[Don't you miss her?]


Chapter two - Guilt


Do I miss her?

We all miss May.

I wonder why we didn't exchange our PokeNav numbers...

Today earlier in the morning I arrived at Saffron's train station and registered my passport for Kanto's Contest season.

As expected, I met Solidad, Brianna and Harley at the Pokemon Center. I was the last one to arrive and sit together with them; they were waiting for me to order lunch and travel to Celadon City. The girls were talking about Contest costumes while Harley was polishing his nails with a bored look on his face.

"Oh... It's our pretty boy," he said in a sarcastic voice. "So, what did you do to our sweet princess? Stop hiding the truth, hon."

I simply shrugged indifferently instead of arguing with Harley. I figured out the best way to annoy everybody who wanted to tease me about May was to pretend I just didn't care. Well, nobody enjoy having their favorite jokes and dreams crushed, right?

Harley groaned out loud, clearly disappointed with my uninterested answer.

"Harley, it's definitely not Drew's fault that May isn't here yet—" Solidad reprimanded her friend quite softly (I don't know how they tolerate each other...) then looked at me with that trademark 'gentle but intimidating' stare. "—right, Drew?"

Everybody glared at me with curiosity and anxiety.

Do you know that awkward feeling of being judged about something you have nothing to do?

Those who are fairly close to May... They are all aware that sometimes she can be very stubborn, reckless and silly. Yet no one hates May because of that: people know how these stupid slips are just plain ignorance - they're not (they're never) bad intentions. She's damn naïve, it's almost like she walks around the world with a permanent glowing sign on her head saying "I'm sorry, forgive me, I don't know what I am saying or doing"...

"Drew knows how to speak and enchant his fans", that's what people say? Honestly, I'm not a bad guy but I guess my devilish side does out-stand my niceness with full colors. My close partners and rivals consider the fact I'm a sarcastic bastard and completely self-aware of my own poisonous tongue a very common knowledge.

Well. I don't and I can't deny that. Now that I think about it... What should we do, accuse the dorky charismatic airhead or trust the smart and manipulating cynic?

Yeah, of course everybody who is close enough from both of us will always favor May in this kind of situation.

Gosh, ignorance is such a bliss.

"Guys, we're just rivals. I have no idea what's going on with her life, we only face each other on stage about once a month and that's all... How could that be my sole fault?"

Brianna sighed in relief for something I didn't get and, instead of talking to me, Harley decided to focus back on his unpolished nails. Solidad just smiled and nodded her head quietly as if she was apologizing for her straightforward question.


After killing two hours with random boring chit-chat, we ended up ordering food without May.

As the hours went by, I noticed some famous coordinators and familiar faces around the Pokemon Center.

That was an interesting way to check how hard the Contests for Kanto would be - since everybody who wanted to compete this year needed to register their passports at Saffron's Pokemon Center.

"Maybe May is just a little bit late... She's a little bit clumsy, isn't she?"

Brianna is a sweet girl. Her 'little bit' lines are funny, it's like she doesn't like saying bad stuff about other people so she tones down the flaws with small bits.

I knew she only wanted to cheer up the three of us - yet that comment only reinforced the bad vibes about that silent empty seat.

We decided to stay there a 'little bit' longer - after all, perhaps what happened was exactly what Brianna had suggested: May could be a 'little bit' late.

"Hmpf..." Harley shrugged, laughing to himself. "She always arrive at the last second, huh. How does she want to be a Top Coordinator acting like that?"

Well, that was actually a very plausible theory. Isn't May the queen of the dorks? Clumsy, lost and absent-minded - the biggest airhead from Hoenn. I could perfectly imagine that silly girl arriving in front of us at the last-minute, waving her passport in the air with purple despair glued to her face.

"Ehhh, I'm going to miss the registration day for Kanto's Contests!" or something like "I'm so sorry! I'm so late, please help me! Tell me I didn't blow the deadline!"... Something in my mind kept telling me that, at any moment, this particular scene was going to happen in front of our eyes...

...But it didn't.

