I am pacing. Endlessly.
As soon as Tris opened her eyes, I rushed out the door and down the sterile white hallway to find a doctor. I found Cara, instead, who tried for at least five minutes to decipher my stammerings. Lucky for me she is a classic Erudite. Anyone else wouldn't have been able to get my message. Tris is one of the only people in all the world that is capable of making me lose power over my words.
Outside Tris's doorway, I pace. Within the last four hours, a doctor has come out twice to inform me about Tris's condition. The first time, she was "conscious but unstable," and the second time, she was "probably going to make it after all, but don't get your hopes up." Despite my doubts, I know that Tris can pull through. My Tris: Strong, and selfish, and brave. My Tris: The one I know that I will spend the rest of my life with.
"Will you please stop that?" Christina says while leaning against the wall opposite from me, "You're making me nervous."
I make a concious effort to stay still now, but it does not take long before I start pacing the floor again. Christina sighs heavily, and I don't need to look at her to know that she's rolling her eyes. I glance at her for a moment. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot. She's gotten less sleep than I have.
The female doctor steps back outside the room. quietly closing the door behind her. She's tall, with tangled brown hair peeking out from underneath a net.
"You can go and see her now, " she says in a low, scratchy voice, "but take it easy, she's still in a great deal of pain."
I nod almost imperceptively to her. I open the door to her room, and Christina follows behind me. As I step towards her, I can see that she looks stronger than she did the last time I saw her (which was only last night). Her bandages are clean, and her eyes are open. Her piercing, stern eyes.
"Tobias," she says weakly.
"Shhh..." both Christina and I reply in almost perfect synch, and then I take over the talking, "You need to keep quiet, get some rest," I say softly from the other side of the room.
Disregarding our advice, she tries to arrange herself into a sitting position on her small mattress, and lets out a groan of pain. I rush over to her bed and gently grab her arms to steady her.
"You need to lay still," I whisper into her short hair, "You don't want to hurt yourself."
Now Christina walks over to her across from me.
"Hey, girl," she say in a soft voice, which, quite honestly, I didn't think the Candor were capable of using, "How do you feel?"
Tris stares at Christina and grumbles something indecipherable.
"I guess that means she doesn't feel well," I say to Christina.
"No kidding, Four."
Tris makes another weak attempt to speak, "I'm right here you know, at least let me tell you how lousy I feel."
"Sounds like someone didn't get their Peace Serum today," Christina jokes.
"Ha-ha," Tris deadpans, and then coughs.
"Ok, Christina," I say, "That's probably all the Candor mouth Tris can handle right now." Christina looks at Tris and smiles softly, and Tris returns the gesture.
Christina, Tris, and I sit there in silence for a while, and I move my hands down Tris's arms until are fingers are intertwined. For a few minutes, I feel like everything is normal again, given the circumstances. Tris is here, she is mine. I will never let her leave me. I lean close towards her bed, my eyes on her lips...
"Woah, woah," Christina interjects, and then looks at Tris, "If you and Four are going to do a little...'Multiplication,' kindly wait until I exit the room." Tris sighs softly as Christina moves away from the bed and out the door. A few seconds after she leaves, my eyes tear uo, and I turn away from Tris. She notices.
"What's wrong, Tobias?" She says quietly.
"I...I..." There are so many things I want to tell her right now. How I saw my life together with her flash before my eyes. How I was terrified I may lose her, like I'd lost so many others. I even want to tell her that I'm sorry for the way I treated Caleb. But I don't say anything like that to her. Instead, all I say is, "I'm just happy that you're here with me."
