"Let go Peeta!" I struggle against the grip but it's no use. He just throws me back at the wall every time I get an inch.

"Why? So you can kill me mutt?"

"I thought we were over this mutt thing? It's me Katniss. You came back to your house to pick up some paints so we could do a project together."

"Together? Why would I want to do anything with you? Liar."

"Peeta this isn't you. I was with you only a few hours ago. You made me some bread and a strawberry tart. Don't you remember?"

He lets go and forces himself to the ground. He pulls back on his hair letting out an awful noise. I back away fast, keeping my back to the wall. At least if he pushes me into it again it won't hurt as much as being thrown into it. The next thing he does shocks me. He bites down hard on his arm. The pain seems like its bringing him back to his senses. Thinking about it, it's not the first time I have seen him do this. He wouldn't let me remove his cuffs when we were in the capitol because he used them to hurt himself. I move myself into the corner. My eyes dart around the room to see if there is an easy escape but it seems his fit of rage has sent me across to the opposite side.

"I'm sorry." He whimpers the same words several times. "Just leave, I don't want to hurt you again." Leave. As much as I want to, I can't. I'm the reason he is like this now.

I get down to his level and end up crawling across the floor. Now my body is shaking as I hold Peeta's shoulders. I sit down with him and attempt to keep him still. He collapses keeping in his tight ball into my lap. I put my arms completely around him and lower my head to on top of his. His tremors are violent.

"Why won't you leave?" It's like a whisper.

"I'm not going anyway." This is frustrating. Since when does he not want me around? I look back over at the paintings. "Why did this start?" My voice is calm for once as I stroke a couple of blond locks out of his face. He doesn't look up at me. His eyes are sealed shut again. "I-I saw the paintings and they triggered it."

Looking back around at them I can see why. "Surely you painted these images to make you feel better not worse?"

"No. Well yes. They start off that way. I told you earlier, didn't I? They can get warped with other memories."

"They're not your memories Peeta. They are what the capitol wanted you to believe." I get up; mad at the images around the room that they could cause something like this. I pick the pictures up gently. As much as I would like to destroy them, I don't think that would help either. I simply take them down, make them face the wall and repeat until they are all gone.

"There. You can open your eyes. They are gone." Peeta is still curled up; biting what appears to be an end to a paintbrush. I pick up some tubes of paint, a few brushes, pencils and pens I find lying around. I see he brought up the basket, no doubt to fill it with his art supplies. I drop them in and go back over to him. He seems to be finally calming down. His eyes are open but like with the jam, fixated on a single point.

I've never been any good with this sort of thing. I've rarely been able to comfort anyone. Peeta has always been the one to look after me since all of this has happened. I guess that just means I have try harder now.

"Do you have any medicine from Dr Aurelius?" I'm trying to be as gentle as I can with the subject. The doctor gave me lots of different tablets. They are in my house, somewhere. I have no urge to take them though.

"I don't want them. I stopped taking them about a week ago. They just made me sleep and feel numb all the time."

Sounds like the same stuff I got given.

"However, there is a bottle of tablets next door. They help stop the shaking."

Before he asks, I am up and walking towards the other rooms. It's only just occurred to me that I haven't actually been in his house before. Some of the rooms are untouched, remembering his family never moved in with him. They decided to keep the bakery running. It must have been lonely here.

I find his night stand and it's littered with different medicines. I recognise a couple of them. The one I have myself and the other is a bottle of sleep syrup. I pick them all up and return to the art room. I put the two I know in the basket with the paints. The other four I lay out in front of Peeta. He grabs the bottle he wants. The tablets inside make it sound like a rattle in his hands. It takes him a while to get the lid open. I'm not going to do everything for him. I'm sure it would only come across insulting anyway.

Once he gets it open, he takes two and passes the bottle back to me. I pick up the rest and put them in with the other medicines. If he is going to come over, I want everything he has in case of an episode. I'm reminded of the time in the cave when I smooshed the berries up and added the sleep syrup. He wasn't very happy with me doing that, but it did save his life. On the other hand if he is having a fit of rage, I don't think I can make him sit down and eat or drink anything. I let out a heavy exhale whilst thinking.

