But you lied. Yes, you did come back, but you were with someone else. You were with that girl every time, and you came on days when I wasn't working as a prostitute. You would talk with her endlessly for hours— about things I didn't care about nor did I want to find about. You would torment me every time you showed her the smallest bit of affection, ordering things for her, apologizing for things that weren't even your fault, helping her with everything she had to do and treating it like it was nothing at all. I've taken to bringing my purple ear buds and my music player to work even if Sanae is against me having to. I don't care, and I find the music blaring into my ears already each time you visit. It's so loud that I couldn't possibly hear anything anymore, but every time I could hear a giggle from your lips that I missed so bad— I would press the button a few times more, forcing it louder even if it's already maxed out. And when you'd hold her hand or drape an arm around her, I would feel my heart split farther by a mile, and I would grip tightly on a small metal object hidden in my apron pocket. It went on like this for days, and the weeks rapidly stretched into months, and each minute seemed to last for an hour. Then one day I'm just sitting behind the bar doing homework when you give her small peck on her lips. I look up to steal a glance at you at the exact moment, and suddenly everything just stops and my heart is completely crushed to bits. At first she just looks at you, and then there's a twinkle in her eyes and she just smiles. She just— smiles at you with those eyes. And I couldn't bear to watch you anymore as I retire to the back room where I cry like so many times before. I weep miserably and the tears spill on the floor that I lie on, curled up helplessly, but not even the wind would come and comfort me. And I just listen through the music to the happiness and harmony your souls play as one as tears leak through my eyes on the small metal thing my whole life depended on more than ever. I shiver even more as the blade slashes my perfect skin, making cuts I didn't care about if they would affect the way I served my customers. I sob silently, and my mouth opens to let out cries of pain, but nothing comes out. I could only scream silently in my mind, trapping the sounds there as I carve out your name on my wrist. Yoshiya, wasn't it? I would never forget the way she always said it. (~*~) Make my eyelashes longer Create a crescent shape above the lash lines Then using gloss to make my lips glitter (~*~) I frown slightly as I put on a bit of my make- up for tonight. It's Wednesday again, exactly three months since the first time you came, and I hope so foolishly like always that you'd pay me a visit. My mascara and eyeliner sure make me pass for a girl for anyone and my lips are shiny with a beautiful shade of pale pink, but now I feel disgusted when someone else tastes the cherry on my lips that I put just for you. So after they hand me a tip and their number on a paper or they scrawl it on my arm, I would throw it away or wash it off as I wipe off my lip gloss and apply a fresh coat again, even if I know you wouldn't be here today. I mean sure, there were other girls who I thought were prettier than me, the type of young virgins that men always like, and men who definitely are enough to coax girls into having sex with just one look. But I was, as you could say, the 'cream of the crop'. I was everyone's favorite—well, Sanae said so—and it was true. It's usually always me that the customer would come looking for and if I was busy or tired they'd be willing to pay three times the price just for me to give them the pleasure they're looking for—the one I'd be glad to give you with only your love as payment. "Hey, dance a little for me, darling. You're my sweet kitty, aren't ya?" a man calls out from the other side. I feel tears start to build up and sting at the corners of my eyes and I twitch at the terms of endearment—or slavery the man called me. You never call me that, though I wish you would. I am yours after all, right? My thoughts drift back to you again as I hug the cold metal pole that felt familiar to me. I long to dance for you—only you, and I couldn't help but cry again as my limbs shifted around the pole, twisting, turning, wrapping, and pivoting around it, though they lacked the passion that I would give only for you. The audience cheers and yells on, and after that they leave one by one, and the last one pays and gives me a smack on the ass. I hiss at the pain, and I sit down on the couch, glad that they finally left. I sigh, and I wonder if you even remember me at all. Well, I figure that you probably wouldn't, but if you do, I'll still be here. Oh how foolish—who am I kidding—that girl is the only thing that would ever matter to you. (~*~) A purple butterfly, lying on your right shoulder Kiss me gently in the corner of this room I'll teach you what it's like to feel pain Sounds of a piano rebounded, dissonance in my head (~*~) Why can't you see how much I wait faithfully for you? Don't you see the shining devotion in my eyes despite the fact that I'm forced to attend to other people's enjoyment every now and then? No, I suppose you don't notice my heart break with every second I see you with that girl—besides, giving someone pleasure without getting too serious and forgetting all about them is all I'm ever worth for, right? (~*~) Dissonance in my head In the corner of the room Dissonance in my head (~*~) Those memories replay over and over for some reason, but I just can't bring myself to turn off the loop. (~*~) A purple butterfly, lying on your right shoulder (~*~) Why do you keep spending your time with her when I can give you so much more? (~*~) Kiss me gently in the corner of this room (~*~) Doesn't your heart ache and long for me as I do for you? (~*~) I'll teach you what it's like to feel pain (~*~) What would it take just to show you how much you make me hurt from dropping me from Zenith to Tartarus? (~*~) Sounds of a piano rebounded, dissonance in my head (~*~) That's alright, just keep pressing repeat until the music player breaks. (~*~)