AN: This fic is mainly centred on Kazuma, desu. Yee.
Hi. Konosuba crossover.
Idk.
Italics = Thoughts/Emphasis
Bold = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis
Underline = Mainly Emphasis
'Don't give up on your Dreams. Keep sleeping. You lazy Cu-.'
"...We… I think we're in the Norse Realm."
I looked at the miserable looking Goddess, with a confused expression. (Kazuma with that expression.)
"Don't you get it? We're in Asgard Dumbass."
I let the information sink into my mind.
Huh… So Mythologies really do exist… Then that must mean…
"I'm guessing that giant city is…"
"Asgard."
"Right."
I sighed.
At least, I know where I am… Wait how does that even help? What is my objective? What should I do now?
I sighed once more.
"Oi Aqua stop crying, let's just go to that 'city'."
"…"
"C'mon you stupid bi-"
As I was about to finish my curse, A Platoon of armoured, fierce looking, women with swords and shields surrounded Aqua and I. Their weapons raised.
"Wh-What the-"
The 'Leader' of the Platoon stepped forward and placed her sword an arms-width away from my face.
"You two state your business!"
I responded fast.
"I, What? Oh, We are lost."
"Do you take us for Fools? You two appeared here in a bright flash of light. There is absolutely no way you guys are simply lost."
The sword inched closer to my neck.
I shivered.
"O-Oi Aqua, who are these people?" I whispered in a hushed tone.
"No talking!"
"Oh, these 'people' are Valkyries…!"
"I said no talking!"
The 'Leader' of the Valkyries (only) struck me in the face with the butt of her sword (and not Aqua). I fell to my knees.
"BU-FYKRGJH."
Wha-What is this treatment?
"I'll say it again, State your business!"
With a bleeding nose, I replied:
"I was- We were transported here! That's all I know!"
"Lies!"
She struck me again
"Oof!"
"Wait! He is telling the truth!"
The 'Leader' Valkyrie shifted her attention to Aqua. It seems that the useless Goddess' gloomy expression disappeared, now replaced with a face full of confidence.
"I, Aqua, The Goddess of Water. Testify that the trash next to me is telling the truth!"
I'm going to slap her!
The 'Leader' paused for a few seconds, then turned around and struck me. Again.
"Gah!"
Whah, Woh, Why?
"You two… You two are spies! Valkyries, tie them up!"
"Hey! Believe me!"
"Hang on a second! We're not-"
I was cut off with another strike to the face.
.
..
...
...
..
.
This, this isn't fair…
Currently, I was tied to a large, wooden stake, while Aqua had her hands tied behind her back. The rope dug into my wrists and ankles.
Where did they even get this stake? How is this possible?
After a walk that seemingly lasted forever. We arrived at the gate of the city I saw in the distance. I originally had thought of coming here, but not like this…
"Halt." It was one of the two guards who was standing by the gate. Both were male, buff and mean-looking. They also had gold armour. But that wasn't important. As I said, they were mean-looking.
"I have no time for you Arakure, We need to interrogate these… " The 'Leader' looked at me. Through her helmet which covered her face, I could sense the hostility, "…Spies."
What the hell did I do? I just got beat up by you!
"…Accepted."
It seems that the 'Leader' has a lot of power. Maybe.
'Arakure' looked at me with a face of pity.
Was it my imagination?
After the constant stares by the residents of the city, we (Aqua and I) were transported all the way to… a sole building.
Ha! More like a prison cellar... Although I've never seen one…
Inside the building, was a young woman with long, straight black hair with triangle glasses. She seemed to be working on some papers. And on the table she was working on, were the papers and a single, half white, half black, annoying looking bell…
"Oi Sena!" The 'Leader' spoke. "I captured 2 spies!"
And then the 'Leader' removed her helmet revealing short, blonde hair and an irritating cute face.
'Sena' turned paused her work and turned around to meet the gaze of the blondie.
"Seresdina… Are you absolutely sure those two over there are spies?"
"Y-Yes!"
"Okay then. Why is that boy over bruised and bloody?"
"I-I found him like that!"
I was about to retort with all my might when a 'Ring!' resounded through the air. It was put off by the annoying looking bell.
"Seresdina?"
"He tripped over!"
'Ring!'
"…"
"There was an accident and-"
'Ring!'