In the end I move back over to his side, lying down behind him, playing with his hair. I can see why he used to do this; it's quite therapeutic even when you're not the one receiving. Fairly quickly Peeta's shaking seems to quell. I stand up, extending my hand to him. "Come on, let's go."

Rolling over to face me, he grabs my hand and pulls himself up. He doesn't let go when he is standing. Instead keeping hold, he moves over to the basket and picks it up with his free hand. I don't pull away, although the thought he could potentially crush my hand makes me a little nervous.

Going down the stairs I can feel how my back has clearly been bruised from the push. As we reach the front door I scowl, looking outside. Peeta clearly notices and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze as we walk out, across to my house.

Once we are back in, I realise we are not going to start on the book today. I don't think either of us are up to it now. I lead Peeta into the front room and sit him down by the fire. I carefully put myself down beside him. My back aches. We sit there in silence our hands still entwined. I can tell he still wants to apologise by the look on his face but I won't hear it. I start to drop off. The problem is I don't do very much anymore and strangely not doing very much of anything, makes you very tired. Depression probably doesn't help.

The next thing I know I wake up in my bed. Still in my clothes from the day before but I've been carried up and tucked in. Everything to do with the bed is in place and I don't remember having any nightmares.

I change my clothes and notice the purple bruises in the mirror. Both shoulder blades took a decent beating.

I go downstairs and to my surprise see Peeta still asleep on the sofa. He clearly got a spare blanket from the other room last night and has cocooned himself in it. It's strange to see him here. He could have stayed with me last night. On the other hand if he attacked me during the night I think I would have had it. Maybe he doesn't trust himself.

I make my way to the kitchen and see a bunch of fresh bread has been made. There is too much for us so he must have made the batch for Sae and the people in town. This means he must have gone home to get the ingredients because I certainly don't have any. Why didn't he just stay there over the night?

I see the tart has been started now. I grab the other already pre-cut slice. With a plate I take it to the other room, sitting in front of the sofa.

I was lost in a trail of thought, until a sudden touch on the back of my head made me jump. Buttercup who had joined me, hissed at the sudden movement.

"Morning…" He murmurs.

I swallow hard and catch my breath, trying to get my heart to stop pounding in my chest. I manage a nod. He shifts on the sofa, getting into a sitting position. "How's your back?"

"Sore," I answer truthfully. "How did you sleep?"

He shrugs. "You fell asleep last night so I put you to bed. I then went home but… when I saw the state of it I could feel myself losing it. So I picked up some ingredients and made bread here. I guess seeing how a house should be, made me reflect on how much damage I have actually done. I hope that was okay?"

I shrug in response. I don't really know how I feel about him being here. My gaze goes around the house. The place is only tidy because I haven't really moved in it for the few months I have been back. The table though, is still cluttered with what I emptied onto it yesterday. No idea when I will put that way. I have no real motivation to do anything, so nothing is out of place because they haven't been moved. Then again, comparing it to walls which look like a wild animal has run through, I suppose I can see his point.

Peeta stretches and unwraps himself from the blanket. For someone who has always been a morning person he seems very out of it. Only then do I notice the bottle of sleep syrup by the end of the sofa. I frown. "You shouldn't take too much of that stuff."

"You would know." He shoots back, obviously referring to the time in the cave. I turn my frown to him and get up with my now empty plate to return it to the kitchen. I can see in the corner of my eye he tightens a fist. Regretting what he said maybe. Regardless there is no apologue to follow.

I really don't want to spend the whole day being bitter so I clear two spaces and put his basket on the table. The book is still there. I take out a pen and start to write down what I thought about Rue yesterday. It's certainly easier to write about a person than talk about them. It's not long before Peeta comes out to join me. He drags the chair from under the table and sits down, overlooking my shoulder. He gives a warm smile whilst reading what is on the paper. Once I am done I push the book over to him.

"Think you can draw her again?" He looks at me confused. Even memories which don't concern me seem to be amiss. "You drew her during your," I pause. "Second assessment." I choose my words carefully. He gives a small nod. I'm not convinced he remembers but I'm not going to push it.

It's calming to watch Peeta draw. I forgot how engrossed I can get into it. Half way through he stops and looks at me.

"Do you remember when we had only just really met Haymitch and he annoyed you, so you slammed down a knife between his fingers? His expression." Peeta smiles.

