Disclaimer: I don't own Bioshock or anything related
Chapter 1
"There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless."
Robert was sleeping, she knew that much. He wasn't going through anything that he couldn't handle, yet he continued to act as if he was. She knew he was trying to hide it, but she could tell. His curiosity was getting the best of him and he was poking his nose where it didn't belong. He would hint at the "incident" but never outright bring it up. What did he think he would accomplish? If she told him anything, everything would be ruined and she would be broken again. She didn't need that.
But she had to do something. She'd thought those memories had been buried deep enough. She should have never had to deal with it at all. But she did, and it was affecting her studies. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat and that lead to nothing but constant exhaustion. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw nothing but the flicker of memories. How could one moment from so long ago affect her this way? And what would Robert do if he ever found out? Her memories all rested with him as much as her. He only needed to look and he would know. There would be repercussions. Possible bleeding and headaches, but he'd know… And he'd hate her. He'd never want to see her again and-
"Rosalind?" she lifted her head. Robert stood in front of her desk with two cups of tea in his hands.
"What is it?" she hadn't heard him come in, but even if she wasn't so exhausted she probably wouldn't have.
"It's late, I think we should take a break." he set a cup of tea on her desk, "It's peach."
She gave him a smile and picked up the cup. Maybe the tea would help her relax, she wasn't in control of her mind and she didn't like it. "Did you finish the study?" she asked as she sipped.
"I did. And you?" he started back for his desk.
"Yes." she lied, "It wasn't very interesting."
"I don't suppose it was." Robert shrugged. She took a sip of tea and noted that it wasn't doing much to relax her. She was shaky, very shaky, and her eyelids were beginning to sag with sleep.
"Robert, do we have any coffee?" she asked.
"We do, but it will take a few moments to prepare." he said, "Why don't you go to bed?" She tried to blink the sleep away, but it didn't work. She was going to fall asleep and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
"I can't Robert." she sighed, "There's so much to do." Her vision blurred and she thought Robert might have gotten up. "Robert… Did you-"
"I'm sorry." he murmured, "I had to." She felt his arms around her, steadying her as her body weakened and she fell into an unwanted sleep. Her last thoughts were of Robert and how he'd drugged her.
0.o.0.o.0
Summer had just begun and Rosalind found that every conversation seemed to be about Suzanne Collins. From what she gathered from tea with her mother, Suzanne was a 17 year old girl and was to be wed to Julius Lancaster on August 14. It was a silly subject, but Rosalind knew the wedding would be all her mother talked about for the next 3 months.
"Rosalind, don't you want to go outside?." her mother nudged her slightly and nodded towards the group of girls talking near the rose bushes. Rosalind didn't look up from the book, she instead shook her head. "Those girls all came to play with you."
"They came because their mother's made them." Rosalind said, "They don't even like me."
"Then read outside, you need a little sunlight." another women at the table said, "You're so pale." Rosalind looked up at what was to become a conversation about her physical appearance. She slipped out of her chair and ticked the book under her arm, "What is that book anyway?"
"Nothing." she said quickly and exited the room. The last thing she needed was to hear her mother start on her book choices.
Rosalind looked around the yard and found a spot under the shade of a tree. She sat down and shoved her face back into the book. The sound of children playing far off only seemed to distract her. They were talking about the wedding as well. She was too distracted to read, but she made sure to keep the book up.
"How lucky is Suzanne to be marrying a Lancaster?" a young girl asked. Rosalind blinked and looked up from her book. Not many people had the nerve to bother her while she was reading, or at least pretending to read. "They're very wealthy." the girl said.
Rosalind didn't know the girl personally, she believed her name was Emily and her mother had been the one to comment on her skin tone.
"Do you honestly believe that she is lucky?" she questioned, "She was forced into this."
"But anyone would be, have you seen Julius?" Emily giggled, "He's made of muscle."
"So?"
"You're such a child, Rosalind." Emily huffed, "Don't you understand?" Whenever she spoke her mind, she was always brushed off as childish. She didn't believe that she should have to live up to society's rules of being a woman. Yet whenever she mentioned that, she was faced with either a strict glare from her mother or the shameful gaze of her father.
"I understand." she usually lied to people, if only to get them to leave her alone.
"Good, now come with me to the dress room, I'm sure your mother is going to allow us to play in her dresses." Emily giggled, "Isn't that nice?"
"I'd love to, but I'm in the middle of reading." Rosalind gestured to the book.
"Physics?" Emily wrinkled her nose at the title, "How boring. Why are you reading at things like that?"