Brianna forced a smile, looking for some support in any of the three of us. She found no help at all.

"You know, what if she woke up earlier than everybody and left Saffron before we found this table for us... We will all meet her later in Celadon City, yeah? Right, Mr Harley? Right, Solidad? Mr Drew?"

That's what we were hoping for now.

We crossed the gateways of Saffron to cross Route Seven and headed straight to Celadon City. It was a smooth and easy walk; cities are quite close from each other in this region of Kanto. No wonder there are so many bicycles crossing the roads of the continent.

You know, there was something very odd about our quartet. It wasn't that weird traveling by myself in Kanto for the first time, yet now that we were together...

It wasn't Brianna's fault, it's just- We were lacking that fundamental piece that makes that team work and interact with each other.

Where is May?


Where is she?

Do they miss her?

I guess so...

A massive heavy silence reigned above our heads. It's sticky and awkward.

Uh...

Can I confess something?

I'm aware that I'm quite paranoid. Okay, I do care about myself and how the world sees me - it's no big deal.

May used to complain a lot about my distance policy with everybody, telling me that pushing myself away from other people was an awful mistake - but I never had my paranoia out of my control. It was just fine the way it was.

However, this time I noticed something else is inciting my controlled senses to panic.

It's... Awful. My hands are sweating, my forehead is burning... Ugh, my stomach.

Heck, I didn't do anything to deserve that!

I mean, it shouldn't strike me as something serious but I gotta admit I've been thinking about two questions...

Did I actually deserve that?

Maybe I'm just being too paranoid. Perhaps this is only a random night with flu... One pill and the sickness feeling will be gone in an hour.

But what if I did say something stupid and hurt her feelings that badly?

N-No! No way!

That's such a... Absurd hypothesis. Really, we are only rivals. I've never said non-constructive critique to her! That kind of stuff is not harsh, right?

Besides I'm pretty sure every time I poke at her weaknesses, May explodes so loudly that it makes impossible to not notice it. I didn't do anything, right?

Why do I think I'm getting crazy?

Well... We arrived at Celadon City's Pokemon Center in the end of the day...

...And this is what happened.


The four of us registered for Celadon's Contest just in time.

"It's time for Harley's Extravaganza Shopping Time! Wooo, let's go wild!"

Harley was ready to celebrate the new Contest season with a crazy shopping spree (Celadon's mall was indeed huge and impressive), grabbing Solidad and Brianna's arms as soon as we finished our bureaucratic duties.

I discreetly walked away from the trio and went back to the Pokemon Center.

"Hi, I'm looking for someone. I'd like to check a name in the Celadon Contest's list, please."

"I'm sorry..." Nurse Joy delicately covered her mouth with one hand. "Contest log data are supposed to be confidential info, I can't show you other people's profiles."

"Oh."

Well, that was a fast way to make the problem more complicated. I just shrugged, not really impressed with my bad luck. "I see."

"You could wait until next week, I'm sure you will find that person at the Contest Hall."

I cringed. I wouldn't bear waiting a whole week, not now. My conscience would kill me if I dared to give up on this quest.

"It's kind of... Urgent."

"I'm sorry, I wish I could do that but I can't— Oh, I may have seen the coordinator you're looking for. Does that help you? It's the best I can do... Could you describe that person for me?"

"Ugh..." A sweat drop rolled down my forehead. "Well, did you see by any chance—"

It was hard to describe May only using her physical appearance - her most prominent features come from her unique personality... They're too hard to explain with simple and short words.

May is stubborn- yet she can be a sweet girl too... But she's not really sweet, most of the times she can be really tomboyish— yet she likes girly stuff as well, uhh... May is loud and make funny facial expressions— buuut sometimes she's really timid and introverted— wait...

May is... Unique.

I-I mean, unique in a weird sense.

Besides, I couldn't describe her clothes at all, what if she changed her wardrobe like she did in Johto?

"—a brunette coordinator about my age and height? She was probably wearing a bandanna."

