Again, thanks to my beta Bruised Reed you guys get to have an easy reading experience.
"Jack," she says into the phone wondering what his reaction will be to the use of his first name. She only used his first name once, and he said he could excuse her, because she had a head injury. This time she didn't have a head injury to excuse her. But he doesn't say anything, "Uh, I know it's still pretty early, but I've got the day off. Nate and I were planning on going to the park. I know you were planning on getting his room set up, so if you can't join us, we'd understand."
"You sound as insecure as Nate. The room doesn't have to be perfect his first night with me. Which park should I meet you guys in?" he asks.
Nate doesn't want to leave the car until he sees his father. Once the car is parked he gets out of his car seat and climbs into the front seat to push himself next to Sam. He pulls the Minnesota Twins baseball cap low over his eyes. "He's going to come," Sam assures him.
Nate doesn't respond.
"You might as well learn your father is a man of his word," Sam says.
Sam sees Jack's pickup pull up in the next parking lot. He opens the back door, and pulls something out. "What is it?" Nate asks leaning forward.
Sam sees fur, and wiggles, she grins "I think that's a puppy."
"Puppy!" Nate's eyes go wide, and he runs toward his father.
"Hey, buddy!" Jack says placing the bundle of fur in his son's arms while also transferring a hug. It's a Brittney Spaniel-Border Collie mix. It is tiny and long haired. It's mostly white with a large black spot covering most of its head, and small light brown spots covering the remainder of its legs.
"Whose puppy is?" Nate asks unable to believe his luck.
"Yours," Jack says.
"Can I take it to Sam's?" Nate asks.
Jack is pretty sure he knows the answer, but he glances at Sam anyway. A barely notable shake of the head and purse of the lip. "No, he's my dog too," Jack says.
"What's his name?" Nate asks.
"I thought you could name him," Jack says with a smile.
"Jack," Sam says gesturing him aside.
"Make sure you stay where you can see us, and keep the puppy on a leash; it isn't well trained yet," he says to Nate while he walks a bit away with Sam.
"I'm sorry, I know you were working on his room, and I took away half your day," Sam says.
"Not a problem," he says smiling.
"I wouldn't have done it except, he woke me up four times last night asking if he dreamed meeting you. All day he's been talking about how you're leaving, aren't coming, don't want him. I just…" she closes his eyes, "he was breaking my heart, and if he just knew you, Sir, I knew that all that doubt would…"
"No, I'm glad you called," he says looking at his son with concern, "should have called in the middle of the night last night," he says. "Ah, I should probably let you know I'm thinking about retiring."
"What?" Sam asks.
"He needs…he needs someone home with him all the time. I'm well over the years for Air Force retirement…"
"Sir, that's just enabling him, he's going to have to be away from us sometime," she protests.
"I know, but we're four months away from preschool. That's a couple hours a day, I can sit in the hall at first, you know ease into it. Then he'll be in kindergarten, and maybe I'll find something else to fill my days. Something that doesn't involve frequent overnight trips, and risking my life," he turns to her, "Sam, if he loses another parent it's going to destroy him. I can't…I can't justify risking myself when it means risking my son's well being."
"Sir, this is a knee jerk reaction. It's coming from a good place. You're trying to protect a truly wonderful little boy. But there are other things to consider," Sam says.
"Right, save the galaxy. I know. But remember what I said when we had the choice of letting Nirrti go or letting Cassie die?"
"If we're going to do that we might as well pack it in?" Sam says.
"Same with him. A parent has to put their kid before anything else. That's what parenthood is," he pauses, "But I've been contemplating retirement for a while, because of its other benefits," he says looking at her.
She looks back at him, "And they would be?" she asks.
"I don't know, maybe non-existent," he says looking away.
She sighs, "No they are there. They just aren't a good enough reason to retire."
"I think you're wrong," he says as he walks toward Nate.
