Chapter 2: Neurobiology of Emotions
Summary: Annie has a rough day
Although she would have thought dropping off her daughter at daycare would be the hardest thing, Annie was finding that, the more Sophie readily ran off to play with her friends these days, leaving her dog was the most gut-wrenching.
Ruffles was staring at her and whining, her little furry head cocked to the side.
She had knelt down to bid goodbye and said, "Now sweetie, you'll have such a good time with Ian. He tells us the students love you."
Over by his desk, Ian piped in, "Just leave her with me. I have doggie treats." He held up a small bone-shaped biscuit and waived it in the air.
Ruffles didn't even turn around, the poor thing. She kept staring upward, her dark eyes growing larger and her ears bending just slightly.
"Oh, sweetie, your little ears." Annie gently flipped the left one back into its normal position, but it once again fell forward.
"Oh!" She wiped the tear forming in her eye and bent down even further to nuzzle.
"Annie, we should go."
She lifted her head sharply at Jeff's voice and said, "We need a minute. Can't you see she's upset?"
"I think she senses you're upset."
She scoffed. "I am not! I'm just responding to her. She's been really clingy with me for the past few days. Maybe we shouldn't leave her today."
She heard Jeff's groan, and she was kind of pissed off. He could affect his too-cool-for-school attitude all he wanted, but she knew he loved their precious little dog just as much as she did, perhaps even more so. She had spied him on more than one occasion indulging the cutie and definitely cuddling up with her.
"Annie, who is going to stay with her then? We both have class. It's either drop her off here or we go back home and leave her at the apartment. Alone."
She felt his words sink in, and it almost hurt her heart. As she pet Ruffles gingerly underneath her chin, she gulped down a surprising sob, and said, "You'll be okay. Ian has treats!"
She mustered a bright smile, the one she had used on numerous occasions in the past when trying to convince herself of something. Her mother had taught her that trick, that if you willed something to be positive, you could make it so.
Problem was it didn't always work, like when she crashed and burned in high school.
But no matter, now was different. She knew in her rational mind that Ruffles would be fine, just as she had been on the many other days she spent in Ian's classroom. She knew Ian would take her on a little walk between classes and that she and Jeff could visit her at lunch and of course during History.
But the huge doggie eyes.
Ruffles had been following her around lately, softly pawing and licking her whenever she got the chance. She had even emerged from Sophie's room earlier than usual in the evenings and plopped herself on her lap, annoying Jeff as he attempted to make a move on her as they sat on the couch.
Jeff was just jealous.
She turned to her side, noticing Jeff was crouched down next to her now and giving her a concerned look.
"What?"
He blinked slowly and then said as he took her free hand, "I know you're worried about her. So am I."
"Really?" She eyed him warily.
He shrugged. "She has been acting a little strange. But I think she will be fine today if we don't prolong our good-byes."
"But what if she's trying to tell us something?"
"Well, I think we should just take her in to the vet for a check-up. We'll schedule it as soon as we leave, okay?"
She felt some relief at his words, that he was taking this seriously. His plan made sense, as it had so far been useless attempting to guess with a nonverbal creature what was going on. She nodded and let him help her to her feet.
Ruffles whined once again and pawed her foot, but Jeff helped her tear herself away so they could begin their day.
X
X
X
"So I was saying to Troy, he doesn't need to put up with that."
Annie frowned as her brain finally caught up with Britta's words. She had been more than a little preoccupied with her thoughts of her dog and attempting to fix some stray hairs as she looked in the ladies room mirror.
She remarked, "You should probably stay out of it. They have a special relationship."
Britta scowled as she jumped up to sit (ewww) on the sink counter and said, "You wouldn't be so breezy about it if you had to live with them. Having Troy come into your room at three am because Abed's taking his role as Data a little too literally and not warming up to Tasha Yar is annoying."
"Britta."
"And they took one of my cats. Abed's now calling Mister Walter Whiskers Spot. I had to almost fight him to get him back."
Annie suddenly felt bad, as she knew how much Britta loved her pets. She tilted her head and surprisingly felt her lip tremble as she said, "I'm sorry. He's your cat, and that's terrible that Abed's being so mean."
