1
The smells around her were unfamiliar, chemical. She was lying on something soft, and she could hear voices whispering and instruments beeping. Kathryn Janeway struggled to open her eyes and found herself in an unfamiliar room. Yellow curtains framed the single window, and she didn't recognize the foliage or the view outside. The walls were white, and there was a hanging bag of fluid that connected to her arm by a clear tube. She heard a monitor near her head beep, and soon an alien female was leaning over her. "Doctor, she's awake!" The alien was humanoid, with ridges that went up her arms and the side of her neck. Her auburn hair was piled up on her head in an elaborate do, and her violet eyes flashed with excitement as she looked from the monitors to Janeway and back again. "Where am I?" Janeway asked, trying to sift through the fuzzy images in her mind.
"You're on the planet Laiffa. I bring you greetings from the Laiffan people." Janeway regarded the nurse with bemusement, and the young woman's cheeks took on a violet hue, matching her eyes. "I'm sorry. Did I say the wrong thing? I've never seen someone of your species before."
Janeway looked around the room and saw that a small table next to her hospital bed held her uniform and comm badge. At least she knew that the comm badge's universal translator was functioning because she could understand the nurse. The attack on the Explorer came flooding back to her, and she struggled to sit up. "My crew! My ship! What happened to them?"
"Please, lie down!" the nurse insisted. "You're injured!" Janeway struggled against the nurse's hand, but found she was too weak to sit on her own power, and slumped back in the bed.
"So, our patient is awake?" A deep voice came from the other side of the room, and soon the nurse was joined by an elderly male. He had the same ridges on his arms and neck as the nurse, but his hair was white, his skin slightly wrinkled. His blue eyes were filled with kindness, and Janeway instinctively felt that she could trust him. "I'm Doctor Erho Setala."
"Captain Kathryn Janeway."
"Captain, hm? How are we feeling, Captain?"
"Please," she said, trying to be patient, "tell me what happened to the rest of my crew."
The doctor and the nurse exchanged a glance. "You were found in the woods outside of town. There were four others with you. Two of them had already passed on by the time you were found. A third died here a few hours after you were brought in; there was nothing we could do to save him. I'm sorry." Setala paused, allowing Janeway to absorb the news before continuing, "Your other colleague, a dark-skinned fellow with pointy ears, is here in our hospital. He had severe burns on his hands, face and body, which I'm treating. However, he seems to be in some kind of coma. I've never seen anything quite like it before. But he's alive, and I'll do whatever I can to help him."
Janeway closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the pillow. "Alfred, Spencer, and Ito," she whispered. Of the five person team that had set out on the Explorer a few days earlier, only she and Tuvok had survived.
"I'm sorry for your loss," said Doctor Setala.
Janeway thought of the families of those three officers who'd thought that their loved ones would only be gone for a few days on a routine test flight. She knew that Ito had been engaged, and that Alfred had had a young child.
The nurse interrupted her thoughts. "The dark man with the ears, is he Jagoday?"
"What?" Janeway didn't understand what the nurse was talking about.
"You were delirious," she explained. "You were calling out for someone. It sounded like you said, 'Jagoday.'" The young woman looked horrified as realization dawned on her. "He wasn't one of the ones who was killed, was he?"
"Vihalla, stop," admonished the doctor. "Captain Janeway has been through enough." He looked at Janeway. "You'll have to excuse Nurse Kopeki. Her curiosity is insatiable."
"The dark skinned man's name is Tuvok. He's a Vulcan. I'm human." Janeway tried to sit up again, and this time, Doctor Setala helped her, propping her up against the pillows. "I came here on a ship. I need to get back to my ship."
"Judging by the state you were all in when you arrived here, I doubt there's much of your ship left to get back to, Captain," said Setala. "You had a severe concussion and internal bleeding. Tomorrow, I'll ask someone from the Center for Space Exploration to come and talk to you about your ship, but right now you need to rest."
"When can I see Tuvok?" she asked, fighting the tiredness that threatened to overcome her. "I'm familiar with Vulcan physiology. I might be able to help him."
