Chapter Two: Breakfast Time
Itachi-san came out of the bathroom slightly refreshed but still thoroughly disturbed by the whole Zetsu encounter. It was 9:14am and Itachi still had one minutes before breakfast was served. Breakfast was served everyday at exactly 9:15am, no earlier and certainly no later. Breakfast had always been served at 9:15. Only one person ever went to breakfast early and he never returned.
Orochimaru had been one of the original ten Akatsuki members. Orochimaru, the baddest of the bad, or so he thought. Orochimaru joined the Akatsuki to obtain power enough to overthrow the village of the Hidden Leaf. Konohagakure. Orochimaru was one the Sanin of legend. The Snake King.
Orochimaru's very first breakfast in the Akatsuki hideout included one of Kisame's oat flake muffins. Just one. Every morning Kisame would wake up at 5am and bake his team-wide favorite muffins. He would start at five and end at six thirty. Kisame would then go and sleep some more when his muffins cooled until breakfast at 9:15am.
Orochimaru took a bite of this soft, delicious, gooey muffin and immediately fell in love with them. It was the best thing he had ever tasted. The only problem was Itachi was also in love with Kisame's muffins ♥. Every morning Itachi would rush to breakfast and eat all of Kisame's oat flake muffins. He would stuff all of them down, one after another. No one dared to get near him when he was enjoying the wonders of Kisame's muffins.
Every morning Orochimaru would stroll in just seconds after Itachi just to find out that all the muffins had already been eaten. Orochimaru shrugged it off every morning and told himself "Next morning the muffins will be mine for sure. Itachi's got to sleep in sometime." That day never came. Every morning Itachi would eat every last oat flake muffin. Every morning Orochimaru left breakfast sad and hungry. Finally after months and months of this horrific routine Orochimaru snapped and broke the most sacred and revered Akatsuki rule. Never go to breakfast before 9:15.
Orochimaru thought he would be clever and try to sneak into breakfast before everyone else and get a piece of those cooling little muffins. He woke up an hour early got dressed and showered before anyone else and waited for Kisame to finish his muffins. At 6:30am exactly Kisame left the kitchen covered in flour wearing a super big smile. Kisame turned down the hallway humming a tune that sounded suspiciously like a song from The Wiggles.
Orochimaru watched Kisame turn down the hall and out of sight. As soon as Kisame was gone Orochimaru hurried into the kitchenette and dining room and saw the steaming brown muffins sitting on the counter. The counters were green and the walls were tan. The room was large and square holding a giant table big enough to hold all ten Akatsuki members. The golden brown exterior of the muffins cried out to Orochimaru. "Eat us we're delicious. Eat us now!" Orochimaru heard these voices and sauntered over to them.
"Don't worry my babies, I'll do anything you want just don't go anywhere. My precious babies." Orochimaru bent over the muffins inhaling their addictive odor. "I love you he muttered. I love you so much." Slowly his hand involuntarily rose and grabbed a still steaming muffin. He stuffed it into his mouth all at once. The warm taste flowed down his throat like a tasty river of lava. After this small taste of muffin he couldn't stop. One by one he stuffed the cooling muffins into his mouth. Crumbs and spit flew in all directions but still Orochimaru couldn't stop.
After he had stuffed the last muffin into his mouth he reached for another but felt only empty air. Orochimaru looked around for more but only saw eggs and bacon. MMMMmmmm eggs. Orochimaru left the empty plate on the counter and went over to the eggs and began to stuff all of those into his mouth too.
By 9:15 Orochimaru had not only eaten the muffins like he intended but he had also eaten every last crumb of other food in the kitchen. After finishing a big plate of sausages he looked up for more food and saw the nine angry faces of hungry Akatsuki members.
"Erh, good morning guys. Funny story about the food…a big uhm thing came and erh ate something." His words died in his throat. Orochimaru's black robes were covered in crumbs and chunks of food. The room was filled with the sound of cracking knuckles as the angry circle closed in on the fat snake.
Orochimaru never came back to the Akatsuki. Heck he never was the same again. He developed a strange fear of girls and developed a strong liking for little boys with black hair.
Itachi trudged on toward breakfast smiling at the funny memory. The hallway split at the end and Itachi turned left and went through a large black door into breakfast. The room was almost full already. Itachi strolled in and immediately went for the muffins. (Orochimaru was the last person to touch Itachi's muffins.) He ate them all in one standing then sat down to watch Deidara eat. Itachi loved watching Deidara eat.
Every member of the Akatsuki ate in there own special way. Kisame ate a greenish blue soup by putting his whole head into the bowl and slurping super loud. Hidan began eating strange shaped limbs he pulled from inside his robes. Kakuzu ate threads and needles. His stitches rippled in pleasure as he munched on the threads. Zetsu ate human shaped pancakes since Pein wouldn't let him eat real people. Konan ate paper cranes she folded herself. Tobi just sat there muttering to himself under his breath. Sasori ate blocks of hard black wood which crackled under his touch.
Pein sat with a wide grin as he ate Evil O'z. Pein loved Evil O'z, the delicious breakfast cereal that provided a well balanced breakfast for all evil doers. The Evil O'z box was black with red stripes. Evil O'z are a sugared cereal with evil little faces on them. Every one loved Evil O'z. A surprise hid in every box from knives, to swords, to voodoo dolls and needles. Evil O'z has it all.
For some reason Pein seemed to be enjoying his Evil O'z a little too much. Strange grunting and wheezing sounds were coming from the bowl. He was shoveling in way too many little O'z. Milk flew everywhere, it was a mess. Suddenly Pein fell backwards to the floor. He was no longer moving. Grunting came from his throat as he lie on the floor choking on those evil little O'z. Pein seemed to have choked and he was now dying. No one rushed over to help they were too busy eating. Besides everyone wanted the surprise in side Pein's box for whoever held the prize inside was the most evil leader of the Akatsuki. Pein clawed around on the floor. Suddenly he gasped fell limp and died. Pein the most evil person on earth had died from Evil O'z the most evil breakfast food on the face of the planet. Its evil vs. evil at breakfast time. As soon as Pein died everyone directed there gaze to the Evil O'z box. They all wanted the prize inside.
