Author Notes: Slash. Is Sirius too sappy?

Chapter 2: Dinner

Sirius poured a second glass of butterbeer and set it on a tray next to two full plates of food. He stood back and studied the tray, smiling with satisfaction at his own creation. Finally, Remus would get a hearty meal! When Sirius first saw the measly contents of Remus' kitchen and the way his robes hung off his thin frame, his dismay drove him to send a Patronus to Dumbledore, requesting any kind of proper nourishment. Afterward, he wondered if the action had been a bit reckless and maybe insensitive in that moment of preoccupation with darker things. To his relief, an owl arrived earlier in the day, laden with packages from Hogwarts. A single slip of parchment read: "Enjoy, and may your efforts be rewarded."

Sirius had frowned at the last word. Rewarded? Rewarded with what? He furtively carried the food parcels past Remus, who was conveniently buried in a book. ... Too conveniently. A light bulb went on in Sirius' head when he remembered a time Dumbledore had caught him and Remus holding hands at school. The Headmaster had simply smiled with those twinkling blue eyes of his and walked on with a small chuckle. He had clearly approved of their relationship, was it possible he meant to encourage it again?

And should Sirius pursue a relationship with Remus again?

He mulled it over after shooing Remus out of the kitchen. It certainly wasn't a question of desire. Sirius had missed Remus terribly in the intervening years, had longed for his hoarse voice, his warm hands, his gentle kisses that were somehow given with the fierceness of the wolf within him. In that way, their agreeable separation had been a curse. It was done out of necessity and fear, not because either of them had lost interest. The feelings had never left, had not even dimmed. When Remus embraced him in the Shrieking Shack, had immediately come to his defense after twelve years of doubt, Sirius had almost been paralyzed by affection for the man. In that moment, he never wanted to let Remus go again. He wanted to grab the full moon from the sky and present it to Remus as a gift that would never again cause him pain. But there were explanations to be made, and masks to be removed, and a godson to claim. And when Peter escaped, Sirius was left with nothing to offer Remus but a lonely cave and a life on the run. It was then that Sirius fully understood Remus' statement that he deserved better. Sirius didn't even have a wand to conjure something better!

Now, however. ...

Sirius picked up the heavy tray and made his way towards the living room. The two rooms were separated by a short hallway. As he passed it, Sirius glanced to his left, his eyes falling on the doorway to Remus' bedroom. He glimpsed a handsome night stand and the corner of Remus' bed, the latter draped in a cover whose color uncannily matched Remus' eyes. Sirius shivered a little at the possibilities the two of them now having a house offered. He didn't know how long they'd be here, but now they shared a shelter that was better than a school or cave.

When he entered the living room, he silently set the tray on the coffee table in front of Remus. He stood before Remus for a moment and just took him in. He had fallen asleep, and looked incredibly peaceful by the fire. The lines of preoccupation that usually creased his face had faded, leaving a slight smile in his expression. His hands were folded across his stomach, the slender fingers interlocked.

Sirius could have stayed where he was, tracing Remus' kind features with his eyes for hours, but suddenly Remus' breath hitched slightly, and he woke with a start.

"Sirius?" he breathed, spotting him with those deep brown eyes.

Sirius grinned. "No, it's Snivellus," he joked, letting his long, dark hair fall over his face and adopting a scowl that looked eerily like Snape's.

Remus smirked, then looked at the tray of food in front of him.

"Steak," he observed, his eyes lighting up. "Rare?"

Sirius smiled proudly. "It's your favorite."

"But how did you ..."

The other held up a hand and said in his gruff voice, "Never mind that. Just eat."

When Remus looked like he might argue again, Sirius plopped onto the couch across from him, pulled one of the plates toward himself, and took a big bite of mashed potato. He chewed slowly, fixing Remus with a steely look. Remus finally cracked a smile and picked up his own fork.

A comfortable silence settled between them, broken only by the scrapes of cutlery, chewing, and the still present crackling of the fire. Sirius watched Remus become more and more relaxed, his muscles loosening, his face glowing a little in the firelight. Once or twice he caught himself staring and quickly looked away, blaming the heat in his face on the warmth in the room. His mind had returned to the dilemma of he and Remus' relationship. Friendship? Relationship? He frowned, unable to decide.

Remus, who had just taken a swig of butterbeer, lowered his glass to the table with a soft clink. "Is something wrong, Sirius?" he asked, his eyes narrowing at Sirius' brooding expression.

