Chapter 2

I must have fallen back asleep because I never reached my phone. I was awakened this time by another nurse; shift change must have happened while I was asleep. I can feel that the pain has gone down more now. I stare at the ceiling trying to understand what the doctor told me this morning. I know it's not going to be an easy road and I am not sure anyone would want to walk it with me. Pete is scared, and no one else knows. I guess it's time to start telling people how sick I am.

Without warning the nurse speaks and startles me. "Myka, how are you? I am Michelle. I will be your nurse for today. Can you rate your pain for me please?" Walking around and opening the curtain and checking my IV before I even answer her.

I take my time to assess my pain level. "It's at about a 6.5 right now. It's going down but I am still not sure I can sit all the way up yet," I explain to Michelle.

Stopping next to the bed and watching me try to sit up, Michelle puts a hand behind my back to help. "Would you like me to just raise the head of the bed up for you? Sometimes having the bed go up into the sitting position helps you without the pain getting worse," I hear Michelle say next to me as I wince from the pulling again.

I nod and start to lie back down. As Michelle raises the head of the bed up, I glance at the clock. If I was home right now, I would be at the Warehouse with Pete doing our normal routine. Sitting alone in a room isn't really something I have ever done like this before.

"I am going to go get your morning meds and pain medication for you. I will be right back," Michelle said to me when she was done helping me sit up.

As she walked out the door, I reached for my phone again. I wanted to try to make this call before the pain meds got here. H.G deserved the truth about what was going on; even if it doesn't affect her at all. I search my phone for her name and press the call button. Holding the phone to my ear, I hear no ring. Instead, there is a message saying this number has been disconnected. I press the end button and, out loud, I say "Shit. Damn it, Helena. Where are you!"

I scroll down and call Pete. "Hey, I have something I need you to do for me," I say quickly before he can ask how I am doing.

"Well, hello Myka. I'm fine, how did everything go yesterday?" Pete says mocking my quickness.

"Fine, Pete. I need a favor. Will you find the new number for H.G?" I ask him, hoping he is satisfied with my short answer about how I am.

There is a pause on the other line as Pete thinks about what I just asked him to do. "I thought you had her number? Wait…..what do you need it for? I thought she told us to stay away while she was trying to do whatever the hell it is she was doing with that man?"

Now I feel a little annoyance in my voice. Pete should know better than to even bring that up to me. "Pete, just do it. Stop asking questions and don't let anyone else know what you're doing for me, okay?"

I can hear Pete shift on the other end of the phone. I know I am asking a lot from him. He knows it as well. "Alright, Myka, I will do my best but you know I can't promise Claudia not finding out. I'll be quick." With that, he hung up the phone.

Michelle was back now with some ice water and medications. "These are your morning medications. Here is some water for you. I have to watch you take them if you don't mind." She seemed like she was just trying to do her job.

The water was so nice going down my throat. I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I had to ask for a second cup to actually take the pills with. After the second cup and pills were gone, Michelle informed me she was going to push my pain med now. I nodded and said no problem. Silly me, I didn't think they would make me so loopy and tired. From a distance, I could hear my phone ringing. Michelle handed it to me and I saw it was Pete calling. Crap.

I try to focus my eyes to answer the phone. "Helllo? HEEEY, Petey. Did you get the goods?" I hear myself say to Pete. Although I am not sure who is working my brain right now.

"Uh…..Myka are you okay? You sound funny," Pete replies. My head is starting to get drowsy now. I need to hurry this up.

I clear my throat and shake my head to try to clear the fog. "I'm fine. Did you get her number?" I am getting short with him now because I know I don't have long until I start to fall asleep.

I can hear the confusion in Pete's voice as he answers me. "Yeah, I got it. I know it's a working number as well beca-"

I cut him off before his long explanation. "Excuse me, Michelle? Can you do a favor for me please? My friend needs to give me a number but I am not sure I can write as this moment, can you take it for me please?" I ask Michelle as nice as I can right now.