"After you recover from your injuries, Captain. I'm sure in a day or two you'll be well enough to visit your friend. Now, I'm sure you have many more questions for us, as we have for you, but right now, you need to rest."
The doctor was right, and Janeway felt her eyelids becoming heavy in spite of herself.
"I'll be right here if you need anything," Nurse Kopeki assured her, squeezing her hand. Before Janeway had a chance to reply, the darkness took her.
...
The next day, Kathryn awoke to the sun streaming into her hospital room. Nurse Kopeki brought her breakfast and showed her how to raise the back of the bed so she could sit up. The alien food was unlike anything she'd ever had before, but it was tasty, and Kathryn realized that she was famished. After checking her physical condition, Dr. Setala was true to his word and introduced her to Dr. Nellia from the Laiffan Center for Space Exploration.
Nellia seemed to be middle aged, older than Vihalla but younger than Dr. Setala. He had an infectious smile and an energetic manner, and Kathryn felt invigorated by his presence. He was extremely curious about how she had managed to appear on Laiffa. "We detected the explosion of your ship. We assumed that all aboard were killed. How did you manage to escape to Laiffa? There were no escape pods found near you."
Janeway grimaced, knowing that she had to be careful not to violate the Prime Directive by revealing information on the Federation's advanced technology. "My people have technology that allows us to travel great distances in a fraction of a second. I was able to activate this system before my ship was destroyed."
"This technology…" Nellia began.
Janeway interrupted him, "What about the aliens that attacked us? Do you know anything about them?"
"Very little," Nellia said. "We've detected ships matching their description, but only a few. We believe they are from outside our star system. Our space exploration program is relatively new, Captain. There are three other inhabited planets in our system, and we have established trade routes with two of them, but each of them is several days' journey from Laiffa on our fastest spacecraft."
Janeway turned her head away from the Laiffan scientist as tears welled up in her eyes. "With your technology it would take us hundreds of years to get home."
Nellia whistled softly. "Your ship must have been very fast."
Blinking back her tears, Janeway turned back to Nellia. "I have to figure out a way to communicate with my people."
"With the scientific knowledge you must have, surely you can show us how to enhance our ships, make them faster."
"My people have very strict rules about sharing our scientific knowledge and technology with other races, especially those who haven't developed it yet themselves."
Nellia pursed his lips. "I won't lie to you, Captain, the prospect of gaining the type of scientific knowledge you must have is almost irresistible to me. Your transportation technology, for example. I can't even imagine all the ways in which it could make our lives better."
"But if I were to give you that technology, and it fell into the wrong hands… Well, let's just say, I've witnessed the reason for our Prime Directive, as we call it. I won't give you our technology, Doctor, nor will I show you the science behind it."
Nellia sighed. "I understand your rules, and I will respect them. Your people must be very wise to have this Prime Directive."
Janeway gave Nellia a wry smile. "My people have made a lot of mistakes. We've tried to learn from them."
"Still, a people who can learn from its mistakes is wise. When Doctor Setala releases you, I'll do whatever I can to help you contact your people. Surely your rules don't prohibit you from trying everything you can to get home."
Janeway closed her eyes and drew a long breath. The doctor couldn't possibly know how apropos his statement was. "Thank you, Dr. Nellia. I appreciate your offer."
"I'd like to hear more about your species, whatever you can tell me. I'm a scientist, and I want to learn as much as I can."
Janeway offered Nellia a genuine smile. "Now that is something we do share. I would like to learn about your people and your planet as well."
When Setala appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat loudly, Nellia excused himself and wished Janeway a speedy recovery. After the scientist left, and after Setala had finished checking her vital signs, Kathryn lay back against the pillows, pondering her situation. Voyager had only been back in the Alpha Quadrant a scant six weeks when Starfleet had offered her and most of her crew a promotion. She had been one of the few to turn it down; the last thing she wanted to become was the bitter, angry Admiral Janeway she had met. She was determined to remain a captain as long as possible.