Damn! Sirius thought. I should have known he'd pick up on it. Should he ask him? What would he ask him? What would Remus say? Would they lose each other if Remus rejected him?

His mind drifted to the few times he had seen Remus before Voldemort's downfall. He had desperately wanted to tell Remus it had all been a mistake. He wanted to shout to Remus that his "furry little problem" was not important, that they would work around it. He wanted to hold him again and tell him that they had to stay together, or what would they have? But fear of pushing Remus away completely had made Sirius respect his wish to not be a burden.

"Sirius?"

Remus leaned forward toward Sirius, his eyes now concerned. Nervously, Sirius averted his own eyes and gazed around the sitting room. As he spotted the photo of himself, Remus, and James on the opposite wall, he remembered the day he and Remus told James about their relationship. All of their uncertainty and fear had proven unfounded. James was nothing short of ecstatic that his two best friends were together, and had threatened to jinx anyone who gave them grief.

Another memory surfaced. James was telling Sirius about his engagement to Lily. Sirius had been skeptical, reminding James that making their love official made them one unit. If Voldemort went after James, he would go after Lily, too. James had just smiled and said, "I love her, Padfoot. And I may only have today to love her. It's now or never — literally."

Now or never, Sirius thought. He understood now. He took a breath.

"Moony," he began, and Remus' eyes lit up a little at the nickname, "I ... I've missed you."

Remus frowned. "I'm right here," he stated, waving his hands a little to emphasize his point.

"No," said Sirius, barely cracking a smile. "I mean, I've missed ... well ... us."

He swallowed. Merlin! Had Remus felt this nervous before asking him for more all those years ago?

"What I mean," he continued, his voice becoming more of a croak with every word, "is you and me. Together. Like we were at school. I've missed that a lot."

Remus' eyes widened as comprehension finally dawned on him. "Oh," he breathed, almost moaning.

Sirius looked down at his hands. Then, he looked back up into Remus' blank face. A new kind of resolve had taken over him. He wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing!

"I know you said I deserve better," he began, his voice hardening again, "but I disagree, Moony. I deserve you. You fight every day against the affliction that has stigmatized you. Now I will have to fight every day against the conviction that stigmatizes me. Dumbledore will want to reform the Order, and that means bringing me into the open. Do you know how Molly Weasley reacted when she saw me? She was ready to run for help, Remus! I'm going to have to face that time and time again very soon, and I'm not going to like it. And I know I'm not going to like watching you proving them wrong about werewolves on your own."

Remus was very still. Sirius threw caution to the winds and took one of his hands, squeezing it gently.

"I love you, Remus," he said softly. "I want us to be in this war together. If Voldemort decides to wipe out all the blood traitors, I want to die knowing I shared the fight with you." He rubbed his thumb over the back of Remus' hand, one of his favorite spots. "Please, Moony?" he whispered.

Remus pulled his hand away. Shocked, Sirius let his own fall back into his lap. He stared fixedly at his knees, narrowing his eyes against their sudden stinging. He should have kept his mouth shut. He shouldn't have ...

The couch cushion sank a little and a warm body was pressing up against him. Sirius lifted his head to find his face centimeters away from Remus'. Remus looked on the verge of speech, but when Sirius' dark eyes locked with his chocolate brown ones, words became unimportant. Instead, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Sirius'.

The dam of longing that had existed within Sirius for seventeen years burst at Remus' kiss. He wrapped his arms tightly around his best friend and pulled him closer, straining to have absolutely no space between them anymore. He wasn't sure whose mouth opened first, but he could now taste butterbeer and ... chocolate? He brought one hand up to curl into Remus' silky brown hair, moaning at the texture against his fingers. Remus was brushing straggling locks of Sirius' black hair away from his face with tender caresses. Suddenly, he gave a small grunt and pulled Sirius on top of him, lying back on the couch. They were breathing more heavily now, their kisses echoing in the silence. One of Remus' hands moved down Sirius' back in slow circles that made him moan with pleasure.

Sirius was about to turn onto his side to give Remus the same treatment, when he realized that there was nothing to support him. He pulled away from Remus and began to laugh his barking laugh. Remus followed his gaze with confused eyes that widened when he understood what had happened.

"I think we need more room," he said lightly.

They stood, still in each others' arms, and staggered to Remus' bedroom. Sirius barely glimpsed the sun setting outside the window before he was lowered onto a soft mattress and Remus' brown eyes filled his vision once more.