This story is so confusing, I should really plan it out properly and write said plan down, but I really can't be bothered

This story is so confusing, I should really plan it out properly and write said plan down, but I really can't be bothered. I'll just let it run on by itself and see where it ends up. As a consequence of this it may turn out to be ridiculously long, or then again it may not.

Listened to Nickelback's 'Far Away' while writing this. It's a great song, but SO SAD!

Disclaimer: I hate not owning Torchwood. You don't have to rub it in.

Family History

Jess turned and ran away. She didn't even know where she was going. But she needed to get away, to escape from the cries of the girl in her head. But she wasn't just any girl. She would never just be any girl. She was her daughter. Every time Jess heard her cries it ripped a hole in her life. It was part of the reason she'd given in to John's ceaseless flirtation: she wanted the physical contact to make her forget. They'd know soon enough. John would go and look it up like she told him to, and then he'd tell the others. That would give her an hour at most before they came to find her. She realised she'd gone to her house. Now she'd calmed down she felt bad for losing her temper, but she pushed that away. She opened the door and heard gars driving on the road. That triggered the memories, stronger again. She slammed the door behind her, cracking the glass. She felt the tears on her cheeks again. She knew she wasn't thinking straight. She felt angry at herself, angry at the world. She'd gone through this before. The rage would grab her and then leave her in unpredictable lurches. Sometimes she'd wake up with cuts or bruises. Other times it was over before she got hurt. She lashed out at the door with its cracked glass. Imperfect, broken, like her, like her life. She felt the glass splinter, and her hands start to bleed. She hoped that someone would come and stop her, but she wanted to carry on.

………………

John had gone back to Torchwood and opened up Jess's file. He'd followed the link into the highly confidential material. It was password protected, but John knew all the passwords. Jack's master password opened the file and he scanned it quickly. What he read there was worse than he'd thought. Jack came over to see what he was doing and without a word John twisted the screen to show him. Jack read it quickly, and met John's eyes. They both had the same thought: Jess is in trouble. Jack yelled for Ianto and Gwen to get the SUV. John looked over the file again. How Jess'd kept this hidden was beyond him. There was a rush to car, and they were headed for Jess's house. And it was the same thought going round in his head: how did she hide this?

………………

Jess felt like screaming. The anger was trapping her, turning her into someone she hated. She knew her hands were cut and bruised, she knew she should stop before she broke her knuckles. But she couldn't stop. The last of the glass from her door shattered. Then she heard the car. Driving too fast. Big, black, with 'Torchwood' emblazoned on it. She saw them get out, but she felt dizzy now. She must have been cut deeper than she'd thought. As the first of Torchwood reached her door the world faded around her and unconsciousness welcomed her.

……………

Her first thought was my hands are killing me. Her second thought was I'm in the bloody Torchwood vaults again? This is ridiculous! Then she noticed the manacles round her wrists and the person watching her through the glass. She sat up, trying not to put any pressure on her shredded hands.

"Did John put these cuffs on?"

"How did you know that?"

"They're his hypersteel ones. I recognise them."

Jack narrowed his eyes at her. "How do you know about John's hypersteel cuffs?"

Jess tried to think of a way out of this one. She couldn't. "You mean he never used them with you?"

"Whoa! Have you and he…?"

"Since he got poisoned. But that's not the issue now. Let me out of these cuffs."

"I can't. John has the only key. And besides, they're to stop you hurting yourself."

"I won't now. I know how it goes; I've done the same routine for seven years. Trust me, I won't hurt anyone now. It's gone past that stage."

"Why the hell didn't you tell us, Jess? Christ, I had no idea. You couldn't have mentioned it, could you?"

He was angry now, but she was just irritated.

"Yeah, because that's the kind of thing you can just drop into a conversation. 'Nice weather today, oh, and by the way I had a baby when I was eighteen who died in a car accident.'!"

"You should have told us."

"Why? So you can pretend to understand what I went through? What I still go through every single year? Because no one can ever understand this kind of pain. No one!"

"I know we can't understand. But we could have helped you. Shutting people out won't help. You're a doctor, you should know that."

"I know. But sometimes I just can't stand everyone's pity. I wanted to have some people who didn't always look at me like they pity me. I hate it when all people see is one big tragedy of a life, with no parents, a baby who came out of a one-night-stand, who then died. Too many people think that already."

"If I let you out do you promise not to run away?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll just get the key for those cuffs, and when I get back I need to talk to you about John."

"OK. Fine. Go do it."

……………

Jack made Jess go and wait in his office, while he got they key. When he unlocked the cuffs he stood across the desk from her and gave her a slightly angry look.

"I thought you had to be clever to be a doctor."

Jess smiled a mirthless smile. "I am clever. I'm clever enough to know he'll never give me love and a relationship. I don't want that. We want the same thing, me and him."

"Sex."

"Yeah. Don't say that like it's such a bad thing. Sure, if I thought we had some kind of future I'd end up getting hurt at some point, but I don't expect that. I won't get hurt, I won't be jealous if he sleeps with someone else. I know what I'm doing, Jack. Don't worry about it, OK? Even if I do get hurt, it's my problem."

"I feel kind of responsible. I feel like I should keep him under better control."

"I don't think that's possible. Just forget it, OK?"

She left Jack's office and handed John his cuffs. "I may have told Jack about us."

"I don't mind. But you owe me ten quid."

"I knew I should never have made that bet with you. I should have known I'd tell him first."

"You alright?"

"I've been better." From the tome of her voice he could tell she didn't want to talk about it. He let it drop, and she turned away to do paperwork. It was her default reflex. Keep busy, and pretend everything is OK even if that couldn't be further from the truth.

So now you know why Jess is so sad. Two chapters in one day, I should get a prize for this. A review is a good prize.