
Sirius touched Remus' arm by accident as they were about to leave and they both jumped at the action. They paused again. Sirius' eyes bored into his as they both shifted uncomfortably. Remus was aware of their proximity and Sirius' hand was resting against his wrist, burning through his skin. "You might – You might want to – to hide that," Sirius said, voice almost unnaturally loud after the silence they'd been in. He pointed at the love-bite on Remus' neck. "And look –"
"You don't need to say it."
"Need to say what?"
"That this was just an experiment; that you'd rather I didn't tell James and Peter; that you didn't actually enjoy that; that- that-"
Sirius growled and kissed him, a quick press of the lips that was more suited to a month anniversary than the first-time fumble. "No. If you wanna tell James and Peter, then be my guest. Rather you than me, Rem. And I think –" he flushed pink, though his eyes stayed resolutely on Remus', "I think we both enjoyed that and we'd be idiots to ignore it," he finished, voice dropping to a low whisper. "I told you before that I'd – I'd tried it, didn't I? It was good and – and I'd like to do it again some time. I mean – it's just, it could just be practice you know. Or – or if either of us is feeling a little bit frustrated it doesn't – it doesn't have to mean anything-"
"Of course not. It's just- Just an option, right?"
"Yeah," Sirius agreed, hand jumping to run nervously through his hair, parroting the sentiment without picking up on the underlying tone to Remus' voice, "Just an option."
They smiled a nervous agreement at each other before Sirius undid the lock and they slipped back outside. The castle was eerily dark and Remus wondered how long they'd spent in there. He wondered if James had noticed them both missing.
He wondered what the hell had just happened.
They walked slightly apart, as though they were afraid to touch. Remus kept glancing at Sirius from the corner of his eye, a soft smile on his lips as the voice inside his mind whispered 'beautiful'. He kept resisting the urge to touch his lips or touch his neck, or simply to reach out and take Sirius' hand or just- just run a finger down the inside of his wrist – just to remind himself that it had been real. Real.
They paused when they finally reached the portrait. Sirius seemed oddly still, as though he was resisting something or as though he was he having to be calm when he was anything but. Remus swallowed nervously, well aware of what the look in Sirius' eye meant. He blinked and looked away, focusing instead on the Pink Lady drooling in her chair. He waited for Sirius to speak.