Nurse Joy stared at me patiently as if what I had said was way too much generic, so I tried to squeeze the very last drops from my description. "May is not fat neither skinny, she is quite a pretty girl. Her eyes are deep blue and she usually wears her hair split in two long bangs... She's also very clumsy."

There we go! Clumsy, that word no one can deny: it describes her perfectly.

"Well... I'm sorry, I don't remember seeing anyone that matches your description." She pointed a thick book resting on the desks from the entrance hall, trying to comfort me with a condescending voice. "It might take a lot of time but you could try the Center's check-in book. That person might have signed her name..."

"This is going to take me hours..." I raised an eyebrow in a mix of annoyance and disappointment. "Thank you but I'll pass that one."

Nurse Joy just shrugged in silence, slightly hopeless about my search. I didn't show much concern about it anyway - therefore her reaction was pretty much justified.

I was about to leave the Center when that girl sprouted from behind a wall.

"Hi, Mr Drew!"

"Brianna... Why you... Why you didn't go with them?"


I won't lie, of course I knew the answer. I guess Brianna might have a huge crush on me - I'm not fully sure but the way she acts... I think something is going on behind her overzealous and shy behavior.

"I..." She blushed a bit then nodded to me with a warm smile on her lips. "Well, I decided to make you some company. Isn't it nice?"

I guess I was supposed to answer 'yes' but my headache allowed me just to nod in silence.

"It is a great pleasure to be with you, Mr Drew. You have no idea how happy I am right now! Hehehe, a moment like this is much more special than any mall in Celadon City!"

Brianna giggled then timidly walked closer to me, trying to fork any reaction out of my blank stare. "Would you like to talk about something?"

I don't know why it was so hard to do anything besides dwelling in silence - I was struggling to sound nice as much as she was trying to hide her anxiety and embarrassment.

I do like being admired, but today... "I... I don't know."

"Hm?" She dodged her glance away from my eyes, trying to stay as calm as possible. "You know, we could do or talk about... Anything?"

Somehow it felt like I would be abusing on Brianna's niceness and playing with her feelings if I let her come closer.

I shook my hand negatively, trying to end the conversation and interrupt her bonding attempt.

"I'm sure shopping with Harley and Solidad is much more fun than staying here with me... Sorry, I'm not a good entertainer."

"Mr Drew... What's wrong?"

Yet I didn't know what should I answer. We both were left floating in an awkward and heavy silence.

Should I have told her the truth - how the thoughts about May were haunting me? Should I just shrug it away and pretend that nothing happened? Change the topic, ask her to leave me alone or just shake my head in silence?

"Oh... I understand now." Suddenly, Brianna jumped in terror, holding her cheeks in despair. "Ehhh, I'm being annoying!"

"I'm sorry, I s-should have realized before that you didn't want t-to talk now!" She yelped, face burning in red shades. "I understand, my attention for you is boring and annoying. Please forgive me, I'm so dense and insensitive, I'm really sorry, I'll leave you alone!"

"W-Wait..." My voice jumped in hesitation, maybe a little bit more shocked than I wanted to. I was clearly worried and surprised by such self-depreciation comment. "You don't need to leave, I..."

"It's okay, I understand! Don't worry, Mr Drew..." Brianna held her tears and shook her head to calm herself. "I think I've got it now... You're a very introverted person too, huh? You need your space and some time alone by yourself, I'm sorry for disrespecting that..."

I suddenly realized how scare people away.

My personal bubble space is quite big but... I think only few people have tried invading it before. To be honest I've been kicking people out way before they reach any danger zones.

I am introverted but... It doesn't mean I dislike everybody. Yet it seems I act like I do hate everybody... Or as worse as that, it looks like I simply don't care about anyone.

Geez, am I that bad?

I want to give a perfect answer... I think too much, I overanalyze stuff... Then I say too little.

Am I too cold? I mean, do people really expect more interaction from me? More words? More expression?

"Brianna... I'm sorry. Today is not a good day, I'm really sorry. I promise we can chat and have fun another day. It's just— Today is not my day, alright? It's not personal."