The Explorer had been Starfleet's first attempt at a transwarp ship. It was a small vessel, the size of a runabout, and its test flight should have been a short and easy mission. Instead, their flight had gone horribly wrong, and now she and Tuvok were marooned on Laiffa, their ship destroyed, with not even a tricorder or a PADD between them. It would take weeks for a Starfleet vessel at high warp to travel the distance they'd reached by transwarp in only a few hours. If Starfleet did make it this far, they'd find debris from the Explorer's destruction; would they even have reason to think that there might have been survivors? She picked up her communicator from her bedside; she had already set it to emit a homing signal, but it would only be detected by a ship at close range. A Starfleet ship would have be in orbit around Laiffa before it would detect her signal.
Nurse Kopeki poked her head in the doorway. "Captain Janeway! How was your visit with Dr. Nellia?"
"It was fine, thank you, Nurse Kopeki."
"Oh, Captain, please call me Vihalla. Nurse Kopeki sounds so formal."
"All right, Vihalla. I will. And you may call me Kathryn."
The young woman grinned, and then noticed Janeway fingering the small pin that had been on her uniform when she'd been brought to the hospital. The pin was never far from the captain's side. "Kathryn, do you mind if I ask you about something? I know Doctor Setala says I should mind my own business and not ask questions, but…"
"You can ask me whatever you like, Vihalla," Janeway replied with a bemused smile. "I can't guarantee I'll answer."
"Your pin… Was it a gift from Jagoday?"
"No. No, it's from the… the organization that I work for. It might contain something that would help them find me."
"Oh." Vihalla couldn't hide her disappointment, and Janeway could tell that she had imagined some sort of tall, dark and handsome lover who belonged to the alien captain in her hospital. If only, Kathryn thought.
"It's Chakotay," she said softly.
"Chakotay," Vihalla repeated. "He wasn't on your ship?"
"No. No, he's… He's very far away."
"Can you get in touch with him?"
"I'm going to try," Janeway said with a sigh. A long silence filled the room, and Janeway knew that the young nurse did not know what to say. She tried to lighten the mood. "Vihalla, I'm feeling much better today. Do you think you could take me to see Tuvok?"
"I'll have to clear it with Dr. Setala, but I think so."
"Good." Before the young woman could clear anything with the doctor, Janeway was pushing herself out of her bed. After speaking to Dr. Setala, Vihalla insisted on pushing Janeway in a wheelchair to Tuvok's room despite her protestations. At her first glimpse of her Vulcan friend through the door of his hospital room, Janeway gasped. "What happened to him?"
"Twenty percent of his body was covered in third degree burns. He has internal injuries, too. We're doing our best to treat them, but his physiology was a little harder to understand than yours, and his injuries were much more severe."
"I want to see all his medical charts. I'm familiar with Vulcan physiology, and I'm a scientist. Maybe I can help."
"I'll remind Dr. Setala about it." She wheeled Janeway into Tuvok's room and set her chair by his bedside. "I'll come back to collect you in a little while. I'm sure you want to be alone with your friend."
"Thank you, Vihalla." When the nurse had left, Janeway reached out to place a hand on Tuvok's body. His hands and arms were bandaged, so she rested her palm on his chest, feeling its slow and steady rise and fall. Even though his was unconscious, his calm, steady presence gave her comfort. She spoke softly, wondering if Tuvok could hear her. "Well, I've done it again. We're light years from home with little hope of ever seeing Earth again. Just my luck." She sighed. "Tuvok, what am I going to do? How are we going to get home? I need your counsel, my friend. Please, wake up. I need you to wake up."
The only sound that greeted her was the steady beeping of the monitor above Tuvok's head.
...
"Paris to Voyager."
"Chakotay here."
"We've mined all the gallacite that we're going to get from this site, Captain. We're ready to beam it up to the cargo bay."
"Good work, Commander. Send it on up and then move on to the next site."
"Aye, Captain. Paris out." Chakotay sat back, running his hands over the familiar armrests of Voyager's captain's chair. He still wasn't quite used to being in this chair instead of the one to his left, and he constantly had to think before addressing Paris, Torres and Kim, since they had all been promoted upon Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant.
