Convincing medical that her wrist needed a brace was easy. Eating dinner quickly and retiring to the dormitory was simple. After killing Alina the other girls were distant. Wear something nice…. She scoffed and looked at the drawer that held all her clothing. In minutes they would be chained to the beds for the night. She had no nice clothes. What was James planning. How would she even know how to dress. She heard footsteps and grabbed the closest thing to an outfit and stashed it on the balcony outside the dormitory doors.

She laid in bed in her night clothes waiting for Madame as she locked others in for the night. Her bed was closest to the windows and the cool spring breeze filtered through the stuffy room. Madame approached her bed.

"Natasha what is this?" she picked up the girl's wrist that was about to be bound.

"Extra precautions from medical, Madame." Natasha said softly. "It's sprained but healing quickly."

"Perhaps you should sleep on your stomach tonight and we can bind the other wrist." Madame suggested.

Natasha hadn't thought of that. "Oh.. Madame I don't sleep well on my stomach. I'd like to be well rested for training tomorrow." She offered the wrist with the brace to Madame again.

"Your newfound dedication is refreshing Natasha." Madame cinched the handcuff around the brace and left the room after flicking the lights off.

The good thing about the academy was that everyone was always tired. In minutes the girls would be all sleeping. Natasha waited ten minutes longer than necessary and quietly rolled to her side to unwrap the brace. Her slender wrist slipped right through the cuff. She piled a red scarf on her pillows and bunched up her sheets to look like she was curled up and fast asleep to any girl who may open her eyes during the night.

With ease she moved through the room using the shadows to keep her hidden from anything that could be watching. On the moonlit patio she ducked behind a pillar and changed. Tan leather boots that reached her knees, her thick black leggings that she reserved for the chilly days in training, and an olive green tunic that cinched round her waist that she thought belonged to her mother. She didn't remember any more. The brainwashing had removed almost all traces of her family before the red room.

She surveyed the wall and used an old pipe to shimmy down to the ground. Getting back up there would be tricky but not impossible. She ran towards the alley and was grabbed shortly after entering it.

Natasha flinched and pushed the person into the wall and pinned his hand.

"Tasha, it's me!" James laughed.

She huffed and let him go, "You idiot, James! You know better. I could have killed you."

"You think you could." He teased and pulled her into a tight hug. His lips pressed against the top of her head.

"Oh I could." She smiled and breathed deeply, his scent seemed to bring her peace.

"Let's go." He nudged her and slid his hand down to hold hers.

Natasha felt something she thought she'd never feel. A fluttering in her stomach. Butterflies. That fairytale feeling that she had reserved would never happen for a girl in her position. "Where are you taking me?"

James smiled brightly, "On our first date."

She couldn't help but smile at how happy he looked. "You never asked me."

He tipped his head back and laughed. "You're here, Tasha. That's answer enough. Unless you'd like to decline, and in that case I'll go to the carnival by myself."

She had heard whispers about the carnival. How her and the other girls longed to go but never could. She smiled, "Ask me properly." She demanded with a twinkle in her eyes.

James puffed up his chest and grabbed both of her hands. "Natasha Alianovna Romanova. Will you make me the happiest soldier in training on the whole planet and accompany me to the carnival?"

She liked how hard he tried to pronounce her name in the right tense and tone. Russian was hard for him, and he had been learning it from her.

"How can I say no when you say my name like a true Russian." She beamed and squeezed his hand.

He grinned, "I finally got it right?"

"Perfection Mr. Barnes." She smiled. His smile was infectious. Deep down she hoped that whatever steps he had left in winter soldier training wouldn't take his personality from him or that smile.

He tugged her after him towards the street. "Up for a race?" He pointed down the street where the glow of the carnival could be seen.

"Only if you're okay with losing." She teased and inched forward slightly.

"On three, Romanova.." He warned and tugged her back evenly with him.

She dug her foot into the ground for traction and smiled, "один… два… три!" ("one… two…three!")

She sprung forward as he momentarily fumbled with what she just said in Russian. She worked herself into a breakneck sprint. James was closing in behind her. It felt wonderful to run to carelessly, so free through the streets. She squealed as James passed her with a playful tickle to her side. James surged ahead and reached the carnival with a considerable distance between him and her. Not that she minded as he turned around and caught her as she reached him. He used the momentum she carried and spun her around.

Laughing and panting she brought her to the ground and kissed her cheek again. "What was that about losing again?" He teased.

A flash of light startled her and James stiffened. An older man waved a handful of pictures at them. Natasha approached the man and saw the pictures. She asked him a few questions in Russian.

"What is he saying, Tasha." He whispered.

She waved at the man as he handed her the pictures. "He took these of us. He said.." She blushed as the thought.

James thumbed through the pictures. Them running with wide smiles on their faces. James whirling Natasha in the air. Their eyes lost in each other's. The kiss on her cheek. "What was it?"