The puppy is licking Nate's face, and Nate is giggling, "Why is he doing that?" Nate asks.
"It's a puppy's way of saying, 'I love you' and you know how a human says that to a dog?" Nate shakes his head, "You take your hand and scratch him right here, right behind the ear."
Nate does, and a look of intense pleasure crosses the dogs face. Nate looks up at father with awe in his face.
"Now, we've got to have a really, really, important talk kid," he says handing the puppy to Sam. She takes him, but makes an involuntary face, and holds him at arms distance.
"Wait a second," Jack says, "Schrödinger? Are you a cat person Carter?" he asks in disgust.
She nods.
"I suppose I can forgive that obvious character flaw since you have many positive attributes going for you," he says taking the dog back from her, "I can talk with squirms on my lap."
"Nate," he smiles at the kid who is obviously worrying, "I'm your Dad, and that means that I will always love you. I'm never going to leave you on purpose. If I am not where I told you I'm going to be because of something out of my control. And you will never be alone again. Someone will always be there to take care of you. I am going to take care of you, and love you every day of my life, you understand that?"
Nate's bottom lip quivers, "What if you die like Mama?" he whispers.
Jack pulls him close to him, right on his lap next to the squirming dog, "I can't promise you I'm not going to die, son, but I will try really hard to make sure I don't die. I know what it's like to lose someone, and I would do anything to protect you from that. God, I wish I could have saved your mother," he says closing his eyes, "And I would have been there when you were little, if I knew about you. I should have been there. I'm sorry I wasn't. I should have gone to see if you existed. I didn't think I would ever be lucky enough to have another son," Jack stops; surprised at how many times he's had to talk about Charlie in a brief forty-eight hours.
Nate nuzzles against Jack, and into his shoulder mutters, "I love you Daddy." He says it quiet, like he isn't quite sure if he wants anyone to hear. It brings tears to Jacks eyes.
"Love you too, son," he says kissing his head. He holds his son close for a good long time. Then he says, "Did Sam show you earth playgrounds?"
His son gives him an emphatic nod.
"What's your favorite part?" he asks.
"Puppy," his son says.
"Of course," Jack says.
"Does he do any tricks?" Nate asks.
"No, you have to teach a dog tricks. I once had a dog that could play red light green light," Jack informs him.
Nate laughs.
"I did," Jacks says.
"Sir…" Sam says in a warning tone.
"Ye of little faith! I'll teach this dog to do it to," he says.
"Right now," Nate says bouncing.
"It's not the kind of thing that is done in a day," he says.
"Or ever," Sam adds.
"I trained a dog to play red light green light," he says glaring at her.
"Right, sure you have, and I have a Yeti in my basement," Sam says.
"Do not terrify the child," Jack says.
"What is a Yeti?" Nate asks.
"An imaginary animal that grants wishes," Sam says.
Jack snorts.
Then they begin to play with the dog. Half play and half training. Come, sit, stay. Nate gives the dog so many treats he throws up. Nate tries to dare Jack to touch it. Jack tells him he's half a century too old to take a dare like that. Sam tries to explain to Nate what half a century is. Jack buys Nate ice cream. Sam scolds Jack for letting Nate have ice cream two days in a row. The dog ends up eating the ice cream. Nate cries. Sam buys him another cone. Then Nate fall asleep, still sticky on the grass. Sam makes sure the sun isn't shining on him, and they sit down to wait out his nap.
"Sorry, Sir, but if we try to move him he's guaranteed to wake up, and go nap-less, and cranky," Sam says.
"Quit apologizing for my kid acting like a kid," Jack says.
She takes a deep breath, "It's weird to raise someone else's kid."
"You're good at it though," he says, "I can't thank you enough for what you did."
"I'll stop apologizing if you quit thanking me," she says.
"Deal," he says."You're a good mom though," he says after a pause.
"I'm not his mother," she says sadly.
"You are," he says, "by choice not biology."