He had been surprised when Starfleet had offered him Voyager. The crew's promotions and reassignments had happened so quickly he'd barely had time to reflect since they'd burst out of a Borg sphere into Federation space. Torres, Paris, Kim and the EMH had all remained on Voyager, but Starfleet had given Janeway and Tuvok a new assignment. From the little Chakotay knew, Kathryn was captaining a highly experimental mission, with Tuvok at her side. He wondered how she was faring and wished for the hundredth time that he'd had more time with her before their new assignments had forced them to go in separate directions. He thought back to Voyager's reentry into the Alpha Quadrant and the moments that had followed.
With an honor guard of a dozen Starfleet ships, Voyager warped towards Earth. Feeling as though he was in a dream, Chakotay was barely aware of his fingers moving over the helm controls. Through the din of excited bridge chatter, he heard Kathryn giving orders, heard Seven inform the captain she was returning to astrometrics, heard the pinging of messages as the captain communicated with Starfleet Command. Then he heard, "Commander, you have the bridge," and he turned his head in time to see Kathryn disappear into her ready room.
He turned around in his chair to exchange a glance with Tuvok. The two men had developed an understanding over the years, especially where Kathryn Janeway was concerned, and when the Vulcan gave a small nod of his head, Chakotay gave him the bridge and asked Baytart to relieve him at the conn.
He buzzed the chime on the ready room door twice before it opened, and he stepped inside to see Janeway seated on her sofa, looking out the window at the now familiar stars. Her eyes flicked towards the door and then back to the view. She had one leg curled underneath herself, one hand propped under her chin. Her other hand fell listlessly in her lap. He could not see her eyes, but he could tell from her too-straight posture and shallow breathing that she was anything but relaxed. "Kathryn?"
She said nothing. He saw her shoulders rise and fall as she attempted to take a deep breath.
Chakotay did not have time to think about what he should do or say; he simply followed his instincts. He took three long strides forward and knelt beside her. "Kathryn?" From his new vantage point, he could see that there were unshed tears glistening in her eyes. He reached out to cover her listless hand with one of his.
She pulled her hand away, standing abruptly and putting some distance between them. "What can I do for you, Commander?"
He stood. "I thought… We did it, Kathryn. We're home."
"Yes." She paused. He saw her shoulders tremble. "Home."
"I wanted to… I mean, what are we… What can I do? To help?"
"I'll inform you if I require your assistance, Commander. I need to put together my report for the admiralty." She glanced back at him quickly before looking out at the stars again. "Admiral Paris has assured me that all the former Maquis will receive full pardons. You can tell your crew they don't need to worry about that."
"My crew?"
"The former Maquis."
Chakotay felt anger and frustration well inside him. "Is there a problem, Captain?"
"No. No problem. We're home. Everything's perfect." Her tone was too tightly controlled, and her shoulders were still trembling.
"Damn it, Kathryn! Look at me!"
When she turned around, the tears were still glistening in her eyes, and he could see her trying to hold them back. "What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to let me in. Tell me how you feel, what you think. We've been on this goddamned journey through heaven and hell for seven years. And now…"
"And now it's over," she finished. He nodded. She took a deep breath and let it out before speaking again. "It's over. You can go, Chakotay. You're free. You can do anything you want. You're not my prisoner, nor Starfleet's." The last sentence was almost inaudible, "You never were."
"I'm not asking for your permission to leave."
"Of course not!" She threw her hands up and turned away from him again. "You don't need my permission. Just go!"
He stepped towards her. "I'm not going anywhere."
"What?" She turned back, her eyes meeting his fully for the first time, and he could see genuine surprise there.
"I said, I'm not going anywhere." He took another step, and he was standing so close he could smell her unique scent. His hands grasped her arms, and he could feel her trembling. He pulled her towards him so her body was pressed against his; he could feel the heat radiating off her, see her pupils dilating. Her lips were slightly parted, and her chest heaved against him. "Kathryn," he whispered.