Appearing slightly befuddled by Annie's shift in tone, Britta eyed her with suspicion and said, "Well, my cat actually does seem to prefer hanging out with Abed, which is a little disturbing, but hey you can't really tame a cat. They actually think they're wild you know, they…." She trailed off as Annie began to sob. "Shit."
Annie pushed off Britta's awkward attempts to soothe her by patting her almost mechanically on the front of her shoulder, and felt pretty embarrassed, but she couldn't help it. She managed to say through gulps, "I'm so worried about little Ruffles. I think something's wrong with her, and she's Sophie's best friend, and if anything happened to her Sophie would be devastated." She sniffled and readily accepted Britta's outstretched wad of tissue as she added, "And I don't think anyone's taking this seriously, but Jeff…"
Britta interjected as she hopped down from the sink, "Oh, I know, that man probably isn't in tune with pets. Seriously Annie, if you think something is wrong with Ruffles, I'll help you. We can go get her right now and take her to see my vet."
Annie had been looking down at the floor in her attempts to self-regulate, but she lifted her head to meet Britta's eyes and said, "Really? Awww."
Britta shrugged as she replied, "Well yeah. I know how much Ruffles means to you guys." She suddenly stared at Annie and then added, "Um, here." She pulled out her bag and produced a surprisingly large bottle of Visine.
Annie readily accepted it and was about to use it when Shirley pushed her way through the swinging door and startled at the sight of them.
"Why An-nie! What on earth is the matter?" She shuffled over to her and got within inches of her face. She studied her for a moment and carefully took the Visine out of her hands and handed it back to Britta. She said, "If you use that now, you won't be able to cry it out."
Britta squinted at her in annoyance. "I don't think that's how it works. And anyway, I was just trying to help her. She can't go to class like that."
Annie startled at Britta's words and whipped herself around to regard herself in the mirror. To her surprise, her mascara had run down her cheeks and her eyes were bright red. She frowned. "I look terrible."
She then realized Britta and Shirley were whispering behind her back. She caught snippets of their conversation as she attempted to wipe her face with a cold paper towel.
"She's worried about Ruffles."
"Please tell me you didn't make it worse. What did you say to that poor girl?"
"You know what Shirley, you're being rude. I'm getting much better at this Ladies Room talk you know. I had her in tears!"
"Dear lord in heaven!"
Annie, now feeling calmer, turned around and addressed them both, "I'll be fine. I'm sorry I made such a scene." She smiled sheepishly and motioned for the Visine. Britta handed it over and she threw back her head and allowed the drops to briefly sting her eyes.
As she lifted her head, she saw Shirley regarding her with concern.
She let out a huge sigh and said, "I'm fine, Shirley. Britta's right, I'm worried about Ruffles, but Jeff already made an appointment with the vet for tomorrow, so I think everything will be okay."
Britta groaned, "I said I'd take you there right now."
Annie shook her head, feeling the wave of emotion subsiding. She knew she'd be a lot better before class.
It was important to be one's best when going to class.
X
X
"This is stupid. We're not going to add a turnip to the diorama." Jeff pursed his lips and gave Pierce his best glare across the study table.
Pierce, who was standing and reaching over to place the twisted root vegetable onto the boat, giggled as he said, "It looks like a penis."
The women collectively groaned and rolled their eyes, Abed stared blankly, and Troy and Jeff visibly cringed.
Jeff snapped to his feet and leaned across the table, grabbing hold of Pierce's outstretched hand as he yelled, "This has to stop! This is our last diorama as a study group, and we are not doing this again!"
Annie decided she couldn't take any more of this. Both Pierce and Jeff were getting on her nerves, as they had been bickering for twenty minutes.
She stood and shouted, "Stop it!"
Everyone turned to stare at her, just as they had when she had screamed about her missing purple pen. Sure, in retrospect that had been a little over the top, but this time was different.
Having their full attention, she puffed out her chest, which elicited a disapproving look from Shirley, whose eyes had been annoyingly fixated on her for the entire meeting. She had noticed but had decided to be the bigger person and ignore it. It was none of Shirley's business how she dressed, and if she wanted to wear a scooped neck dress with a purple cardigan, then she could. Besides, she had buttoned it.