Sam smiles. "Thanks Jack. Uh…I have something I've been afraid to tell you about Nate."
Jack looks at her with terror, "What?" he asks.
"I know you don't like psychologists…but with Nate, I just…" she says.
"You didn't let McKenzie near him did you?" he asks.
"No, Dr. Hanis. I went with him the first couple of times. He still pops out to make sure I'm still near every once in a while. She's good," Sam says nervously, "I mean if you don't think…"
"You did right, Sam. The kid needed help. I don't hate psychologists. I hate people who hurt my friends. Therefore I hate McKenzie. I've actually been to a psychologist."
Sam looks at him in surprise, "After the whole POW thing…the Air Force. Anyway," he says looking away clearly wishing for a change in topic, "When does he go?"
"Thursdays at two," she says.
"You think he's going to be ok?" he asks.
"Yeah," she says, "It's going to take a long time, but he is going to be just fine."
"I'm glad you were here for them…you lost your mom as a kid, I can't imagine what that was like," he says.
"You know what loss is," she says.
"Losing Charlie wasn't anything like losing a parent when you are little," he says.
"Losing a mom when you're fourteen isn't really like losing a mom when you are three either," Sam says.
"I suppose not," he says.
"I think Daniel understands it the most. I mean eight is different than three too, but Cassie and I…we were old enough that we knew what death was. I don't really know if that makes it better or worse, but it certainly makes it different," she says.
"What does he know about Charlie?" Jack asks.
"Everything," she says, "Well, everything Daniel or I knew. I hope that's ok..."
"What exactly did you tell him about…about Charlie's death, and me?"
"Jack, that wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You would have never, ever, ever done anything to harm Charlie on purpose, and your son deserves to know that," she says looking him straight in the eye from the first word to the last.
"If it wasn't for me, Charlie would still be alive; Nate deserves to know that," Jack says. "I'm dreading telling him. But it's my job. I'm going to…"
"Jack, no matter what you tell that kid, he's going to reach the same conclusion as the rest of us. Charlie's death was not your fault, and if I have to repeat that to you a million times to get you to believe that, I'm perfectly willing."
"That won't be necessary Major," he says coolly.
"Is there anything I could do to convince you?" she asks.
"Drop it," he says.
"Ok, Sir," she says with a sigh, "How is "insert name of your favorite hockey team" doing?"
He grins, "Winning, always winning."
The dog escapes from Jack's arms, and begins licking Nate's face. "Get back here dog!" Jack exclaims quietly trying to grab him.
"It's ok, Meteor, you saw I was awake," Nate says.
"Meteor? You're naming him Meteor?" Jack asks.
"Yeah, because Meteors is what made you stranded with Mommy," Nate says.
Jack makes a face, "I suppose that is accurate, but you make it sound like my time with your Mom was awful, it…" he glances at Sam, between a rock and hard place, "I mean I spent a few months moping, because I couldn't go home, and then…then the time with your mother was good," he says to Nate.
Sam is giggling at him. He glares at her.
"So Meteor," Jack says, "Come here, Meteor."
The dog continues to ignore Jack.
"After naptime snuggles, Nate?" Sam asks.
Nate nods and deposits himself on her lap snuggling into her. Jack finds himself jealous, and not just of Sam. He'd gladly trade places with his son right now, but for a very different reason.
"Cr…ud, I forgot to get a car seat," Jack says.
"It's ok, you can use mine for now," Sam says.
"It's still pretty early, you want to come over?" he asks.
"Please Sam!" the kid begs.
"I'll make you dinner," Jack says.
"I'm sure you mean order me dinner, Sir," she says teasingly.
"No, I can cook, 'course I'll have to leave off the best ingredient since one of the people partaking is decadently underage," he says looking at his son.
Sam laughs, "No beer steaks, Sir?"
"Well, maybe two with one without?" he asks.
