A/N: Thanks to all who followed the story. It means a lot :) Here is the next chapter
My eyes were barely open as Jenna, Jeremy and I walked up the steps of the Lockwood mansion. We were here to pay our respects to the Mayor but I was so tired. I had not been able to sleep last night because all I could think about was Damon and how his lips felt against mine and how broken he had looked when I had blatantly rejected him. I probably only fell to sleep at around four in the morning and I had tried to use coffee as a fixer but so far it is not kicking in.
Before we entered the house I saw Damon standing on the porch, drinking as usual. He still looked broken down but he looked a little angry too. Not just that but he also looked very drunk. Meaning he had probably been drinking all morning before coming to the party. Alcohol mixing with an upset Damon was not a great combination. I sighed and approached him slowly. He didn't look at me but I knew he knew I was there.
"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked feeling genuinely concerned. He gave me a smile that did not reach his eyes.
"Great Elena, walking on sunshine, thanks for asking." I rolled my eyes at his clear deflection. I stepped closer and grabbed his arm to make him look at me. He glared slightly.
"You're not fine Damon. Come on, we're close enough now. We should be able to talk about this," I tried in a gentle pleading voice. He scoffed and I could tell he was annoyed with me.
"Yeah Elena, of course we can talk about this because that's not what I was trying to do last night at the hospital where it was incidentally YOU who refused to talk about this!" His voice slowly rose in volume with each word and I sighed.
"I know and I'm sorry, okay? There was too much going on and I just couldn't deal."
"Well how do you think I feel? Do you even care?" he spat at me and I flinched slightly at his tone.
"Of course I care! I just don't understand why you're getting so worked up about this! It was just a kiss Damon, it didn't mean anything!" I argued in a strained voice. I saw hurt flash in his eyes.
"It meant something to me Elena!" My mouth hung open a little in shock and I was speechless.
"I kissed you Elena and you kissed me back. Don't even try to deny that! I thought that for once I might actually get what I want!" I found the power of speech once more and I tried to ignore his wounded look as I spoke.
"I'm not denying that I kissed you Damon because I did. I don't know why I did but I did. Don't you understand how terrible I feel now? I betrayed Stefan! If he found out about this he would never forgive me; or you for that matter!" The confidence was slowly fading from my voice and could feel tears pricking at my eyes at the thought of Stefan's betrayed face.
"Elena, I know that Stefan will hate me for kissing you but believe me, my brother would forgive you anything. I know it's selfish of me but I want you Elena." My heart gripped at his words and I felt my stomach twitch as he finally admitted that he wanted me, which was a surprise. I knew that his words about Stefan were not true though. Stefan would not be able to forgive my misdemeanor.
I just..." I broke off, not really knowing how to say what I wanted to say.
"You just what Elena?" he prompted and I sighed in frustration.
"I never even knew that you felt anything for me! This is the first I've heard about it! I know that you constantly flirt with me but you always do that with everyone so I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was some part of your fixation with Katherine. When you kissed me last night, it took me by completely surprise." He looked taken aback by my words and he seemed to struggle with a reply.
"You're really surprised that I wanted to kiss you? You already knew I wanted to kiss you Elena. I tried to not long after we first met, remember?"
"Yeah you did but this was different. I'm not stupid Damon. Now that I know you feel something I can see why you're so upset. It's not because I kissed you and regretted it. It's because you thought that I was giving you a real chance to be with me. I'm sorry but I can't do that. I'm in love with your brother. It's not right." I was impressed by the strength in my voice.
"It is right Elena. You feel something for me too. If you didn't you would never have kissed me back!" he argued and I could see the determination in his eyes.
"Not love Damon. I don't think it could ever be love. I don't love you Damon," I kept my words determined but I made them gentler. The look in his eyes did not waiver.
"Not yet but it could be love Elena if you let it. If you gave me a chance to show you how good I could be to you. You don't know the real me. I've never shown anyone the real me. I could do that with you; for you," his eyes were pleading now and his tone was desperate. I knew his words were slightly alcohol affected because they slurred a little.
