Gabby's POV- 2 months later

'It's all my fault.' I thought as I sat with my older brother, Antonio, while we had lunch together. Both of us sitting in silence. 'It's my fault she is dead. We traded places. It should of been me.'

"Gabby?" Antonio called, even though it sounded so distance in my ears, he was right next to me.

"Hm?" I responded, turning to look at him with a distance expression in my eyes.

"I was asking did you want to go for a walk?" He asked, looking at me with a worried expression on his tired facial features.

"Uh, yeah sure." I said as we both stood and slid out of the booth and walked out of the coffee shop. I couldn't bear going to the one Shay and I always went to.

"What were you thinking about my pequena hermana?" Antonio asked, as we walked down the street together, heading no where in particular.

"Lots of things mi hermano mayor." I replied, as I stuffed my shaking hands into my pockets of my CFD jacket.

"You know you can talk to me Gabs," He said after a long silence.

"I know, I just don't feel like talking right now. There are a lot of things I can't talk about right now." I mumbled, as I leaned my head on his shoulder as we turned a corner heading back towards Firehouse 51.

"I understand. Come over for dinner tomorrow night with Laura and the kids." He said, as he walked me inside, I quickly glance at my new partner Sylvie Brett and think how much alike she looks like Shay.

"I'll be there. I will text you later." I smiled, hugging him tightly.

"Good. See you later Gabs," Antonio said, before leaving the way he came.

Hallway

I stood there, standing. Looking at my best friend, my partner's picture hanging on the wall. Her picture shouldn't be up there. Her badge shouldn't be up on that wall in the academy next to Andy's. Mine should be up there. My picture should be up on the wall. If it wasn't for me trading places with her, she would still be here with Severide. She would still be on this Earth, making everyone and everything happy and smile.

"Dawson, are you okay? You've been standing there for the last 15 minutes." Cruz said, bringing me out of my reverie and I turn to look at him and the others that were looking out of the common room.

"Let me guess? You drew the short straw?" I snorted, watching as they boys walked further out.

"Yeah kind of. Are you okay though?" He asked again, touching my shoulder.

"Yeah, absolutely dandy. It shouldn't be her picture or her badge up on these walls. It should be mine! It's my fault she's dead! I'm the one that traded places with her! If it wasn't for me, she would still be alive!" I sob as I fall to my knees with sobs wracking my body.

"It isn't your fault," Herrmann soothed, as he wrapped his arms around me to comfort me.

"It is! I don't know how you guys can stand to be around me! I killed my best friend! You should hate me!" I yelled, as I fought against his strong arms as I cried.

"Gabby, you need to calm down for me! Someone call Antonio!" Casey yelled, as he also wrapped his arms around me as I cried myself into a hysteria.

"I killed my best friend Matt! How can you or Severide stand to be around me! It's my fault!" I yell as I hit him over and over again.

"Dawson, I need you to calm down for me, okay! Antonio is on his way." Herrmann said, as he sat back down next to me where I had fallen to my knees under Shay's picture.

"Where is she?" Antonio yelled, I could hear him running down the hall way and with each footstep, I could hear him getting closer.

"It's my fault Antonio! She's gone because of me! I should be my picture and badge up on these walls!" I sobbed into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms tightly around me to try and comfort me.

"No es su falta Gabriela. fue un accidente. Nadie tiene la culpa." Antoino mumbled in spanish in my ear as I slowly calmed down and just continued to sob into his shoulder.

"Antonio, take her home. I will call later to see how she is." Boden said, after seeing the whole ordeal with my breakdown.

I don't remember much after that, all I could feel was Antonio pick me up and I cried myself to sleep.

Antonio and Laura's house

I slowly woke up in a room that didn't look familiar, then I remember my breakdown at the Firehouse and how Antonio took me home to Laura and his place.

"Hey, you're awake." Laura quietly said from the corner of the room where she sat in the armchair reading a book.

"Hey," I mumbled back sleepily, as I sat up slowly and looked around. "Where's Antonio?"

"On the floor," Laura laughed quietly, pointing to a lump on the ground which happened to be my brother wrapped in a blanket. "You pushed him off and he didn't even wake."

"Oh my," I laughed, as the lump on the ground groaned and sat up slowly.

"What the hell?" He muttered, as he looked up at me where I was sitting with a smile on my face as I laughed at him with Laura.

"I'm sorry," I said after I had finished laughing at his expense.

"I'm sure you are, how are you feeling?" He asked, as he stood up and sat on the bed in front of me.

"I'm not really feeling anything anymore Antonio. I don't know what to feel anymore." I said honestly as I played with the blanket that covered my legs.

"Like I said, I'm here to talk. If you want to hit me and take your frustration and sadness out on me, go for it." He said honestly, as Laura walked back into the room with two mugs of coffee.

"I'm going to go pick the kids up from school, when I get back I don't want to find Antonio killed on the floor if he annoys you Gabs," Laura joked, hugging and kissing my cheek before turning to Antonio and kissing him.

"I'll try not to. See you soon." I said, as Antonio laughed as Laura left the room and left us alone to talk.

"Can you come with me to see her headstone? I haven't been since the funeral. And that was 2 months ago. I promised myself and Shay on that day that I would visit any time I could. But, I just haven't brought myself to visit." I admitted, looking at him to see what his reaction would be.

"I would love to. When do you want to go?" He asked, wrapping me up in one of his famous hugs.

"After Laura and the kids get back." I replied, leaning back into the pillows.

"Oh Chief rang earlier, he said to take a couple days furlough. You have enough built up if you want to take it all." Antonio said, laying down next to me.

"I only need a couple of shifts off. I'm going to be okay." I replied, turning to lie on my side and face him.

"We're all going to be okay." He said, as we fell asleep next to each other.

Please read and review :)

This is my take on how Gabby is feeling. I am going to make this a POV story for all the characters and how they are dealing with Shay's death!