Nate scoots from Sam's lap, to his fathers. He wraps his arms around his father's neck and whispers, "I love you."
Jack pulls him tight, "I love you too Buddy, more than you can imagine."
"Sorry, about the mess," Jack says gesturing to his house.
"Fis is my room?" Nate says looking around confused at the living room of the house. A child's airplane shaped bed with dogs all over the blanket is in the center of the room.
"No," Jack says with a chuckle, "I just put your bed out here for the night, because I painted your room, and the fumes cannot be good for you. You want to see your room?"
Nate nods.
"Work in progress," Jack warns as he opens the door. "This is peridot, by the way," he says indicating the wall.
"I like it," Nate says.
"Good," Jack says with satisfaction. The walls all have a fresh coat of paint, as do the children's desk, the dresser, toy box, and the bookshelf. They have all been painted a darker shade of the bright green on the walls. The ceiling is the masterpiece though. It is painted black, and has a cluster of little dots in the center of it.
"Stars!" Nate says looking up.
"Yeah, stars exactly like they are over Edora, but that isn't the cool part," he says shutting the curtain and the door. There is still a fair amount of light streaming into the room in various ways, but the ceiling glowed.
Nate is bouncing up and down.
"Sir, this is amazing," Sam says, "They are really the configuration over Edora? How did you find that?"
He nods, and points to his head, "I spent a lot of time watching the stars there, Sam. I haven't got very far. Michelangelo must have been some kind of an all star to paint on ceilings that long. But right about here," he says pointing to a bare spot of the ceiling, "Is where our sun will go. I'm thinking of putting a little earth rotating around it. I mean obviously you can't see that, but…I don't know, thought it would be cool, and I was thinking about adding some 'Fire Rain'. Bud, did you ever actually see the fire rain?" he asks his son.
"Yeah! Garan took me last year. Mommy doesn't like to watch the fire rain anymore, but Garan said it was something you have to experience."
"Cool, now as awesome as this room is. I'm sure what you're really going to care about is the next room. That is where I put all the clothes and toys I picked up for you until this room is ready to go."
Nate was off and running.
"Sir, this is…amazing," Sam mutters.
"Just spoiling him rotten, wait until you see the other room," he says.
By the time the adults walk the few feet until Jack's guest bedroom Nate has already dumped most of the plastic bags on the floor. He paws through the clothes to see if there are any toys hidden in them, and then leaves them in a heap. The toys he seizes onto, tries for about three seconds to free from them from their packaging, and then tosses aside as a new toy meets his eye.
"It's like Christmas on steroids," Sam mutters in awe.
"I better go get the scissors and start helping him open some packages," Jack says with a laugh. The rest of the afternoon Nate plays with his new toys. Sam helps Jack make dinner. Then Jack gives his son a bath. When he comes out he's found Sam has refolded all the clothes, and put the toys in a pile. They take turns reading Nate to sleep. Then Sam transfers her car seat to Jack's truck. When she comes in to hand him the keys he can see the reluctance in leaving. He doesn't want her to go any more than she wants to leave. There are a million things that he wants to say to her, but he knows it's not time yet to say any of them.
"So tomorrow, I was thinking I'd come in for a half day. If he could hang out in your office from like eight to nine that would be perfect. Then I could take him for the rest of the day. When you're ready to leave you could stop by my office and pick him up…"
"You're actually going to be in your office?" she teases.
"Packing up, closing things down," he says.
Her face falls, "You are really leaving the SGC?"
"Yeah," he says, "When do you go off world next?"
"Day after tomorrow 10am departure," she says.
"If you don't want him the night before a mission…" he begins.
"I want him. Last time I'll get to see him for three days," she says, "I'm going to miss you."
He was expecting her to say 'him' for that last word and it catches him off guard, "You'll still see me all the time."
"Hopefully, even more often," she says leaving before the words can even sink into his head.
"More often?" he mutters to himself, "More often than every day? Sweet!"
