The Rebirth
"my mother, poor fish,
wanting to be happy, beaten two or three times a
week, telling me to be happy: "Henry, smile!
why don't you ever smile?"
and then she would smile, to show me how, and it was the
saddest smile I ever saw"
― Charles Bukowski
Tori was confused and stuck and very very freaked out. Here she was dead, but not dead because her "essence", was stuck in this odd dark room. Which was strangely comforting, and warm. Still terrifying though, because really soul relocation? How is that even possible? Would she end up in another world, or reincarnated in the same world? Would she remember anything about this room, Laurence Fishburne 2.0, her past life? And her dad? Would he be okay? Who decided that she even deserved a second chance? She was nothing special, just a shy, really awkward, emotionally stunted teenage girl with Mommy issues. Nothing special, just Tori who wasn't an exceptional beauty, who didn't turn heads when she walked into any room, who wasn't exceptionally kind or caring or smart. So what qualified her to be "relocated"? Her Mommy issues? Didn't make sense because there were so many people in the world in the same situation as her, but someone must've seen something she didn't and now here she was.
She felt safe somehow, surrounded by black in what felt like an endless void, she felt safe. Untouchable even. Protected. So when the walls of the black void started closing in on her, she didn't feel quite as scared as she should've, because somehow she knew this was a part of whatever process Fishburne 2.0 had set in motion. She only started feeling scared when she moved. She might've blacked out after that, just a little bit. Tori didn't do the whole stay-awake-while-there-are-literal-walls-closing-in-on-me thing very well. And then there was light and voices and worn hands holding her, which somehow finally made the situation she was in seem real.
Tori screamed and screamed and screamed. Because holy shit she wasn't Tori anymore. She was in this new place with new parents and a new goddamn life. Is it even possible for one person to even cope with that? She wanted her Dad, their shared dingy apartment that smelled like mothballs and cat pee, the worn old couch that became home base for them on the good days when he was actually lucid and bed on the bad days when she just didn't have the energy to make it to her bed, when it just hurt to even move. She wanted those chocolate chip pancake good days, and those cry alone in the shower bad days. She just wanted to be Tori again.
She doesn't realize she's not even screaming anymore or that she's been moved until she hears the gentle humming and the quiet murmurs of comfort. Or what she thinks is comfort. She couldn't make out much with her newborn senses, but she could tell that she wasn't in a hospital. Wherever she was it was dimly lit and smelled strongly of earth. She could also feel the heat radiating off whoever was holding her and something else, something that made her feel warm and secure and safe. There was still a massive part of her that wanted to kick and scream and cry and not hurt anymore, but goddammit she was tired. So she just let the warmth and security and soothing lullabies guide her to sleep.
She's five playing with her dollhouse, pretending that her parents aren't screaming their lungs out at each other. Pretending not to her the bad words and mean names they call each other. They always make up afterwards, they always love each other afterwards. They'll be fine, because this is normal for them and Mommy's and Daddy's are always okay, no matter how mean they are to each other.
She's nine watching her Mom break all the plates in the kitchen because Daddy lost another job and she just can't take it. She's crying, not like in the movies where the girls still look pretty when they cry, but like when there's snot everywhere and you're choking a little because you're crying so hard. Mom's scared of losing the house and "how are we gonna pay the bills?" You just stand there watching her break until Daddy comes home and tells you to go to your room. That night you and Daddy eat pizza straight from the box while watching cartoons in the living room. Mom stays in their room and sleeps.
She's twelve when her Mom leaves. Her Mom sits her down and tells her she'll always love her and that she did nothing wrong and that this won't change their relationship. The next day she watches her Mom get into the cab without even saying goodbye. It's the first and last time she'll ever see her Dad cry. She feels no ache in her heart watching her mom drive out of their lives in a cab. Her mom stops calling two months later.
When the baby girl wakes up again, Hiyori is shocked by the change in her child's demeanor. The screaming fussy child is not there and in her place is a calm and quiet child with an air of profound sadness shrouding her. She doesn't understand the change, but takes it as a sign for things to come. She promises herself to cherish the time she has with her daughter, her little Eihi.
AN: Very rambly chapter that hopefully isn't a pile of suck.
Edited: 10/29/16
