After Mamoru was gone, the Shitennou immediately held an emergency meeting.
"Presents for girls shouldn't be hard," said Kunzite with confidence. "Girls like everything."
"But most presents for girls are woeing gifts," said Zoisite. "If I understood the Master correctly, woeing gifts are not in order for the Secret Santa. We need to be aware of this."
Jadeite grinned.
"I can tell you what they really like, but you have to let me choose my girl."
"No way. Why should you have a choice and we don't?"
"We could all swap."
"The Master said it's supposed to be random," reminded him Zoisite.
Nephrite patted Jadeite on the shoulder. "Come on, you know random pairings are the most fun."
"Exactly. Oh, and Jadeite, you will of course tell us everything you know about the girls," stated Kunzite.
"I will?" said Jadeite with a sceptical face.
"Out of kindness of heart. You heard the Master, we are supposed to get into the spirit of christmas."
"And to make certain none of us will accidently let it slip that you didn't want the girl you got," added Zoisite.
Jadeite shot them a dirty look, but then he gave in. He took a deep breath.
"Most of the girls are easy to shop for. The princess likes everything. She really does. I've gone on enough shopping marathons with her.
Mercury likes blue, and clear colors, and anything with ruffles or too much lace. She doesn't have time for hobbies because she always studies, but she has a weak spot for colored soft drinks and champaigne, and spends time in drug stores looking at expensive shower gels and not buying any. She lies about her weight, so I'd not recommend candy. Problem is with champaigne, shower gel, both are culturally coded as woeing gifts, so probably a teleport to destination of choice is the safest choice.
Venus likes everything, and has everything, and says in her diary that she needs more of everything, especially time. Easy. Free teleport to point of choice, big saving of time.
Mars likes nothing, and needs nothing, and says in her diary that she'd personally set fire on every piece of earthly possessions that anyone would feel pressed to burden her with for any festive occasion ever. Easy. Free teleport to shrine of choice.
Jupiter likes flowers, cooking, turtles, and sports. Her cosmetics smells of flowers, too. She likes chocolate, and spices, and buys scented condoms for Motoki, but they don't really get to have fun with them because their apartments have thin walls. So, they'll probably kill someone for a free teleport to a weekend destination of choice."
"Wait a minute... how can you know that?"
"He said they have thin walls," chuckled Nephrite.
"Motoki told me about it," said Jadeite coldly. "Last week. Five minutes after I ordered a coffee. That's how desperate they are."
"And the diaries?"
"If they didn't want them to be read, they'd lock them up."
"They don't?"
"Not like they mean it."
"So, we give them teleports then?"
"But isn't it rubbing in that they lost their powers?"
"So?"
"And what about the jumping points in subspace we need to use? Won't they be creeped out by that?"
"Nothing wrong with subspace. As such."
"And we can be certain that teleporting isn't culturally coded at all."
"So, teleport it is, for all of them."
Nephrite, Zoisite and Kunzite sighed in relief. But only until Jadeite said: "Of course, there has to be something that makes the gift 'cute'."
"Nani?"
"Why does a teleport have to be cute?"
"They're girls, man!" groaned Nephrite who had been exposed to girls a lot in his job at Crown. "Everything you give to a girl has to be cute."
"But you can't make a teleport cute."
"There has to be a card going with it, and that has to be cute. Very cute."
"Wait a minute... random pairing, surprise present, and now we're going to slip them a secret message as well? This really is too obvious."
"Yeah."
"is the Master trying to trick us?" asked Kunzite suspiciously.
"He would never do that!" frowned Zoisite.
"What if the princess asked him to?" said Jadeite with that slightly glassy look of his eyes that he always got when mentioning the princess.
"He'd do it for the princess."
"Probably," conceded Zoisite reluctantly.
Nephrite was still chewing on the problem.
"Wouldn't they give us a clear hint about their intentions?"
"Who, Venus? I bet she's laughing her little ass off at the thought of confusing us," sneered Kunzite.
Everyone nodded and Kunzite gave them a strict look.
"So this might well be a Silver Millenium winter solstice. We should be prepared they'll expect more than a gift."
"I bet Jadeite can tell us their sexual preferences too," said Nephrite with a smug grin.
Jadeite just smirked.
It was Zoisite who had an idea what to do about it.
"Kunzite, you need to talk to Venus about this."
"Nani?"
"You're our leader, she's theirs, she respects you, and both of you have full memories of the past times. If anyone can find out what they are planning for us, it's you."
Kunzite was about to protest, but then suddenly a smirk crossed his face.
"You're right, Zoisite. I should talk to her. This could be very interesting. And men, we better prepare ourselves for the possibility of a traditional solstice. I want everyone in their best shape. If nothing happens, too bad, but if we're celebrating the traditional way, we have a reputation to keep up. And you heard the Master, use the time ot get into that "spirit of the season". We Are The Shitennou, if the senshi are challenging with an invitation for a christmas party, we will be up to it!"