"Damon, stop saying things you don't mean. You're drunk," I tried and I attempted to walk away but he grabbed me again.
"No Elena, I mean every word I'm saying! I can love you Elena, I already do! Isobel was right! Maybe I didn't know it at the time but I do now. Please Elena let me love you," I didn't know how much more of this I could take. He looked so pathetic begging me like this and I could not believe that this was the same Damon that usually is so cool and collected. I looked around and I could see a few people watching us, thankfully though they did not know me. I turned back to Damon's broken face and I sighed. He needed to leave. I could tell that he was that close to doing something stupid and if I said anything now he would lose it. I grabbed onto his arm and began to lead him off of the porch.
"Where are we going?" he slurred in confusion. His voice was so childlike and I could not help the small smile it brought on my face. I led him to his car and opened the door and deposited him in the passenger seat. He looked up at me waiting for my explanation.
"I'm taking you home. It's not safe for you to be here around people with you in this state. I just have to go inside to tell Jenna I'm not feeling well." He looked satisfied with my words and sat quietly while I closed the door and marched back up to the house.
When I went inside I spotted Stefan and when he noticed me, his eyes lit up in happiness. I felt the guilt bite at me but I returned the smile even though it was a little strained. When I approached him I watched in confusion as his nose wrinkled slightly. He coughed a little.
"Um Elena, please don't take this the wrong way but uh, why do you smell like you've just showered in bourbon?" I frowned before I took a whiff of myself and groaned in disgust. He was right. I smelt awful and I had a drunken Damon to thank for that. I didn't want to tell Stefan that though.
"Oh that! Um Jenna and I were having a laugh in the kitchen this morning and I went to get her a glass of bourbon and I spilt it all over me. I didn't have time for another shower so I could only change clothes," my story was absolutely ridiculous and I was shocked when he nodded with laugh, accepting my excuse.
"Tough break. Make sure you keep away from my brother though. His love for that stuff is ridiculous and I'm sure he would enjoy the fact that you smell like you swam in a swimming pool of it a little too much." My returned laugh was a little hysterical and I cursed myself for not being in better control.
"Yeah um I have to go see Jenna. I can't stand smelling like this anymore, it's kind of making me feel sick so I'm going to go home." He smiled and nodded.
"Okay well I'll call you later," He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine softly. I felt guilty and I broke away quickly, forcing a smile before walking off in search of Jenna. The thing that stuck out in my head was that his lips had felt wrong. I shook my head at my thoughts. That was ridiculous! Damon's kiss was the one that was wrong. But did it feel wrong? My subconscious whispered to me and it hurt me to realise that no, it had not felt wrong; at all.
After I told Jenna I was going home, I made my way back out to the car. He was surprisingly sitting very much the same as he was before. When I got in the driver's seat, he gave me a small grin and I glared at him and held my hand out for his keys. He rolled his eyes and felt in his pockets until he deposited the key in my hand. I started the car and pulled out onto the road.
"You better be careful. This car is my baby," he mumbled groggily and I could tell the alcohol was catching up with him. I could not believe I had not picked up on it before but now in the small confines of the car, the scent of bourbon was overpowering and incredibly sickening. I had to wind my window down all the way in order to breathe properly.
"It's lucky you are a vampire or I'm pretty sure you would be dead from all the bourbon you've drank. Seriously I don't understand the allure of it. It's disgusting and too strong," I said with my nose scrunched up. He shrugged and gave me a mocking glance.
"That's because you're a girl and you can't hold your liquor and believe me Elena you should be thankful I drained practically all the bourbon in the house. Better that than a bunch of sorority girls," I groaned at him and pushed him slightly with one hand.
"How can you talk about stuff like that so casually? And for the record, 1: That is so sexist and 2: Remember who was drinking you under the table in Georgia?" I teased and I saw his eyes light up in recognition and happiness.