"..."
Sersdina Naruto-ran away leaving Aqua and I alone with 'Sena'.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Boy, what is your name?"
"K-Kazuma Satou."
"Take a seat."
"Uh yeah, sure."
I took the seat opposite of the serious looking woman.
"Umm, What do I?"
"You can stand outside."
"Wha-"
"Stand outside, if you go against what I say, I will not hesitate to call the Valkyries and tell them to kill you. If you try anything funny, I will not hesitate to call the Valkyries and tell them to kill you."
On the verge of tears, Aqua exited the building with heavy steps.
"Same thing applies to you, Kazuma Satou."
I shivered for the second time of the day.
"This bell I have right here, is a magical item that let us see through lies. Be careful."
"O..kay…"
"Let us begin. First off, where did you come from?"
"…I'm from Japan."
"What did you do there?"
"I was a first-year high school student."
"Who are you affiliated with?"
"I'm… not affiliated with anybody."
Sena checked the bell, expecting it to ring.
"Hmm… How did you get into this realm?"
Crap, how do I answer that?
"…I, was teleported here against my will."
"Continue on."
"By a God."
'Ring!'
"Correction. Goddess."
"Interesting. Do you know which Goddess?"
"She… was a breathtakingly annoying, irritating, infuriating Goddess. That, I know."
I'm not exactly lying…
"Hmm..."
The bell didn't ring, thank god...
"Final Question... Are you an enemy?"
Her eyes narrowed, the cold emotionless face of my interrogator made me want to cry in a corner.
"N-No."
The bell didn't ring.
"I see."
"T-That's it?"
"Yes. Truth be told, all I had to do was say the last question and get over it... Now. Please call in your companion. But please do not run away."
"She's not my companion."
'Ring!'
"…"
"…"
"I, I'll go get her."
And thus, was the end of my quick, rapid-fire interrogation.
I made my way to the exit. I pushed open the door and yelled:
"Oi Aqua, it's your turn to…"
I paused myself to see Aqua 'chatting' with a grey-haired elderly man. Although instead of 'chat' it was more of Aqua whining and moaning.
"And, And! It's really unfair!"
She noticed and pointed at me.
"This! This is the guy I was forced to be with!"
The old man chuckled and shifted his attention to me, his long beard swaying in the process. I then realized the eyepatch on his right eye.
"I take it that you are Kazuma Satou?"
"Err Yes," I point at Aqua, "I apologize if this nincompoop inconvenienced you in any way!"
I bowed 90 degrees, the Japanese ways are ingrained in my body.
"Ha Ha. What an interesting boy. To diss a Goddess without a second thought. And do not worry Aqua has not yet beset me in any way."
I sighed in relief.
"Oh thank Goodne-"
Did he just say Goddess?
"What is taking you so long!"
Sena burst out the building with an angry expression, of which turned into a one of horror.
"O-Odin-sama! What are you doing here!?"
Odin?
"I heard the news of possible spies and I came here." Odin smiled warmly, "But it was just 2 lost adventurers."
"I-I'm sorry for raising my voice!"
"You just did it now."
Sena covered her mouth with both hands.
"Haha, it was just a joke. If you keep being acting like that you'll never have a boyfriend."
She doesn't have a boyfriend?
"O-Odin-sama!"
"Also don't worry about these two, I'll take it from here."
"I-I understand."
Sena retreated back to the building with frightening speed.
After waving away at Sena, The King of Asgard turned around to look at us.
"So… You wanna come and look at my awesome throne?"
It wasn't like we had an option to begin with. As Odin forcibly teleported us away.
The feeling of being teleported was a refreshing one. I have only experienced it twice but it certainly wasn't bad. I opened my eyes to see that I was in some kind of Throne room. Wow. It was a Throne room.
Suddenly a voice called out from behind us.
"Odin-sama!"
We turned around to see a silver-haired, beautiful, Valkyrie running toward us with an exasperated expression.
"Where have you been! Who are those two!"
Odin placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Ahh~ This is the other husbandless, boyfriendless, woman. Don't you think they're similar?"
"O-Odin-sama!"
"See? They even react the same way."
"I!... Odin-sama, where were you?"
The Valkyrie regained her composure.
"Hm? I just picked these two up."
"Who are 'these' people?"