"Chakotay, wait…"
He had been waiting for seven years, and he couldn't wait another second, not with her body flush against his, her breasts pressed against his chest, her lips parted seductively, her expression raw with desire. He brought his mouth down on hers, crushing her lips beneath his, his tongue demanding entrance into her mouth. He half expected her to push him away, but she didn't. Instead, he felt her tongue tangling with his and found her mouth open and pliant. She tasted so sweet. His hands left her arms and found her buttocks, pulling her against him. She embraced him, and one of her hands tangled in his hair. She hooked one leg behind his ankle and started to grind her center against him. He knew she could feel the hardness of his erection growing between them. One of his hands cupped her breast, and even through layers of clothing, he savored the sensation of her flesh in his hand and took pleasure in the moan that emerged from her mouth.
Suddenly, he felt two hands against his chest, pushing him away, and as quickly as it had started, the passionate encounter was over. "Stop!"
Dazed, he stepped back, breathing hard. "What the hell?"
"How could you, Chakotay?" Kathryn ran her hands through her hair and pushed it behind her ears, then attempted to straighten her uniform.
"Um, I don't think that was only me. At least it didn't seem like it." He paused, horrified. "Surely you don't think I would ever try to…"
"No, no." She held up a hand, blushing furiously and straightening her uniform again. "You're right. It wasn't one-sided. I enjoyed that. I guess I'm as much at fault as you."
"At fault? Are you saying that was a mistake?"
Kathryn placed her hands on her hips and looked at him accusingly. "Seven?"
Now it was Chakotay's turn to blush as he averted his eyes. "How did you know about that?" he mumbled. When he forced himself to look up and meet her stern gaze, the pieces clicked into place. "The admiral told you."
Kathryn nodded. "What exactly did she tell you?" he asked, looking at her closely.
She sidestepped the question. "I know that you and I felt something for each other once. And obviously, there's still an… attraction between us. But it has to end right here, right now." She turned away. "I don't want to interfere in your relationship."
"No, no, Kathryn, it's not like that." He stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what the admiral told you, but there's no relationship."
She turned around, shrugging off his hand and giving him another hard stare. "Isn't there?"
"Well, nothing serious. We've had a few dates; that's all. Actually, she tried to end it earlier today."
"Tried?" Janeway raised an eyebrow.
"I, uh, well… I wouldn't let her, actually, but now…"
The eyebrow arched up even higher. "Now?"
Chakotay ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the sofa, letting out a long sigh. "Now I feel like my whole word has been turned upside down."
Kathryn sat down beside him and took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. "I know what you mean."
"I guess our emotions were running high, after everything that's happened over the past few days. I wasn't thinking."
Janeway withdrew her hand. "I see."
"That doesn't mean that…" He paused, then burst out in frustration, "Damn it, this is so hard!" He caught her eye and saw her disbelieving glance. They were both struck with the absurdity of his statement and burst out laughing.
"Hard, hm?" she asked, running her eyes up and down his body.
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I didn't mean…"
His embarrassment only caused her to laugh harder. "No, I know what you meant. Having a conversation with Kathryn Janeway," she managed through her laughter, "harder than beating the Borg, the Kazon and the Vidiians." This only made them both laugh harder.
"No!" Chakotay managed, finally gaining control of himself. "It's not about you."
Becoming serious, Kathryn shook her head. "It's about both of us, Chakotay. It's about our relationship, or what's left of it. We haven't exactly had the easiest go of it over the past few years."
"No, we haven't."
"I really don't want to hold you back from anything you might want to pursue with Seven."
He studied her for a moment. "Seven and I must have been serious in the admiral's timeline."
"Married."
"Married?! Me and Seven of Nine?" Janeway nodded ruefully. "Are you sure she was telling you the truth?"
"Think about it. If we hadn't gotten home today, you and I would never have had this conversation. We never would have…"
"Kissed," he supplied.
"Right."