"A few nights ago, I had a dream-"
"Oh, I heard your mother talking to mine about that nightmare. You shouldn't eat sweats before bed. That's what happens when you do, you have nightmares."
"It was a dream, Emily. A peculiar one, but still a dream." Rosalind argued, "And it made me curious."
"It was a nightmare." Emily said firmly, "And I think you should stop all this reading and come play with me." Before she could react, Emily snatched up the book and ran off. "Hey!" She jumped up and followed after her, but Emily was fast. Even though she preached that women shouldn't do too much physical activity (Muscles were for men, after all) she seemed to be very fit. "Emily!" she shouted after the girl.
They entered the house and Rosalind noticed her mother was no longer in the kitchen. She crashed into a table and watched as the vase that sat on it fell and shattered. Emily paused momentarily and looked back before smiling even wider, "I'm telling your father about this!" she giggled before running again. Rosalind picked herself up off the floor and rushed after her.
"No!" She didn't know how he would react, the vase was more important to her mother but still…
"Stop all this running!" she heard her father's voice and stopped immediately, "What is the meaning of this?"
"She… She stole my book." she pointed at Emily, "I just wanted her to give it back." Emily held the book out to him.
"She wouldn't play with me." she said, "She just wanted to read that stupid book, and she broke your vase."
"Rosalind will play with you tomorrow, I need to talk to her right now." Her father took the book and smiled to Emily. Emily looked to Rosalind and smirked before running off to find another playmate, something Rosalind wished she'd done in the beginning.
"I don't want to play with her." Rosalind said.
"Of course you don't." her father gestured for her to follow and started walking away. She followed slowly, unsure of whether he was going to lecture her or let her be. He doubted that he would just let her go after she'd made such a scene. "Quickly Rosalind." she sped up and caught up to him just as the reached his office.
"Father I-" she started.
"Calm down Rosalind." her father closed the door and chuckled, "I'm not upset."
"You aren't?" SHe looked up at him, there wasn't a trace of anger in his face.
"Not about the reading, no. Although the vase you shattered was very expensive." he started, "What were you thinking?"
"Well-"
"Not only did you shatter the vase, but you ran through your mother's gathering like a wild animal." . She didn't dare speak up and instead chose to stare intently at the carpet under her feet, "I'll forgive you, but only if you do one thing for me."
"Yes?" she looked up at him and caught the strange look he was fixing upon her. She didn't recognize it, "Father?"
"I want you to hang out with your cousin Jonathan." he said, "He'll be staying here until the wedding and according to his mother, he's socially inept."
"But Jonathan is 16, he's almost an adult. I'm only-"
"8, I know. You would have a lot to speak about though." her father said, "He like's physics too, he'll probably pursue a career in it."
"But he-" she tried.
"Rosalind. It's final, or should I tell your mother?" His threatening gaze was enough to convince her and he'd known that. Telling her mother wouldn't be anything to worry about.
"No." she shook her head frantically, "I can spend a little bit of time with him."
"Great, now clean up the mess before your mother get's home." He pushed the book back towards her and she smiled. She took it and rushed off to clean up the mess.
0.o.0.o.0
He was there when she woke up. He was watching her with the same expression he'd had when she'd slapped him. "Robert…" she slurred the words, her body hadn't caught up with her yet.
"Don't speak, let me explain." he said quickly. He stayed silent for a moment and once he was sure that she would listen, he began to speak, "I was only worried. You weren't sleeping and I was tired of coming home to find you collapsed on the floor or at your desk. The little blackouts were dangerous too, You almost fell down the stairs and I thought to remedy the situation before someone else noticed." She knew he meant Comstock. They had a meeting with him soon, he wanted to look into the tear machine once more.
And if he noticed how bad she looked? Or if she blacked out from the exhaustion again, what could he even do? Besides lecture her about how she should take more care of herself. She'd had the conversation with him before, usually after he overworked her. But it grew more outrageous every time they had it. Last time he even gone as far as to say that she belonged to him and she should take care of it for that reason.
"I was truly worried." Robert said, "But I regretted the action the moment you took a sip…"
"I don't feel any better than I did before." She muttered and she didn't. She felt just as exhausted. She couldn't get mad at him, he'd done what he thought was best, even if it took away the small ounce of control that she'd still had.
"You had nightmares." he said, "All the tossing and turning probably took more energy then the sleeping gained."