"Lost adventurers."
"Wha-"
"Ssshhh, it's okay Rossweisse, or do you not trust me? Is that what it is Rossweisse? You hurt me…" Clutching his heart, Odin feigned a pained expression.
"N-No it's not that I um, I'm sorry!"
Rossweisse bowed. I wondered if she was Japanese, ar the Japanese ways ingrained in her body?... As if.
"Hey boy."
"Uh, yes Odin-sama?"
"Please, just Odin would be fine."
"Uh… yes Odin…?"
I'm addressing a God without honorifics … This is... weird…. Wait, don't I call Aqua like that?... She's different...?
"It seems that one of my subordinates has mistreated you, Seresdina I'm guessing?"
"Um, yes."
"I'm sorry, Seresdina isn't the greatest at thinking through. She's a bit hot-blooded and always rushes things. Forgive her."
"S-Sure."
What am I to do, Deny a God?
"In turn, I will teach you my most valued, powerful Magic technique."
"Oh no, you don't have to- "
"It's quite alright," Odin smirked, "Besides, I have a feeling that you would do great things with this Magic."
"I… I probably don't even have Magic in me though."
The almighty God laughed
"Kazuma you see, humans are one of the weakest species in this world, alone. However, their strengths are in their sheer numbers, their will, and most of all their potential." He stopped his explanation.
"Hmm, let's do this somewhere else shall we?"
"Wait Odin-sama!" The cries of the silver-haired Valkyrie were not heard.
We teleported away. And in an instant, I opened my to see that we were in a grassy plain.
Grass everywhere, as far as the eye can see…
"Continuing on," I paid full attention to the God. "Human are very versatile, every human in the world has the ability to learn Magic. Obviously, some will be better than others. Genetics and luck can contribute to how proficient you are with Magic…. And I have a feeling that you are the latter."
"Luck? I'm not… Well, I guess I am lucky… kind of."
"Great, now are you ready to learn this Magic."
Although I had no idea what kind of Magic it was, I replied instantly:
"Yes!"
Silence...
...
...
...
"So who are you?"
After a great deal of time and awkwardness, Rossweisse asked a question.
"Well I'm glad you asked!" Aqua cheered, "I am Aqua, The Goddess of water!"
"Oh…"
The 'revelation' had no effect on Rosweisse, at all.
"Uh, I see, you are lost adventurers after all…"
"Hey! I am a Goddess!"
"… That's wonderful."
"S-Stop giving me that look of pity!"
"What do you mean?"
"Stoooppp~!"
"It's alright… I believe in you…"
"Hrnnnghhh! Fine, I'll prove it to you. Let us have… a drinking contest!"
"A drinking contest?"
"Yeah!" Aqua grinned evilly, "Gods don't get drunk."
35 minutes later
"I feel, like I just feel so happy to be alive uh you know? And, and I just…"
"BWAAAHHH HA~! Dis Iz so very great!"
The setting was in Rossweisse's personal room. It started like how all drinking games start: 2 shot cups, a bottle and determined people. It had begun, shot after shot after shot. The pair were on their 11th swallow before they started going woozy, and on their 14th, they were completely wasted. Rossweisse started crying, in contrast to Aqua, who began laughing energetically.
"Hey Aqua, Do you get what I'm saying? I just feel lucky… Do you hate me? I just feel like you hate me ever since I gave you pity looks….uuu…"
"Hey Hey Heeeeyyy! Don't be like that! Cheer up! There's much more to the world than crying!"
Both were flushed and pathetic looking.
This continued for quite a while…
SOMETIME LATER
Kazuma Satou woke up in an unfamiliar setting. For one, He was sleeping on a bed and not a futon, For two, he did not recognize the room he's in, and for three, Aqua was sleeping peacefully beside him.
She actually looks pretty when she's not talking… Hm? What's this?
Kazuma realized that in his hand were strands of fine, silver hair.
He traced the hair all the way back to the head.
It was the Valkyrie whom Odin and Kazuma ditched, Rossweisse. (AN: No, it's not Odin who was sleeping with him if that was what you thought.)
Kazuma's heart nearly stopped.
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WOAH! THIS IS TOO STIMULATING FOR A VIRGIN LIKE MEE!
Kazuma clutched his temples and shook his own head vigorously.