I grin remembering it well. "However that was nothing compared to Effie's." In my best capitol voice I repeat "That. Is. Mahogany!" Not forgetting to make the last part of the word higher than the rest. We both laugh.

"We should fill the book with those sorts of memories too," I suggest.

"Sure."

And we did, the rest of the day was filled with happy memories. Lady licking Prim's cheek. My father's laugh. Peeta's father with the cookies. Greasy Sae came in half way through the day to pick up the bread, surprised to see it at mine rather than Peeta's. She simple smiled and let us be. We carried on. The colour of Finnick's eyes. What Cinna could do with a length of silk. Boggs reprogramming the Holo. Rue and her impression of a bird.

We are both smiling by the time we finish for the day. Peeta's hands seem to have stayed steady and I managed to focus on something for more than a couple of hours.

"We can't just give up can we? We really should carry on to the best of our ability. To make their deaths count."

I'm a little shocked at what Peeta came out with but it made sense. We both have been feeling pretty sorry for ourselves. Sometimes I think me more than him. At least he gets up in the morning to do something. I should go out hunting again.

"Sure. We should let Haymitch in on this too. Maybe he can shed some light on some of the other tributes."

Peeta nods and we both look out of the window. It's dark already. "Maybe not tonight, though."

I look over at the counter and see that Sae has left us both some dinner which we didn't even notice. Peeta gets up before I even make a move and starts to pour the soup into a pan. He turns on the stove and starts to warm up the broth. Rather than cutting the bread he simple breaks the loaf in half and puts it in the oven to warm up. I get up and start to tidy the table making space for dinner. I get out a couple of spoons and bowls. Peeta brings over the soup and fills them up. He grabs both parts of the bread and puts them down on the table. It wasn't enough to start cooking them again but it made them nice and warm. We eat in a comfortable silence. We talked enough during the day. Once dinner was done I cleared away the bowls and started to wash up. Peeta disappeared over to the front room. I finish with the dishes and find Peeta has got the fire going. He is sat in front of it and I kneel down to join him. Buttercup clearly didn't want to miss out and joins us on the rug.

Our hands seem to find each other again as we watch the flames flicker.

"I'm thinking about going out hunting tomorrow."

"Great, I will come with you." He has a big smile on his face and I shoot him a questioning look. He lets the smile drop and shakes his head. "I'm joking. I'm still no quieter on my feet… well foot." I can't help but look down at his left leg. I still haven't seen it after all this time. He is always wearing long trousers.

Peeta lets go of my hand and shifts his position. He rolls up his trousers to his knee. For the first time I see where he stops and the prosthetic begins. It's made out of metal with a ball like joint where it connects to his shoe. He rolls the trousers back down before I can stare anymore. "It keeps me going."

I only can nod in response. I grab hold of his hand again feeling a sudden rush of guilt. I know the knot saved his life but how much does he have to live with? Burns, one leg and a hijacked mind. All of which could easily be blamed on me.

I move his hand to the side, making him slightly off balance but only long enough so I can curl under his arm. I can feel his whole body tense under this sudden embrace. I keep my head tucked down into his chest. Slowly his hands wrap around me. After a while I feel him run his hand up my back. I wince as he touches the bruising. I feel my hair being pushed aside and notice the light tug on the back of my shirt. It's a quick look. I hear his teeth clamp together.

"It's not that bad." The words come out so quietly I wonder if he heard me.

"It's dark purple" He growls. I'm fairly sure his frustration is at himself this time. "I'm so sorry." He lets his arms drop to the side. I don't let go.

"Nothing compared to what I have inflicted on you." I tilt my head up to look at him but his eyes are closed again.

"When are we going to stop doing this? When are you going to stop protecting me? I don't need it anymore. It's you. You need protecting. From me! You didn't try to…" He stops. It looks like he is trying to find the right words.

"I didn't try to what-"

"To kill me!"

He admitted it. That's the first time he seems convinced I haven't tried to kill him for the past two years.

He puts his hands on my shoulders and gently tries to break my grasp. "Please let go Katniss. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I won't let myself hurt you anymore." His voice breaking, clearly straining out the last few words.

I let go, only so I can look him straight in the eye. "Stay with me Peeta." I can feel my voice going too. Our faces seem to mirror each other.