She glanced down and realized the middle buttons were undone. For a moment she felt internally apologetic to Shirley for having been staring at her, but then she became annoyed once again that she hadn't told her. What about the sisterhood?
In an attempt to deflect as well as to return to her point, she said with as much confidence as she could muster, "Jeff's right. This is our last diorama as a study group. Never again, will we all gather around this table together to work on a project. Don't you guys see how special this time is? So let's please not fight." She addressed Pierce, "Please put away the turnip. It'll spoil anyway if we put it in there. You don't want it smelling bad now do you?" She puckered her nose as she added, "It smells yucky enough as it is. You probably shouldn't eat it."
"Um hmmm."
She shot a side-glance at Shirley, who was now lightly tapping her bag and smiling at her. Confused, Annie addressed the group, "Anyway, I'll be back in a few minutes, and when I return, you all better be more civilized." She grabbed her backpack and started to make her way out.
Shirley jumped to her feet and said, "I'll join you, An-nie!"
Britta started to rise, and Shirley gave her the stink eye, which led to her quickly acquiescing and plopping back down in her chair.
Annie allowed Shirley to follow her out, and as they rounded the corner, she turned to her and hissed, "You could have told me about my buttons." She gestured down to her sweater and widened her eyes for emphasis.
Shirley patted her hand with almost an aura of pity and said with soft lilt, "I'm so sorry, honey. Can we talk?"
"I guess."
They made their way to the ladies room. Once inside, Shirley uncharacteristically placed her large purse on the sink (ewww) and appeared about to say something, when Annie hurriedly said, "I um, actually have to go." She indicated with her head toward a stall, and Shirley made a shooing motion with her hands.
"I'll wait."
"Thank you."
Annie went into a stall and began to pee when she heard Shirley's voice.
"You went right before the study group meeting."
"Shirley, I don't like talking while I'm in here."
"Sorry, hon."
She finished up and stepped out of the stall, walking over to the sink to wash her hands. Eyeing Shirley in the mirror, she asked, "Why are you tracking my bathroom visits?"
"I wasn't really. It's just you were in here only a half hour ago."
Annie grabbed a paper towel and began to dry her hands, turning around to see Shirley regarding her with a tender expression. It certainly wasn't what she was expecting, as it didn't match how she wanted to feel about her. She was pretty irritated, but she couldn't really understand why.
Maybe she just wanted some space. Shirley was pretty intrusive.
As if to illustrate the point, Shirley had now stepped closer and was buttoning up her sweater.
"Shirley!" Annie swatted at her, and Shirley merely chuckled as she finished and stepped back to regard her work.
With a raised brow, she remarked, "Now either that sweater got shrunk in the wash or your boobs are bigger."
Annie looked down, noticing the buttons were puckering where normally they laid flat. She felt a waive of irritation again as she said, "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm almost due with my period, and sometimes the girls swell a little right before, not this much usually, but still." She glanced up at Shirley and once again widened her eyes for emphasis, in the hopes that she would knock it off.
Shirley let out a wearied sigh. "So you're PMS-ing, is that it?"
Annie felt a sudden urge to smash something. She wondered how Shirley dared dismiss her feelings as hormonal. She was perfectly valid in feeling the way she did. Pierce and Jeff were being ridiculous, something was wrong with Ruffles, and they were almost done with the semester.
She suddenly felt a rush of fresh tears.
"Oh, hon."
"We're not going to be a study group anymore!" She began profusely sobbing, and as much as she had been irritated with Shirley, she readily accepted her offer of a warm hug.
As Shirley pet her hair, which did feel very soothing, she murmured, "It's okay. I wanted to share the news later, but the Dean accepted my offer to run my sandwich shop on campus after graduation. Abed's going to help me since I don't think the poor boy is going to able to find any work. So you see, even though we're graduating, we'll still be here. You'll see us every day."
She had to admit this was good news, and she felt the warmth spread throughout her chest. Maybe things would be okay after all.
Annie mumbled into Shirley's shoulder, "Really? That's so great. I'm really happy for you. I would have missed you so much."