Calm down Kazuma you stupid virgin. Think logically. Yeah, that's it. First get out of the bed. Now.
Kazuma obeyed his mind and got out of the bed. Gently and softly, he pulled the duvet off him and slipped out of the bed as quietly as he could. He sneaked his way to the door and exited. He blew a sigh of relief when he took notice of the disappointed God standing next to him.
"I put you in bed with Rossweisse after you passed out from Magic exhaustion Kazuma. I expected great things from you. But I guess you're a virgin after all…"
Kazuma blushed fiercely as he retorted, "H-Hey! I did nothing because it would be rude to-to do stuff to people when they're asleep!"
Odin sighed. "This is why you're a virgin."
"Shut up."
"I hoped Rossweisse would finally get a boyfriend too…"
"Shut up!"
"Hahaha… So, your limit is 5 times huh? Not too bad for a human with no training."
"…Yeah, I guess."
Kazuma remembered his 'Magic training'. He could only perform the 'Technique' five times.
"Well you know, You've already learned the Magic technique so all you have to do is increase your Magic reserves."
"Uh-huh... Wait, that's it? That Kind-of-Over-Powered technique is that simple?"
"Well you see Kazuma, that technique actually relies on Luck."
"What."
"And I've actually taught other people the same technique too."
"Oh."
"But out of all the people I taught, you seem to have the highest amounts of innate luck."
"..."
"And Kazuma, I have this strange feeling that you would do great things with that magic."
Odin smiled warmly at Kazuma who in contrast, had a sceptical look on his face.
"Now, wake those two up. It's time for your breakfast."
And then, Odin disappeared from his sight.
"Hey Kazutrash, are you sure you didn't touch me when I was asleep?"
"I don't even have an ounce of attraction towards you, Aqua."
"Hey! Are you calling me ugly!?"
"No, but your personality is toxic!"
"What did you say!"
"Um, don't fight you two…"
The Valkyrie fidgeted awkwardly as she led the two bickering dorks to the dining hall. In truth, she was also thinking about whether or not the boy did something to her last night. The very thought embarrassed her to no end.
They arrived in the dining hall.
.
..
...
...
..
.
If people were to say that Kazuma's first breakfast in Asgard was not eventful… It would definitely be a lie.
2 minutes into the meal, Seresdina comes out of nowhere like John Cena and apologises to the Japanese boy, causing Kazuma to choke on his bread. He coughs out the half-chewed, soggy bread which directly lands on Sersdina's face. He then receives a swift uppercut and is sent up into the air. He lands on Aqua's soup which spilt all over her dress and on the floor. Angered, Aqua grabs Kazuma by the collar and shakes him.
Sersdina cocks back her fist ready to punch Kazuma again. But Rossweisse, trying to intervene, stands up from her seat only to slip and headbutt Kazuma on the chin. Kazuma is now knocked out cold but Seresdina still tries to punch him. However, she accidentally punches Aqua instead.
A moment later, Rossweisse, while rubbing her sore forehead gently, trips over the downed body of Aqua and lands on Kazuma, Breast into face. This caused the unconscious Kazuma to not be able to breathe.
Panicking, Seresdina attempted to push Rossweisse off Kazuma. Keyword 'Attempted'.
While she did successfully manage to push Rossweisse off, she slipped on Aqua's soup and fell on top of Kazuma, Breast into face.
Seresdina screams and kicks the unconscious Kazuma in the head and sends him flying like a soccer ball.
And thus was how Kazuma died of blunt force trauma.
The end.
ELSEWHERE
"Auuu, Why did I trip?"
"A-Are you okay?"
"Ah, Thank you very much."
The Nun grasps his hand and allows herself to be pulled up. At that moment, the wind blows her veil away, revealing her silky blond hair.
How… cute.
Today, Issei Hyoudou met the Blond foreigner Nun, Asia Argento.
Author's Notebook:
'Arakure' is the name of the Mohawk dude who always hangs around at the Guild in Konosuba by da way.
'Seresdina' is also a character in Konosuba. She does not have a primary role and only shows up once in the series. I forgot how she looked so her hair is blond... Meh.
Also, KAZUMA DED.
BOI HE DED!
CHECKING FOR SPELLING MISTAKES AND GRAMMMMMMAAAAARRRR! REEEEEEEE!