"He said we reminded him of him and his wife when they were young." She looked up at him. "In love… He said." How silly. In love. Was that what this was?

James looked down at her, his thumb rising to stroke her cheek that had been bruised this afternoon. "What do you see in the pictures, Tasha."

She looked at the pictures. Only an idiot wouldn't see the truth in the pictures. It was crazy. They couldn't feel this way. Not when her graduation was looming over her head. It couldn't be.

"This is crazy. He's just a delusional man." She looked away.

James didn't by her response for one second. "You're a horrible liar for someone who's about to be a fully trained assassin."

Natasha scoffed and pulled away despite his hand still holding hers tightly. "James… This is foolish. Don't try to make this something it's not." It never could be. "Let's just go have fun and not think about this."

"Tell me you don't feel a thing then." His thumb traced the vein in her neck as he kissed her cheek again. Her pulse soaring beneath his thumb.

"Nothing." Natasha breathed and looked up at him.

James laughed, "Liar." His thumb on her throat knew exactly how hard she was trying to deny.

He pulled his hand from her hand and cupped her face. He pressed his lips against hers. Catching her off guard, he felt her stiffen against him. He pulled away and caught the smile on her lips.

A pink blush crept up her cheeks. James kissed her again, this time Natasha wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. He spun her around as they kissed. A reckless feeling rose in her chest. The same feeling that drove her to pretend to fail. To play weak. To break the rules that had been beaten into her every day for the last 8 years.

She pulled away and fidgeted with the buttons on his shirt. "You know… for a first date you've done a lot of name calling. Loser… Liar…" She teased.

He captured her hand in his and moved them along toward the center of the carnival. "I wouldn't have to tease and call you names if I could get an honest read on you."

Natasha fell into step beside him. "You're not supposed to be able to read me." No one should be able to.

He shook his head, "Let me in Natasha. Let your guard down. Stop fluctuating. I won't hurt you." James led them towards a pavilion gleaming with lights. Secluded and calm, he motioned for her to sit with him.

It wasn't him that she was afraid of being hurt by. Or being hurt in general. She was afraid of what they'd do to him if they were found out. "It's not you I'm afraid of."

He sounded upset in the way he laughed, "What?" He shook his head, "What is going to happen that has you so afraid?"

His hopefulness aggravated her. It wasn't so cut and dry. Her situation was forced upon her. She didn't decide to train. It wasn't something she wanted. But she learned now that if she wanted to survive she'd play the game they trained her for. "James…. Not now.. Please. Please.. Can we go have fun. I don't want to ruin this night talking about all of that."

He tipped her chip up and kissed her firmly on the lips. Somehow it felt like each kiss solidified her feelings for him, despite the need to hide that from anyone who could use them against her. When he pulled back moments later he breathed, "I want you. I am in, Natasha. Nothing you can say is going to scare me away."

"Tell me what they've told you about the Red Room." She desperately wished they could be doing everything at the carnival but taking a stroll down the lane that led to her darkest parts.

James furrowed his dark brows. Natasha noticed that his leg bounced restlessly as he thought. "Highly trained spies and assassins. Your biggest success is that the graduates of the Red Room are unsuspecting. No one can type cast the girls who leave. You blend in, you all can disappear easier than any other. Most of you are deadly within a year of starting the program."

She nodded as he talked. Simply put he was not wrong in any aspect. She had no place in the world like a ghost. She could appear and disappear with ease. She could kill by age 9. She could speak 7 languages fluently by 10. She was enhanced with serums and concoctions in medical. To heal faster, live longer, and learn quicker. "You're not wrong." She breathed and looked at her fingers as she talked. "What you don't know is that being in the Red Room was not a choice for anyone. We.. I was picked. Orphans. No attachments to the world. No collateral. No one to hold more important than the mission. When I graduate in a few days, I'll have one step left to complete. Sterilization." She hated the word. To her it shouldn't matter. What girl of 18 thought about children or a future. It shouldn't matter, but I always had. She didn't want to lose the part of her that gave her hope of something better in the world.

James was silent for a while. "Sterilization?" He asked quietly.

She understood how he could be confused. She looked over at him and saw the concern in his eyes. "Children… A family. The only thing I'd ever hold more important than a mission. I am not allowed to have. The operation makes me unable to ever have a family." She lost her family at such a young age that she barely remembered them. Natasha didn't know what was worse. Not having a family or forgetting you had one. "Sterilization doesn't just mean that. My contract with the organization is a lifetime. I don't get out. I don't get a chance to retire. Death is my retirement. Death is failure. In two days I start my lifetime of loneliness. I am not allowed to have boyfriends, husbands or anyone. They'll make me weak. They can be used as tools against me and compromise a mission."

He reached for her hands and kissed them. "Tasha… I didn't know.. I'm so sorry I made you talk."

She felt her face burning as she forced back tears. Tears were weakness. Madame would beat any girl who cried. She had learned to repress that years ago. "You need to know… because what I saw in these pictures are exactly what I can't have."