He stares back. I can see his jaw mussels tense. I shift, bringing my knees up. Before I become a complete ball, Peeta moves back over and hugs me, placing his head in my neck.

"Always," he whispers.

We don't move for as long as we can. In the end we both shift trying to get comfortable on the floor but we are both clearly starting to ache. I move back and trace my hand down his arm until I find his hand. I tug on it and we migrate to the sofa. I rest my head on his lap and he starts to play with my hair. A smile escapes as I remember the day on top of the training centre. It's not long before I start to drift off.

Half way through the night I stir, not due to a nightmare, just being uncomfortable. The blanket has been pulled over me. I have a great need to stretch. I sit up slowly trying not to disturb Peeta. I needn't have bothered as I see he is still awake. "We don't need to keep watch you know." I can see my teasing didn't go down well as stands and rubs his temples.

"I can't sleep, if I have a nightmare I might wake up… hijacked."

So he doesn't trust himself around me. He is clearly tired and starting to nod off. I stand up forcing myself to wake up and gently push him back down to the sofa. I pick up the blanket and wrap it around him. I sit back down beside him and lean him against my shoulder. "Go to sleep. I can stay up." Just like that we are back in the cave. Taking shifts. He doesn't argue and wraps his arms around mine.

"Wake me if anything interesting happens."

I watch the dying embers for the rest of the night until I feel a sudden squeeze on my arm. I look down expecting him to be awake but he's not. His body tenses up but doesn't move or thrash about. He told me once, that when he has a nightmare I don't notice because he doesn't move. He becomes paralyzed with fear. I could wake him up and just be ready for whatever happens or leave it; he will have to wake up eventually. I decide to go with the first knowing he wouldn't let me suffer. I shake his shoulder gently with my free hand. "Wake up Peeta, you're having a nightmare." Nothing. I shake a little harder repeating the same words. He comes to, abruptly, pushing himself away from me and panting. His eyes darting around clearly disorientated.

"Its fine, you're safe." I don't dare to move closer. I just wait for him to start to calm down. When he finally catches his breath the tremors start. I get up and bring back two tablets for him. He takes them without question.

Neither of us fall back to sleep. Peeta gets up and starts to make the bread. I leave him to it as I go upstairs to get my bow and arrows. No need to hide them out in the woods anymore. I shout a goodbye into the kitchen. It's not returned. I walk out the door and the sudden breeze makes me glad I'm wearing my father's jacket. I take a few deep breaths and walk out into the fields.

The woods are not quite the safe sanctuary I remember them being. Birds flying low makes me duck and cover my ears. I sigh, wondering how successful the hunt will be. I start with a few snares in the normal places. Later, I take up my bow and get a couple squirrels. I still manage to hit them between the eyes. I head back towards home, knowing the snares will encourage me to go out again tomorrow.

As I enter Victor's Village I walk over to Haymitch's house. He is already up, dressed and feeding his geese, with a bottle in his spare hand. Some improvement is better than none.

"Morning sweetheart. What brings you to the outside world suddenly?" He smiles and I think he is glad to see me.

"The fact you haven't visited me. Thought you were meant to be watching me like a hawk?" I watch the geese, not wanting to make eye contact.

"Girl, you would have thrown something at me before I set foot through that door."

Going back a couple of weeks ago I probably would have.

"Let's face it; you're not the best company." Very true. Haymitch, Peeta and I all have bones to pick with each other. I'm hoping with enough time these can be set aside.

"Do you want to join us for lunch today?" I roll an empty bottle with my left foot.

"Us? Being you and Greasy Sae? You and Delly? You and-"

"Peeta." I snap. His attitude can really grind on me fast. I'm losing my patience for this conversation.

"Miss me that much then?" I can just tell he has a big sarcastic smile on without even looking.

"If you want lunch, be over at 12." I turn on my heel and walk off to the house, dumping my bow down by the door and the squirrels on the table.

The house smells strongly of baked goods. It's a pacifying smell.

Not long have I been in when Sae comes over. We exchange pleasantries and I hand her both of the squirrels in exchange for the food. Peeta comes out to say hello and passes her half a dozen loafs.

"I'm feeling much better now. Thanks for all the food you have provided. I can start making it up to."

