If You Knew Me

Chapter Two

Cleaning up the dishes that she and Carter had created, Lauren moved to the kitchen sink and turned the faucet on. She watched as the mild water covered the glass with little mirrors and she saw bits and pieces of her face appear.

"You look just like your mother."

Maybe that was why he didn't really want to be with her often. I mean, it was no secret that Lauren had no mother. It was just that no one really paid attention as to why.

It was a year before Miss Nancy, when Lauren was four, that her mother moved out officially. To be true, it wasn't like she lived at home much to begin with. She kept going to the "spa" as her dad had referred to it, and as Lauren pondered it further, Lauren saw the similarities. Her mother went to rehab to detox in a way, to get rid of her addiction. She went to rejuvenite; she wanted to start fresh and pure.

But she never really did. Nor did she probably want to.

Though she was really young and the memories are foggy, she could sometimes recall a glimpse of watching her mother at the mirror, powdering her nose to keep the redness down. Sometimes she thought she saw candy go up her mother's nose and she would wonder why she would waste such good candy by not eating it.

Lauren shook her head and glanced at the clock. Damn, she was going to be running behind again. She zipped upstairs to her large bedroom and went to her gymnastics drawer. She took off her plaid pink pajama shorts and white tank and pulled on her orange leotard in a matter of seconds. She didn't bother showering because there was no point. She would just start sweating in a matter of minutes once she reached the gym. She could shower later in the locker rooms.

"Kaylie, get a little higher and you'll be golden. Emily, same to you," Sasha shouted from his balcony at the Rock Girls. The three of them, excluding Payson who was busy at the weight lifting section, were at the vault. Lauren went up to the vault and began to do the short routine that had been choreographed for her. When she finished, she turned to face Sasha who yelled out to her, "Keep yourself tucked in."

"Lauren, if you lose a few pounds, you won't have to work so hard to tuck yourself in," whispered a voice crisply into her ear. The warm breath sent goose bumps against Lauren's neck. She turned her head around quickly with a look of slight shock. "Lauren, I'm just giving you pointers. I want you at your best," said the head of the National Team. Lauren nodded curtly and then headed over to the beam for her last portion of practice.

She just needed to focus more.

Shhh, Lauren, it's me. You've got this. You always have. Just follow where the beam tells you to go. Lauren, you can do this. Shhh…Just breathe.

She finished her routine and bounced over to Kaylie and Emily. "What did you think?" she asked happily with a large smile on her face. Beam was hers and hers only. Regardless of what Kaylie and Emily could do, they would never match her on beam.

"Lauren," Kaylie began with a twisted smirk and a glint of meanness in her eyes, "you can gloat all you want. But all that matters is who takes home the gold at the end of the day. And that happens to be me." Kaylie grabbed Emily's arm with a slight pull. Emily, with a look of bewilderment, gave one short nod to Lauren and went with Kaylie over to chat with Payson near the leg machine.

Lauren gave a slight huff and put her hands on her hips. She watched with longing as Sasha smiled at Kaylie and Emily, not once turning to look at her and at least maybe share that same smile with her.

Not wanting to look stupid, she walked with controlled patience into the locker room, grabbed her Rock gym bag from her locker, and went into the showers. She closed the white curtain on one of the individualized showers, took off her leotard and stuck it in her gym bag. She pulled out her hair kit and placed it on one of the shelves that was out of the stream of water's way.

She turned on the faucet so warm water could flow against her. She pulled out her hair from its tie and let it loose. She sighed and stepped closer into the water. It wasn't warm enough. She turned the faucet a little more to the left and gave it time to heat.

It still wasn't warm enough. She turned it once again slightly more to the left and then sat down on the cool tile of the shower. She leaned her head against the back tiled wall of the shower and brought her legs in against her chest.

Still wasn't hot enough. She brought up her right hand and turned the faucet all the way over so it was scorching. She wrapped her arms around her legs and put her head against her knees.

No matter how warm it was, it never was able to warm her fully. Her insides still felt cold, iced up. Just... empty really. She sighed.

She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she took delight in the slight pain that she felt against her skin from the scorching temperature of the water as it collided against her. The red marks it made seemed to justify that she could feel. Even if it only was just water.

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