II.
I could still remember the anxiety for our first date.
It had taken me a whole week to gather up the courage to contact you after you handed me your number at the coffee shop. I'd set the cup, which I secretly referred to as the Holy Grail, on my desk, and would stare at it to make sure it was real. What can she possibly even see anything in me? I'd think to myself. You had to be out of my league. Where you had beauty, grace and a personality made of fucking sunshine, I was the awkwardly tall, brooding man who barely smiled and probably had too much black in his wardrobe. Where your features were fine and nearly angelic, I had a strong angular nose, full lips and moles that freckled across my face, along with huge ears I'd try to cover over my long dark hair. I suppose opposites attract, Hux had said.
I'd typed your number and called seven times, but would immediately hang up. I'd even drafted a fucking text message, something I never did. But I decided, one week later, to just show up at the coffee shop. I can still remember how my palms were sweaty, and how my mouth went dry. I opened the door, and there you were. You still caught my breath; you looked even more beautiful than I'd remembered. Your hair was half up this time, and you wore a blue tee, illuminating the room with that dazzling smile. I patiently stood in line, and I can still remember the panic in your eyes when you finally saw me.
It dawned on me at that moment that maybe you'd felt rejected, and I felt like absolute shit for a moment. I didn't have an excuse, just that I was a fucking coward. Your smile faltered a little, making my heart clench uncomfortably.
"Hi Ben, large black coffee again?" My heart skipped a beat; you'd remembered my order.
"Actually," I started, "I'm here because I couldn't work the nerve to call you because I'm an idiot, and I'd really like to take you out to dinner if you're still willing to give me that chance" I rambled on.
"I'd really like that. Are you available tonight?"
"Absolutely."
I still remember the butterflies that kept flying aggressively in my stomach as I left.
Don't fuck this up Solo. And I didn't have to worry, as that dinner ended up being the best night of my life.