"Don't worry girl. You have helped most through the worst times in the Seam. If you and Gale didn't go out and hunt, we would have all been worse off. About time someone else was able to help you." I give a half smile as I wave her on her way.

"Hows Haymitch? Is he coming today?"

"His normal cheerful drunken self. He might pop over, I don't know. I think he is on edge about all three of us being in the same room."

Peeta shrugs. "Can't blame him."

We start preparing lunch. Peeta still has one lot of bread in the oven and I unwrap what is left of the tart, dividing it into three pieces. There is enough mixed animal stew to easily go around three as both Peeta and I don't eat much. Buttercup mews and I drop him some meat.

I clear the table, carefully putting items back in the hunting bag or out of the way. I put my parents wedding photo back up on the side, where it was originally taken from. We wait a while after noon, to see if Haymitch will turn up. After nothing we decide we should tuck in. Just as I'm about to put the first lot of food in my mouth, he staggers in. We have seen him much worse and no doubt he just downed a load for courage. At least he is here. Peeta pulls out a chair for him and puts the food from the side down in front of him. He stares at his fork for a while. I wonder if he has forgotten how to use it.

"How you doing boy?" His gaze still on the fork.

"Better. How's yourself?"

Haymitch drives his fork into the food, skewering a bit of meat. "Same old, same old." He says with his mouth full.

Peeta and I both give each other a look as if to say, we can see that.

I don't know how to bring up the book with Haymitch so I wait until we finish lunch and the tart before passing the book over to him.

"What's this?" Without a prompt he starts to flick through the pages. His eyebrows rise. "Why did you show me this?"

"We were hoping you might want to talk about some of the other tributes. You knew them for much longer than us. We feel like they all should be… honoured." Peeta says looking like he is starting to find his words again.

I expect an abrupt no followed by him walking out. Instead we are greeted by a nod and a bottle being pulled out of his pocket.

We work on the book again, all three of us. Haymitch tells us stories about Maggs and Chaff. Brilliant and somewhat bizarre things Wiress and Beetee came up with in the past. Haymitch recalls some jokes Finnick used to tell. Everything gets written down.

By the end of the evening Haymitch is fairly sober as he hasn't stopped talking long enough to drink. Our sides hurt from how much we have been laughing.

"I wonder how Annie is doing." Peeta says blankly. This brings down the mood slightly, although it takes my attention back to the large pile of letters I have collected. I walk over and find the one which has the district four stamp. I go back over to the table and open it. A picture falls out of a baby. We all stare at it. The both look at me expectantly. Annie. The letter didn't make a great deal of sense but we did understand that the baby is Finnick's son. She had him a few weeks ago. I glue the picture and note into the book with his name written at the top. Zale Fin Odair. Once the picture is in, we all can't help but let out a smile as we close the book for the evening.

"Well, it's actually been fun. I'm gonna love ya and leave ya, you two. Goodnight." Haymitch gets up, not forgetting his bottle and leaves.

It's not very late however we are both tired, thanks to neither of us getting much sleep last night.

"Go and get ready for bed." Peeta smiles and I must look a little confused. "Sleeping down here won't do your back any good." His smile drops.

I don't argue. I get up and make my way to the bathroom. I bush my hair attempting to keep it in some sort of order and then move onto my teeth. I go into my bedroom and get into my nightgown. I get into bed and wait, although I don't know what I'm waiting for. A few minutes later Peeta knocks on the door.

"Come in."

He walks in and sits on the edge of my bed. Gently, he pulls the covers over me. Peeta pushes a few stray hairs behind my ear and gets up to leave.

"Don't go."

"I can't stay here. It isn't safe." He doesn't turn to face me.

"Can't I judge that for myself?" I grip the blanket in my hand wishing it was his.

Peeta leaves and quietly closes the door behind him. I roll around until I get comfortable. I think I would rather take shifts than be alone. For the last couple of night I haven't had any nightmares. A sinking feeling takes over with the realisation that won't be the same tonight. As tired as I am, I fight falling asleep. Just as I feel it take over I hear footsteps coming closer. I bolt upright in case one of his episodes has taken over. The door opens slowly and he makes his way back over to me. Peeta kneels down, crossing his arms, resting them on the side of the bed. I can see he's clutching something.