"Please, I let you think you were that good. I was trying to cheer you up after all and by the way I don't think I ever got a thank you for that," he teased and I gave him a reluctant smile.
"Okay fine. Thank you. I did have a reluctantly good time. Happy?"
"I'll be happy if you kiss me again..." he trailed off suggestively and I gave him a scolding look. He held his hands up defensively.
"Just putting the offer out there. I know you want me Elena. The sooner you accept that, the sooner this town will be safe from this depraved, alcoholic vampire." I glared at him resolutely and I turned my eyes back to the road.
"So basically, you're threatening to go on a killing spree if I don't admit I feel something for you? How twisted are you?" He surprised me and reached over and gripped my knee and rubbed it gently.
"Relax Elena, I'm kidding...But that is one of the things holding you back isn't it? You don't like the fact that I kill people." I chanced a look at him and I tried to ignore the feeling of his fingers massaging my knee. He was absolutely serious now and I gulped before turning to the road again.
"It's one reason, yes," I conceded softly.
"What are the others?" he asked again seriously and because I heard no mocking in his voice I decided to explain.
"Well you're dangerous. Not just physically but also emotionally. I know your reputation Damon. You're not exactly the one girl kinda guy. Are even capable of a monogamous relationship?" he seemed surprised that this was the first thing I brought up.
"That's one of your reasons? That I won't be able to be faithful to you?" he looked incredulous at the thought. I gave him a look.
"Elena the reason I don't do relationships is because of Katherine. I spent a hundred and forty five years looking for her and I was saving my heart for her because I thought she loved me. Obviously we all know now what an idiot I was but that's why I never let anyone close to me like that. Believe me Elena if you let yourself be mine, I would be the most faithful guy you will ever find because when I love, I love with everything I am and all I have wanted in over a hundred years was for someone to love me back. A trait that has constantly screwed me over," I was amazed by the passion in his words. His words reminded me of what Lexi had told me at Caroline's party that time. It rang true in this moment and I acknowledged the fact that I should not even worry about that. If, and it is an 'if' because I am not entirely convinced, Damon loved me, he would be faithful to me because he is a vampire and when they love they REALLY love. Urgh! Why was I even contemplating this? I felt my hands shaking on the steering wheel and gripped it harder.
"You really mean it don't you? You love me?" He nodded confidently and I sighed.
"When did you start feeling like this?" I asked and there was no judging in my tone. I really just wanted to know and for the first time since Georgia, I found myself enjoying speaking with him.
"I don't really know but if I had to pick a moment, I'd have to say when you told me you were sorry about Katherine 'dying'. It was completely unexpected. No one had ever bothered to care about how I felt before and in that moment I knew that you were different; good. It's what stopped me from killing you the night I killed the football coach." My small smile that had developed slowly dropped at his last words and I frowned at him a little bit alarmed. He jumped to explain.
"Before I killed the coach, I taunted Stefan. I threatened to kill you but he told me that I wouldn't hurt you; that that was my humanity because I cared about you deep down. I was angry; angry that he thought he knew me and could tell me who I was, so I killed the coach. I came to your house that night and into your bedroom through your window. I came to kill you but as I watched you sleep, I couldn't do it. You just looked so...peaceful and beautiful and the thought of you dying hurt for some reason that I did not understand at the time."
I was a little shocked and fear prickled inside me at this new knowledge. I could have died that night. It was a disconcerting thought to find out that someone who wished you harm at the time had been in your room ready to kill you. The comfort that he hadn't was palpable. I gulped and decided to change the subject.
"So basically what you're saying is you want me to dump Stefan for you," I asked slowly and he nodded unabashedly with a grin. I shook my head at him.
"I can't just do that. I don't want to hurt him," I whispered. I saw him shrug his shoulders simply.
"Well don't tell him. What he doesn't know can't hurt him after all." I gave him a look of absolute shock. I quickly turned back to the road to avoid crashing.
"Now you're asking me to cheat on him. That's just as bad if not worse!" I cried and I watched him roll his eyes.