Rosalind closed her eyes again and thought about the dream. It hadn't been anything bad, just a memory from years ago… She must have had another nightmare that she couldn't remember. "Comstock will arrive in an hour." Robert said, "If you need more rest, I'll tell him that you've fallen ill."
"No, i'd never hear the end of it." She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, "I'll have some coffee and get to work preparing the machine."
"I'll make the coffee." Robert said.
"Don't put anything in it." she sighed.
"I won't be doing that again, I promise." he looked at her and despite the sincerity behind his words, she didn't believe him. "Rosalind, whatever it is that keeps you up at night-"
"Don't." she interrupted.
"You can tell me!" he pleaded, "I just want this to stop."
Before she could stop herself, she was sitting up and shouting at him, "You want this to stop? All you've done is watch me lose my mind. You aren't the one fighting for an ounce of control here! All you've done is watch and drug me when things stopped working your favor."
"Alright, I admit-"
"Get out." she crossed her arms.
"Rosalind, I didn't-"
"Go! Now! I don't want to see you!" she wanted to throw something, but managed to keep calm, "Go." she said again. Robert looked away and left the room.
"I'll make the coffee." he said before closing the door and leaving her alone.
Rosalind jumped out of bed and locked the door. She felt stupid, this was the second time that she'd lashed out at him. Nothing that she was going through was his fault, yet she continued to act as if he was the one that had…
She wasn't going to think about it. She would take a bath, get dressed and then apologize to him. There was nothing else she could do to make things better. "I'm sorry Robert. she sniffled, "I'm so sorry."
"I know." she heard him reply before walking away. Rosalind let herself sniffle for a few minutes before getting up and getting ready for Comstock's meeting.
0.o.0.o.0
She managed to hold herself together through half of the meeting with Comstock. But when they'd opened a new tear and still had nothing to show him, Comstock made a mistake. He stepped too close to her and touched her. She wasn't sure what kept her from lashing out like she had with Robert.
Comstock looked into her eyes and pressed his palm against her cheek, "Dove, what's on your mind?" he asked. His voice dripped with false concern but she didn't shake him off.
"I…" her voice wasn't working, probably because her mind had shut down once Comstock had touched her.
"By now, you would have had something to show me." he was too close. Far too close…
Robert spoke up, "She can't be blamed for this problem. You know how random these searches are." Comstock turned his attention from her and she moved away. Her first thought was to run, to get as far away from them both. And as Robert and Comstock argued, she ran out into the darkness, ignoring Robert's frantic calls after her. She kept running until she tripped and fell. She wasn't sure where she was at this point, it was too dark to tell. But she knew no one was around, she could let herself go here and no one would seen her if she fell apart.
"You're fast." she jumped and turned around.
"You followed me?" she asked. Robert sat down next to her and draped his jacket over her shoulders.
"Comstock left." he said, "He wants to reschedule."
"I can't do it." she sobbed, "I can't see anyone anymore."
"You need to relax."
Relax, it'll hurt less…
"No.." she shook her head, "I can't. You can't make me."
"I don't want to make you do anything, I only want you to get better, but I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong." Robert sighed.
This was something you should have kept to yourself.
"Think of what everyone will say…" she finished the sentence out loud.
"Excuse me?" Robert blinked, "No one else has to know about this."
"That's what she said… when I asked her for help…" Rosalind wrapped her arms around her stomach, "I needed help and she… she wouldn't…"
"Rosalind, let's go home." Robert said.
"I can't…" she felt sick, too sick to move. So pathetic, everything can't be about you. "I never made anything about me, I just wanted it all to stop… I only ever asked for her help once."
"Mother?" he murmured, "Is that who you're talking about?"
"It's cold, we need to get home." she straightened up, "I can't afford to get a cold."
"Rosalind, don't shut me out again." Robert took her hand, "I'm here for you, you know that." And she did. but she wouldn't be telling him anything, she wasn't going to let her memories control her.
"I know that." Rosalind pulled her hand away and stood up, "But I'm fine. You don't need to worry." Robert said nothing as he stood up and started for home. She followed behind him and couldn't help but feel guilty. He was trying… "Robert."
"It's still early, we have work to do." Robert said bitterly. Rosalind stopped and blinked. He'd never spoken to her like that. There were times when they'd disagreed, but his voice had never been so cold and distant. "Rosalind, let's go." he called from ahead.
She took a breath and started walking again, things were going to be different from now on. This secret was tearing them apart and she hadn't even told him anything. But there was nothing she could do about that, because she couldn't tell him anything without destroying herself in the process.