He reached out and took her hand again. "There was a time when I used to imagine our homecoming all the time. I used to plan how I'd sweep you off your feet in the middle of your ready room, or on the bridge in full view of the admiralty. I used to imagine that I would kiss you just like that."
"Is that all you imagined?"
"Oh, no. I never imagined us stopping there."
"Well, maybe sometime you'll be able to tell me what happened in those fantasies when we continued." She gave him a shy grin, but then her smile faded. "You used to imagine it?"
"It's been a long time," he admitted. "So many things came between us."
"I understand. You don't have feelings for me anymore."
"No, that's just it. If there's one thing the last half hour has proved to me, it's that I do. Or at least, I think I do."
She made a vague gesture to the other side of the room where they had been locked in a passionate embrace only moments earlier. "You don't seem to be alone."
They both looked down at their hands, intertwined on the sofa between them. "So, what now?" he asked.
"I think we should take some time," she replied slowly. "You need to sort out your feelings for Seven. Talk to her. Figure out what you want to do."
"You deserve time to sort through your feelings, too," he pointed out. "You've spent seven years thinking about nothing but our crew. You need to figure out what you want."
She squeezed his hand. "I know one thing I want."
"What's that?"
"I want our friendship back."
He grinned. "That sounds like a good place to start."
He and Seven had ended their brief liaison only a few days later. The former Borg had already tried to end it once, and adjusting to life on Earth only solidified that decision for her. While he had fought for them to remain together on Voyager, his passionate encounter with Kathryn had convinced him that he, too, wanted to end the brief exploration that he and Seven had shared. Starfleet had insisted that Seven attend the Academy if she wanted to serve, and she had agreed to their proposition, so she was now on Earth earning her official Starfleet rank.
The weeks following Voyager's return had been filled with debriefings, and then reassignments had been doled out, and he and Kathryn had been sent in separate directions. They'd only had time for a brief dinner before she had departed on her mission, and they had ended it by promising to meet as soon as they both returned to the Sol System. Chakotay was jolted from his memories by the voice of Lieutenant Harry Kim. "You have an incoming transmission from Starfleet Command, Captain."
"Put it through to the ready room," he ordered, standing from his chair and leaving the bridge. The ready room was still full of the memory of his first kiss with Kathryn, and he couldn't help thinking of it every time he entered the room. He shook off the thought as he sat down at a desk he still thought of as hers and activated the comm. Admiral Paris' face appeared. "Admiral," Chakotay greeted him. "What can I do for you?"
"Captain, I have some bad news. The Explorer is missing."
Chakotay felt his gut drop. "Captain Janeway's ship?"
"Yes. We last heard from them a week ago. They were headed into an uncharted region of space near Deep Space 11. We expected them back within two days. Deep Space 11 has received no response to hails and can't track them on long range sensors."
"What about residual ion trails? Signal beacons?" Chakotay wracked his brain for any tactic Kathryn might have used.
"Nothing. Captain Janeway must have deviated from her flight plan."
"If she did, she had a good reason."
"I'm putting your current assignment on hold, Captain. I want you to find out what happened to the Explorer. You know Captain Janeway better than anyone. If anyone can find that ship, you can."
"Aye, Admiral."
"Captain, there is one other thing you should know. It's highly classified so this knowledge should be shared on a need-to-know basis only."
"I understand."
"The Explorer was equipped with a highly experimental transwarp drive. It's possible that they're a lot farther away than they could have traveled by warp."
"Well that's going to make things a bit more complicated," Chakotay observed. "B'Elanna is going to need all the relevant data on the transwarp drive."
"I'll have to speak to Starfleet Command. It's classified…"
"Do you want us to find Captain Janeway or not?" Chakotay shot back. "We need that information."
Paris pressed his lips together, considering this for a moment. Finally, he relented, "I'll send you the data. But I'm limiting access to yourself, my son and his wife, and Lieutenant Kim."
"Understood."
"Good luck, Captain. Paris out."
The Starfleet emblem appeared on the monitor, and Captain Chakotay was left with a sinking feeling in his stomach as he hurriedly summoned the away team back to the ship.