Continuing to caress her hair, Shirley said in sing-songy voice, "I think we should get you a pregnancy test."
Up to now feeling much calmer, although strangely still tearing up, Annie stilled. She of course had been pretty obsessed about taking pregnancy tests at the slightest indication she was late, but this time she had another day. And she and Jeff had agreed to wait a little bit before assuming, given the disappointments.
There was no way she could be having symptoms already.
Not that she was all that familiar with early pregnancy signs given last time she hadn't even known she was pregnant. Sure she had been more emotional back then, but she had also been on drugs.
She gently pushed Shirley back and stared at her incredulously.
In response, Shirley smiled and said, "You're an emotional wreck the likes I've never seen with you so PMS my ass, and you've been using the ladies at least every hour over the past few days, and you look so tired…'
Annie interjected, "Shirley, have you been studying me? And no way, I mean I could be, Jeff and I have been trying, but…" She grabbed her backpack, which she had safely placed on a wall hook, and whipped out her trusty planner.
Shirley clapped her hands together with glee. "You and Jeffrey have been trying? Why then I'm sure you're pregnant!"
Annie shot her a look, feeling more than a little guilty Shirley was the only member of the study group who didn't know, and as she continued to flip through her planner she explained, "We've been trying since our wedding, and Jeff's been so frustrated, so we agreed I'd stop taking tests prematurely, and like I said I'm not due until tom…"
She faltered as she stared at the page, realizing in her efforts to take the pressure off, along with her preoccupation with the study group's final days together, she had accidentally skipped a page.
A page was a whole week.
She was one week late.
Her eyes now widened genuinely and she lifted her head to see Shirley's knowing expression. She took a deep breath and then said with her voice barely above a whisper, "I'm over a week late."
"That would be about my guess."
She couldn't believe that she had been so distracted as to mess up this badly with the dates. She was usually on top of things, and up until recently she and Jeff had been more than a little vigilant about the weeks so as to know as soon as they possibly could. As startled and embarrassed as she felt in the moment, she was also aware that Jeff probably knew about the dates but had likely made the assumption that there was no news to tell. Ruffles had certainly been cock-blocking him enough over the past week, so they hadn't really needed to address that point.
Poor Jeff was driving himself slowly insane with the whole thing.
But now, maybe everything would be better?
She felt her heart begin to flutter, and she managed, "I didn't even know last time with Sophie."
"Oh, hon."
She thought about how different things were back then, and how she had felt in the weeks leading up to that shocking revelation as well as the moment she found out. It had been utter chaos, and she never would have thought her present state could be so different.
Taking a gulp, she elaborated, "I had been on drugs, and Adam dumped me, and I was a mess. I wasn't thinking clearly, and it was a complete shock when they told me." She sniffed a little as she recalled the moment the doctor shared the test results, and shirked internally at the memory of her mother's judgmental reaction.
But this time was different. Her friend was standing with her, and she knew and was obviously excited.
Annie smiled, feeling a rush of happiness herself now that the shock was beginning to fade.
"Will you go with me? To get a test?"
"Of course, pumpkin."
X
X
They texted the group they wouldn't be returning, and Annie messaged Jeff privately to reassure him everything was fyne and she and Shirley were just discussing some stuff about Andre. She knew that would get him completely disinterested.
She didn't want to tell him just yet, as part of her was guarded that she was in fact just a week late due to stress and experiencing intense PMS. She couldn't bear to see his face if she had to tell him disappointing news again.
No, she'd find out first for sure.
(He'll be so excited!)
She did a little hop as she and Shirley picked up a test and checked out from the Greendale pharmacy. Shirley muttered something about the white woman on the front of the box, and Annie shushed her as they giddily scurried back to the ladies room and Shirley jammed a bar of wood she found along the way into the doorframe so that no one could enter.
As one last check on reason before she entered the stall, she said to Shirley, "But I can't be. Abed would know, right?"
Shirley rolled her eyes as she said sarcastically, "You mean how that boy knew I was pregnant with Ben?"
She smiled sheepishly. "Good point."