"What's BAD is the fact that you have feelings for his brother and you already kissed him. If you're going to hell, you may as well do it thoroughly." I shook my head stubbornly.
"I do not have feelings for you and I'm not attracted to you at all. That kiss was just a momentary lapse in judgement." He looked a little hurt by my words and I even felt a little guilty. The look was masked soon and he gave me a knowing smirk.
"Whatever you say Elena. Lie all you want to yourself but you want me and it's only a matter of time before you WILL admit it. You're going to crave me." I hated the smug tone he had.
"Ok fine maybe I do want you. Want is not love. I LOVE Stefan! I'm not going to throw that away just because my stupid body can't control itself."
"Want can become love Elena. Stefan is your high school sweetheart. Believe me I've been around long enough to see those relationships fizzle and die. He treats you like a little girl that can't handle herself."
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, annoyed by him demeaning Stefan and my relationship.
"You don't know that and how exactly should I be treated then Damon?" I gave him a challenging look and my breath shook and he moved closer to me. I kept my eye ahead on the road, trying to ignore his proximity. His breath tickled my ear as he spoke in a low voice.
"You're no little girl Elena. You should be treated like the woman you are. I bet he treats you like that even when you're in bed together. He would be so afraid of losing control and hurting you. I bet he can't even get you off with how gentle he treats you." I tried to control my breathing and ignore what he was saying. I became angry quickly and shoved him so he fell back against his seat, which I'm sure I would not have been able to do if he hadn't let me.
"That is none of your business! At least Stefan cares enough to not want to hurt me." I spat angrily and slightly embarrassed. I found the anger though was not because he was saying these things to me but it was because they were true. I pulled the car into the boarding house and shut off the engine. I got out and waited for him to do so as well but he pouted at me annoyingly.
I let out a cry of frustration before rounding the car and opening his door for him and slinging one of his arms over my shoulders and struggling to lift him from the car. I staggered up to the door and after a few tries opened it and continued on inside. I led him over to the couch and dropped him unceremoniously. As soon as I stepped away he stood and walked over to his liquor cabinet casually. My eyes widened in outrage! The bastard was fine!
"You...You were perfectly fine! Why the hell did you pretend to be so drunk?" I spluttered in annoyance. He turned to me with an eye roll, glass of bourbon in hand.
"I wasn't pretending. It just wears off a lot quicker for vampires; a very annoying fact." Huh. Well I was still angry. I marched over to him and snatched the glass from his hand.
"Hey!" he protested as I walked over and deposited the contents into the fire. He glared at me as I walked back to him.
"You were completely smashed less than an hour ago and the first thing you do is drink more?" He shrugged as if to say 'exactly' and I rolled my eyes and made my way in the direction of the front door. I didn't make it very far before I jumped in surprise as he used his vampire speed to stand in front of me. I waited expectantly for whatever the hell he wanted. I did not have to wait long as his lips descended on mine, taking me by surprise. I tried to stay still and pretend I did not enjoy it. It was a lost cause because soon I let my hands drift up to grip on his shoulders and I pressed myself closer to him, moaning against his lips. It was as if my lips had a mind of their own as they moved against his and the feeling of my back hitting the wall snapped me back to the present. I broke off and tried to catch my breath as I stared up at him in shock. He had the most annoyingly satisfied smirk on his face. I got control of myself again soon and when I did I slapped him hard across the face. His smirk did not drop at all.
"How dare you do that! I love Stefan! It will never be you, ever! Why can't you just let this go?" I cried desperately. He leaned in close to me and I tried to back away more but it was impossible with the wall against my back. He didn't try to kiss me again though. He spoke quietly.
"Elena, you just kissed me again. That is why I can't let this go. You should know by now that I am selfish and I will not stop until I get what I want. I'll see you around." And with that said he backed off and I breathed out in relief and practically scurried from the boarding house. It wasn't until I was halfway down the street that I realized that once again he was right.
A/N: Hope you liked this! Please review! Next chapter will be up soon :)