Did I really say "It's not personal"? Ugh, that sounded like a fake promise... Guess I suck at making girls feel better.

She shook her head lightly then opened a big and soft smile. She closed her eyes, trying to force a nicer smile on her face. It was delicate but there was something poignant about that answer.

"It's, okay, Drew."

I wonder how often was May forced to fake her smile like that...

"Brianna, I promise it's not personal." I lowered my head, still a bit shaken from all the strange sensations that invaded my chest a moment ago. I have no idea why I stressed on the "not personal" thing again. "I— Wait!"

"Huh?" Brianna stopped walking for an instant. "Yes?"

"Here, sync with me." I pulled my PokeNav from my bag and showed it to her. "I'll call you when I'm done. Please share my number with Solidad if you want."

She blinked in surprise as if I just had done something really unexpected.

"Call me if you need me... I just need some time alone by myself. We can all have some tea later, feel free to pick the place for us, deal?"

Brianna stood up still for a brief moment then quickly pulled her pink PokeNav from her pocket.

"Thank you, Drew... Take care, okay? We will be waiting for your call."

What a relief.

A smaller smile, but no longer a sad one.


It's past midnight now. I can't sleep.

Where's May?

Full name, PokeNav number, pokemon trainer ID... Why did I never bother to ask her these obvious questions?

I tried to find any clues that could help me find her. My PokeNav and my bag didn't have anything remotely related to May; I didn't ask her personal pictures, I didn't save those magazine articles about her Contest's performances.

I did find a scrap of paper in my notebook, though.

[Stop writing 'May is a loser, Drew was here' in my notebook, jerk! Oh, and good luck tomorrow, I want to battle you in the finals today!]

Deep words but not really helpful for my search.

"A jerk, huh?..." No one awake, I guess it's fine to admit it out loud now. "Yeah, maybe... How lame."

I'm stupid... Perhaps my words are way stronger than I imagined.

Is it really my fault she's not here with us today?

Did I hurt her?

What would she do in my place?

...Huh, me?

What do you think, Drew? If I were you of course I'd ask everybody where the hell are you! O-Of course, d-does it matter what other people will think about you? What matters is what I feel about you, not what everybody else think about it! We are rivals, we are friends... What would you do in my place, Drew? Wouldn't you try doing the same? Please, answer me!

Something heavy made my stomach sink in guilt. I knew the answer for my imaginary May's question.

I decided to leave my dorm and find the answer... Now.

I need an answer.

I refuse to give up, her name must be here somewhere in the list...

I only need—


"Chansey!"

The round nurse pokemon raised her pocket lantern and spotted a remaining guest at the entrance desks hall. She ran back to behind the counter and gently knocked on the staff room's door - where Nurse Joy from the night shift was reading a medicine book in a peaceful silence.

"Chan, chansey, chansey chansey!"

"Calm down..." Nurse Joy cocked her head to the side, trying to hear Chansey's fast and complicated words better. "What? Some boy left the dorms and went to the main hall? But it's past 2am..."

She put her hat on and followed her partner in silent steps.

The pink-haired woman gasped in shock when Chansey's lantern pointed at a boy sleeping near the cafeteria tables; however, the healer pokemon stopped her master from flipping out by making a silence sign with its hand.

Drew felt asleep over the Pokemon Center's guestbook, holding in his hands the valuable scrap of paper.

"What a stubborn kid." Nurse Joy sighed in relief, rolling her eyes out. "I wonder what is he looking for..."

"Chansey!" The pink pokemon covered the sleeping boy with a light blanket over his shoulders. "Chan, chansey..."


A/N: I think I could easily change the "Don't you miss her?" title for "Drew, why are you so obsessive about May when you're alone by yourself", lol.

I've been stupidly busy and I shouldn't be posting this right now, but I wanted to upload something for all of you who have waited for me and sending those nice messages in my review screen/pm inbox ;_; thank you, guys! You are really sweet, I just need to finish some stuff irl until the end of this month then I'll be able to update and rewrite loads of stuff like last year, I promise! This is an important month for my academic life, wish me good luck!

Cheers~