She allowed Shirley to almost shove her into the stall. It was kind of exciting, this time taking a test, knowing a friend was rooting for her and would be able to help her handle it if it was negative. She was glad she wasn't putting this on Jeff.
She finished up and gingerly walked out, holding the test flat between her hands so as not to disturb it. Shirley motioned her over to the sink, and she carefully set it down on the counter.
They set a timer for three minutes, and waited.
"I have been pretty drained, but I thought it was just stress. Maybe it is?" She waited anxiously for Shirley's insights.
"I've had three kids. Fatigue is one of the very first signs, as is the boob thing. Plus you have a couple others, and you're a week late."
"But if it's negative?"
Shirley simply patted her arm in response, clearly firm in her belief. Her whole demeanor gave Annie hope, and she did her best to continue to focus on her breath as they waited.
They remained in anticipatory silence, and when the alarm sounded, Annie jumped.
"Oh, I can't!"
With a huff on impatience, Shirley started to walk over to the sink, which gave Annie the rush of courage she needed and she got there first.
She picked up the test.
A plus sign.
She almost couldn't believe it, but it was clear.
"Awww!" She smiled and held out the test to show Shirley but wasn't really that surprised to find her already at her shoulder.
Shirley placed her arm around her and gave her a squeeze.
"That's nice!"
x
x
They worked it out that Shirley would keep her mouth shut, which Annie actually believed she would do this time, given that Shirley seemed to readily grasp the inappropriateness of having anyone but Annie tell Jeff the good news. Part of Annie felt it was karmic how Shirley had been the first to know, given that she was the only one who hadn't really known their plans.
God, Britta was going to kill her. She had promised her that she'd tell her before Shirley. But Shirley had been so kind and motherly. She was exactly the person she needed in those vulnerable moments. Not that Britta would have been unkind, but it would have been a more awkward and different kind of comfort.
She couldn't stop herself from smiling, but feeling that she needed to dampen it a little so as not to throw Jeff off while they were at school, she made her best attempts to try to think of something distressing, such as Ruffles whining at her.
Poor little Ruffles. She was strongly suspecting that Ruffles had known. She had heard dogs sense these things, and her heart swelled at the thought of their sweet little doggie caring so much. She'd be so good with the baby.
There would be a baby soon. She wondered when exactly and made a mental note to internet research that. She had already made a doctor's appointment, as she liked to be on top of things.
A baby.
She lightly placed her hand on her belly, and marveled at what was beginning to happen and what was to come. Her whole attitude this time, her frame of mind and place in life in fact, was very different. She was in a stable and healthy relationship, she was feeling good about herself, and she looked forward to the future.
Sophie was going to have a little brother or sister!
Jeff was going to experience what it was like to expect a baby and be there when they were born. She knew he'd be amazed and couldn't wait to tell him.
But she had to wait, unfortunately. They were about to start History, and that certainly wasn't the place to give him the news. She wanted them to have some privacy.
She'd have to wait until they got home. She let her hand move away from her belly and go to her backpack strap.
"What are you smiling about?"
She startled and looked up to see Jeff approaching her in the hallway near the History lecture hall, and she had to make active efforts to stop herself from blurting it out right then and there.
He was smirking at her, and she rolled her eyes as she closed the gap between them and rose on the balls of her feet to give him a kiss on the cheek.
As she descended, she said, "I'm just happy the study group is getting along again. Troy told me that you fixed everything. Thank you."
He squinted down at her for a moment and then said, "Well, after you and Shirley decided not to come back, what choice did I have? We compromised and put the turnip under a concealed diorama floorboard. It's there if Ian decides to get curious. Which, let's face it, is highly unlikely to happen."
He seemed fairly confident in that ridiculous decision, and it made him all the more adorable.
She affected a pout and said, "I'm sorry we left, but you know how Shirley gets. She wouldn't leave me alone."
She felt it wasn't really a lie.
She looked up at him expectantly.
(Expectantly!)
He let out a long sigh, which reassured her that he wasn't suspicious. He said, "Yeah, I know." He then glanced toward the door of streaming students and said with reluctance, "I suppose we better get in there."
She nodded and held out her arm.
"Milord."
"Milady."
(He was going to be so excited!)