She looks down at me and I can tell by the expression on her face that she knows the pain med is kicking in full force. I don't have long until I am back in the dream world. "Sure can sweetie."

I hand Michelle the phone and she explains to Pete that she is my nurse and is going to get the number for me.

That was the last thing I remember….

It's all white now. Blinding. I feel eyes on me but I can't see anyone as I look around. I take a few steps forward and call out. Shielding my eyes, I try to look up; still seeing nothing, I take another couple steps forward like it will help the light die down. The light fades into something like a court room. I look around behind me and there are all of my friends. I can see Artie sitting all alone. Claudia and Steve are together in the row above Pete, who is sitting next to H.G. I fully turn around and smile at everyone. Then I realize that I am standing at a podium. Everyone I am looking at doesn't look as happy to see me as I am them. I turn around and everything starts to get blurry.

"Myka Ophilia Bering, you are here today to explain to the people who care about you just why you aren't with them anymore. Tell them why you went through your illness alone." Above me, a woman who looked strangely like Mrs. Fredrick, was in what would be a judge's seat, towering over me with no expression on her face. A bang of the gavel in her hand snapped me out of my thoughts of fear and confusion.

I start to stutter when I try to speak. I am shaking and have no real explanation on why I never told anyone. I knew it wasn't like me to share problems like this. It was my problem to deal with. I've never really needed someone's help with taking care of myself. Turning back to everyone, I suddenly feel tears well in my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't tell any of you for reasons I can't explain. Artie, you are amazing. You are part of my happy place. I couldn't tell any of you really. Everyone one of you holds such a special place in my heart. If I lost you, I knew I wouldn't survive this." I awoke in a sweat this time with the sudden urge to vomit.

I didn't care what time it is, or where she is, I needed to talk to Helena. I need to hear her voice as soon as possible…..

I thought it was hard to tell Pete about my illness but telling H.G scared me more than I could imagine. While I was working up the nerve to call her, I paged the nurse and asked for my lunch or dinner. I am still having a hard time telling if it's night or day outside despite the clock on the wall. Going over things in my head and what I wanted to say to her while I waited for food was not helping me ether. I finally remembered that I had brought my tablet with me to read. I decided to get it out and try my best to write down what I wanted to tell Helena about what's going on with me.

I open the app I need to write notes and just stare at the blank page. My heart is telling me not to write everything down because then I will have some sort of expectation out of this confession. 'I have always been a strong woman around her. How can I show her myself in the weakest state I have ever been in? I've always wanted to be strong for Helena. I love her.' With my last thought, I knew exactly what I needed to say to H.G. There was no stopping me now. It could very well be the end and she needed to hear it out loud this time.

I put the tablet down on the chair beside the bed and fingered the paper with H.G.'s number on it. Just then, Michelle came in with my dinner and a fresh pitcher of ice water.

"How are you feeling after your long nap, Myka?" Michelle asked me as she set my tray down on the bed table in front of me.

With my eyes still on the paper in my hand, I said to her "I'm less tired. But still hurts to sit up like this. I hope food might make it better." I take my eyes off the paper and look up at Michelle. I can see she knows that I am not actually talking about the food. She can see that whoever this number belongs to means a great deal to me and that talking to that person is all that is going to help me.

"I am going to go grab your night pain meds because I can see you're in pain, sweetie. I'll be right back." Michelle watched me eye the paper for another couple seconds before she left.

'It's time, Myka,´ I thought to myself. 'Just pick up the phone and dial the number. Tell her you have cancer and might be dying. No big deal. Tell her everything. This is the only chance you may have.'

My brain working a mile a minute, I pick up the phone from the table. I start to dial the number and, in that instant, everything I want to say makes its way to the front of my thoughts. Michelle walks in and starts fixing the syringe to my IV. I finish dialing the number and press send at the same time Michelle starts to push the medication into my system. The medication doesn't hit me right away, but on the third ring, I start to feel the wave of lightness come over me. I hadn't thought this through all the way.

On the sixth ring, I hear Helena's voice pick up on the other side of the phone. "Hello?"