I couldn't possibly go to sleep anymore. There was an awful feeling coursing through my body and every time I closed my eyes I only felt the sharp ache in my temple. With an exasperate sigh I opened my eyes and reached under my pillow for my cell phone, which read 11:50 pm. In exactly 10 minutes I would turn 19 years old, something I didn't know how to feel about because I had already reached the milestone of being an adult when I turned 18 last year. I could not drink until I was 20(not that I was looking forward to it anyway), I could drive but I mostly took the train to go to college and I couldn't get married unless I had my parent's permission. The ironic thing was that even if I wanted to get married I'd have to wait until I was 20 or older to do so because my parents had died over 5 years ago. This was just another birthday, I mean don't get me wrong I was happy that I was alive and healthy but there was nothing I felt particularly exited about. Instead I was running a fever and the only person I could celebrate with was Akira but he was in Kyoto for a school trip.
Sweat rolled down my face and fell to the floor with a small thud as I walked towards the sliding patio window, it had become unbearably hot and muggy in the apartment so much I was having trouble breathing in the arid air. When I finally felt the cool metal in my hands I smiled in satisfaction and slid it all the way until a burst of air-filled the apartment raising goosebumps along my skin. I took in a deep breath and immediately felt the pain in my temples turn into a dull throb and the cloudiness in my head begin to lift. I moved outside into the patio where I kept a small garden of flowers and crouched down to look closer at them, they ranged from beautiful bright red colors to soft blues and their petals looked strong yet delicate. Even at night the beauty they possessed never ceased to amaze me, at times when I couldn't take care of them or when I though they couldn't survive the weather, they would still be there the next morning intact with no harm to them. The same day that I turned 19 they too turned 5 months old, the day Akira and I found them wilting when we moved into the apartment.
Before that we had moved around quite often, never staying in more than one place for a certain amount of time. During that time there was only painful memories and undisclosed fears, I never wanted feel such a thing again so I stayed away from people and if they wanted to get near me or Akira I pushed them away until they simply gave up. This was all due to the incident in Sotoba 5 years ago, the one that destroyed everything and killed most of my family. So soon after we moved in and saw the flowers in such a horrible state I couldn't help but to feel a twinge in my heart, they were broken and on the edge of dying, it was if I was watching the inside of my soul rot and die away in a slow and excruciating process. I remember breaking down crying on the brink of hysteria I had never reacted in such away, all those years I bottled up my emotions to keep up with my sanity yet, with just that sight all the walls I put up crumbled like a tower of cards.
Afterwards I began to take care of them and even though it was a slow process I saw them regain their luster, ever since that day I made a vow to take care of them because they had become something vital in my life. I felt that somehow those flowers had become a window to my soul and they reflected how my being was. Every time I nurtured them it felt like I was nurturing my soul as well, making it better and ridding it of all the burdens that had been accumulating over the years. Unconsciously I started to notice changes in myself as well, I became friendlier to the people around me and my disposition was reverting itself to the way it was before, bright and kind. I slowly felt my fear dissipate as I gained more confidence with each day but i still couldn't force myself to go out at night. This made me feel nostalgic because for the first time in years I wanted to live again, to look forward to another day, something that I thought I wouldn't be able to experience anymore.
I'm much better than I was before yet there is still a part of me that clings to the past. I feel it deep within, something that I can't let go of because this served as a reminder to not let my guard down or else I might get hurt again and much deeper. This kind of thinking was the reason why I was dead on the inside for such a long time, but now I wanted to live and such thoughts only repulsed me. As I laid my eyes on the flowers again I noticed that no matter how hard the situation got they were still beautiful and always looked forward and tried their best. Something I should do, to let go of everything that tied me down no matter how much it hurt. Kaori let go and don't you ever look back. A lone tear fell to the dirt as I smiled, that had been the last thing Natsuno said to me before he left of course at the time I didn't know what he meant but now those words were the greatest encouragement I could of received. I felt extremely calm and relieved as the last burden was lifted of my shoulders, the only reason I couldn't let go was because then everyone that I had spent most of my life with would have disappeared and become a memory just like the rest.
I stayed there in tranquility of the night until I felt a pair of warm arms wrap around me, startled I turned around and saw that it was Akira. I was incredulous, he was supposed to be miles away right now in Kyoto instead he was home and hugging me. "what are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be in Kyoto?", he looked at me with a raised eyebrow and said, "well unless you find it weird for a brother to be with her sister celebrating her birthday, wait you did know it was your birthday right?" I couldn't help but to roll my eyes, sarcasm was not one of his strong points. He looked at me intently and suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace, another thing that left me baffled so I didn't know how to respond, I guess he thought I was still mad at him because he said, "I'm sorry Kaori, but how could you think I would leave you alone on your birthday you're the only family I have left and I want you to be happy."
I didn't say anything else because there was nothing that needed to be said. I decided that along time ago that whatever I did was going to be for his sake because he had much more innocence left and I wanted to save him. But now I realize that I first needed to take care of myself before I could do anything for him. This was exactly the moment I was waiting for, the time when my past could no longer be my demise and instead I could be free. "I'm not mad but what I do want to know is how you came back to Tokyo?" I raised my head to find him staring away and with a expression that read: uhu oh, I suppressed the urge to laugh and enjoyed watching him fumble with an explanation. He sighed in defeat and said,"it's a long story" but before i could say anything else he cut me off and said, "but before we get some cake." I cracked a smile, somehow it felt like things from here on forwards were going to become more interesting but as long as I kept moving forwards I was okay with whatever the future brought me.
Im am very sorry for the late update, I know that I promised daily updates so I will give no excuse and try to update next week on spring break if possible.
Now going back to the story I hope that you guys like this chapter. Please R&R
See you guys next time XD
